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-   -   How easy will it be to make friends? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/australia-54/how-easy-will-make-friends-530087/)

ShoppingJoJo Apr 17th 2008 7:38 pm

How easy will it be to make friends?
 
Hello,

We (that is me, my hubbie and two small children aged 20 months and 5 years) are just about to commence the 457 visa process.

If all goes well, we are thinking we could be in Sydney around the beginning of August.

But, I am now starting to think 'what the hell are we doing'!!!

We have a good set of friends in the UK and close family nearby and though we have never had much help with the kids, I've never struggled to phone up a friend and meet up for a coffee whilst the kiddies play as and when needed.

This though has subsequently got me thinking - 'yikes I'm not going to be able to do this in Sydney' and though the sun may be shining and the sea sparkling, I have fears of being very lonely and not meeting a soul!

As so many of you have been there, what is the reality of being lonely whilst being at home with the kids and hubbie is at work?

Don't get me wrong, I'm up for meeting new friends and throwing myself in to meet ups and toddler groups, coffee mornings and trips to the zoo, park, beach etc - pretty much whatever it takes but how long is it before you start feeling like you have support and some good friendships around you?

Any advice would be great. I am a realist though and do expect tears!

Thank you to anyone that can advise.

Jo
xx

:)

232Bar Apr 17th 2008 8:34 pm

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 

Originally Posted by ShoppingJoJo (Post 6224575)
Hello,

We (that is me, my hubbie and two small children aged 20 months and 5 years) are just about to commence the 457 visa process.

If all goes well, we are thinking we could be in Sydney around the beginning of August.

But, I am now starting to think 'what the hell are we doing'!!!

We have a good set of friends in the UK and close family nearby and though we have never had much help with the kids, I've never struggled to phone up a friend and meet up for a coffee whilst the kiddies play as and when needed.

This though has subsequently got me thinking - 'yikes I'm not going to be able to do this in Sydney' and though the sun may be shining and the sea sparkling, I have fears of being very lonely and not meeting a soul!

As so many of you have been there, what is the reality of being lonely whilst being at home with the kids and hubbie is at work?

Don't get me wrong, I'm up for meeting new friends and throwing myself in to meet ups and toddler groups, coffee mornings and trips to the zoo, park, beach etc - pretty much whatever it takes but how long is it before you start feeling like you have support and some good friendships around you?

Any advice would be great. I am a realist though and do expect tears!

Thank you to anyone that can advise.

Jo
xx

:)

You'll only be 'lonely' if you let yourself be. There's plenty of groups around who will help you ease into it if you get in touch with them - there always seems to be someone organising a coffee meeting or "anyone fancy (add your own activity here)" things. Sure, you'll probably gravitate towards other expats initially, but as you find your feet and get stuck into it, that circle will grow.

Babycatcher Apr 17th 2008 9:45 pm

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 

Originally Posted by ShoppingJoJo (Post 6224575)
Hello,

We (that is me, my hubbie and two small children aged 20 months and 5 years) are just about to commence the 457 visa process.

If all goes well, we are thinking we could be in Sydney around the beginning of August.

But, I am now starting to think 'what the hell are we doing'!!!

We have a good set of friends in the UK and close family nearby and though we have never had much help with the kids, I've never struggled to phone up a friend and meet up for a coffee whilst the kiddies play as and when needed.

This though has subsequently got me thinking - 'yikes I'm not going to be able to do this in Sydney' and though the sun may be shining and the sea sparkling, I have fears of being very lonely and not meeting a soul!

As so many of you have been there, what is the reality of being lonely whilst being at home with the kids and hubbie is at work?

Don't get me wrong, I'm up for meeting new friends and throwing myself in to meet ups and toddler groups, coffee mornings and trips to the zoo, park, beach etc - pretty much whatever it takes but how long is it before you start feeling like you have support and some good friendships around you?

Any advice would be great. I am a realist though and do expect tears!

Thank you to anyone that can advise.

Jo
xx

:)

I thought this too. I have a few REALLY good friends here that i will miss so much. We get together for coffee, chats, drinks and you know, those honest talks about life, the universe and everything. How long did it take you guys out there to find a couple of friends like that?

quoll Apr 17th 2008 9:51 pm

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 
You will have to be very active in developing a circle of acquaintances. You may find that it wont be dead easy though - adult friendships are always harder to develop than the late adolescent/early adult ones because of the shared experiences you have had.

Many families become particularly insular at this stage, rushing from work to childcare to school and back home again - not that much time for sitting down with a cuppa. Many, if not most, families are two income these days just to make ends meet.

Also, I have found Australian friendships to be more transient - unlike the ones I still have with friends made 30+ years ago in UK. There is more mobility here and people come and go a lot. I actually have very few "call for a coffee" type of friend. I have acquaintances that I made through work but, quite frankly, would not be distressed if I never saw them ever again. One or two of them are super but the vast majority didnt make the transition from "work colleague" to "friend" when I retired! I have no one left from the time when my kids were young - they, or I, moved on over the years.

If you have a child at school then there are usually opportunities for getting to know some of the other mums through volunteering at canteen or to be a reading mum. Also, if you have a hobby, then you stand a better chance of striking up a good friendship with someone with similar interests - stitchers are pretty good at coffee based friendships I have found!

ShoppingJoJo Apr 17th 2008 10:01 pm

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 
Thank you for giving me some words of advise.....for those that have done it, your words of wisdome ring true and I am a realist at the end of the day.

Babycatcher....when are you heading to Oz and where are you settling?

Babycatcher Apr 17th 2008 10:34 pm

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 
Babycatcher....when are you heading to Oz and where are you settling?[/QUOTE]

We are hoping for Brisbane and I would like to be there by Aug/Sept 09... we is me, Hubbie, my son (12.5yrs), daughter (nearly 10), cat and dog!!!
Hubbie worried about work but me and kids raring to go after our reccie last year.

:)

rabsody Apr 18th 2008 12:20 am

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 
Hi Jo Jo

To be honest, it can take time, even with the toddler groups and so on. I found it wasn't until I went back to work I was able to meet anyone even remotely on my wavelength. I found the mums very old fashioned (still do) - all talk about favourite recipes, cakes and tupperware - it seemed their lives had stopped after having kids whereas I was still into fashion and going out! This of course is based on my experience and where I live, I'm sure it's completely different based on location and what stage you are in your life.

It takes time, but you do get there eventually. I have some lovely friends now - Aussies, Brits, Kiwi. You will be fine :D

Faye

pompeyblonde Apr 18th 2008 12:24 am

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 
Took me a good 18 months to establish a few good friendships, and I tried to go to everything and accept all offers, some didn't last but eventually you find some good ones.... I now have close Aussi and brit friends who i could call in a crisis if necessary! and I still keep in touch with my friends in UK as much as I can....it takes time and effort but it does happen!:thumbup:

northernbird Apr 18th 2008 12:51 am

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 

Originally Posted by rabsody (Post 6225831)
Hi Jo Jo

To be honest, it can take time, even with the toddler groups and so on. I found it wasn't until I went back to work I was able to meet anyone even remotely on my wavelength. I found the mums very old fashioned (still do) - all talk about favourite recipes, cakes and tupperware - it seemed their lives had stopped after having kids whereas I was still into fashion and going out! This of course is based on my experience and where I live, I'm sure it's completely different based on location and what stage you are in your life.

It takes time, but you do get there eventually. I have some lovely friends now - Aussies, Brits, Kiwi. You will be fine :D

Faye

Why do you assume because they like talking about these things that their lives had stopped :confused: Just because their interests were different to yours doesn't make their lives any less fulfilling.

To the OP. You can't make an omelette (there you go my life as ended talking about cooking ;) ) without breaking a few eggs. You will meet a lot of people, some you like some you don't. If you make the effort it will happen in time.

rabsody Apr 18th 2008 12:58 am

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 

Originally Posted by northernbird (Post 6225901)
Why do you assume because they like talking about these things that their lives had stopped :confused: Just because their interests were different to yours doesn't make their lives any less fulfilling.

To the OP. You can't make an omelette (there you go my life as ended talking about cooking ;) ) without breaking a few eggs. You will meet a lot of people, some you like some you don't. If you make the effort it will happen in time.

Ok maybe wrong choice of words, what I meant was their lives were totally focussed around domesticity and traditional "wifehood" whereas mine wasn't. As I alluded to, this may have been because they were in a different stage of their life.

this charming man Apr 18th 2008 2:43 am

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 
How easy will it be to make friends? describe your likes/dislikes/appearance/social standing/expectations/wealth/ dress sense/shoe size/smell and IQ and ill get back to you within the hour.

northernbird Apr 18th 2008 2:45 am

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 

Originally Posted by rabsody (Post 6225917)
Ok maybe wrong choice of words, what I meant was their lives were totally focussed around domesticity and traditional "wifehood" whereas mine wasn't. As I alluded to, this may have been because they were in a different stage of their life.

Absolutely, we are all different. I am in the recipe swapping phase ;) not the palming my kids off with anyone so I can go out and get sloshed phase (not saying you are btw)

rabsody Apr 18th 2008 2:49 am

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 

Originally Posted by northernbird (Post 6226157)
Absolutely, we are all different. I am in the recipe swapping phase ;) not the palming my kids off with anyone so I can go out and get sloshed phase (not saying you are btw)

Haha, I'm not anymore but I was back then (8 years ago!). That was when I was married and actually had babysitters (the inlaws)! I did notice the Aussie women, in my area at least, seemed to be older when they had their children and this probably had a bearing as I was quite young - 22 - when I had my first, so they likely had a different agenda to me.

Demented Ferret Apr 18th 2008 8:12 am

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 

Originally Posted by ShoppingJoJo (Post 6224575)
Hello,

We (that is me, my hubbie and two small children aged 20 months and 5 years) are just about to commence the 457 visa process.

If all goes well, we are thinking we could be in Sydney around the beginning of August.

But, I am now starting to think 'what the hell are we doing'!!!

We have a good set of friends in the UK and close family nearby and though we have never had much help with the kids, I've never struggled to phone up a friend and meet up for a coffee whilst the kiddies play as and when needed.

This though has subsequently got me thinking - 'yikes I'm not going to be able to do this in Sydney' and though the sun may be shining and the sea sparkling, I have fears of being very lonely and not meeting a soul!

As so many of you have been there, what is the reality of being lonely whilst being at home with the kids and hubbie is at work?

Don't get me wrong, I'm up for meeting new friends and throwing myself in to meet ups and toddler groups, coffee mornings and trips to the zoo, park, beach etc - pretty much whatever it takes but how long is it before you start feeling like you have support and some good friendships around you?

Any advice would be great. I am a realist though and do expect tears!

Thank you to anyone that can advise.

Jo
xx

:)

I think if you can let your hair down and have a laugh and don't be afraid to talk to strangers if you here an accent you recognize. We definitely have better and more loyal friends here than uk. We know friends who still know the local gossip in the shop they used to work at 3 years ago in UK. Don't cut old friends off but your life is in oz when you move. Focus 95% on ozzie life, not the 50/50 our friend does, as still not really settled after 3 years.

wbbugs Apr 18th 2008 10:38 am

Re: How easy will it be to make friends?
 
jojo

I will be in a similar situation soon and will be worried about my wife meeting and making friends.

We are both 30 and have children aged 7,4 and 1. As i will be working meeting friends wont be a problem but I am counting on my wife to go out and find some mums to have a cuppa with. We are also in the process of getting our 457 approved and will hopefully be over there around august.
I am sure my wife would love to meet people in a similar situation.

Just remember we will all be in the same boat.:D:D


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