psb182

only want the in-laws to come for a weekend.......ROFLMAO.........some of you guys crack me up.....I wrote a post on here perhaps a week ago saying that expats are somewhat selfish and got slated by a few for it........I being an expat for 20 yrs have for sure got a selfish streak in me but at least I can SEE it.....some of you need to take a look in the MIRROR........if you take someones son/daughter/brother/sister/grandkids thousands of miles away from them then you MUST be willing to have them visit WTF

Luke I Amyofath

Yes invite family members to visit but when you have to put up with abusive in-laws, I dont bloody think so mate

psb182

I don't think so either.....but sometimes in life you just have to bite your tongue

Luke I Amyofath

I dont know you or your situation however, I wonder if you have children and if so would you just bite your tongue if your mother in law was blatantly abusive towards your own children.
We may have been brought up by our parents in our parents home with our parents rules. When we are adults we dont live by our parents rules, we have our own and if another adult comes into our home and abuses our own flesh and blood we have every right to NOT bite our tongues.
In sharons case her in law had no respect so why the hell should she have. In fact I reckon she showed quite a lot of restraint.

Centurion

Your point of view is exactly that. Your point of view which may differ from someone elses. What you would consider to be a reasonable time for relatives to stay may not be reasonable to others. Having to put up with relatives living with you for say 8 weeks soon after you arrive, whilst they are in holiday mode and you are trying to get your life together, hold down a new job and generally try to settle down could lead to real issues.

There is a definate difference between inviting relatives to stay or being dumped with them. Or as Luke has posted allowing your relatives to interfere with your family to the extent of possible real and irreversible harm, some might even suggest a dilberate attempt to sabotage the migration for the relatives own self reasons for example.

I dont believe for one second that relationships are that black and white. I do believe that each and every situation is very different in its circumstances and you cannot realistically suggest such a generalised statement.

Of course thats just my view

chatty34

Yeah bite your tongue when they are abusive to you, bite your tounge when they are rude about your husband, bite your tounge when they slate your family back in England, but let em have it when they are telling your 11yr old kid that he is a stupid creature everyday for 3 weeks, or when he comes out of school saying that he is having trouble with Maths and they say well what do you expect cackle cackle, if you dont then you are betraying your child's trust in you and letting him down badly
ps, my MIL didnt get chance to miss us or us her as she arrived 9 days after we left!

woodyinoz

Nobody should be insulted in their own homes! I hope that the thread going about the MIL from hell is a one off....

I do agree though that a few people fail to understand what parents / in-laws maybe having to deal with. It's OK you coming over to improve your life but in a lot of cases they are left to fill this whole. It must be hard for them to say goodbye and their way of dealing with it is to visit!

I hate to think how I will cope if my kids leave me to live the other side of the world. I hate to think that I may have caused this sort of pain on my parents. I am sure that they have continued with their life and it has got easier.. sometimes I think that I didn't appreciate all that they did for me and just looked at the bad in them. - sorry guys hope you will have me home one day
Enjoy your visitors. It is hard all under one roof but its for such a small fraction of the year.

psb182

if you look I posted a comment on her MIL thread and I belive her MIL and hubby was way way out of order....look at post #70 on MIL rant thread........I actually was not refering to her thread but many other in-law threads that come up.......yes I have kids and yes there are rules in my house when the in-laws come that they mostly adhere to

gobbyjock

At the end of the day just because you love someone doesn`t mean you have to like them and just because you are related to someone doesn`t mean you have to love or like them!! Having relatives visit can be a real two edged sword!!

Luke I Amyofath

[QUOTE=psb182 yes there are rules in my house when the in-laws come that they mostly adhere to[/QUOTE]

Right, so its the in-laws that cause the problems ? I mean if it was your mother as opposed to mil, youd bit your tongue a little more even if it meant going against the wifes wishes.

I'll bet that many expats had a crap upbringing and couldnt wait to get out of the parents house. Parents wouldnt see this and like to "impose" themselves on their grown childrens lives especially mothers so right off the bat theres gonna be friction. Add some abusive comments related to your own kids Id love to see how many stitches youd need in your tongue.

My 2 cents worth

psb182

Sharon.......calm down ....this was not I repeat not a reflection on your MIL visit but many other posts on here about the subject.......now I hope you don't come back at me screaming but I belive you got a bigger hubby problem than a MIL problem.........you seem a very protective and caring mother and your kids are lucky they have you.....I wish you the best

psb182

my mum causes more problems with the wife than I have with the MIL........it really takes a lot to piss me off........little petty stuff really doesn't bother me.......I had a beef with her about 10 yrs ago she said she wanted to take our daughter back to the UK I told her straight that she is just that....our daughter and not her daughter.......can actually say that was the only time we have had a big dissagreement.......besides that we have had a few staredowns but I get over it pretty quick......she is actually here right now

Luke I Amyofath

I just wonder if part of your "selfish streak" that you can see is the sole reason you started this thread now the "other mil" thread is dropping off ?

Would it be selfish of you to come here and start a thread such as this one with the intent to be selfishly entertained by some other members willing to take your bait?

psb182

you got me pinned I am busted

I have talked with Sharon via PM and there is no bad feelings between us....actually you are the only one that has a problem......if you read my original post it does not say ALL of you.....I try not to ever paint everyone with the same brush......I belive as being an ex pat that having people over is a PRICE you have to pay.........this summer I had my in-laws and my wifes 2 aunts and 2 uncles all at once for 3 weeks.......there were times I did not like in that 3 weeks but we got through it

Timber Floor Au

Mate give up whilst ur behind.

Your original post was there to entice and incite , nothing more nothing less.

In my book thats selfish. If your views pertained to an original post you placed, and or a post by another member then perhaps posting it there would have been more desireable.

As it was, your statement, was both contentious and down rite shitty.

Full Stop

Steve