How true are some of these? A Monday funny
Mar 14th 2005, 2:03 am
#1
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Perth WA
Posts: 712
How true are some of these? A Monday funny
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art
gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage
sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media
billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato
sauce.
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them
inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk
crate.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the
hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine
example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber
thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By
contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".
13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced
to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the
development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively,
Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself,
but to the mosquitoes.
15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth
fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that
has the swimming pool.
17. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family
drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all
night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).
20. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres,
you'd be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything
you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not
trying.
22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front
yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the
fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.
23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog
battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.
25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool
will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.
27. The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella
in high winds.
28. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most
conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call
is "being made on my mobile".
29. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realizes that
the Aerogard is worse than the flies.
30. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says
"cobber" to anyone ... EVER! It also doesn't have the bit about the true
test for immigration to Australia.
They give potential new Aussies the following test:
Mowing a sloping lawn (at least 20 degree angle) in a pair of thongs holding
a VB while watching the cricket. If you can't pass that, chances are you
will never be able to pass yourself off as a true Aussie.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art
gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage
sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media
billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato
sauce.
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them
inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk
crate.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the
hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine
example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber
thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By
contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".
13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced
to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the
development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively,
Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself,
but to the mosquitoes.
15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth
fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that
has the swimming pool.
17. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family
drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all
night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).
20. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres,
you'd be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything
you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not
trying.
22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front
yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the
fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.
23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog
battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.
25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool
will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.
27. The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella
in high winds.
28. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most
conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call
is "being made on my mobile".
29. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realizes that
the Aerogard is worse than the flies.
30. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says
"cobber" to anyone ... EVER! It also doesn't have the bit about the true
test for immigration to Australia.
They give potential new Aussies the following test:
Mowing a sloping lawn (at least 20 degree angle) in a pair of thongs holding
a VB while watching the cricket. If you can't pass that, chances are you
will never be able to pass yourself off as a true Aussie.
Mar 14th 2005, 4:03 am
#2
NEO LIVES
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: ADELAIDE
Posts: 929
Re: How true are some of these? A Monday funny
Originally Posted by Loopy
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art
gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage
sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media
billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato
sauce.
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them
inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk
crate.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the
hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine
example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber
thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By
contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".
13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced
to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the
development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively,
Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself,
but to the mosquitoes.
15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth
fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that
has the swimming pool.
17. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family
drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all
night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).
20. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres,
you'd be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything
you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not
trying.
22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front
yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the
fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.
23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog
battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.
25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool
will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.
27. The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella
in high winds.
28. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most
conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call
is "being made on my mobile".
29. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realizes that
the Aerogard is worse than the flies.
30. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says
"cobber" to anyone ... EVER! It also doesn't have the bit about the true
test for immigration to Australia.
They give potential new Aussies the following test:
Mowing a sloping lawn (at least 20 degree angle) in a pair of thongs holding
a VB while watching the cricket. If you can't pass that, chances are you
will never be able to pass yourself off as a true Aussie.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art
gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage
sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media
billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato
sauce.
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them
inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk
crate.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the
hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine
example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber
thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By
contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".
13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced
to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the
development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively,
Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself,
but to the mosquitoes.
15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth
fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that
has the swimming pool.
17. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family
drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all
night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).
20. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres,
you'd be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything
you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not
trying.
22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front
yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the
fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for.
23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog
battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.
25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel's pool
will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.
27. The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella
in high winds.
28. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most
conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call
is "being made on my mobile".
29. There comes a time in every Australian's life when he/she realizes that
the Aerogard is worse than the flies.
30. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says
"cobber" to anyone ... EVER! It also doesn't have the bit about the true
test for immigration to Australia.
They give potential new Aussies the following test:
Mowing a sloping lawn (at least 20 degree angle) in a pair of thongs holding
a VB while watching the cricket. If you can't pass that, chances are you
will never be able to pass yourself off as a true Aussie.
CORKER
