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How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Old Dec 8th 2020, 4:51 pm
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Default How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Hi!

So, I’m hopefully (depending on visas/exemptions/flights) going to be moving to Brisbane in March or April to start a 2 year research project in a hospital.

However, I’m really struggling to tell my mum about this. I’m 23 and her oldest child, and have been back living at home since March this year, and we’ve got much closer since then than we were before.

I lived abroad for a year in the US as part of my undergrad degree, and things were fine then, but I’m so worried that she’ll react badly when I tell her about Australia. I think she’ll be worried about how far away I am, how neither of us will be able to travel to see each other easily in the current environment, and that I’ll end up staying there permanently (which is a possibility). I just keep avoiding the conversation but I know time is running out and I need to tell her.

I’m certain that this is what I want to do, and although I am nervous about some things, overall I feel excited and ready to move onto the next chapter of my life. I suppose I could do with some advice from people who’ve had this conversation with their parents, especially while living with them, and perhaps from people who have children my age - what would your response and concerns be?

thank you
E
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Old Dec 8th 2020, 9:30 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

If you are certain that you will be going if all things work out, then, personally, I would not have the conversation until such time as visas/exemptions and all job details are sorted out.
No point in bringing up a possibly painful subject until you know you can definitely go.
Then you just sit her down, tell her what a wonderful opportunity you have and how would she like to visit you in Australia?
Most reasonable parents want their children to have a good life experience and whereas she is going to miss you, she didn't expect you to be still living at home at 23

people who have children my age ? 23 is not a child by the way


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Old Dec 8th 2020, 9:43 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Originally Posted by SanDiegogirl View Post
If you are certain that you will be going if all things work out, then, personally, I would not have the conversation until such time as visas/exemptions and all job details are sorted out.
No point in bringing up a possibly painful subject until you know you can definitely go.
Then you just sit her down, tell her what a wonderful opportunity you have and how would she like to visit you in Australia?
Most reasonable parents want their children to have a good life experience and whereas she is going to miss you, she didn't expect you to be still living at home at 23

people who have children my age ? 23 is not a child by the way

Thanks for your reply. I think she’d be even more upset if I didn’t tell her until last minute, but maybe I hold on a bit longer

I wasn’t suggesting 23 is a child, and I also wasn’t expecting to live at home at this point but then came the pandemic - I didn’t mean ‘children’ as in young, I meant as in sons/daughters of a similar age
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Old Dec 8th 2020, 10:32 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Originally Posted by E2905 View Post
Thanks for your reply. I think she’d be even more upset if I didn’t tell her until last minute, but maybe I hold on a bit longer

I wasn’t suggesting 23 is a child, and I also wasn’t expecting to live at home at this point but then came the pandemic - I didn’t mean ‘children’ as in young, I meant as in sons/daughters of a similar age
I don't mean until the last minute.... but you say that visas etc still have to be sorted out.... so if there is any doubt about the job coming to fruition, then I'd hold off.....
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Old Dec 8th 2020, 11:32 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Originally Posted by E2905 View Post
Thanks for your reply. I think she’d be even more upset if I didn’t tell her until last minute, but maybe I hold on a bit longer

I wasn’t suggesting 23 is a child, and I also wasn’t expecting to live at home at this point but then came the pandemic - I didn’t mean ‘children’ as in young, I meant as in sons/daughters of a similar age
Start the conversation now if you are really that close to your mother as you say. Give her time to digest and chat. Even if you don't make March, she knows your wishes and is kept abreast of ambitions in your life.
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Old Dec 9th 2020, 1:20 am
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Originally Posted by E2905 View Post
Hi!

So, I’m hopefully (depending on visas/exemptions/flights) going to be moving to Brisbane in March or April to start a 2 year research project in a hospital.

However, I’m really struggling to tell my mum about this. I’m 23 and her oldest child, and have been back living at home since March this year, and we’ve got much closer since then than we were before.

I lived abroad for a year in the US as part of my undergrad degree, and things were fine then, but I’m so worried that she’ll react badly when I tell her about Australia. I think she’ll be worried about how far away I am, how neither of us will be able to travel to see each other easily in the current environment, and that I’ll end up staying there permanently (which is a possibility). I just keep avoiding the conversation but I know time is running out and I need to tell her.

I’m certain that this is what I want to do, and although I am nervous about some things, overall I feel excited and ready to move onto the next chapter of my life. I suppose I could do with some advice from people who’ve had this conversation with their parents, especially while living with them, and perhaps from people who have children my age - what would your response and concerns be?

thank you
E
Just tell her. If this is what you really want, then get it off your chest. Your life not hers - which doesn't mean to say that you love each other any less

Good luck
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Old Dec 10th 2020, 6:15 am
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Am I the only mother to reply? My advice, talk about the possibility straight away, that it is only that at the moment, but if it comes off it’s something you really want to do. I think it’s a bit cruel to wait and then say I’m off to Australia. Yes we miss our children but We shouldn’t clip their wings. I suppose my background influences my suggestion. I went to Africa as a single female to work in the 1960’s, only snail mail in those days, and very expensive to phone to keep in touch, it never crossed my mother’s mind to visit. It’s so easy to keep in touch now.
Then my daughter also traveled widely on her own, in her 20’s, ended up in Mexico for several years, then Kenya. Yes of course I missed her, but it’s her life, not mine.
You have the potential of a great opportunity to study in Australia, and let’s hope that international travel does start up again if you come here, and your mother can visit.
All the best with your decision.
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Old Dec 10th 2020, 1:05 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Most of us grow up and leave home.
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Old Dec 10th 2020, 1:18 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Originally Posted by tomar View Post
Am I the only mother to reply? My advice, talk about the possibility straight away, that it is only that at the moment, but if it comes off it’s something you really want to do. I think it’s a bit cruel to wait and then say I’m off to Australia. Yes we miss our children but We shouldn’t clip their wings. I suppose my background influences my suggestion. I went to Africa as a single female to work in the 1960’s, only snail mail in those days, and very expensive to phone to keep in touch, it never crossed my mother’s mind to visit. It’s so easy to keep in touch now.
Then my daughter also traveled widely on her own, in her 20’s, ended up in Mexico for several years, then Kenya. Yes of course I missed her, but it’s her life, not mine.
You have the potential of a great opportunity to study in Australia, and let’s hope that international travel does start up again if you come here, and your mother can visit.
All the best with your decision.
Thank you, I really appreciate your reply. I think she would feel the same way, I just don’t want to hurt her feelings. I’m worried about missing important family events and spending time with my elderly grandma, but I think I need to put myself first this time
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Old Dec 10th 2020, 1:19 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Originally Posted by scot47 View Post
Most of us grow up and leave home.
thanks, that’s really helpful...

I left home at 18 but in case you hadn’t noticed, there’s a pandemic. I moved back into my parents place to save money while working for the health service, but sure, I need to ‘grow up’.
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Old Dec 10th 2020, 7:13 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Sorry if that seemed snide. We live in strange times. Posting in an open forum like this means you may get replies you do not like.
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Old Dec 10th 2020, 7:25 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Originally Posted by E2905 View Post
. I’m worried about missing important family events and spending time with my elderly grandma, but I think I need to put myself first this time
These 'worries and doubts' are the main ones why people who move abroad often never settle.

If you are seriously worried about missing family events, are very close to family and friends, have grandparents you know you want to spend time with, then moving some 5000 miles away is probably going to accentuate these issues.

Missing everyone back 'home' is one of the main reasons people on this forum write in to discuss their decision to move back.



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Old Dec 10th 2020, 10:07 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Originally Posted by SanDiegogirl View Post
These 'worries and doubts' are the main ones why people who move abroad often never settle.

If you are seriously worried about missing family events, are very close to family and friends, have grandparents you know you want to spend time with, then moving some 5000 miles away is probably going to accentuate these issues.

Missing everyone back 'home' is one of the main reasons people on this forum write in to discuss their decision to move back.
Oh yeah I’m totally aware of that, and it wouldn’t be a fear of mine if I had any idea what the travel situation between the UK and Aus would be this time next year, but unfortunately we just don’t know.

I managed fine travelling back for Christmas etc when I lived in the US, and would be happy to do that but obviously it is likely to involve exemptions/caps/quarantines for quite some time now, even though I’ll hopefully get the vaccine before I go
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Old Dec 10th 2020, 10:53 pm
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

My mum and dad were both really supportive of our move to Oz 17 years ago. It's always just felt like a flight away to go back until this year. This is the first time I've felt the distance and the inability to just hop on a flight if anything happens. My mum is in Glasgow and on her own and during times like these FaceTime really doesn't do it. Despite the situation the UK is in, a part of me still wants to be there even though we are in a much better situation in Oz. You can't pick emotions.
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Old Dec 11th 2020, 2:04 am
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Default Re: How to tell your parents you’re moving across the world?

Well, you're not going forever why would you not talk to your mum about it? I'd hope my kids would let me know if they'd applied for a position overseas. Mine never asked permission, they just told me what they were doing and got on with it. But, then, I've never been a parent who kept their kids tied to their apron strings. We did the same to my parents - just told them we were going. If your 2 years extends into something else then at least she will have been used to you not being there for a while. You will miss important family things, you might even not be there should anything happen to your olds but if you are self sufficient and self reliant you should manage OK in a foreign country. I'm like Tomar, it was worse back in the day when there were aerogrammes and phone calls cost £1 a minute but you get on with it and stay connected however you can.
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