PeteY

Mount Gambiers nice if you want a south vic climate away from the city

HP, tell me if you have answered this elswhere, i don't visit the forum much these days, but can i ask why you are considering a move back to Aus, after moving back to the uk? Just interested

Pete.

moneypenny20

Hiddenpaw

To solve your problems(!) have my girls grandmother - no please take her, no, oh well.

I would almost give anything to have your problem - sorry not making light of it in any way but when you see the girls faces when they know she is coming round or has just been unpleasant to them - it is soul distroying

sue and mick

hi
we have told my parents about our plans to emigrate to oz at sometime in the near future

i was greeted with "we'll have nothing left if you take our grandchildren away from us" "we are to old to travel that far"

felt really great after that!!!!

but it is my life and if i wait for them to die (sorry sounds a bit harsh) we will be to old ourselves to go

we have not told the other set yet. HELP!!!!

sue and mick

Dolphingirl

HP, is there a possiblity that the grandparents could also move to where you are going, especially if they are retired. If your sister is in Oz also they would be closer to you both. Then everyone should be happy.

My parents have always used the guilt trip on me, and the trouble is if you live your lives around your parents and not true to what you really want out of life, it could cause resentments later. Yup you could wait until they all pop their cloggs or the children are older, but the point is you will also be older too. I live in Oz and came back to be around my family and in some ways I wish I had been more truer to myself in being where I wanted to be.

If your family really miss their grandchild they will do what is necessary to be part of all your lives, and it probably be easier for them do so if they are retired and don't have any ties, than yourselves where you need to work. Don't give into emotional blackmail. The hardest thing I found is that I miss things from Oz and I liked things from Uk, so in turn you never quite settle, well I didn't anyway.

I wish you luck with whatever your decison, but do what you feel is best for your immediate family, ie hubby, child and yourself in the first instance. My friends became my family and I found them also very supportive. Maybe discuss with them the possibility of them also going with you.

HiddenPaw

Hi Pete, good to hear you're still about! To answer your Q, we don't really know why we want to go back. Hubby I guess says its predominantly for his sport (cycling) and I don't really mind where I live - I could be settled (and unsettled!!) in either! As for the baby, I don't honestly know where is the 'best' place to raise her. Even tho it was easy to slot back into UK life, we must still be in the unsettled/transitional phase (bit like when we went to Oz in the first place but the other way round!!!) How is life in Mt Gambier. Are you still frequenting the vineyards of Coonawarra? LOL!!)

Pants, you need to be back in the UK around people who treasure you and love you! Your mum sounds an angel...an understanding one at that .

Sue & Mick, I don't think you need to apologise for 'harsh' comments...most of us know where you are coming from. I kind of feel the same....that maybe we need to do this for our (me, hubby, bub) future.

DG, my mum has already flatly refused to move to Oz, whereas my dad would go tomorrow. They have been 8 times and my mum doesn't want to be in the situation of having to remake her life at 60. I can understand that she has a comfort zone. (However, this was all said before there was ever a grandchild involved). But as much as I know this is 'our' life, I'm also thinking from the perspective of my daughter...i.e. is it fair to take her away from them?

Jeannie, are you on your way to Oz? Where are your grandchildren?

Banjo, your comments are making me think long and hard. Do you feel settled now?

LynnJ are your parents/in-laws coming out to see Indie? How old is he now? I know what you mean about growing up quickly. Bub is 14 weeks now and I look at her and think where is that tiny thing I gave birth too!

Thanks all.

banjo

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banjo

we've only been here 5 months and so everything is still very new for us. I don't hate it here by any means. On the contrary.....my husband got a very good job after a month and we've just bought a house (move on Friday / Saturday). We have met so many wonderful people, all of whom have been helpful and very supportive. When I went into hospital to have number two they had hubby and first born round for meals and generally made sure my son was having a bath and all that. Since then they have been terrific too.....and I know it sounds ungrateful but it just isn't the same.

The converse of all that is that we made the decision to give it a go here and so it would be silly to run back after just a few months. People move on (and sadly....die) so if we make our lives around others we could end up disappointed. There do seem more opportunities here for the children....but grandparents (supportive ones) are important. It may be different for you as you are mindful of the impact on your little one as well as on your parents. Before we came I never really gave it a second thought.....everything happened so quickly I was too caught up thinking about practical things like selling the house and moving the furniture.

On another note.....what date was your babe born? My youngest was born on 30th March.....14 weeks tomorrow. Don't know where the time goes.

tmichael

Too many parents want their cake and eat it. They think having children and bringing them up gives them an entitlement. Those who put the guilt trip on are the worst they represent one of the unhealthier aspects of modern UK life, the world and everybody in it is there to satisfy my needs. They want the benfits of being a grandparent without sacrificing their own lifestyle.


If they love their children and grandchildren, they want what is best for them. Being a caring parent doesnt stop when the kids leave home. If that means a new life in a country where life is better for them then they should give all the support they can.

Too oldto emigrate at 60, bull****. It is an attitude of mind and motivation. You never get everything, life is full of choices and compromises. Gandparents have been around long enough to know that!

If they care enough they will find away to meet the most important aspects.

pangit

To us taking our children away from their grandparents (on my side) was one of the hardest things of the whole experience. Our boys (both under 4) are their only grandchildren, and over the last 4 years they have been fantastic grandparents, and we would see them for weekends as often as possible, usually around once a month (they lived 4 hours drive away). My wife’s parents are in the Philippines, so it’s not such an issue as moving to Oz is closer to them anyway!

My parents have always been supportive of us moving to Oz, but I know it was extremely tough for them when we left in April. We talk all the time on the phone and they are planning on coming over once a year, and we email digital photos quite a lot and have just posted a video to them. But it isn’t the same and they will miss large chunks of their grandchildrens’ development. So yes I feel guilty and sad at what we’ve done, but not enough to think about going back!! After all they did the same to their parents when we were young (my parents worked in Asia most of my childhood, and my mum’s brother emigrated to Australia in the late 60s!). And we have to think about what we want out of life long term.

That’s the downside, but the upside is that we see how happy the boys are here, and even though we still aren’t settled they certainly are (children always seem to adapt more easily!). The sunny outdoor lifestyle makes a huge difference at their age, and I hope this will encourage them to lead more active lives than they would in England. If anyone with older children has any response to that, I’d be interested to hear!

lynnj

Hi HP

I was really interested to see you say that some of the things that were important in your decision to go back now dont seem to be so important. This may be because your whole perspective on life changes once you have a bub of your own. Little things like sticking to the speed limit and howling at ER and i'm sure much bigger things that you cant put your finger on. I understand where you are coming from on the "is it fair on little HP" stance, but perhaps you are putting too much guilt on yourself, as a mum your guilt burden goes up by about a million percent, dont give yourself more than what comes naturally

Indie is great, he's 4 months now and a real joy to have around, his brothers adore him and love to play with him. My in laws are coming in oct for 23 days (i'd work it out in hours but i'd push myself over the edge) my parents probably wont be able to come as my mum has a medical condition which means that she shouldnt fly, but with modern medicine never say never.

here's a pic of the little sookie monster.

Lynn

jopaulss

The day we said goodbye to my parents was dreadful, i had to stand and watch my parents hold onto my 2 kids, crying and kissing them then higging them again, bloody hell it was so bad it broke me. Just as bad for me wheni said goodbye to. The kids cried all night it was terrible. We headed back from cornwall to the midlands after seeing them and didnt leave till 3 weeks later and we still couldnt talk on the phone without crying it was just so distressing for us as a family.
But i have to say we are good now we all talk no tears, been here nearly 2 years, mum and dad have been out and yes it was just as bad when they left, but the sadness didnt last as long as before, because i know they will be back this year. The kids have moved on, they still have a close bond with mum and dad, probably because they have been out, which is good, and they have always had time for the kids which is good. Ohhhhh i do miss them having the kids for a week so we can jet off somwehere, which is what we did once a year So when they come this time we might pop away and leave them all to it .
So its been hard but i wouldnt change it i have to say as dear as they are to me my parents i love it here and they appreciate that which is good.
Joanne

young_lad

There are people that Little HiddenPaw (...sounds like something out of Last of the Mohicans) is (and will be) closer to than her grandparents - her mum and dad.

She'll be just fine if everything's okay in that respect. Would a decision either way jeopardise the mum-dad-Little HiddenPaw relationship through any kind of resentment or regret due to deciding one way or another?

Little Hiddenpaw isn't going to be 'damaged' from not seeing her grandparents. She'll miss them, like most of us who've made the move miss some family, that's part of the deal.

In some respects you're lucky, you've tasted life in both countries before having to make a decision. I suppose you just have to consider whether the life you've seen in Australia is one you'd like you, your daughter and your husband to have.

As for your grandparents, their first wish is probably that you're all happy.

Good luck (doesn't make it much easier I know)