How do you cope with your Mum??
Oct 19th 2004, 6:04 pm
#16
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,129
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Oh my god I am so close to crying with this thread. Its so good to know how everyone else is doing with their mother situations. My dad died at the age of 41 (I was 12 and my brother 9). I am very close to my mum but moved out when I was 18 in with my now husband, so from that point of view I have been close but independent. My mum also had a brush with cancer (thankfully all clear for the time being). Once we had definately made our decision to migrate to Brisbane I plucked up the courage to tell my mum. She was clearly shocked but had a feeling it was coming after we had a holiday to Brisbane last December. She understands that we will have a good life - possibly a better one than in the UK and has been supportive. But just like everyone else I can see a shadow over her and strain in her voice when we talk about my application process just now. I just feel the worst is yet to come as we are still a year away from actually migrating. Nobody likes hurting people we love but when you are young or older you have to try new things and live life for yourselves. Personally if I had let my anxieties about moving to the other side of the world and leaving my mum change my mind, their might of been resentment in my marriage as my husband really wants to do this and I would of been holding him back also. As it happens I really, really can't wait to go now but always remember IF IT DOSEN'T WORK OUT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME HOME!
Is anyone else getting the guilt trip from the grannies and grampa's? My Gran says " oh well i will probably never see you again because I won't be able to go on that long flight and I might not be here by the time you come home to visit" so depressing and tough. I am going to have my mum set up on web cam and phone my Gran/ Grampa much more frequently than I do now in Scotland!
I need this now, but thanks for everyone's thoughts.
Lynn
Is anyone else getting the guilt trip from the grannies and grampa's? My Gran says " oh well i will probably never see you again because I won't be able to go on that long flight and I might not be here by the time you come home to visit" so depressing and tough. I am going to have my mum set up on web cam and phone my Gran/ Grampa much more frequently than I do now in Scotland!
I need this now, but thanks for everyone's thoughts.Lynn
Oct 20th 2004, 10:11 pm
#17
STNI to Melbourne
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: UK, Surrey
Posts: 11
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Originally Posted by carolinegorka
I have just had a really lovely few days away - came back and the first thing I got was hassle off my Mum about me going to Aus and that I should have phoned her whilst I was away (for f**** sake I'm nearly 40!!) etc etc.
Everyone else is pleased that I'm going
or rather they are pleased for me (hope it is that way!!)
How do other people cope with the emotional backlash of emigrating whilst supporting upset parents. Sometimes I feel guilty; sometimes feel like saying 'sod it - I'm going and thats that'
Any tips for making it easier for those involved?
thanks, Cas
Everyone else is pleased that I'm going
or rather they are pleased for me (hope it is that way!!)How do other people cope with the emotional backlash of emigrating whilst supporting upset parents. Sometimes I feel guilty; sometimes feel like saying 'sod it - I'm going and thats that'
Any tips for making it easier for those involved?
thanks, Cas
Hi am due to tell my mum this weekend of our plans to migrate to OZ, am an only child (daughter) with son, (grandchild) who is only 2 and am absolutely dreading it. Not sure what reaction I will get but don't think it will be positive. Only time will tell I guess. Although I know I should be putting myself, husband and child before parents it is still very difficult so I sympathise with everyone who is/has gone through the same situation!
Oct 20th 2004, 10:25 pm
#18
Account Closed
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 29,154
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Every time something happens, my Mum gets upset all over again.
Just booked my flight for 10th Jan - she doesn't know yet - just need the right time to tell her this weekend.....
Cas
Just booked my flight for 10th Jan - she doesn't know yet - just need the right time to tell her this weekend.....
Cas
Oct 20th 2004, 11:08 pm
#19
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Berkshire
Posts: 360
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Originally Posted by lynnlovessun
Is anyone else getting the guilt trip from the grannies and grampa's? My Gran says " oh well i will probably never see you again because I won't be able to go on that long flight and I might not be here by the time you come home to visit" so depressing and tough.
Don't kid yourselves folks. If you decide to leave your aged relatives behind and emigrate then you're not going to be seeing much of them again. The phone isn't the same. I'm not saying don't do it, but at least do it with your eyes open.
Oct 20th 2004, 11:40 pm
#20
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Victoria
Posts: 1,280
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Originally Posted by katyjoy
I have the same problem , though its with the mother -in-law. Kate
Oct 21st 2004, 12:18 pm
#21
Madwoman
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Cranbourne North
Posts: 92
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Originally Posted by nj_lawson
Hi am due to tell my mum this weekend of our plans to migrate to OZ, am an only child (daughter) with son, (grandchild) who is only 2 and am absolutely dreading it. Not sure what reaction I will get but don't think it will be positive. Only time will tell I guess. Although I know I should be putting myself, husband and child before parents it is still very difficult so I sympathise with everyone who is/has gone through the same situation!
Hi NJ
Just replying to you because my maiden name is Lawson and i grew up in the Surrey area.....you never know we could be related!!!
We are off to MElbourne in three wks.....and suffer the usual banter, though not harmless with our family. We have put off going bac k to Oz and telling the in laws for nearly 5 yrs but it just got tooo much, i tell them what they need to know and not a lot else as its our buisness and hubby's parents get very upset! They do get used to it after all my lot have had 5 yrs to get use to it and i still don't think it has sunk in yet and they still think we aren't actually going through with it!!
Well we are and we are off in 3wks so not a lot else they can say or do to stop us now!
KAte
Oct 21st 2004, 12:34 pm
#22
A Bored of waiting member
Joined: May 2003
Location: Take Off 4th Feb .....
Posts: 535
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Originally Posted by lynnlovessun
Oh my god I am so close to crying with this thread. Its so good to know how everyone else is doing with their mother situations. My dad died at the age of 41 (I was 12 and my brother 9). I am very close to my mum but moved out when I was 18 in with my now husband, so from that point of view I have been close but independent. My mum also had a brush with cancer (thankfully all clear for the time being). Once we had definately made our decision to migrate to Brisbane I plucked up the courage to tell my mum. She was clearly shocked but had a feeling it was coming after we had a holiday to Brisbane last December. She understands that we will have a good life - possibly a better one than in the UK and has been supportive. But just like everyone else I can see a shadow over her and strain in her voice when we talk about my application process just now. I just feel the worst is yet to come as we are still a year away from actually migrating. Nobody likes hurting people we love but when you are young or older you have to try new things and live life for yourselves. Personally if I had let my anxieties about moving to the other side of the world and leaving my mum change my mind, their might of been resentment in my marriage as my husband really wants to do this and I would of been holding him back also. As it happens I really, really can't wait to go now but always remember IF IT DOSEN'T WORK OUT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME HOME!
Is anyone else getting the guilt trip from the grannies and grampa's? My Gran says " oh well i will probably never see you again because I won't be able to go on that long flight and I might not be here by the time you come home to visit" so depressing and tough. I am going to have my mum set up on web cam and phone my Gran/ Grampa much more frequently than I do now in Scotland!
I need this now, but thanks for everyone's thoughts.
Lynn
Is anyone else getting the guilt trip from the grannies and grampa's? My Gran says " oh well i will probably never see you again because I won't be able to go on that long flight and I might not be here by the time you come home to visit" so depressing and tough. I am going to have my mum set up on web cam and phone my Gran/ Grampa much more frequently than I do now in Scotland!
I need this now, but thanks for everyone's thoughts.Lynn
Think about it ?
your grandparents have lived there lives and if they choose not to attempt to get on a plane then that is THEIR choice ....
Yours is to live your life !
don't make appology's for it i bet your nan and granddad never did ....
and yes my family are being weird too but like i say ...
its my life and if they can't be happy then they ar being selfish so why can't i be selfish ?
Oct 21st 2004, 1:25 pm
#23
She's a bird, you know
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 7,655
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Originally Posted by lynnlovessun
Nobody likes hurting people we love but when you are young or older you have to try new things and live life for yourselves. Personally if I had let my anxieties about moving to the other side of the world and leaving my mum change my mind, their might of been resentment in my marriage as my husband really wants to do this and I would of been holding him back also.
Hmm, this is what concerns me. My mum is very ill at the moment (breast cancer), but no one can say how long she has, but we know she can't be cured. The consultants words were 'she could live for two years, she could live for twenty'. Originally, when she was first diagnosed, my mum said that Mr B and I must carry on with our plans to go to Oz. We delayed it for a year initially - this was in Feb. But my mum is still very ill and she admitted to my last week that she doesn't think the family will cope if I go because I'm the one holding my dad and my brothers together.
Mr B is an aussie. We've been over here for 4 years already (his choice) but he is now crushingly homesick. There have been illnesses in his family too.
It's catch-22. One of us is going to be far from home and miserable and because my mum is so ill, that has to be Mr B at the moment. I feel stuck too, because while my mum is ill, I can't leave, but once she dies my dad will fall apart and I won't be able to leave him.
I don't consider my parents to be selfish in asking me to stay. They would never make me do so, but I have to respect what they say. They have made sacrifices for me, now it's my turn to do the same for them. Am I pandering to their wishes? Yes, but I don't see that I have a choice. Is it my life? Yes, but that doesn't change the situation? Will I sacrifice my dreams? Yes, I already have.
Sometimes being selfless is a lot harder.
Oct 21st 2004, 1:37 pm
#24
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,010
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Originally Posted by bundy
Hmm, this is what concerns me. My mum is very ill at the moment (breast cancer), but no one can say how long she has, but we know she can't be cured. The consultants words were 'she could live for two years, she could live for twenty'. Originally, when she was first diagnosed, my mum said that Mr B and I must carry on with our plans to go to Oz. We delayed it for a year initially - this was in Feb. But my mum is still very ill and she admitted to my last week that she doesn't think the family will cope if I go because I'm the one holding my dad and my brothers together.
Mr B is an aussie. We've been over here for 4 years already (his choice) but he is now crushingly homesick. There have been illnesses in his family too.
It's catch-22. One of us is going to be far from home and miserable and because my mum is so ill, that has to be Mr B at the moment. I feel stuck too, because while my mum is ill, I can't leave, but once she dies my dad will fall apart and I won't be able to leave him.
I don't consider my parents to be selfish in asking me to stay. They would never make me do so, but I have to respect what they say. They have made sacrifices for me, now it's my turn to do the same for them. Am I pandering to their wishes? Yes, but I don't see that I have a choice. Is it my life? Yes, but that doesn't change the situation? Will I sacrifice my dreams? Yes, I already have.
Sometimes being selfless is a lot harder.
Mr B is an aussie. We've been over here for 4 years already (his choice) but he is now crushingly homesick. There have been illnesses in his family too.
It's catch-22. One of us is going to be far from home and miserable and because my mum is so ill, that has to be Mr B at the moment. I feel stuck too, because while my mum is ill, I can't leave, but once she dies my dad will fall apart and I won't be able to leave him.
I don't consider my parents to be selfish in asking me to stay. They would never make me do so, but I have to respect what they say. They have made sacrifices for me, now it's my turn to do the same for them. Am I pandering to their wishes? Yes, but I don't see that I have a choice. Is it my life? Yes, but that doesn't change the situation? Will I sacrifice my dreams? Yes, I already have.
Sometimes being selfless is a lot harder.
You have done the hard part now by making the decision to stay...and as i said before you wont regret it, i would do the same if i were in your shoes. Life can be a bitch, and it puts us through some trying times, but we are better people for it ( well thats what i believe). Hold on to your dreams your time will come to go to OZ, whether it be next year or in 5 years.
Catch up with you soon
Donna
Oct 21st 2004, 1:40 pm
#25
She's a bird, you know
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Yorkshire
Posts: 7,655
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Originally Posted by DIMO8
Hi B
You have done the hard part now by making the decision to stay...and as i said before you wont regret it, i would do the same if i were in your shoes. Life can be a bitch, and it puts us through some trying times, but we are better people for it ( well thats what i believe). Hold on to your dreams your time will come to go to OZ, whether it be next year or in 5 years.
Catch up with you soon
Donna
You have done the hard part now by making the decision to stay...and as i said before you wont regret it, i would do the same if i were in your shoes. Life can be a bitch, and it puts us through some trying times, but we are better people for it ( well thats what i believe). Hold on to your dreams your time will come to go to OZ, whether it be next year or in 5 years.
Catch up with you soon
Donna
Australia will always be there. My mum won't.
Oct 21st 2004, 1:42 pm
#26
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,010
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Originally Posted by bundy
Thanks Donna. I know I've made the right decision - that feeling of relief when it's made. Big believer in fate. This just wasn't the right time for us to go. I am now closer to my family and my brothers than ever before, we all talk more, we all say what we're feeling. And I'm already becoming a better person through dealing with this.
Australia will always be there. My mum won't.
Australia will always be there. My mum won't.
Oct 21st 2004, 9:29 pm
#27
STNI to Melbourne
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: UK, Surrey
Posts: 11
Re: How do you cope with your Mum??
Originally Posted by katyjoy
Hi NJ
Just replying to you because my maiden name is Lawson and i grew up in the Surrey area.....you never know we could be related!!!
We are off to MElbourne in three wks.....and suffer the usual banter, though not harmless with our family. We have put off going bac k to Oz and telling the in laws for nearly 5 yrs but it just got tooo much, i tell them what they need to know and not a lot else as its our buisness and hubby's parents get very upset! They do get used to it after all my lot have had 5 yrs to get use to it and i still don't think it has sunk in yet and they still think we aren't actually going through with it!!
Well we are and we are off in 3wks so not a lot else they can say or do to stop us now!
KAte
Just replying to you because my maiden name is Lawson and i grew up in the Surrey area.....you never know we could be related!!!
We are off to MElbourne in three wks.....and suffer the usual banter, though not harmless with our family. We have put off going bac k to Oz and telling the in laws for nearly 5 yrs but it just got tooo much, i tell them what they need to know and not a lot else as its our buisness and hubby's parents get very upset! They do get used to it after all my lot have had 5 yrs to get use to it and i still don't think it has sunk in yet and they still think we aren't actually going through with it!!
Well we are and we are off in 3wks so not a lot else they can say or do to stop us now!
KAte
Good to hear from you, we too are hoping to migrate to Melbourne. We originally wanted to migrate to Sydney where my family are (only 1st cousins) but we did not make the points so we are trying to get a STNI from Victoria to allow us to move to Melbourne where I have a very good friend, failing that we will try South Australia on a SRI but very much hoping to get into Melbourne. Don't know much about the area but doing our best to research it on the net.
Good luck with your move in 3 weeks and everyone will get used to the idea especially if they feel involved in some way. At least that's what I am hoping!!!
All the best.
Nicky
