sj oldfield

We are on the last stages of obtaining our vusa and it has been a long hard struggle. Our eldest son was initially really keen to go to Perth, but as the months went by he began to lose interest. we have constantly kept the interest alive. We have now discovered that my sister(whom keeps crying at the thought of us going) has been poisoning his mind.

She has told him we are lying about allowing him to have a dog, basket ball net etc. Now the house is on the market Toby has now said that he might not come and stay with his aunt instead.

I am so upset I feel sick!!!

Larissa

Awww Sandra, how annoying!!!! I hope you've told her where to go and have explained things to your son. Hope it all sorts out though - any luck with selling the house yet?

steve-n-jo

Sandra, How old is your son, if he's under 16 doesn't he have to come with you? I get so cross when I read about peoples families trying to stop things moving forward or disrupting family life. Tell him if he wants to stay with his Aunt, he's got to go now!!!!!! He'll soon change his mind.

Jo

irishmolly

Don't get too upset with your sister, she is obviously devastated you are leaving for Oz and is clinging to anything which might suspend or halt the impending move.

Speak to her calmly and explain how much you want to go to Oz and would really appreciate if she was telling your son only positive things about his new life in Oz.

If it doesn't work then speak bluntly and tell her to stop the poisoning of his mind, but try the softly, softly approach first.

Good luck

nosuchluck

Oh my god, Sandra
this is all you need mate, not sure what to say to you really, will pm you later
hugs
rach x

mlbonner

Awwwwh Sandra, I really feel for you, what an awful thing to find out.

I am sure it is just your sister's way of missing you - do you normally have a good relationship with her? If you do perhaps you could talk to her?? Saying these things to your son does seem like a bit of a strange thing to do, perhaps talking to her will bring a reason to surface?

Good luck - visa's are stressful enough without the families adding pressure (I know this and I dont even have my visa yet )

Let us know how you get on - I'm sure Toby will want to be with his family

lindseyden

I'm really sorry to hear this, it's such a stressful time anyway without other people putting in their twopenneth. Talk to Toby, tell him you will stand by anything he wants on one condition...... he comes with you to Oz to validate his passport so he has a choice in the future. Ask him to stay with you for a time to see for himself what it is like. If he hates it (which I doubt) he can come back and stay with his aunt and the rest as they say...............

I have two sons 14 and 16, I am leaving the 14 year old here to do his GCSE's which is hard but it is his decision and I must abide by that. I've brought my children up to be independant so I must respect his decision. I'm assuming your son is a teenager and not 4 years old lol.

Good luck with whatever he decides but I'm sure if you get him on the plane,and your sister will make sure he does if she has any sense at all, he'll love it.

Best wishes

Lindsey

DollyDaydream

Sandra,

I really feel for you. There have been some posts recently about relatives making life difficult for those wanting to emigrate, but when your sister poisons the mind of your son, that takes the biscuit.

I totally agree with irishmolly's thoughts on how to tackle the subject. Take it slow and calmly first (although that will be very difficult under the circumstances). Keep a clear head when you discuss with your sister and try to not let Toby see any signs of possible arguments.

There are plenty of people on the forum that will give your moral support and advice. Please keep up informed of what happens.

Take care, chin up and I'm sure it will all sort itself out, try to keep positive.

D D

nikkers

Sandra


I really feel for you too. My daughter who is 15 16 this year has been up and down about us going!!!



I wish we'd done this when she was 9 or 10!!!


I guess you just have to be honest with them I keep telling mine she can come home at 18 with dual nationality and what a privillage it is to have that !!!


I guess they don't Know what is best for them and they have to take a risk.I'm leaving one daughter behind you just gotta do it!



hugs to you

Nikki x

wmoore

Sandra, that's really bad. I'm glad that our family has (mostly) understood our reasons but there's nothing worse than somebody who "knows better". There is one in my family (in-laws actually) who knows better and has caused a huge amount of grief with my 12 year old nephew (nothing to do with immigration but you know where I'm coming from). All I could suggest (and what do I know?) is to speak to Toby and reassure him that he can have a dog and he can have a basketball ring. Tell him you have not been lying to him and make sure he is as involved in the process as possible. I hope it works out.

tinaj

What an awful situation. Probably not surprising though. It is really hard on the people being left behind, after all they have to live their lives without us being around. My sister- in - law is still having lucid dreams about us leaving, even though we left 5 months ago!

Try to reassure your son that he will get the things you have promised.

From a personal point of view my 13 yr old is happier than he has ever been out here. He says he never wants to go back and it has been harder for him as he has left his Father behind in England.

If your son wants an email pal to talk to, pm me and my teen will tell him how fab it is out here.

sky

My 16 now 17yr son didnt want to come with us to nz but now he is here he is loving it and if we hated nz and wanted to go back to the uk (not likely now) I think he would refuse to leave

Pollyana

Sandra, that is really awful of her, I think - whatever she feels its awful to use kids in the battle. Haven't got kids myself, but I can vouch for the fact that Tinas 13 year old seems like a different boy! He was racing around doing all sorts of stuff with new friends, and hardly stood still long enough to say hello! Definitely a success story

Springo

[Sandra

I really feel for you, my son is 16 and is not quite as keen as my 14 year old son but has agreed to give it 2 years, this is all we can ask and are hoping he will settle.

Perhaps try and get an agreement with Toby that if after 2 years you will pay the air fare back for him and he can then stay with your sister.

You really need to try and get your sister on your side, I am having a few problems with Hubbys sister so know how you must feel.

Good luck

Julia

arlene

let him stay with your sister now for a few weeks im sure he will realise that its not all its cracked up to be

see how she copes with him and im sure she will want to give him back IMHO the reality of looking after teenagers is a nightmare:scared:

arlene