How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

We have been in Sydney for 5 years now. We love it here and the for the most part life is as we want it to be but I am still feeling rather guilty at having moved our children so far away from our families. My guilt I can live with but our older son found the move very traumatic and now suffers from anxiety - probably due to the move so the "experts" say.

Just curious really to see how other parents felt / feel after the move and how long things took to really settle down. I wonder if not having family here for crimbo, school holidays etc. re-inforce the difference he feels. We live in a very family focussed area so it can be very obvious that we don't have the Aunties, Grandparents etc. around and he comments on this alot.

Any ideas, thoughts, suggestions ... as I said curious really to see how other families have coped.

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

I do not feel guilty about the children - brought them here at nine and twelve. Big changes all around and my daughter had massive issues for the first seven years. Last two have been getting better and better for her. Overall she could have had issues with any changes/no changes in her life so not going to dwell on the what if.

We deal with all the things as a family by trying to be closer and more supportive of each other. When hubby and I go to dinner kids usually came too (yes we still have us time but not so much). We made sure we got involved with external activities like scouts etc to show our support. I sometimes work away and have them with me on trips for a weekend or so.

High days and holidays we try and mix in with other families - migrant orphans - and share the days. This ensures there is something different to do than the four of us over the same table (can be hard I know at times).

To make this happen most of the families are british in the same position with no near rellies. I do not go out of my way to avoid Aussie families but two of the best families I know are friends from this site. You can support each other.

I have also packed them on planes every now and again and fly them back - alone or with us. I am am fortunate that is a choice for us but it has worked well.

Please advise yourself you made the best choices at the time and all things can be worked on.

Goodluck

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

What ages are the children? When we came over our daughters were 5 and 3 and they settled in better than we did! However when my wife and I separated and I got a job in another state they were 15 and 13, and they elected to stay where all their friends were (with their mother) rather than come interstate with me. Age can make a huge difference to a child's perception of their world.

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

First born was very anti the move, she was 13 at the time. However both of them were totally aware of the issues with my family and leaving them was no problem. They were both sad to leave my inlaws but only saw them a couple of times a year anyway. Both settled in very well, not had a moment of worry about them (well not in terms of the move anyway) :D After the first six months First Born was happy enough not to have to mention 'the folks back home' and although we promised them a trip back after two years, she was more than happy after a two week holiday to get back on the place to come home. How old is your eldest? A move 5 years ago seems an unlikely reason for anxiety in my opinion. :unsure: But what do I know?

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

Hi

Thanks for that. I know that it will all work out over time - just got to keep on going. We had made friends with a lovely british family - as you say - so nice to be able to compare notes - but they moved to Brisbane last year! Be good to visit them for holidays though.

Thanks for the comments - I think I was just having an introspective few hours - I want my children to be happy and settled and having the paedatricians blaming everything on the move felt a bit tough. He is 10 and had a bad time of school when we first moved at age 5/6. I know he has some other things to deal with but the move and missing my mum is a big thing for him still.

We have alovely life here - busy and fun but where we live is a very family place and that can make it so obvious that all our family is so far away

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

Hmmm well imo the paediatricians are talking out of their arses. Sadly I would think some of it will be him picking up the worry vibes that you're trying not to give off in front of him. Kids are good like that :rolleyes: I honestly don't think kids remember enough of their lives five plus years ago unless they're told about it.

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

it could be depending on his age. Just talk to him there could also be another reason. He could be worried that there is another move on the way or if he is due a move to a different school. Just suport him and talk is a good one

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

Quality...

Like the orphan comment.

We live in a community atmosphere and there are people around.

It takes a village to raise a child.

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

The move could be the reason even though it was 5 years ago. We're all different - children are individuals who react to circumstances differently, just like adults.

My oh did a lot of moving around the world when he was small and it suited him fine. He can settle anywhere very quickly and easily. However, a friend of ours did the same thing and hated it and has not moved house since his children were born because he found his childhood stressful and wanted his children to be 'settled'. I'm not sure his kids are more emotionally stable than mine who have moved countless times. Time will tell, I suppose...

Some people just seem to have more anxious personalities. Even if you hadn't moved there could have been a different trigger at some point in your son's life, so don't feel guilty. Easier said than done - sometimes I think parenthood is one long guilt trip!:)

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

I remember the "grandparent" days at school were always a bit sad for the boys, especially when some stupid teacher asked my eldest who at the time had a very strong english accent still " your grandparents not here today?", well obviously not..... Mine moved over at 5 & 3 years and to be honest it is my youngest who has more anxiety problems now especially if I go to leave him at soccer training or something ( I am the mother who has to stay). But I remember being anxious as a kid and being the same and I have turned into a pretty laid back adult so things work themselves out.

10 / 11 years for boys does seem to be an anxious time in general so I wouldn't blame yourselves, the good outweighs the bad and while it is upsetting for them saying goodbye at airports to loved ones etc it is something they will grow to understand and as another poster said being a decent parent does seem to be one big guilt trip....

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

Youngest, didn't want to come. Hated it when he got here. Still hates it.
I'm 100% convinced he will leave Australia at his earliest possible opportunity. As he's now nearly 17 that's probably not too far off.

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

:confused::confused:

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

I have been here 5 years and i'm not sure i am settled yet we are yet to buy a house so maybe that's why or it might be that i would like to see abit more of Australia before committing to a certain place first.
The children are happy here 13 and 3 years so maybe if they where not i may think different.
Good luck with it :fingerscrossed:

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

Don't bother, :rolleyes: seriously, some things are just not worth bothering about.

Re: How long does it take for everyone to "settle" in?
 

:frown:same my 17yr old..has only been here just over two weeks!! hates it and says he's going home!!..does that feeling of belonging ever happen?