How do you move with out the children/adults now
Jun 9th 2009, 3:47 pm
#1
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How do you move with out the children/adults now
As you know my children are now classed adults as both being over 18.
My dilemma is!
As they both (our boys) no longer have the desire to move any more.
How do you move to a different country and leave them at home to care for the house, garden and them selves.
As over the last two years we have had to put every thing on hold and just dream of what we both have longed to do because the boys no longer have the wish to move abroad.
They are quite settled into their ways of life now, with jobs and steady girlfriends.
Hubby is all for leaving them self sufficient and going, but i am not so sure. I just find it hard to walk away from our house and contents to leave in their care.
I come up with the same questions in my head.
Who will clean the house?
Who will do the Garden?
Who will do the washing and go to the supermarket and cook.
Who will take care of our house?
I know you will probably have loads to throw back at me on this one, but i do worry about these things as even now they come in from work, go out, come back late and get up the next day just living their lives how they want.
I know what you will say, they are living their lives.
So how on earth will they get time to do all the things that i do in between to make sure every one else is running smoothly in life.
And now for the crunch.
Not going in to too much detail, having just last week been told i have a health condition that could shorten my life span a lot lot sooner.
Is it best to go and enjoy the days of what i have always dreamed and wanted while i have time, or should i make the best of it and stay put.
Has any one else done the move under these circumstances?
And how did you get on?
Many thanks for your support.
My dilemma is!
As they both (our boys) no longer have the desire to move any more.
How do you move to a different country and leave them at home to care for the house, garden and them selves.
As over the last two years we have had to put every thing on hold and just dream of what we both have longed to do because the boys no longer have the wish to move abroad.
They are quite settled into their ways of life now, with jobs and steady girlfriends.
Hubby is all for leaving them self sufficient and going, but i am not so sure. I just find it hard to walk away from our house and contents to leave in their care.
I come up with the same questions in my head.
Who will clean the house?
Who will do the Garden?
Who will do the washing and go to the supermarket and cook.
Who will take care of our house?
I know you will probably have loads to throw back at me on this one, but i do worry about these things as even now they come in from work, go out, come back late and get up the next day just living their lives how they want.
I know what you will say, they are living their lives.
So how on earth will they get time to do all the things that i do in between to make sure every one else is running smoothly in life.
And now for the crunch.
Not going in to too much detail, having just last week been told i have a health condition that could shorten my life span a lot lot sooner.
Is it best to go and enjoy the days of what i have always dreamed and wanted while i have time, or should i make the best of it and stay put.
Has any one else done the move under these circumstances?
And how did you get on?
Many thanks for your support.
Last edited by ausi dream; Jun 9th 2009 at 3:49 pm.
Jun 9th 2009, 3:59 pm
#2
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Joined: Apr 2007
Location: In the arms of my family. Heaven...
Posts: 4,980
Re: How do you move with out the children/adults now
I did what you are contemplating doing. The differences were, I have 2 girls who were grown up..BUT.. and this was the big but, they had already left home and had the support of my ex husband (their father)
There is no way on earth I would have left them in charge of my home, and even less so if it were boys!!
Look at your average teenage or 20 something male. Do you really think they are going to clean, maintain and keep things in order when theres parties, girls, drink and too much excitement to be had elsewhere?
I totally understand your dilemma. I also have a life shortening illness. Luckily for me I wasnt in your same position. Is there no way they can accomodate elsewhere and you rent out the house?
There is no way on earth I would have left them in charge of my home, and even less so if it were boys!!
Look at your average teenage or 20 something male. Do you really think they are going to clean, maintain and keep things in order when theres parties, girls, drink and too much excitement to be had elsewhere?
I totally understand your dilemma. I also have a life shortening illness. Luckily for me I wasnt in your same position. Is there no way they can accomodate elsewhere and you rent out the house?
Jun 9th 2009, 4:13 pm
#3
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Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 960
Re: How do you move with out the children/adults now
[QUOTE=Fleaflyfloflum;7648988]
Look at your average teenage or 20 something male. Do you really think they are going to clean, maintain and keep things in order when theres parties, girls, drink and too much excitement to be had elsewhere? [/QUOT
Thank you for replying, as this is really some thing that i would like to get a lot of help with.
You have said exactly what i have been thinking, but did not like to say.
We have had tester weekends going away to see how things would go leaving them in charge.
I must say my hubby thinks the house is not too bad when we return, i must say, it is not trashed or any thing. But the whole world has been in around our house(which i dont like especially for the security side of things, and the house especially kitchen and bathroom looks like it needs a blitz through.
So my thoughts have been, if it is like that after one weekend . What on earth would it look like after months or longer.
Look at your average teenage or 20 something male. Do you really think they are going to clean, maintain and keep things in order when theres parties, girls, drink and too much excitement to be had elsewhere? [/QUOT
Thank you for replying, as this is really some thing that i would like to get a lot of help with.
You have said exactly what i have been thinking, but did not like to say.
We have had tester weekends going away to see how things would go leaving them in charge.
I must say my hubby thinks the house is not too bad when we return, i must say, it is not trashed or any thing. But the whole world has been in around our house(which i dont like especially for the security side of things, and the house especially kitchen and bathroom looks like it needs a blitz through.
So my thoughts have been, if it is like that after one weekend . What on earth would it look like after months or longer.
Jun 9th 2009, 4:27 pm
#4
I don't give a damn
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: In the arms of my family. Heaven...
Posts: 4,980
Re: How do you move with out the children/adults now
Exactly my point and i totally understand how you feel. I am not for one minute saying your boys would trash your house, but will their friends and aquaintances feel the same way? And how much control would they have over them when they are there?
I think it boils down to the fact it isnt their "property" so to speak. We all know that kids treat mums house like a hotel and cafe a lot of the time. Quite normal behaviour for adolescents and young adults, and thats the big problem. I dont think they would treat it with the same respect as they would if they had gone out and got a mortgage on it.
Only you can decide and i dont envy your position. Good luck!!
I think it boils down to the fact it isnt their "property" so to speak. We all know that kids treat mums house like a hotel and cafe a lot of the time. Quite normal behaviour for adolescents and young adults, and thats the big problem. I dont think they would treat it with the same respect as they would if they had gone out and got a mortgage on it.
Only you can decide and i dont envy your position. Good luck!!
Jun 9th 2009, 9:43 pm
#5
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Posts: 8,378
Re: How do you move with out the children/adults now
They are going to be living their lives anyway so why not let them get on with it and you can do what you want to do. Why do they have to stay in your house? They could move out and be independent and you could let the house - although any tenants you get could be a whole lot worse than two young men who have at least some attachment to it.
I'd be packing up the important stuff and maybe locking it in one room that they wont be accessing and then letting them get on with it. Oh, and I would charge them rent on it too! (Even if you put it into an account which you can then give back to them as a deposit for their own place down the track)
Congratulations on having two young men who have grown up and got jobs and are intent on living their own lives! It's hard as a mum to let them go but it comes with the duty statement!
I'd be packing up the important stuff and maybe locking it in one room that they wont be accessing and then letting them get on with it. Oh, and I would charge them rent on it too! (Even if you put it into an account which you can then give back to them as a deposit for their own place down the track)
Congratulations on having two young men who have grown up and got jobs and are intent on living their own lives! It's hard as a mum to let them go but it comes with the duty statement!
Jun 9th 2009, 10:09 pm
#6
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Re: How do you move with out the children/adults now
They are going to be living their lives anyway so why not let them get on with it and you can do what you want to do. Why do they have to stay in your house? They could move out and be independent and you could let the house - although any tenants you get could be a whole lot worse than two young men who have at least some attachment to it.
I'd be packing up the important stuff and maybe locking it in one room that they wont be accessing and then letting them get on with it. Oh, and I would charge them rent on it too! (Even if you put it into an account which you can then give back to them as a deposit for their own place down the track)
Congratulations on having two young men who have grown up and got jobs and are intent on living their own lives! It's hard as a mum to let them go but it comes with the duty statement!
I'd be packing up the important stuff and maybe locking it in one room that they wont be accessing and then letting them get on with it. Oh, and I would charge them rent on it too! (Even if you put it into an account which you can then give back to them as a deposit for their own place down the track)
Congratulations on having two young men who have grown up and got jobs and are intent on living their own lives! It's hard as a mum to let them go but it comes with the duty statement!
I'd rent the place out and have them find their own accommodation or set up an official rental agreement with them so they know they are responsible for upkeep of your property.
If they had their own place, and you stayed in the UK, are you saying they are incapable of running their lives and their homes without help from you? How did you run your life when you were their age? Was your home a total mess and did you not do any cleaning/maintenance in your spare time? No, they won't have the same standard of life that they have with you but none of us do when we leave home.
