I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

I hope someone might be able to help or had a similar situation they can share.

My partner (35M) and I (30F) went to Melbourne on a work holiday visa in 2019 and loved it. After our work finished we travelled around and got to see a lot of different parts of Australia.

I'm desperate to move back and we can on skilled visa. Since we returned home we were priced out of London and bought a run down house we've had to do up. Partners struggling to find consistent work as a solid plasterer where we have moved to so commutes to London everyday. We hate winter here and both convinced we get Seasonal depression each year, he is closer to his family but since lock down everyone has their own independent lives, we really don't see family that much these days even when they are down the road.

My partner knows all the pros and cons of living in Australia and even started talking and asking questions about it but as soon as I start the visa process and it gets a bit real he bottles it. I can't keep having the same conversations and getting my hopes up as its driving me mad and feel if we don't go the resent and regret of not going will tear us apart.

I just want to give it a go. We have no kids. Our parents are healthy and in their 50s and 60s. There really is no reason for us not to try.

Am I in the wrong to keep on about it? Any advice will be much appreciated 👍

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Not in Australia now but to me it sounds like you just need people to agree with you and say you are young, just go with it. Of course that would be the easiest thing to say. At the end of the day you know the pros and cons yourself and say you are desperate, so it's either convince your partner or break up. Then again there are always plenty of other options to seek sun closer to home, but the past has always shown us that you can't stop desperate people focused on one country.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Thanks, yeah I think you're right. I've got my heart set on Australia only because we've done most of the leg work. We know the places we like and don't like, we know we can find work as we've already done it. We have contacts there...

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Which visa/s are you eligible to apply for?

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

My parents went through the same thing, almost, researching, Australia, NZ, and South Africa, though not reaching the stage of visiting any of them, but apparently (I was only a child at the time), once they reached the stage of actually applying for visas, my father refused to go any further with the process.

Realistically, I believe that your alternatives are an either/or choice between your relationship and emigration. I don't know your partner, but I suspect that he is unlikely to change his mind, and worse, that attempts to change his mind are having the opposite effect.

There is a similar risk whether you remain together in the UK, or you succeed in pressuring your partner to go to Australia with you - that one of you is going to get resentful (you: that your partner wouldn't go, and him: that he got dragged to Australia when he didn't really want to go) and your relationship fails anyway.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

We can get the 189 or 190 visa.

My plan, as I know he is hesitant, is to go for a minimum of 2 years and really give it a go and if it's not right for either of us at least we tried and we can come back.

We'll keep the house in the UK and rent it so we still have a base here.

The issue is just getting to that point. im doing all the work for the visas and wish he was on the same page.

He was also like this with the work holiday visa. Very unsure at the start but once we were there he loved it. He constantly talks about how great it was and it gets my hopes up as we can have that if we really make a go of it.

I 100% won't go without him. I'm not complete A hole. We've been together 8 years and have a great relationship. So if i have to put this dream to bed I will just hate the back and forth.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Good point and the same resent/regret can happen when it doesn't work out there. It can be like the holiday you both enjoyed at the time but deep down he might know it's not going to be the same again. Moves abroad have always been about timing and sometimes I feel it's a lot easier when both don't have that desperate desire to move to that one country. You just take things as they come is my motto and life is so much easier that way.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Thanks, yeah, we had a really good chat earlier about it. We're taking it one step at a time not putting too much pressure on it.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

I relate a little to your dilemma, OP. My partner Is Australian and lived with me in the UK (NI) for almost a decade. He wanted to move home to take up a fantastic career opportunity and also to be close to his aging parents.

We made the decision to go based on these pull and also some push factors. The UK was diving into a recession and both our jobs were at a dead end.

I moved in a spirit of ‘my turn to give it a go.’ And also, very crucially, the knowledge that nothing is permanent and I would go home if it really didn’t work out.

It worked out.

I won’t lie. I’m a home bird, very close to my family and I do miss the nature and culture at home. But the circumstances in the UK are dismal over the past several years and in my head I know that we have a better life here.

However the door is never shut and I know that one day I will likely go back.

Sorry this is wishy washy. I suppose I would just reassure your partner that no decision is irrevocable. Give it a shot, or commit to 5 years and see where it takes you. In the understanding that you could call it quits if it really wasn’t working for your partner.

I know many other British, Irish and American people who moved here to Australia. Over half of them have decided to stay, because you can’t argue with the better quality of life (despite the cost of living bite being felt globally now). The others went home, often within a couple of years. I think it boils down to how adaptable you are as much as anything else.

I think there are a lot more push factors then when I left, and it’s an easier sell to say ‘let’s go for 5 years.’ Plus there are lots of opportunities for skilled tradespeople here.

It wasn’t tacitly expressed, but I agree with the inferences above that if one person is drawn overseas (or back home) it usually comes to a head sooner rather than later that you have to make a decision to go/return, alone or together. It comes down to the binary you talked about, going together or separating and going on your own.

I hope you can persuade your partner to give it a go. The biggest regrets in life are what we didn’t do, not what we did.

Good luck!

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

If he doesnt want to go, dont force him. If you want to go then go.

Being on holiday is a very different scenario to uprooting and living somewhere permanently. I would be hesitant about the "lets give it 2 years" thing because what we have seen on this and other forums so often is that the "2 years" goalposts get changed when one of you loves it and the other really wants to return to their roots and the resentment can really kick in. Then you get all sorts of financial and other barriers to moving on -eg kids come along and you dont want to disrupt their education, then they start having relationships and before you know it you still have one "out of place" person in the relationship who cannot move on without doing a whole lot more damage to a larger family and they spend the rest of their lives living in the wrong place which is not a happy place to live.

Bottom line, if you are desperate to go, can get a visa then call quits on your relationship and get on with it. But dont try and force/blackmail/persuade him into going with you - the resentment will never be far from the surface if you do. Oh and make sure you have a lot of cash because trying to buy anywhere in Australia at the moment requires big bucks, you think London was bad LOL

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Fair point Quoll. This scenario describes my husband’s English GGF to a tee. He never truly settled and he never felt “home,” but the hourglass turned and all his life and family was in this hemisphere. That said, their reasons for coming here in the first place were very consciously about closing a painful chapter in England.

I suppose OP only you know what is the likelier outcome, and whether you should set off alone on the journey.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

As a personal viewpoint, I entirely agree with Rainydaze and quoll. Both have written well on this very real dilemma.

You may have reached a point in your relationship where you've decided it's time for big changes. In your lives or your life. He is unsure, maybe insecure or fearful of change.

From what you wrote, I sense that you are ready to make this decision and take this big step in our life. But you are hesitant to do it for fear of hurting him.

You have resolve this situation. Whatever you both or only you decide, there may be resentment on one side. If you go and he tags along, more or less unwillingly, he will resent it and he may blame you for having messed up his life. If you decide to not go, then you will be resentful.

To me it boils down to a possibly or even probably difficult decision, whichever way. A lose-lose now/possible win-win later (for you both), or a lose-win-?? later (for you).

My situation dates back a longer way, but it was similar. In 1970 I was in Canada. I disliked my life in Toronto, my job, the horrible winters, the conservatism of life in Canada. I had a reasonable relationship with my then partner, but my unhappiness causedr tensions at home, which I dealt with by traveling a lot, short-term trips.

In 1970 and again in 1972 and 1974 I went to Australia, for a month each time. I hated the long air haul across the Pacific, but after my second visit I knew I had found MY place. Sydney in the '70s was vastly different from what it is now, but 48 years later I'm still there (not in Sydney, but close to Melbourne) and I love it, faults and all. I tell my friends I would stay even if at the end of my life I have to live in a tent under a tree in Royal Park, Melbourne. And I would...

My then partner lived in Sydney in the '60s, with another partner. That relationship failed, mostly due to the same reasons now causing you problems at home. They moved back to Toronto but broke up six months later, not happily. We met a year later and moved in together after a month. We had a few basic things in common, but we were culturally and temperamentally incompatible, a 'mix' of a calm, serious half-French half-Irish academic type and a fiery Latin live-for-fun disco bunny. I now realize that we were too immature to realize this, but anyway, there we were. I wanted to move, my SO wanted to stay. Problem. BIG problem. .

(I am in no way saying this is your situation. It's merely how things were in my life at that long ago time.)

I had decided to live in Australia but my partner didn't want to return. Discussions based on what I saw as intelligent applied logic quickly deteriorated into arguments and a final stand-off with threats of legal action. We had just bought a house together, but I had the best job and credit rating, so the mortgage and the house title were in my name. I had also put up all the deposit (down payment). You can see the picture here.

I sold the house. Lawyers were consulted and briefed, I made a reasonable settlement offer I could afford. Which was refused, but my partner's legal counsel wisely understood the situation and pushed an agreement. I made the payout and left Canada for Sydney and a new life. We have not had any direct contact since, tho' my ex still complains to this day about what a louse I was. I know I wasn't. Nothing itches on my back. But life can be like that.

Like you and your partner, I planned to live in Sydney two or three years. In 1979 and again in 1982 I went back to Toronto to see how things were, also to visit my family in New Brunswick and (maybe) plan a new life for myself, with time in two continents. That would not have worked for me and I returned to Australia.

That was me. You are you and your partner is also someone. Yu've tried to negotiate with him, but he stonewalls you, and you give in to keep the peace and to please him. You want to do something that truly inspires you, and he doesn't. That's what I'm reading in your posts.

Making promises of "let's try it for a few years and see" is really giving in to him. In doing so you are giving him the ammunition he can use later to bully you with. Okay, if you both don't like it, then you can return home. If you like it and he doesn't, you may have to deal with the difficult part in Australia. Either way the end result will be the same, but it will have been dragged on and on, needlessly. Don't put yourself in that position. Lay your deck of cards on the dining table now and let him choose his cards, without any ifs, ands or buts.

In the end you will have to decide for you.

I am not saying you should separate from or even divorce your partner if you are married, sell up, and go. Nor am I saying you should stay where you are to keep the peace. All such final decisions are entirely yours to make. But in the end, as you've tried to talk it through with him on the basis of what you thought both of you want, and it seems that isn't the true situation. You are not on the same page in your lives together. At some point you will have to decide what's best for you.

Difficult, yes. but we all have to deal with such situations, and life in the real world is no bed of roses.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Excellent advice, the amount of people I know who have been in this situation for some it worked out a lot though it did not, sometimes we think that we have a “life partner” but a lot of the times life changes and so do we and that “life partner” was wonderful for that period of your life but you have to move on sometimes on your own, I really hope it works out for the both of you but but Quoll has made some really valid points. Good luck

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

In fairness, the OP did reply that they had a really good chat and are now taking it one step at a time. I do agree with Quoll that plenty of cash is required and probably not always great starting at the bottom again when you are 37 (which would be the case for her partner after 2 years on a Visa). There are many things we want, getting it is the other challenge. It's the same when people go to a restaurant and want that specific dish and the waiter says it's not available. Some will fall into depression and others will see it as a chance to try another dish.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

We emigrated to NZ and it's the biggest regret of my life. Financially it has proved to be a disaster. I hated working as a midwife here and gave my career up after a couple of years. Ive been unable to find any paid work since that has fulfilled me. So I turned to voluntary work, this was okay for a while but then was spoilt by a toxic, bullying person who made it most unpleasant to be involved. As time has gone on, I've lost my confidence and I've lost me somewhere along the way. Both my physical and mental health have deteriorated over the past 16 years.
If this is your dream then go with it but don’t drag your other half along if he's reluctant.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Sad to read this. New Zealand is obviously a basket case now, economically, and for me it was never culturally anywhere I would have wanted to live. The people are fine but the social culture is insular and inward-looking.

Obviously you are greatly in need of a chance and in the short term if you can. Consider relocating to a new place in New Zealand if you can. You did not say where you are, but if you now live in a so-called "regional center" (a polite term for country town, other definitions come to mind but many are too rude for me to post here), have you considered starting anew in one of the cities? Life in an urban center may be more what you are seeking in life. A few sacrifices may be called for at first, but it may be worth doing. Give it some thought, please.

Or the OP and the poster I'm responding to, may be two people who above all else, need (1) a complete change from their original situation, or (2) a return to their original situation. Again, these are big decisions and not to be undertaken lightly. Whatever the sacrifices that must be made, they may be the best options for either a new life away from the old world, or back to an old life away from the new world. As they say in Australia, "different strokes for different folks". Either which way, life is too short for time to be frittered away in unpleasant surrounds. A change can and usually will help.

What you wrote resonated with me. In 2013 we moved to Tasmania, to a small town out of Launceston, for what my partner then thought would be a significant career improvement. Not so. "Small town-ism", that all-pervasive local viewpoint and the insular mentality so prevalent in isolated places like Tasmania, overrode everything we wanted to do. We held out for just over two years, but we finally took the decision to up stakes and move when my partner's former employer contacted with a good offer in Victoria. I liked the people and the slower pace of life in Launceston, but my partner had all the predictable "-ism" problems in the workplace and in the end the conservatism and the widespread resistance to change of any kind, got to us and we decided we had to get out, which we did after 27 months.

Our return move to the mainland cost us $10,000 but that was a small price to pay for our peace of mind. Even then everything did not know as we hoped. We relocated to a country town of 20,000 some 50 kilometers west of Melbourne, but the same backward thinking was rife there and at the urging of friends who'd been in a similar situation, we decided to make another move, to a town of 9,000 out of Ballarat. This last relocation was a godsend to us. Our current home town is nowhere near heaven but it's well serviced, it has many good leisure opportunities, state parks with walking trails everywhere around us, several good wineries, many cafes and a brisk weekend tourist trade, which seems to keep the locals attuned to what is going on in the real world.

Moving at any stage of one's life involves not only a lot of physical effort, but often as not big changes in one's mindset as well. In our case, I opted to look at our two moves in positive ways. They forced me to plan carefully, cull our possessions, decide what was valuable and what could be left behind, organist packing, and devise a plan for us when we got back to the mainland. Fortunately, we have friends there who came to our assistance with advice and help. All of which made it easier. I felt not so much loss or anger at having had to "give up" on our cherished long-term plans for (1) Tasmania and then (2) our first landing place in Victoria, as I did relief that those aspects of our lives were finished forever and we had both learned a great deal in the process of shedding our old lies and building new ones. Out of what may seem bad at first can come a lot of good if we open our minds and hearts to it and accept the change process. This may all sound like Agony Aunt stuff but it comes from two very big experiences in our lives.

I will add that in the next one of two years, we too may be in for yet another move, this time to Malaysia, my partner's home country. We both dislike the way Australia seems to be headed and we are considering a change in cultures as well as geography. Malaysia has a lot going for it, culturally and economically, it has good basic services in health, hospitals, transport, life there is affordable, and above all else there isn't the overwhelming sense of defeatism that seems to be gaining so much ground with Australians since Covid. The events of the last few years seem to have eroded many people's sense of well being and replaced it with despair, hopelessness and mental afflictions. I for one have no wish to spend my last years in a Let's Pretend American culture where the almighty dollar is everything, people no longer matter and lies and corruption have become the way everything is done in business and politics.

So we may well be in for yet another big move in our lives, I hope for me it will be the last one.

A last thought. Whatever the OP and the poster I've responded to in this post decide to do, there is always an option open. Usually to go back. There is no wrong in admitting defeat or of having made a wrong decision, and back-tracking. Life will go on. Nobody will die, nothing will fall over.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Sorry to hear it's not better for you and you are right, people will only say this when it all goes well."The biggest regrets in life are what we didn’t do, not what we did" .
There have been several stories in recent years of Irish families who moved to Australia and their houses were flooded, some couldn't afford insurance and others were just naive/unaware.
Now they are asking other Irish people for help as there is no support for them in Australia. Of course these are extreme cases, we just often forget that our personal success is not what others will experience.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

As large scale floods have become more common in Australia, insurance premiums have gone up hugely in flood-prone areas, and many thousands of families just can't afford insurance now. Its the same in cyclone-prone areas. There many families struggling to rebuild homes while living in tents, caravans and shipping containers. The floods themselves get huge exposure in the media, but afterwards no-one things about how the victis are getting on

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

We are just north of Auckland and have sold up and moving home in a month's time.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

And in the grand scheme of things, flood proned areas account for a tiny amount, except if you are in Brisbane and who would want to live there.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

I am similar to you in despairing just how much Australia has declined. Where I live there has been a decline in 'standards' shall we call it not confined to anyone group (status, age, gender, ethnicity) It would it retrospect be easier to throw in the towel and save a lot of grieve by joining them.
Greed has certainly become a feature of this country. Corruption , well yes widespread and everywhere. Lies yes can tick that off as well. Increasingly it appears that vested interests are influencing the running of the country.

As for Malaysia, does your partner maintain Malaysian citizenship? If not you will likely be required to go through the process of having to deposit $300,000 into a Malaysian bank. (on top of monthly income requirements) This was only recently introduced. I've been interested in that country myself, having lived there some decades back. Not sure just how feasible it would be now. (Sarawak and Sabah have a different system where it remains for now far cheaper requirements)

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Please refer to Perth rather than Australia. It's a big country and Perth is the most isolated city in the world.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

I’m sorry to hear of your experience Chocolate eclair. Best wishes for the move back home.

JDWoowoo50, I appreciated the grace and candour of your thoughts. Your buoyancy is inspiring. Like a seagull righting yourself in stormy water!

Once again, I am not disagreeing with the other posters that it doesn’t always work out. I know of families that split up, or left again by degrees because one partner was unhappy and couldn’t settle.

My sister knew a family who moved to Australia without ever setting foot here. They went straight home, within weeks. I know another family whose shipping crate literally u-turned after they decided to return a couple of months in. Another couple returned because the man was desperately homesick. His partner went with him, leaving behind the rest of her birth family who’d immigrated to and settled in Australia. I knew someone who separated from his partner, immigrated here, couldn’t settle without her and went back within six months.

But I also know people who happily stayed. There isn’t a default ending. Some people stay, some people return.

There is no avoiding painful separations unfortunately, and if your partner is from another country, there is no avoiding a permanent sacrifice for the trailing spouse, even if you share it out as we did. That said, the fact that my husband and family are Aussie has definitely played a part in my integrating and staying here.

Aside from the universal emigration dilemma, the world is facing a lot of the same problems atm, with cost of living, climate and conflict crises, and social polarisation. So we have to decide which bucket of same s*** we are opting for lol

Anyway, we must all do what we think right for us. Advice is easy to give, but the wearer knows best where the shoe pinches.

I hope the OP will find a resolution that works for her.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Two more comments from me - this time I will try (even force myself) to be brief...

the troubadour wrote - "As for Malaysia, does your partner maintain Malaysian citizenship? If not you will likely be required to go through the process of having to deposit $300,000 into a Malaysian bank. (on top of monthly income requirements) This was only recently introduced. I've been interested in that country myself, having lived there some decades back. Not sure just how feasible it would be now. (Sarawak and Sabah have a different system where it remains for now far cheaper requirements)"

Yes, my partner has Malaysian citizenship, and is also in a sought after profession in Australia. So yes, I can live there more or less permanently as a spouse, without having to jump thru all the idiotic financial hoops their government has put on the now-dubious MM2H program. BTW, there is some hope among expats there for big changes to come in MM2H, as it seems the new Anwar regime is keen to bring back the well-lubed expats.

Rainydaze wrote - "My sister knew a family who moved to Australia without ever setting foot here. They went straight home, within weeks. I know another family whose shipping crate literally u-turned after they decided to return a couple of months in. Another couple returned because the man was desperately homesick. His partner went with him, leaving behind the rest of her birth family who’d immigrated to and settled in Australia. I knew someone who separated from his partner, immigrated here, couldn’t settle without her and went back within six months.

But I also know people who happily stayed. There isn’t a default ending. Some people stay, some people return."

Too true. And me too. Friends from Canada did this in the '80s, for many reasons, largely as they had 'imported' their domestic problems with them to Sydney and the isolation plus having to start again and relearn everything in a new culture, did them in. Happily, they are still together.

Me, I'm happy to have made my choice to go when I did. I was in my 20s, not yet settled or loaded down with obligations and possessions as I later was. Moving was relatively simple and I always kept in mind that if it didn't work out, I could return home.

Many dream the dream, but cannot adapt. Others are more pragmatic and try to critically think out all the plus- and minus-points of the move, but forget to input the constantly changing situations in the new environment. Also the stresses. For some it works, for others it doesn't. In my case, I went to Sydney for five months in 1974, but found I was missing some aspects of my life in Canada too much, and went back, very briefly - in fact, just long enough to move my things out of storage into a serviced apartment I rented, sort like crazy, keep only the basic things I wanted, ship these off by sea to Australia, and back I went. Obviously, when there is a will, there is usually a way, a final decision, right or wrong. We know everything in life always changes. We have to keep this in mind in all that we do, and accept that moving to a new continent is a major change with potentially many new problems and stresses, but also new experiences and the joy of being in a wholly new environment. Even if every Brit in Britain now must be thinking of an escape of any kind, not everyone is up to such tremendous life upheavals. Fortunately, there are always options, one being to go home and start again in the old and familiar surrounds.

The OP has big decisions to make and one may be whether to stay in her current relationship or leave, whether after having broken off with her partner or with the intention of trying to keep it going via long-distance. The logical outcomes for her could then be that (1) the partner will follow her to Australia, (2) the OP will return to Britain to be with the partner, orr (3),their relationship finishes (it may well be that it would have ended before or when she left, that's a "could well be"). Whichever way it turns out, it's a big, big change with many big decisions to be made.

In everything she/they decide, I (and I'm sure all of us here) wish her and them both "the very best of British," as our good friend Gordon here would surely say.

As for "brief", well, ha!! to that...

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

This is a good plan; to make a commitment that he has the absolute choice to return in 2 or 3 years, as a bargain for going with your choice now. We did something similar and did return to the UK because my wife missed her family etc. We do not regret either move and spend a lot of time in Australia now the kids are grown. Some of them live here too!

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

The issues while most evident in Perth and WA are hardly unique to this most" isolated city in the world" . It is a big country, we can agree on something, but in many respects remarkably uniform all things considered. By the way we are highly attractive to Eastern Staters going by the large number of number plates getting about. Isolation certainly has its perks for many.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

So much has changed from the eighties. Back then houses were affordable and rents easy to obtain. I arrived back in late 1987 and was actually driven around by the property manager viewing several rental properties. I note your reply to my Malaysian enquiry, (thanks for that) I've been hoping Anwar would address the ridiculous MMY2H changes. But he's still having problems with Mahathir as I recall reading recently. (latter attempting to sue him) I guess his mind will be otherwise focused. Here's hoping for change though as potentially a good place for retirement. But it will prove easier for you.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Sounds like the number plate thing is something new to you. Over this way, a foreign number plate doesn't raise an eye brow unless it's the Queensland one labelled the "Smart State".

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Good luck. Two choices:

1. You stay in Britain and your resentment regarding not going back to Australia grows and grows, encompasses other things and you break up with your partner.

2. You both go to Australia with your partner feeling, 'strong armed' into going because it's what you want. Your partner's resentment grows and grows etc.

People who emigrate overseas (doesn't seem to much matter where to) and their relationship ends are in the awkward position of breaking up in a foreign country.....

You need to figure out whether you love your partner more than Australia or Australia more than your partner. Right now there's three of you in your relationship.

I'm married to a New Zealander whom I met in Britain. We spent a few years in NZ. Was supposed to be forever. I knew all along it wouldn't be because I was just humouring him. To bad we never discussed the move to NZ properly, but hey. He just got carried away and I didn't want to spoil things for him. (His mother, since deceased, and married sister live in NZ.) I posted/vented under a different user name back then. I forgot my password so opened a new BE account, hence the different name.

There were things that I waited until we were in NZ to tell him. This was because we didn't discuss the move properly. Despite me telling him I wasn't interested in moving to NZ, this was before we got married. 'I thought you had changed your mind' is what he lamely told me. Had he asked me ? Nope.

We've been home back in Britain nearly 7 years now. All good.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

I thought that was the “Banna state” (as told to me by my NSW friend many years ago )

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

I thought it was the “Banana State” that is what my NSW fiend told me many years ago…. I believe them lol

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Good thinking here on your part, Moon River. Blunt in parts, but very much to the point. Which is needed in such situations.

The 'elephant' in the room, so to say, here is, are there other problems in the relationship? The OP hasn't told us this (nor does she have to, it's entirely her situation and as such entirely her business) but if there are, these should be resolved or at least tackled directly before she or they fly out to Sydney or wherever in Australia they plan to start again.

Life in 'Oz' just now is far from easy, and given the low quality of our timid politicians and the high level of profiteering business capitalizing on having been given virtually a carte blanche to raise prices and pocket the profits, Nobody expects anything of major importance from this year's budget in May (I hope I'm wrong in writing this, but I won't hold my breath). Prices for almost everything are sky high (officially the inflation is 7%, but ours at home works out at 20% if everything one has to buy to live in the real world is added to the list and recalculated, and we are far from profligate so that's just the basics), it's almost impossible to rent anything affordable in any state, wages are stagnant, employers threaten to cut staff if government dares to meddle in the heavy-handed way they do business, the list is endless. Everybody is depressed and unhappy. Many Aussies are great 'knockers,' they like to complain about everything but they seldom move beyond bad-mouthing and the great cultural apathy the place is cursed with, to actually doing something about resolving the problems. That said, this year I've not seen so many unhappy people since the 1980s when we had a spell of hyperinflation and mortgage rates went up to 18%, fortunately only for a relatively short period. A few locals in our town are starting to talk about throwing bricks and rocks into the office windows of our Members of Parliament. I hope this won't happen, but it's an indication of how low the national feeling has gone and how little confident the people have in their elected officials.

All this to say it isn't a happy place just now and to many the only consolation is that in countries like Britain and New Zealand the national angst is even worse than Down Under. If the OP and partner do come to Australia, they will see a greatly changed country from when they were here. The good parts are that the beaches are still there, the sun shines a lot, the wine is good, weekend sports are the way and there seem to be plenty of jobs, tho' whether the salaries are high enough to enable people to cope with the inflated cost of living is worth considering.

The OP needs to carefully consider all her options and make sure she has covered all the essentials. Having an escape clause is good protection for what they can do if things don't work out. It's a good idea to keep their house in Britain in case they decide to fly the coop in two years or less, but they need to bear in mind that they may have trouble renting to a good tenant for that short a time period.

I reckon their bottom line is that if things don't work out, they can always go home. The OP should keep this in mind in all her discussions with her partner. That escape clause may make or break their plan to move together.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Wayne Kerr is a common name in Queensland

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

When we had moved to Spain we were with an agent who did give excellent help for the first three months while settling in. He was telling os of one family who had bought a house through them, arrived in Spain, family of 5, Mum, Dad and three adult Sons, they had done no research about jobs etc and went back to the UK after just 2 weeks, told the agents to sell the house for what they could get, and they never wanted to set foot in Spain again, they were totally broke, no-one could find work, they had no savings and hadn't bothered to learn ANY Spanish. The moral being, do your research, and ensure that you ALL are OK with the move, one partner not really wanting could well be a disaster waiting to happen as they would be moving with very negative thoughts even before arriving.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

As mentioned 'fleeing' Vic's in such high numbers are a very new thing. I doubt if their "Education State ' plates will necessarily improve IQ. (or even make much difference to the alleged labour shortage . Not entirely confined to that state by any means. Any plate from over East, spotted over here in the rogue state, regardless of state, claiming to be Smart State, would surely provoke a knowing smile as considered a 'false' plate covering up real identity surely?

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Absolutely. I think back and wonder if for these families the research was watching that lifestyle show that used to show British families swapping the UK for a beachfront lifestyle in Australia. It might have had some bearing on reality once, but I quickly discovered that Australia wasn’t without its reality checks :-)

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

I assume you are implying that these foreign number plates you spot in Perth are people moving from the east. Please do remind them they need to have their vehicle registration transferred within 3 months. I believe this includes adopting a local number plate. It will make you feel more secure if these foreign number plates are localised ASAP.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

I am driving around WA with Vic plates but have no intention to live and die in WA. I wonder if a car with vic plates actually remains a part of vic inside?

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Actually now you mention it in my street the plates of one SUV did indeed change. But that was from Victorian to ACT. Does that count? No idea if the influx of Vic plates are those intending to remain out west. or indeed only over to make some 'fast' money. But I have noted some longer term have changed to WA but doesn't change a single thing. Still nice to see you can make 'light' of what some may deem a fairly serious issue.

Re: I want to emigrate but partner is really on the fence. Any advice?
 

Why is Victorians travelling to WA for work or a holiday a serious issue?