badri

Hi

I think most of you might have gone through this but I am getting angry at the same time sad about my friends reaction.

We have close friend for a long time. She know that we are leaving for Australia due to various reasons.

Last few weeks she is behaving very strange (she almost stopped getting touch with us etc)

When I encountered her why she was behaving like that she told that she is training herself not to feel too attached and she want's herself to prepare emotionally.

Well I do understand its difficult for everyone but I thought friends are those who are always there for you and supportive .
I feel like left alone... angry and pissed.

Sorry about my rumbling Going through the visa process is a stress that's the time I need support not something else ....

wmoore

That's really hard. While I can understand it in a way, I don't think it's right. You should tell her that she should be making the most of the time you can spend together now.
I'm grateful that my friends have the attitude that we should do more stuff together now while we can. I've never had such a full diary!
Badri, if this person is a true friend then you should be able to speak to her and tell her how you feel.

badri

Thats what I did yesterday when she visited us but then she get saying that its my choice that I am leaving to australia and she is preparing herself mentally for me not being there. I know its not fair but sometimes you have to make a choice and we made a choice to go to australia.
I will give a try one more time tomorrow

Thanks wmoore ...

nosuchluck

Same thing has happened to me, i've known my friend for 20 years, yet she too has become very distant, she has even told me that she won't be coming to my leaving party as she'd rather say goodbye over lunch!!!!
Maybe people deal with people they love leaving in different ways but i still feel a bit let down!
hope that it works out for you
Rach x

togooff&things

My best mate for 12 years reaction to my exciting news was "but what am I going to do" and she went on about how she could meet new friends perhaps at her baby group! I have now dissed her! She has always been my best buddy and I never thought I would not want her lifelong friendship - but she has become so selfish. I recon that she has always been selfish but I never noticed untill I made the decision to move away. So to save my own emotions I have cut it with her, knowing that I'm going away has made it real easy. I was getting panic attacks just thinking of talking to her. I have enough on my plate. But perhaps, a true friend would have realised her problems with me going away were valid.....but just a spark of happiness for me would have been nice. Strange, but I don't actually miss her at all!

sunny_samantha

Hi
Our problems aren't so much with friends as with family. One set of parents are suddenly being very aggressive, insulting, etc. We have read on this site before about this happening but thought that this would not happen with that side of our family. With the other side, my dad is clearly upset but supportive and as for my mum and brother, well words fail me. Sometimes you just have to prioritise yourself and your family and do what is right for you.
Best Wishes to all
Susan

davidclifford

I am sorry you are having to put up with your friend's unsupportive behaviour, but maybe you should be happy that you have a friend who will miss you so much! You should do what we are going to do with our families and friends - buy her a webcam, make sure she gets hooked up to broadband and then she can talk to you face to face every day! Remind her that Australia isn't really so far away, and she can visit you for lots of free holidays in the sun. Tell her about all the places you will take her and how much fun you will have together. Maybe she will feel less sad about you leaving if you do that. Tell her you will be very homesick and you are depending on her to stay in touch and come for visits; make her a part of it and include her in your plans.

I hope you enjoy Australia. Good luck!

badri

Hi guys

thanks for sharing your side of the story.
I tried my best but it didn't work out.She is still mad at me like hell.
I do miss my best friend but you make certain decision in your life and that steers you thorugh.
MY god I am an emotional wreck today.

I hope she gets back to narmalcy. I tried by telling that I will provide her an webcam but she refused outright.

She is a nice person and she is one and my only best friend.

I thought going through to Australia is itself difficult but I think now there will be more to come..

I apologies that for all the emotional stuff i just want to get it out....

CRAZYboutOZ

Some friends are neither sad nor happy for us. Makes me wonder if they are friends at all???? We are starting to view some friendships differently since watching their different and selfish reponses to our immigration plans. We don't know how many friendships will survive this immigration business. We will have to see what they make of it when we start selling everything off...

One half of the family is sad because we are leaving the country and we can see them grieving their loss in they own separate way. (Grieving is good, by the way) They are happy for the time they have left to spend with us and they cherish that.

The rest of the family are in denial and act as if it is not going to happen. (We have lots of friends inside the family.) Especially the inlaw's family have been like this for years. They don't want to talk about it and when things suddenly start developing, they are angry because they were not told. We are expecting different extremes in behaviour from them closer to the departure date which will be early next year. Long story....

I will have to give you an update before we leave because now their feelings are a bit controlled like a simmering pot of witches broth....

badri

I am with you on that I saw some friends just dropped like hot potatoes..
I will keep also posting ...
Cheers
All I am gonna have a glass of wine this is it...

walla

Hi Badri

My mates have been great. I'm 40 now and have been with my friends since nursery, a whole big bunch of us. We've had our tears, who said men don't cry?

True friends support you.

May I suggest your friend is being a bit selfish..............?

Walla

Grayling

Maybe friends have difficulty in handling the fact that you are leaving.
Look at it from their point of view.

I don't think friends should be dismissed because they are unhappy at you going.

It's a bit like the old saying about promotion at work:

'Be careful who you upset on the way up- You may have to deal with them again when you are on the way down'.

You may need your friends again if it does not work out.

How would you feel if the boot were on the other foot?
You really do not know.

G

JackTheLad

I've been moving about most of my adult life from one job to another. Spent 5 years in Dublin, the best friend I had there turned wierd when I told him I was moving back to Northern Ireland, I now only get to talk to his wife when I call, and he never calls back.

Our friends in Melbourne took it ok when they heard we were moving to Brisbane not Melbourne.

Mrs JTL friends support her through all her travels to US, Oz, UK and arrange parties with her every time she returns to Hong Kong, and will be most welcome when we get setup in Brisbane.

Its hard to generalise, some friends are just too tied up in their own personal lives to empathise with your own situation, others are just plain selfish, others, you realise were never really good friends , and yet others are great.

One thing I will say, my family have been great about it, I don't think Mum is too happy about it, but tries to look on the positive side, and looks forward to visiting us.

Its certainly a discovery period for all,

Cheers,
JTL

Pants

Yes G

I have to agree some of my friends and one of my sisters just couldn't handle all the emotional upset when I left the UK and now I am here leaving Oz one of my friends is starting to distance herself but I know its just that she finds things like this very hard to deal with.

What you may see is over the years lesser people contacting you..I mean from people back home. Their lives will carry on the same but yours will be totally different and all exciting at first so try to remember that. A few of my mates have not bothered much since I have been here but I just have to remember what busy lives they have and leave it at that !!They are still friends in my eyes and in my heart!

Remember you have the opportunity that perhaps they themselves "wish" for !!

togooff&things

Just to let yous know that was not the only reason I decided to break my friendship. Lots of other things, but it started when I told her I was migrating. (My mom also made her wedding dress as her gift and she never mentioned it at the wedding and I was sat at the back of the abby, while her other pals were at the front - it all hurt just too much and that broke the camels back!) Just to let yous know I'm not as selfish to diss her just for her having a hard time with me going, but that's where it started!