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How bad is this? (no humour)

How bad is this? (no humour)

Old Apr 5th 2004, 11:24 am
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Unhappy How bad is this? (no humour)

I've been reading the "realists" versus the "dreamers" thread (not what its title is, but basically thats what the topic boils down to) and i just thought you might like to know something. Two families from this forum who came overhere at the same (ish) time as us have left and gone home, the reasons why are basically jobs (lack off) and family illnesses etc which compound the problems of things "not working out"

Both of the families involved can't be bothered to do a thread because of the slagging off and criticising they will get from certain people on here, they also don't feel up to the hassle of defending themselves at this stressful time.

I think its sad that we all start off with such burning ambitions, (some might call them dreams) and heartfelt aspirations and sheer exileration of what lies ahead. We all start off as a great group, supporting and encouraging one another. But then things seem to go sour to the point of not wanting to post some very real thoughts and problems due to the "stop winging and give us a go" bunch, or the negative "we told you it was crap and what did you expect" bunch.

I just think its tradgic that a place that starts off as such a fantastic help when things are rosy turns so intimidating when people hit real problems and could do with the support
Don't know what the answer is, but its a shame

Now could someone pass me a ladder so i can get my short ass off this soap box. Ta
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 11:29 am
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Default Re: How bad is this? (no humour)

Originally posted by hevs
I've been reading the "realists" versus the "dreamers" thread (not what its title is, but basically thats what the topic boils down to) and i just thought you might like to know something. Two families from this forum who came overhere at the same (ish) time as us have left and gone home, the reasons why are basically jobs (lack off) and family illnesses etc which compound the problems of things "not working out"

Both of the families involved can't be bothered to do a thread because of the slagging off and criticising they will get from certain people on here, they also don't feel up to the hassle of defending themselves at this stressful time.

I think its sad that we all start off with such burning ambitions, (some might call them dreams) and heartfelt aspirations and sheer exileration of what lies ahead. We all start off as a great group, supporting and encouraging one another. But then things seem to go sour to the point of not wanting to post some very real thoughts and problems due to the "stop winging and give us a go" bunch, or the negative "we told you it was crap and what did you expect" bunch.

I just think its tradgic that a place that starts off as such a fantastic help when things are rosy turns so intimidating when people hit real problems and could do with the support
Don't know what the answer is, but its a shame

Now could someone pass me a ladder so i can get my short ass off this soap box. Ta
It is a shame Hevs, you're right. I don't know, but I suppose there's the whole problem of feeling like a *failure* if it doesn't work out, especially when it seems like everyone else is doing really well. I doubt this forum gives a true picture of what people emigrating really go through for the very reasons you state - too intimidated to post a *negative* thread for fear of being slated.

Personally, I read the negative threads as well as the positive ones and I'd like to get as clear a picture as possible of the pitfalls etc that may befall us when we get on the emigration band wagon. The more info the better, in my view and I need my rose-tinters dimming every now and then.

I got real support from this forum when my mum was ill, support which helped her as much as me. Shame we can't all offer the same support for others when their plans go awry...
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 11:35 am
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Not much to say really but the best of luck to the two families and i hope things work our for you all.

footie x
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 11:36 am
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Hiya Hevs

Great post. I totally agree with you. It is sad when people decide that they cannot post due to getting slagged off by other people. It is a shame when you are too scared to express your point of view.

Sometimes I dont even look some of threads as I know they will turn into slagging matches.

It is a shame about your friends that have had to go back. I hope that they will be happy in the UK.
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 11:40 am
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It is a shame, if anyone should be supportive its those of us that have been through the same upheaval and had the fears that it may not work out, and still may not. Its a funny old place on here, you need a thick skin, though as Bundy said people can be very cyber supportive too, its unpredictable though, not sure I'd post in that situation either.
I wish them all the best, it must be as tough a decision to return in those circumstances as to come in the first place.
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 11:55 am
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Default Re: How bad is this? (no humour)

Originally posted by hevs
I've been reading the "realists" versus the "dreamers" thread (not what its title is, but basically thats what the topic boils down to) and i just thought you might like to know something. Two families from this forum who came overhere at the same (ish) time as us have left and gone home, the reasons why are basically jobs (lack off) and family illnesses etc which compound the problems of things "not working out"

Both of the families involved can't be bothered to do a thread because of the slagging off and criticising they will get from certain people on here, they also don't feel up to the hassle of defending themselves at this stressful time.

I think its sad that we all start off with such burning ambitions, (some might call them dreams) and heartfelt aspirations and sheer exileration of what lies ahead. We all start off as a great group, supporting and encouraging one another. But then things seem to go sour to the point of not wanting to post some very real thoughts and problems due to the "stop winging and give us a go" bunch, or the negative "we told you it was crap and what did you expect" bunch.

I just think its tradgic that a place that starts off as such a fantastic help when things are rosy turns so intimidating when people hit real problems and could do with the support
Don't know what the answer is, but its a shame

Now could someone pass me a ladder so i can get my short ass off this soap box. Ta

Nice post, and a valid observation.

I can't help thinking that some people take this site too seriously though...

I mean, it is a great site. It's helpful and informative, it's funny, sometimes irritating, but rarely boring.

But at the end of the day it can't really be a support network, can it? Even with the assistance of family and friends, ultimately only you can help yourself.

I know this sounds harsh, but to feel 'intimidated' by a forum seems a bit faint-hearted to me.....something I would not expect a potential migrant to be.

Anyway, what do I know? I haven't done it yet, so I'm still only a theorist I suppose. If 'luck' has anything to do with it, then good luck to those of you already out there.
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 11:59 am
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Default Re: How bad is this? (no humour)

Originally posted by chippy
Nice post, and a valid observation.

I can't help thinking that some people take this site too seriously though...

I mean, it is a great site. It's helpful and informative, it's funny, sometimes irritating, but rarely boring.

But at the end of the day it can't really be a support network, can it? Even with the assistance of family and friends, ultimately only you can help yourself.

I know this sounds harsh, but to feel 'intimidated' by a forum seems a bit faint-hearted to me.....something I would not expect a potential migrant to be.

Anyway, what do I know? I haven't done it yet, so I'm still only a theorist I suppose. If 'luck' has anything to do with it, then good luck to those of you already out there.
All very well until you are at a low ebb and feeling vulnerable and then even something as apparently harmless as a forum like this can give you another kick in the guts when you are feeling down.

I don't agree about the support thing - I've got a great family, lots of great friends, but in my moment of need, it was a huge help to hear the thoughts of those who had experience similar situations to the one I was in and could therefore offer sound advice, or just a warm thought. Sometimes that can be all the difference between feeling totally isolated and realising there are others out there who have got throught what your going through.

I think there is a wealth of experience on this forum that would be hard to find amongst your circle of friends/family.
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 11:59 am
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Default Re: How bad is this? (no humour)

Chippy,
If you're feeling demoralised anyway I guess you're more likely to take comments to heart, and theres a difference between banter and opinions and some of the more personal judgemental stuff you see on here?
We've received loads of support from people on here since arriving, both on the forum but also in person, its been a valuable support for us.
Michaela

Originally posted by chippy
Nice post, and a valid observation.

I can't help thinking that some people take this site too seriously though...

I mean, it is a great site. It's helpful and informative, it's funny, sometimes irritating, but rarely boring.

But at the end of the day it can't really be a support network, can it? Even with the assistance of family and friends, ultimately only you can help yourself.

I know this sounds harsh, but to feel 'intimidated' by a forum seems a bit faint-hearted to me.....something I would not expect a potential migrant to be.

Anyway, what do I know? I haven't done it yet, so I'm still only a theorist I suppose. If 'luck' has anything to do with it, then good luck to those of you already out there.
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 12:00 pm
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It is a huge shame. After all, this sould be more than a forum, it's an online community. I have personally had lots of good advice from this community but it only takes a handful to sour it.
Are we not supposed to be people with like minds who should understand others ups and downs?

Good luck to those families. I hope that they don't go back 'home' with their tails between their legs but with head held high saying "at least we gave it a go". I don't want to get all philosophical (not been to the pub yet ) but you only get one shot at life and you should make the most of it. Follow your dreams and if things don't work out as you planned, you should be proud that you got off your arse and tried it anyway.

Some of my wife's 'friends' have been really negative too - "what if it doesn't work", "what if you don't get a job", "what if the locals don't like you", etc, etc and I think that's just sad. Of course you have to consider these things but if the +'s outweigh the -'s then just do it.

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Old Apr 5th 2004, 12:02 pm
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It's a great shame.

I also 'know' one family in Perth (ChrisH?) who posted here heaps before he left, and now are most probably returning, because of the wife and kids (teenagers) not being happy.
He posted about this only about once...

I think those kinds of posts are much more helpful/worhwhile to people than the happy posts, and posts about buying a house/car. Everybody already knows the good points (or what they think are the good points).

I think this forum should be much more about the real expats, already in Oz, for their problems etc. Because that's when you need the support: when it's not going well!

The thread you refer too: I don't understand people asking about of anybody is happy there.... there are plenty, and plenty are posting about it if you look. They're just not going on about that it's soooo great, because they are just getting on with their normal lives...

I do think there's a lot of 'dreamers' on here. But you can only see yourself as a dreamer if you look back at it in the future. When I look at myself a few months ago: yes, I had a much more idealistic view of Perth, I know now that I'm much more realistic, and this is of course not by reading the 'happy' threads!

There also may be a lot of people who just seem like 'dreamers', because they are only going on about the positives, even though they think about the negatives too, they don't post about it.


The fact (?) is, that 50% of UK'ers return. But that isn't represented on this board (unfortunetly). If it was, maybe more people would be going with a more realistic view. I don't think it would stop many (though it can, Jack for example), and I don't think it should, but if people go with a more realistic view (and they get that from reading the 'realistic' threads) then the % of stayers might be higher....

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Old Apr 5th 2004, 12:20 pm
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Default Re: How bad is this? (no humour)

Originally posted by chippy
Nice post, and a valid observation.


I know this sounds harsh, but to feel 'intimidated' by a forum seems a bit faint-hearted to me.....something I would not expect a potential migrant to be.

.
i never said intimidated, just can't be bothered at having to justify themselves
and "fainthearted" i think not, maybe realistic:scared:
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 12:26 pm
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To Bundy & mcmercer,

In the back of my mind I think I half expected someone to pop up and say what you two have put across.

I suppose that's why I put in the last paragraph in my post, as if it was some sort of disclaimer.

I do accept what you say though. It's a different perspective for me sitting here, because I haven't even stepped on the plane yet.

Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned but, as man, I kind of think that "the buck stops here; with me".....others can help, they can encourage, they can assist, but at the end of the day each family has to do their own thing to make it work and, for me there's no getting around that.
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 12:31 pm
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Default Re: How bad is this? (no humour)

Originally posted by hevs
i never said intimidated, just can't be bothered at having to justify themselves
and "fainthearted" i think not, maybe realistic:scared:
I thought you did actually use the word 'intimidating' Hevs, but I won't argue over semantics becuse I think I do see the point you are making here.
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 12:42 pm
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listening to both sides negs/pos only gives you a an idea of what it must be like to live in oz, you will only ever know if you try it.

for myself i dont want to be 60 and thinking what if, i will try it with a open mind negs/pos and give it my best shot
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Old Apr 5th 2004, 12:44 pm
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Default Re: How bad is this? (no humour)

Originally posted by chippy
I thought you did actually use the word 'intimidating' Hevs, but I won't argue over semantics becuse I think I do see the point you are making here.
whoops i did, but i ment the expierience of the forum as a whole, not necessarily the person feeling intimidated. Does that make sense? I'm crap at articulating, i think me and badge were seperated at birth
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