Watt Dabney

I've been inspired to write this post by the sense of negativity on this site lately and knowing what frightening reading it can make from the UK.
So here's my experience/advice for what its worth having been in NZ for 2 months.
The upheaval is hard the goodbyes are even worse and just when you think the worst hurdles have been jumped when you get on the plane - actually you've only just started!(only this time youv'e got no-one to look after the kids whilst you sort things out!).
The first few months are the hardest, my advice grit you're teeth get your head down and get on with it, you will come out the other end knackered but pleased with you're progress.
The sheer effort involved in day to day life in what is essentially an alien enviroment is exauhsting (esp for those of us who have not visited/have no friends or rellies in the place we are going to). You promise youreself that you are making this move for the good of your kids yet you will spend the 1st few months dragging them round estate agents, car dealers, furniture shops, electrical shops and supermarkets, and it takes twice as long when you don't know the area/product names etc. You have no idea whos a good dealer, who will rip you off, what/where to avoid and you have no-one to ask you are literally flying by the seat of your pants. This is where I thinlk the homesickness sets in. After and during all this you really need a someone you know and trust to put their arm round you give you a big hug and tell you everything will be ok (and offer to look after the kids!) You miss the experienced advice of your parents/peers, never mind needing to know if you have done the right thing moving you don't even know if you have bought a decent make washing machine!
Also you have no history here, you can't point to pub/restaurant and say remember when we...! Or point to a hospital and say to the kids you were born there or a house and say to them I/dad/nannie grew up there.
You recognise no faces in your local supermarket/high street.
This is a positive post honest, you can overcome all of the above if you accept it will happen but believe its only temporary. My advice goes against some others, I say buy a house don't rent if possible. Put down some roots and fast. If you don't like it and have to move later you have no more wasted money in agents/solicitor fees than you would have in rent. I have made 1 aquaintance so far who fortuately is on the PTA at our kids school, I plan to elbow my way in there and volunteer for anything going at the school. I know that making new friends requires more effort on my part than theirs, tough but true I just have to get on with it. We soon hope to enrole our son in scouts, our daughter in ballet and my hubby is out as I type this trying to find a martial arts club to join. The effort that is required on your part is tremendous which a lot of people find hard because the move itself nearly finishes you off.
Also try and arrange for some visitors not long after you get here. It gives you something to look forward to and it help with the people sickness knowing you are going to see friends/rellies soon. For us my brother & wife are coming for 3 weeks in March, my mum, dad and my dads wife (i know, sounds like fun) are coming for the whole of April and some friends are coming for a month xmas 2003.

The purpose of this post was to try give you an idea of what to expect. We have had some fantastic family time since we have been here. We have a beautiful house close to a reserve where we will be happy for our son to go off on his bike to play soon, something that was never going to be obtainable in the UK. We are happy with our move so far but it was and still is bloody hard work, but we knew that and always accepted it which i think has helped.


I wish you all luck and stamina for you're future adventures

Paula

twinkle

You're right things have been very negative lately and I think your comments really hit on the reality of what it is going to be like particularly with regards to children. You seem to be working very hard to get established and good for you. Must brave the Parents Assocation when I arrive! Keep on posting, info from NZ is limited compared to OZ.

Twinkle
xxx

jockney

Hi,Great post really enjoyed reading it.Should spellout how dramatic changes can be hard work as well as exiting.However on a lighter note I think your hard work may well be ahead of you with mum,dad and dads wife visiting!!Best of luck in your new life. jockney

poggle

Hi Paula,

Thank you for taking the time to write such a nice post! it was really interesting! Your'e right, there is so much negativity on here, but it is nice to read a positive but honest post now and again!

We are packing up now to go to Oz, shippers coming in 2 weeks!AggHHH!!!!! but we are in the fortunate position of having family and a few friends to help us settle. I dont want to rely on them too much, but advise like which washing maching to buy etc. will be handy. Even with their help we are still expecting life to be hard, and to be a bit homesick, but we are prepared for the hard work. As we have no kids, we will have to work harder to make new friends! no schools, PTA's etc, which getting involved with creates new friends, but usually we make friends easily, so i hope it will just be a matter of time before we feel really 'at home'.

Your mention of the 'no history' hadnt occured to me before, but i know i will be affected by that far more than my partner! im just 'soppy' and sentimental [or is it just 'mental'!] i get attached to inanimate objects! i know i will cry a lot when my car is sold eg.
but im sure It won't take long to build up some history again, and get 'attached' to my new car and new everything!

Im glad you seem to be settling ok, and wish you continued success and all the best for your future life in NZ, keep us posted of your progress! it helps to offset the Neg. posts!

Cheers xx

scoobydooathome

Great post,

Best of luck,

wizzywozza

I think your post summed emigrating up so well. I went through all that here in OZ 12 years ago, and yes, I still get homesick, but just for family and friends and that all important support network.

My husband said when we emigrated that the absolutely worst thing for him was having NO keys - no front door key or car key - he felt like a displaced person, totally lost.

With your attitude you are going to make a real success of your life in NZ and I wish you well. Now ............ let's work on all the whingers on here.........




Shaz x

Ginny

Hi Paula,

Thanks so much for telling us how you feel. People on this forum have been very helpful with practical advice about where to go, what to do etc. but it has been so nice to hear how people feel when they get out there.

We will be lucky (hopefully) when we finally move out in that we will have friends in Oz, albeit in another state, so things like what brand do we buy etc. shouldn't be as hard to figure out.

I will miss my mum terribly, not only as number one babysitter but just as MY mum. But I will get through it and after reading your post I feel more confident about doing this.

I am not expecting an easy ride, emotionally as well as in other ways but at the end of the day it will be an adventure that I can hopefully look back on and be glad that I gave it a go, whatever the outcome!

Thanks again and good luck.

Love Ginny

Watt Dabney

Thanx for that Shaz, its nice to have a vote of confidence from someone whos been there done that!
Know what you mean about the keys we felt so lost we put our suitcase keys on our keyring!
Web cams are also good for homesickness my mum has mastered one and yesterday we chatted to my hubbys dad on it, which was nice because he is adamant he won't come out to see us.
One of our hardest times so far was our sons 7th birthday 2 weeks after arrival. The poor lad spent it in a inner city motel his dad was at work and I had no transport but true to NZ form the cleaning staff at the motel had a whip round and bought him a card and present. He has been promised a huge party next year with his new friends!


Paula


PS Some peole have sent me Private messages if my answers seem a little blunt its because I'm limited to this silly 1000 characters not because i don't want to chat!

jajpe

dear paula,

great to read all your posts plus the majority of info on this great site. it really is a good idea. i have to say i am really new to this(just registered today actually and have posted a thread re nursing in nz as that is what i intend(hopefully) to do. i have had particular interest in your posts though, as we are a family of five and are seriosly considering making the move to nz. at the moment we think Christchurch or at least south island somewhere. (holiday booked to nz for april this year)

what i wanted to ask you though, if you have a minute to reply( or anyone else who could help) is specifically about schooling. i appreciate that they are on holiday still in nz and i can't remeber now if yours have been yet but i am a little concerned about a discussion i found onsite recently re. all special needs kids in mainstream schools. i have no actual objection to this except i wonder how it works out practically and if it is the case in all schools or only in rural areas etc. i can't imagine that there are no special needs schools at all in nz but i can't remember seeing any in all our school searches so far.

i would really appreciate your help on this as our kids are 10, 9 and 7 and obviously schooling will be very important to us.


i have loads and loads of questions i would love to ask and maybe i'll post some more at a later date but that's all for now and i look forward to some replies.


wishing you all the very best in your new life in Christchurch. it is encouraging to read your positive posts as i am still at the stage of taking major wobbles somedays when i go off the whole idea. (i hope this is normal)

many, many thanks

Watt Dabney

Hi,

I will be happy to help if I can.

My children haven't started school yet. We decided to wait till Jan as it would be the begininng of a new term and they would not be the only new kids. When term starts I will be able to give you a better idea especially as we went to visit my sons new class on the last day and there is a special needs girl in it. Now i'm no medical expert so i'm not sure exactly what her disability is. She has a little dificulty walking, missing fingers and her face is an odd shape (wide at the top, eyes wide apart). I myself will be interested to see how it affects the classroom. I am all for it in most ways as I belive it encourages acceptance, tolerance
and the need to consider others (qualities I found seroiusly lacking in the UK), but obviously do not wish it to affect academic progress.
I too have been worried about all the posts saying NZ education is behind. I will be watching this with interest, especally as my son was educated a year above his age in the UK. His new headmaster seemed to have no objection to him being moved into a higher year if he looks like he will need it, we are just going to let Jack and his school get to know each other and go from there. I will be happy to let you know how it goes.
And by the way the wobbles are completly normal I still get them now!

hope this helps


Paula

tinaj

Thanks for the great insight into how you are settling down, it is lovely to hear from people when they actually arrive. I would imagine most people are so busy they don't use the internet anywhere near as much as post-immigration.

Keep the posts coming when you get time.


Tina

jajpe

dear paula,

thank you so much for your speedy response. i really appreciate it. i totally agree that there are many advantages to educating special needs kids in mainstream school for all the reasons that you highlighted but i will be really interested to hear how you think it works out in practical terms when your children get to school.

are they excited about getting started and have they made any friends already around your new home etc that might also be in their class. i imagine that would make it easier. kathryn (our youngest ) is sitting on my knee as i write this. she is totally taken with this whole forum idea and has even posted her own question to find out more about schools and what it is like for children to move to new zealand.

i think it is really good of you to still keep responding on this forum and helping others to do what you have done. it must be a big relief to get to the other side. at the minute it still seems like a mamoth task, but i try to keep in mind what i read somewhere else that it is a long journey but it is made easier if you look at it as a series of small steps. (it was something like that anyway)

thnking you again

twinkle

Shirley,

I keep getting the wobbles too, some days I think YES THIS IS A BRILLIANT IDEA and other days I think WHAT ARE WE DOING! We have 2 daughters aged 4 and 6 years and my biggest worry is the education system in NZ. I have been concerned about the negative posts on this subject as well and can't believe that there are no special needs schools. Would like to hear from Muppetking again and am looking forward to hearing from Paula on how her children are progressing. Boy do I hope I hope I turn into a Paula clone when we get to NZ as I know whinging is forbidden!!

Lesley
xxxx

dotty

I was very interested in Watts post about having special needs kids in classes. The same is in place in Australia. It was actually one of the things I liked about schools here.

As far as I know nearly all these kids are placed in the schools, it is the policy here not to segregate them.. My kids became very caring toward them, pushing wheelcharis, learning to tolerate behaviour that may be unusual, accepting that people in a wheelchair may be far more intelligent than those with 2 good legs, also the downside of some disruptive behaviour which of course teaches your kid to focus on regardless. I actually saw kids cause far more disruption to classes from families with drug alcohol problems which is not their (kids) fault either but very disturbing to the class.

Also in Australia (dont know about NZ), kids are not streamed according to ability. I was lead to understand each teacher would be allotted 6 smart, 6 medium , 6 problem, 6 needing help, etc so each teacher had a fair workload. Highschools had classes of 36 and primary 25, private schools ranged from 18 to 30 in primary. Varied ability and background was always very varied in any class. Snobbery had many families struggling (fees) to go to Private schools and trendies like Sports people and Media people putting their kids in State Highschools for the wider variety of subjects.

Always struck me as very potluck each year compared to the graded classes I was educated in the UK. (My kids got university places despite being totally State school educated), I totally refused to buy into the one up man ship garbage that goes with the Private schools here, it seemed to matter more what car you had than how the kids did so not really my scene. Joining the P&T is a good idea, however I always found it odd that in schools of 1200 and 2000 only a handful of parents were interested and most of the decisions were made by the same old cronies who usually hung out with the Principal outside of school time, but I bet that goes on anywhere. My main concern would have been to have put my kids into UK schools after an Oz education, I think they would have been very behind despite the fact they obviously did well here.

Elspeth

Oh you are so accurate! Ive been here 9 months and im still so terribly homesick, esp for my mum, talking for 30mins on the phone every other week isnt the same, but I figured i made my choice so Im gonna make the best of it!!