maund family

we are hoping to move across at the end of next year. We have the parents out next week visiting us in germany(Brits living in germany) and are about to tell them the dreaded news that we wont be looking after them in their old age. anyone have any advise on how to explain not being there for them?

shade8

No easy way its the worst thing to do.Especailly if taking gran children away.
We did this 8 years ago.Last night I found out my dad had bowel cancer which makes it hard living at the other side of the world and was it worth taking their grandkids away.
Sorry for doom n gloom

Dorothy

We had them over for dinner and while we were eating my then 9 year old son said "hey, Grandma. Guess where we're moving?" It was never put to them that we wouldn't be looking after them in their old age. I don't think they expected us to anyway.

Scrawni 2

Gawd, I can relate to this thread. We have already done it once and telling them the first time was really hard. We came back to the uk but are heading back for a second time.

I just cannot pluck up the courage to tell them Tonight they invited me to go on holiday with them in October, I couldn't bring myself to tell them that I might not be here.

Everytime I go to do it my mouth feels like its got glue in it!

Help!!

Mandy

TraceyW

No easy way really. Whatever way you tell them, it's going to hurt them.

I remember when I told my Mum, she was sat watching me bath our toddler, and I just told her. She looked visibly ill. I went downstairs and found her shut away in the utility room in tears.

Nobody in their right mind enjoys hurting someone they love dearly.

Good luck to you and I hope they are supportive of your decision.

newlife_downunder

We had the same situation, Hubby's parents were very understanding and said go for it; but there is only me and my Dad which seems even harder, but hey, when I told him he was so pleased, he said at least it will give him the excuse to go to Oz. What you have to remember it is only a flight away, albeit 20 odd hours. Also get them setup on the internet with a webcam, to keep in touch!

sj oldfield

This is always the hardest............there is no easy answer. You will hurt them unintentionally. Just hope they are understanding.

moneypenny20

Told my mother with a smile on my face. Her reply "why would you do something stupid like that" - We're not close.

When we told the MIL she said - go for it

walaj

"I'm pregnant"
then a bit later, "we are moving..........to Australia"

My parents have just returned to UK after their first visit. My Dad says he can understand why we moved here, that whilst it is not nice that he does not get to see/hold his grandchildren (had 2nd one 5mths ago) we have to live our lives our way. Our children are his motivation to save up to come out again, which also pleases me. When they left I said for them not to be sad but remember the happy memories they had during their visit.

I can sympathies with shade8: a bit after we arrived Dad found out he had prostate cancer, has since had treatment and has been cleared, but still sufferring some of the side effects. This was another reason him coming out was so special.

woody1cruiser

My mum was great, she knew all the way through.

Broke the news to hubbies family about a year before saying we were looking into it. No real response.

We came out here at Easter last year and I secured a job. Just had to wait for the visa to be processed. Decided to tell them again as soon as we got back. His dad just walked out. His mum said 'You may as well have told me you were dying'

All the rest of the way we told them every single item we had news on and eventually we got out visa's. We had 3 weeks to get everything sorted before we flew. We managed to have a leaving party and they did manage to come (they lived an hour away). There were lots of tears. After that it got easier. We flew at the end of July.

We hooked up with skype on Christmas morning and they watched the kids open their presents and we did the same with them. His father is now coming round and has started to talk about us over here. Not sure that he will ever get on the plane but an improvement anyway. MIL, BIL and SIL are all coming out for Christmas 2008.

My advise is to tell them as soon as you can to give them time to adjust.

Debs

Iwannabethere

We still have this to come with my in-laws and dreading it! They lost their younger son 4 days before Christmas 06 after a long illness and now the older one is about to go to the other side of the planet, taking the only (much wanted) granddaughter. We are waiting until the visas come through as there is no point upsetting them if the answer is 'no' from DIAC, unless hubby gets offered a job from the meeting he has set up while we are over there in April that will mean us moving earlier (we are currently planning for Summer 08 but realistically we could be there by end Oct 07 if there was a job in it).

Basically the in-laws could take it one of two ways. Either I am going to have 'How could you do this to us?' for the rest of my life (unfortunately this is the most likely scenario) or they could look at their recent bereavement and realise that life is too short (what I am hoping for). We are going to fly them out every winter for 3 months :curse: so hopefully that will be a sweetner?

My parents are fine in the main. No dramas. Dad now starting on the 'I may never see you again' as he cannot fly for health reasons. I have assured him that we will come back from time to time. I have not told him that him not being able to get to us is one of the BENEFITS of emigrating - not a negative .

Wishing everyone who still has to open the can of worms the best of luck!

sylvia73

hi my mum and dad have known all the way through and are coming with us if we get granted the visa. They are coming out for 3months but are now considering an extended visa when they get out there. they have both been supportive. OH dad not interested as we don't see much of them anyway his stepdaughter has just come back fom perth and are now emigrating over there. OH grandparents said that they dont want us to go as OH mum died when he was 5 so they only have him to remind them of her put understand that we have to do this or we would regret it sylvia

shauny

Hi we decided not to tell my mum until we got an offer of a visa, I did tell my dad at a family wedding and he said go for it, I did tell him to not to tell mum cause she was quite ill, but he was drunk and told mum she did say that she had an idea cause we'd been on a recce to aus the year before. Anyway we still decided not to tell mum before we got the visa, just in case!
Anyway to cut a story short, DHL picked the visa application up the same morning as mum went into hospital, and died the morning we got the confirmation it got to adelaide spc ( That was last friday. Still dont regret not telling her as it would have been so hard, but in the end I don't think I would have left her in the way she was even with a visa I do know that mum would have been so pleased for us though to make something of ourselves and travel the world
If your parents are well and still can travel, tell them and invite them over, if not then only you can decide what to do, but will be the hardest decision of your life

Cheetah7

That is so sad, im really sorry

But I think it was the right thing to do in telling her and as you say, she had an idea.

Good luck with your plans and once again, I am so sorry for your loss.

shauny

Thanks Ms princess