Cheetah7

I wish I was brave.

I thought I was, I thought I had gained incredible strength when I nearly lost my mum in March, when I nearly lost my bestest mate a few years ago.

I thought I had gained balls of steel through putting Abdel and I through this migration stuff.

It turns out I was wrong.

My poor little mum is ill again. It appears the doctors have had her on the wrong diabetic medication and it may have stuffed her liver up. Liver enzymes raised, liver enlarged.

Doctor is hopeful it will go down and have sent her for a scan.

Seeing her on Saturday frailer than ever, paler than before and unable to walk far, made me realise that I have learned a couple of things since March 10th when she was taken to the hospital with hours to live and that is that I love her more than ever and I am no more ready to lose her now than I was then.

And also that I am no braver either.

There are two kinds of grief that we get in life, those we choose to put ourselves through, for example the migration process, and those we have no control over.

And if you think that migrating, TRA, DIMIA is bad, then think again.

We choose that path and we can choose how we deal with it.

When our loved ones are ill, that is another situation all together and no skills assessment will fix it.

Whoever your loved ones may be, make the most of them and tell them everyday that you love them.

Wish you were in Australia by all means, wish for your visa and like Abdel and I, wish for your TRA.

But above all, wish for bravery by the bucket load. Because when someone you love with all your heart is ill, you will need it.

More than anything else in the world.

Get well soon Mum because I still need you.

Samantha

Clippy

Know what you mean Samantha. So horrible to see those we love in pain and sick.

Kath x

Fiona&malc

Best Wishes to your mum PP, I hope she beats this one like she has before. Stay Strong, Thinking of you x

Fee xx

Cheetah7

I cant bear it. The worrying about her is awful.

Im trying to concentrate at Uni with these sodding essays and I cant get my head around it.

I have had one extension and they only give one no matter what.

I am off tomorrow and will crack on with it.

sunsetsmiler

Mother in law was dashed to hospital a couple of weeks ago with a suspected bleed on the brain. Turned out to be viral meningitus (excuse spelling). We have already been through stress hell and back. All I could think of on the way down is how selfish she was. If she looked after herself better (smokes 30 a day, already had 1 heart attack and 2 strokes). Had to cancel my leaving do at work. When we got there, all I could think about was how much we would miss her and how much we love her. Glad to say she seems to be well on the way to recovery.

Cheetah7

I keep having flashbacks of March when she nearly died.

I can remember the feelings of devastation and loneliness in spite of having family around me.

The waiting for something to happen.

Then seeing her get better and come home, I say get better, she is still ill but I will never forget June 19th when my sister flew from Cyprus, and all the family were together for the first time in over 10 years, it was priceless, pure gold.

And I hope she can fight it again.

No matter how much we get angry with someone, just imagine them not being there, as you say, you might not realise how you will miss someone till it happens.

Not everyone feels that way about family and I respect that.

Juliecabs

Sam, I've got tears in my eyes as I read this.
I'm so sorry to hear of your Mum's illness.
Be strong and I'm sure you are all going to get through this as you have done in the past.
Julie. x

lucyb

Sam, Im sorry to hear what your Mum is going through and it must be so worrying for you, I cant imagine what you are feeling right now. It sounds like she is in the very best place and you know that they will do all they can to return her liver to normal function and try and bring her diabetes under control. I agree, it's times like these that make you question just why we are putting oursleves and the ones we leave behind through the incredibly traumatic migration process.

I hope things are ok, keep us all posted.

Lots of Love
Lucy

xx

woodyinoz

Sorry to hear the news PP.

Fingers crossed for a speady recovery.

Cheetah7

Thats just it Julie, I dont feel strong.

I am even trying to block it from my mind.

I keep seeing how frail she is and if i think about it, I cry.

Last time when she was on the wrong medication, she kept telling me what i wanted to hear - that she was fine.

The voice can sound fine which tricks you into believing it. Its when you see them for yourself you realise that things are far from fine.

I dont know if I am still affected by last time, but I am scared that now i have seen her looking ill again, she will collapse like last time.

I remember having my mobile clipped to my trousers when my sister called. And I wish I could get rid of the crystal clear visions of my sisters outside the hospital whilst my mum was in resuscitation.

The big strong woman was now thin, confused and ill.

And I truly believe I can't cope if it happens again.

I wish it was me ill instead of her - she has had her share.

willmore

My thoughts and prayers are with your mom, you and your family sam - be strong sam - I know you can get through this as you have so many other difficult situations in your life.........! I hope mom gets well soon!

Cheetah7

Thanks Sue.

Its so hard not to think the worst isnt it?

Its hard for Abdel too as his mum is ill.

Just for once, I would like something nice to happen.

Nicky & Dave

Sam, I am so sorry to hear about your Mum - coming to terms with the reality that you may lose someone you love so dearly is very hard, especially when it's a parent.

Just take it a day at a time at the moment - don't expect to be able to juggle all the things that you normally would, but if you can, make sure you do take some time out and do something that will take your mind off things. Just do the best you can, and don't beat yourself up if you just don't feel up to it.

Keep positive! I'm sure your Mum will be on the mend quicker than you know. Important thing is the Docs know what's wrong, have rectified it - and they are confident she'll recover.

Thinking of you both.

Nicky
xxx

Cheetah7

Cheers Nicky

Lets just say I am doing quite a bit of talking to 'him upstairs'.

Juliecabs

Sam, I know don't know you very well and I've only met you the once, but you came across as someone who really can get through anything. You've already dealt with your Mum being ill before and you're dealing with your leg injuries, going to Uni and sorting out all this immigration stuff at the moment. Now, if you can do all this and still make us lot on here smile with your stories, you'll get through this. Your mum sounds like a pretty amazing woman telling you she feels fine because that's what you want to hear, so I'm sure between you, you can keep each other going and give each other the strength you both need at the moment. Just take each day as it comes.
Julie. x