How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Sep 26th 2005, 12:30 pm
#1
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How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Just wondered if anyone has any wise words for me!
Jack is 14, usually he is a very happy chappy,at the moment he is more sad than words can describe (about moving to Australia).
He has moved overseas for a year in the past and coped well.
He is so settled here and has such lovely friends and a great school.
Nothing I say seems to be helping him with his sadness about moving to Australia on a permanent basis.
Thanks
Tara
Jack is 14, usually he is a very happy chappy,at the moment he is more sad than words can describe (about moving to Australia).
He has moved overseas for a year in the past and coped well.
He is so settled here and has such lovely friends and a great school.
Nothing I say seems to be helping him with his sadness about moving to Australia on a permanent basis.
Thanks
Tara
Sep 26th 2005, 12:42 pm
#2
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Joined: Apr 2004
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Originally Posted by ali south
Just wondered if anyone has any wise words for me!
Jack is 14, usually he is a very happy chappy,at the moment he is more sad than words can describe (about moving to Australia).
He has moved overseas for a year in the past and coped well.
He is so settled here and has such lovely friends and a great school.
Nothing I say seems to be helping him with his sadness about moving to Australia on a permanent basis.
Thanks
Tara
Jack is 14, usually he is a very happy chappy,at the moment he is more sad than words can describe (about moving to Australia).
He has moved overseas for a year in the past and coped well.
He is so settled here and has such lovely friends and a great school.
Nothing I say seems to be helping him with his sadness about moving to Australia on a permanent basis.
Thanks
Tara
I can only suggest that you tell him everything that is happening. Don't leave him out of the loop. Reassure him. Remind him he has moved before etc etc etc.
You will also be suffering some guilt about taking him away from his friends and everything he knows. I know I am about my girls. But deep down, we believe we are doing the best for our children and they are still children however much they think they are grown up.
My first born (13 tomorrow) is quite negative about the move. Every time she gets upset I won't let her walk away. I almost force her to cuddle and talk. That way, whatever small (to me, huge to her) problem she has thought of, we can work through it immediately without it growing in her mind.
Just love him and tell him. You'll be fine as will he.
Sep 26th 2005, 12:44 pm
#3
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Tell him that the girls in his new class will love his accent, and that he will love their bikinis.
Badge
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Sep 26th 2005, 1:26 pm
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
[QUOTE=ali south]Just wondered if anyone has any wise words for me!
Jack is 14, usually he is a very happy chappy,at the moment he is more sad than words can describe (about moving to Australia).
He has moved overseas for a year in the past and coped well.
He is so settled here and has such lovely friends and a great school.
Nothing I say seems to be helping him with his sadness about moving to Australia on a permanent basis.
Thanks
Tara[/QUOTE]
Hi we have 4 boys age 16, 13, 9,and 2 years, there is only the youngest that isn't complaining!! They have had a few weeks now to get used to it and the moaning is getting less and the questions are starting now. Also our eldest has made contact through the msn chatroom with kids from oz and is beginning to come round to the idea. I think keeping them in the picture is the best thing and acknowledging their anxieties but emphasising the positives about it helps. Also family keep telling them how lucky they are and that they will come and visit is also keeping them optimistic.We have also shown them on the internet the area we are going to live which gives them an idea of what to expect.Good Luck i know how guilty they make you feel.
Gail
Jack is 14, usually he is a very happy chappy,at the moment he is more sad than words can describe (about moving to Australia).
He has moved overseas for a year in the past and coped well.
He is so settled here and has such lovely friends and a great school.
Nothing I say seems to be helping him with his sadness about moving to Australia on a permanent basis.
Thanks
Tara[/QUOTE]
Hi we have 4 boys age 16, 13, 9,and 2 years, there is only the youngest that isn't complaining!! They have had a few weeks now to get used to it and the moaning is getting less and the questions are starting now. Also our eldest has made contact through the msn chatroom with kids from oz and is beginning to come round to the idea. I think keeping them in the picture is the best thing and acknowledging their anxieties but emphasising the positives about it helps. Also family keep telling them how lucky they are and that they will come and visit is also keeping them optimistic.We have also shown them on the internet the area we are going to live which gives them an idea of what to expect.Good Luck i know how guilty they make you feel.
Gail
Sep 26th 2005, 1:37 pm
#5
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Originally Posted by Badge
Tell him that the girls in his new class will love his accent, and that he will love their bikinis.
Badge
Badge
Sep 26th 2005, 1:41 pm
#6
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Fortunately my 3 teenagers are looking forward to the move, but we have told them that they can decorate their new rooms any way they like. (Might live to regret that though 
). You know, pick colours, furniture, accessories etc. (Within financial reason of course!!!). Maybe you could do that too. He'll feel as though he has had some input into the whole move thing.
I remember when my lot started high school here, they were dreading it because not all their friends were going to the same school , but they quickly made new friends as I'd imagine your son did too. This will be exactly the same in Oz, and the teachers are pretty good there of giving the new kids "buddies" to help them settle in.
I bet he'll be surprised at how quickly he likes his new life.
Julie
). You know, pick colours, furniture, accessories etc. (Within financial reason of course!!!). Maybe you could do that too. He'll feel as though he has had some input into the whole move thing.I remember when my lot started high school here, they were dreading it because not all their friends were going to the same school , but they quickly made new friends as I'd imagine your son did too. This will be exactly the same in Oz, and the teachers are pretty good there of giving the new kids "buddies" to help them settle in.
I bet he'll be surprised at how quickly he likes his new life.
Julie
Sep 26th 2005, 1:41 pm
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Originally Posted by moneypen20
I don't think there is an awful lot you can do. Obviously at 14 he has the hormones raging. He might, deep down, not have too much of a problem with the move but because of the hormones and not knowing what is going on, is blaming it all on Aus.
I can only suggest that you tell him everything that is happening. Don't leave him out of the loop. Reassure him. Remind him he has moved before etc etc etc.
You will also be suffering some guilt about taking him away from his friends and everything he knows. I know I am about my girls. But deep down, we believe we are doing the best for our children and they are still children however much they think they are grown up.
My first born (13 tomorrow) is quite negative about the move. Every time she gets upset I won't let her walk away. I almost force her to cuddle and talk. That way, whatever small (to me, huge to her) problem she has thought of, we can work through it immediately without it growing in her mind.
Just love him and tell him. You'll be fine as will he.
I can only suggest that you tell him everything that is happening. Don't leave him out of the loop. Reassure him. Remind him he has moved before etc etc etc.
You will also be suffering some guilt about taking him away from his friends and everything he knows. I know I am about my girls. But deep down, we believe we are doing the best for our children and they are still children however much they think they are grown up.
My first born (13 tomorrow) is quite negative about the move. Every time she gets upset I won't let her walk away. I almost force her to cuddle and talk. That way, whatever small (to me, huge to her) problem she has thought of, we can work through it immediately without it growing in her mind.
Just love him and tell him. You'll be fine as will he.
It is so hard when we are all on an emotional rollercoaster for our own reasons.
He is going through a stage that he does not want to be loved, this is making it harder for me. I want to give him a cuddle and talk it through and he wants to be left alone.
I have never had to deal with eitehr of my kids being REALLY sad. It is just so hearbreaking to watch.
I hoped that he would wake up with a fresher feeling this morning but he was still so down.
I am going to block buster tonight to rent a comedy. Perhaps laughter will help.
It is not helping that he chats on MSN with mates who are all talking about how they are going to miss him. I cannot stop him using MSN. May need to limit it to an hour a night!
Thanks for your reply
Tara
Sep 26th 2005, 1:48 pm
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Originally Posted by DAVIES6
[ I know how guilty they make you feel.
Gail
Gail
I am at the stage where I wonder whether we are doing the right thing. I hope so.
Thanks for your message
Tara
Sep 26th 2005, 1:50 pm
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Originally Posted by Juliecabs
Fortunately my 3 teenagers are looking forward to the move, but we have told them that they can decorate their new rooms any way they like. (Might live to regret that though ). You know, pick colours, furniture, accessories etc. (Within financial reason of course!!!). Maybe you could do that too. He'll feel as though he has had some input into the whole move thing.
I remember when my lot started high school here, they were dreading it because not all their friends were going to the same school , but they quickly made new friends as I'd imagine your son did too. This will be exactly the same in Oz, and the teachers are pretty good there of giving the new kids "buddies" to help them settle in.
I bet he'll be surprised at how quickly he likes his new life.
Julie
). You know, pick colours, furniture, accessories etc. (Within financial reason of course!!!). Maybe you could do that too. He'll feel as though he has had some input into the whole move thing.I remember when my lot started high school here, they were dreading it because not all their friends were going to the same school , but they quickly made new friends as I'd imagine your son did too. This will be exactly the same in Oz, and the teachers are pretty good there of giving the new kids "buddies" to help them settle in.
I bet he'll be surprised at how quickly he likes his new life.
Julie
My 16 year old is really up for the move. I hope we get him into a caring school. I hope in 3 months we look back and all the sadness has mellowed into the past!
Good luck with your move.
Tara
Sep 26th 2005, 1:54 pm
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Originally Posted by ali south
Hi Julie
My 16 year old is really up for the move. I hope we get him into a caring school. I hope in 3 months we look back and all the sadness has mellowed into the past!
Good luck with your move.
Tara
My 16 year old is really up for the move. I hope we get him into a caring school. I hope in 3 months we look back and all the sadness has mellowed into the past!
Good luck with your move.
Tara
Another couple of thoughts too. Tell him that surfing is on the curriculum at school. That may persuade him
Also of course, when he is an adult, he'll have the right to come back home again if he really doesn't like it. (Something I'm dreading admittedly, but there'll be nothing we can do to stop them then). Hopefully having spent a few years there then, he won't want to come back.
Good Luck!
Sep 26th 2005, 1:56 pm
#11
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Originally Posted by DAVIES6
[QUOTE=ali south]Just wondered if anyone has any wise words for me!
Jack is 14, usually he is a very happy chappy,at the moment he is more sad than words can describe (about moving to Australia).
He has moved overseas for a year in the past and coped well.
He is so settled here and has such lovely friends and a great school.
Nothing I say seems to be helping him with his sadness about moving to Australia on a permanent basis.
Thanks
Tara
Jack is 14, usually he is a very happy chappy,at the moment he is more sad than words can describe (about moving to Australia).
He has moved overseas for a year in the past and coped well.
He is so settled here and has such lovely friends and a great school.
Nothing I say seems to be helping him with his sadness about moving to Australia on a permanent basis.
Thanks
Tara
We have 5 kids, our eldest a 15yr old girl is thrilled about the prospect of the move.
our 14 year old boy is slowely comming around to the idea. Especially yesterday when I asked him to think about what he can do here and the reasons why he would not want to leave
. I then explained what Oz would offer him . His list was very short. Shorter then i think he imagined and he got very exicited at the prospect. The one problem is that both these kids will be leaving Dad behind. 
The middle two are girls aged 13 and 11. They do not live with us, have no idea we are contemplating a move and will be staying here. This is going to be the hardest thing to overcome especially for my partner when he has to break the news to them if we get through. He is scared they will hate him forever. Does anyone else have step children/ children that they are leaving behind??
Our youngest is a boy aged 2. No problems just edible.
Keep positive on all matters and this alone should help their mind set.
Good luck
Peep
Hi we have 4 boys age 16, 13, 9,and 2 years, there is only the youngest that isn't complaining!! They have had a few weeks now to get used to it and the moaning is getting less and the questions are starting now. Also our eldest has made contact through the msn chatroom with kids from oz and is beginning to come round to the idea. I think keeping them in the picture is the best thing and acknowledging their anxieties but emphasising the positives about it helps. Also family keep telling them how lucky they are and that they will come and visit is also keeping them optimistic.We have also shown them on the internet the area we are going to live which gives them an idea of what to expect.Good Luck i know how guilty they make you feel.
Gail[/QUOTE]
Sep 26th 2005, 2:00 pm
#12
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Originally Posted by Peep
[/SIZE]
The one problem is that both these kids will be leaving Dad behind.
The middle two are girls aged 13 and 11. They do not live with us, have no idea we are contemplating a move and will be staying here.
The one problem is that both these kids will be leaving Dad behind.
The middle two are girls aged 13 and 11. They do not live with us, have no idea we are contemplating a move and will be staying here.
Good luck with your plans
Tara
Sep 26th 2005, 2:11 pm
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
True - the kids will love the accent!
I have given this advice before when we moved from Melbourne. Get your son to write to his new school and ask them to pass on his letter to some of the kids. The teachers will know the boys and girls best suited. He will get lots of messenger and email pals.
Get him doing some research about the area - sporting clubs, scouts, YMCA etc etc and he can contact them and sign up and then again, he may be able to start communicating with some of the kids that go to these groups.
If you are moving to the Gold Coast, I can give him a million reasons to get excited about moving here, he will be counting down the days!
Gayle
I have given this advice before when we moved from Melbourne. Get your son to write to his new school and ask them to pass on his letter to some of the kids. The teachers will know the boys and girls best suited. He will get lots of messenger and email pals.
Get him doing some research about the area - sporting clubs, scouts, YMCA etc etc and he can contact them and sign up and then again, he may be able to start communicating with some of the kids that go to these groups.
If you are moving to the Gold Coast, I can give him a million reasons to get excited about moving here, he will be counting down the days!
Gayle
Sep 26th 2005, 3:24 pm
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Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
Originally Posted by goldcoastrealestate
True - the kids will love the accent!
I have given this advice before when we moved from Melbourne. Get your son to write to his new school and ask them to pass on his letter to some of the kids. The teachers will know the boys and girls best suited. He will get lots of messenger and email pals.
Get him doing some research about the area - sporting clubs, scouts, YMCA etc etc and he can contact them and sign up and then again, he may be able to start communicating with some of the kids that go to these groups.
If you are moving to the Gold Coast, I can give him a million reasons to get excited about moving here, he will be counting down the days!
Gayle
I have given this advice before when we moved from Melbourne. Get your son to write to his new school and ask them to pass on his letter to some of the kids. The teachers will know the boys and girls best suited. He will get lots of messenger and email pals.
Get him doing some research about the area - sporting clubs, scouts, YMCA etc etc and he can contact them and sign up and then again, he may be able to start communicating with some of the kids that go to these groups.
If you are moving to the Gold Coast, I can give him a million reasons to get excited about moving here, he will be counting down the days!
Gayle
thanks,
love the idea about writing to the school, unfortuntely by the time we decide where we are living in NSW, the schools will be closing for christmas
the long time without friends (Nov to Feb) worries me a little
However we have already found a rugby club adn now that we have beaten the ozzies at cricket I might get him to attempt a cricket club (he is rubbish at cricket but fantastic at rugby!)
Thanks again
Tara
Sep 26th 2005, 4:57 pm
#15
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Posts: 515
Re: How do you help your kids (son is 14) with the grief of moving to Australia?
The middle two are girls aged 13 and 11. They do not live with us, have no idea we are contemplating a move and will be staying here. This is going to be the hardest thing to overcome especially for my partner when he has to break the news to them if we get through. He is scared they will hate him forever. Does anyone else have step children/ children that they are leaving behind??
Hi Peep
There are a few of us in this position, my husband being one. He has an eight year old he sees regularly and is not looking forward to telling him and already feeling guilty. We aren't moving for a couple of years and a lot can happen between now and then but given we can't take him with us (his mother wouldn't allow it) and we are keen for a new life, we are just hoping that when he can decide things for himself he may come to Oz.
When are you thinking of breaking the news?
Good luck and best wishes when you do
Hi Peep
There are a few of us in this position, my husband being one. He has an eight year old he sees regularly and is not looking forward to telling him and already feeling guilty. We aren't moving for a couple of years and a lot can happen between now and then but given we can't take him with us (his mother wouldn't allow it) and we are keen for a new life, we are just hoping that when he can decide things for himself he may come to Oz.
When are you thinking of breaking the news?
Good luck and best wishes when you do