Homesickness

Old Dec 28th 2007, 9:13 pm
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Default Homesickness

Hi everyone, would appreciate some views. I have been here in Tassie now for 8 weeks, love the place, the people, the views and the weather, its everthing we wanted in our move to Oz. Have been feeling really badly home sick for 2 weeks now, feeling really down and missing family dreadfully, knew it was going to be hard before I came out but never realised to what extent I would be feeling. People say that the first few years are the hardest and that it gets better, honestly I dont know that I could go on feeling this way for that length of time. I get up in the morning for the kids and they keep me going all day, hit the wine when they go to bed and that makes me sleep better rather than lying there awake all night. I get up again the next day, see the views and think its so beautiful, then I think about home again and the downess starts again Am keeping us really busy doing things. To add to the confusion OH has had a call from the UK offering him a really well paid job back in London (he got offered it 1 year ago but the head count got frozen) so he has until Feb to make a decision about whether he wants to take it or not. Frightened we are going to make the wrong decision, that if we go back to UK we will wish we were here and if we stay we will regret going back (if we go back still have 3 years on our visas). Help!!! has anyone else been/going through the same feelings, am I normal
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 9:36 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

The quick answer is yes you are normal.

We came over the festive season three years ago and it was hard, this is after all a traditionally 'family' time.

When you take on board the HUGE life change that both you and your family have taken on its little wonder that you are feeling the way you are. Be kind to yourself, find someone to talk these feelings through with and just be open to the idea that all of your life has changed at once. Its a real grief and loss thing - not many other situations that we are put into give us loss in nearly every area of our existence. Missing people and things is a very natural part of the migration process and yes, for many it does take years to adapt and feel less overwhelmed.

I would urge real caution in making a quick decision to return to the UK, if the head count was frozen for this position, how secure is the job? Also becoming a pin pong pom may not be the answer, think about your original motivation for coming. I also believe that when our children accompany us on this life changing decision, what does it tell them if we pack up and return so soon - I have often asked myself is it all worth it on many occasions but have chosen to draw a line under our choice for now. As long as there is more right with it than wrong with it, I'll do my best to make the best of things.

I really do wish you luck - just keep in mind that what your experiencing is normal and all part of the process. Come on here and get the support and company that you need.

Take good care

Tracey
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 10:34 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

Perfectly normal!!!

When we were young we went where the opportunities were - so we had time in PNG, UK and then in Aus. We almost went back to PNG but things up there deteriorated and the job fell through. We also came very close to a job in India but (and I am relieved about that one) it fell through too.

For me the homesickness has got worse because my parents can no longer come here for their 6 month visits every year and our eldest son has emigrated back again. I would go back in a heartbeat if my DH would come with me (but he wont!)

Personally I would chase the opportunities and if the opportunity in UK is one that your DH wants then go for it. I dont see this as pingponging as much as taking the chances when they come your way.
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Old Dec 29th 2007, 7:41 am
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Default Re: Homesickness

Originally Posted by quoll View Post
Perfectly normal!!!

When we were young we went where the opportunities were - so we had time in PNG, UK and then in Aus. We almost went back to PNG but things up there deteriorated and the job fell through. We also came very close to a job in India but (and I am relieved about that one) it fell through too.

For me the homesickness has got worse because my parents can no longer come here for their 6 month visits every year and our eldest son has emigrated back again. I would go back in a heartbeat if my DH would come with me (but he wont!)

Personally I would chase the opportunities and if the opportunity in UK is one that your DH wants then go for it. I dont see this as pingponging as much as taking the chances when they come your way.
Hi guys thanks for the posts, it has defo made me feel better. The OH job offer is secure (well as secure as any job can be) head count previously was frozen accross the whole company due to financial things in USA (its a USA banking corp). My kids I think will be happier, they are seeing me and now their dad really low and it has affected them, we are trying to hide it from them. They too in their own right are not happy, they have changed from happy go lucky children (aged 6, 4 and 2) not too much the 2 year old as he is too little to understand but defo the other two, into kids that are sad and volitile with each other and dreadfullying missing their nanny and grandad and aunties, uncles cousins and friends (all of whom they saw several times a week). Have tried talking to the family back in the UK but they dont really understand how I am feeling, its a indiscribable feeling, not just "homesick". I am a great believer in fate and I am wondering whether this is kay sara. Thanks again guys it really helps to have an outlet. x
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Old Dec 29th 2007, 10:19 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

I can remember when we first came over, sitting watching tv on an evening with tears streaming down my face, I could not stop them. I wondered if we had made the right choice. In the end we decided that we would be better returning to the UK for the immediate future. From that moment on, the pressure to settle was taken away and before long we realised that we did not want to leave and that we were settling more than we imagined possible. We have been here just under 3 years now and glad we stayed. I can imagine the decision for you is really difficult, and unfortunately you have to decided these things not knowing what the future holds.
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Old Dec 30th 2007, 4:26 am
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Default Re: Homesickness

Hi - I empathise with you completely - have been feeling terribly homesick myself but have good days and bad days and just noticed this week that I havent woken up in the morning thinking what have I done.

My OH and I had a long chat the other week and decided we could go back to uk in a few years to a little seaside village etc... and carry on the next stage of our lives there - since then I have felt much better and have stopped worrying about settling and feel like I am starting to enjoy it more.

Nothing has to be forever and your kids are young enough to adapt to whatever you decide - they too need time. Good luck - but cannot stress enough that you are completely normal.

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Originally Posted by mand8002 View Post
I can remember when we first came over, sitting watching tv on an evening with tears streaming down my face, I could not stop them. I wondered if we had made the right choice. In the end we decided that we would be better returning to the UK for the immediate future. From that moment on, the pressure to settle was taken away and before long we realised that we did not want to leave and that we were settling more than we imagined possible. We have been here just under 3 years now and glad we stayed. I can imagine the decision for you is really difficult, and unfortunately you have to decided these things not knowing what the future holds.
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Old Dec 30th 2007, 5:13 am
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Default Re: Homesickness

perfectly normal, i felt my worst at 4 months, and now much better, but i do have my 'homesickness days'

infact am hatching a plan for going back (shhhhhhhhh family not a clue), but i just want it to be a safety net

I envy the fact your husband has been offered a good job, if my husband was offered one back in scotland (fat chance of that, lol, it is scotland !!), then i would be happily packing, well i feel like that today and tomorrow i could feel completely different, arrrrrggghhhhhhh

Last edited by Margaret3; Dec 30th 2007 at 5:17 am.
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Old Dec 30th 2007, 8:44 am
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Default Re: Homesickness

I've been homesick, well more peoplesick really, from day one!!!! Been here 6 months now and it has got a little easier, taking on a part time job has helped to fill up 'thinking time' and we've just brought a house that needs renovatating so that should help too. But have to be honest some of us seem to get more homesick than others, all down to the fact that we are all different i suppose. Keep your chin up chick. C x
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Old Dec 31st 2007, 8:05 am
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Default Re: Homesickness

Hi Corrine, I've just read your post. I didn't realise you were feeling that bad hon If you ever feel that bad again come round to me and we can have a good cry or laugh together babe! I honestly think you will regret it if you go back. You haven't given it long enough, get that hubby of yours out looking for jobs and see what comes up, after the christmas period he will find a job, there is plenty out there. Look at the great fun we had today, There will be plenty more where that came from, and your kids looked like they were having a whale of a time. Keep strong bird, I know you've got it in you and you've always got me babe

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Old Dec 31st 2007, 9:29 am
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Default Re: Homesickness

Yes its 'normal' .... providing it doesn't carry on forever...

I had some wobblies in the first few weeks, but these weren't complicated by the chance of going 'home' to a good job offer... also, becasue our kevin (17 yr old daughter) struggled so badly to start with I had to put a really brave face on things to help pull her through... that helped me when I was low...

I would struggle to go back to the uk right now, I am loving it here (after 4 months). I don't want to go back... still waiting for a major bout of homesickness to hit... and OH has not had a moment where he hasn't been happy to be here.... yet.... and thats made it easier...

We couldn't afford to go back to the uk if we wanted to now...

I suppose it comes down to how badly you all feel, what you have on offer at home and whether you can afford to make that decision...

What ever decision you guys make it WILL be the right one for you....
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Old Dec 31st 2007, 10:32 am
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Default Re: Homesickness

Originally Posted by kezzabird View Post
Hi Corrine, I've just read your post. I didn't realise you were feeling that bad hon If you ever feel that bad again come round to me and we can have a good cry or laugh together babe! I honestly think you will regret it if you go back. You haven't given it long enough, get that hubby of yours out looking for jobs and see what comes up, after the christmas period he will find a job, there is plenty out there. Look at the great fun we had today, There will be plenty more where that came from, and your kids looked like they were having a whale of a time. Keep strong bird, I know you've got it in you and you've always got me babe

Kerry
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Thanks hon will do! Felt easier talking to you today and yesterday. Had a great time today!! Have a good new years night and speak to you soon. xx
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Old Dec 31st 2007, 8:10 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

Originally Posted by Bishop3912 View Post
Hi guys thanks for the posts, it has defo made me feel better. The OH job offer is secure (well as secure as any job can be) head count previously was frozen accross the whole company due to financial things in USA (its a USA banking corp). My kids I think will be happier, they are seeing me and now their dad really low and it has affected them, we are trying to hide it from them. They too in their own right are not happy, they have changed from happy go lucky children (aged 6, 4 and 2) not too much the 2 year old as he is too little to understand but defo the other two, into kids that are sad and volitile with each other and dreadfullying missing their nanny and grandad and aunties, uncles cousins and friends (all of whom they saw several times a week). Have tried talking to the family back in the UK but they dont really understand how I am feeling, its a indiscribable feeling, not just "homesick". I am a great believer in fate and I am wondering whether this is kay sara. Thanks again guys it really helps to have an outlet. x
Don't forget that kids pick up on any tensions in the household and will mirror these emotions. Happy Mum equals happy home

You sound totally normal to me too....way to early to throw in the towel...but I only too well know how you feel. Try St Johns Wort to give you a lift, accept every offer of social interaction and don't stay indoors feeling sorry for yourself reading the 'Moving Back To The U.K' Forum and Googling photos of your home town until you cry

It sure does sound as if you've left alot behind...would planning a visit from/to rellies help??? Something to focus on and all that.

It took me approx 2 years to feel anywhere near settled...I found it helpful to keep in mind that nothing has to be forever.

Try to make the most of where you are now because this is where your life is happening right this second.......not in the past, nor in the future.

Stay Strong, Jan
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