Homesick ???
 

We are about to have medicals so nearing the end of the visa application. We (myself and hubby) have been so concerned about the children's happiness with moving to Oz that we have not even contemplated ourselves. He came home from work yesterday and said he has no doubts about each of the children settling in, and definitely none for him (bad family relations). However he has started to worry about me.

I do have a very close family and I know that I will miss them terribly.

I did want to ask if anybody has gone out there and really found that they have been surprisingly more homesick than they could have imagined and how they dealt with it.

Personally I think hubby is worrying about nothing. I am quite a realistic character but just thought I could gather a few experiences if poss.

Thanks
Theresa

Re: Homesick ???
 

When I lived in Oz I did experience periods of home sickness. This is only natural and but got over it....even when I thought I might be staying there for good.

I sometimes look at the returning to the UK forum. It gives details of why people come back to the UK. Keep an open mind, immigration doesn't necessarily work for everyone and those who are sharing their ideas are wanting to come home or planning to. I looked there becuase I thought it was important to realise the positive and negative realities of moving to Oz. I talk to my hubbie if I have resivations or fears, after all it's a life changing thing.

Good Luck, I'm sure you will be fine.

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I'm sure everyone suffers from homesickness at one time or another, just par for the course I guess.

Try not to worry to much about it, just take it as it comes and give it your best shot. :)

Re: Homesick ???
 

When we arrived from South Africa, my wife missed her family but since phonecalls are so cheap 2p a minute, she probably talks more to her family now than when we lived there. Also we went back every 2 years for a brilliant holiday and the homesickness dissappeared as she made friends etc. Now we are doing it again to Oz and we will miss so many good friends we have made here and then again a phone call from here to Oz is only 2p a minute. As long as people have the right attitude and stay positive, it will work out. We will be in Victoria somewhere and you can always phone us. good luck.

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Theresa, We have been here just 3 months and I have been feeling a bit homesick as missed my family too. Mum was ill in hospital for a couple of weeks and died unexpectedly on 26 Feb. She was only 61 and it was such a shock and I wish I could have seen her again - she was really looking forward to visiting us. I flew back to England last week for her funeral but coiuldn't wait to get back to Brisbane. I know that I haven't completely settled yet but I do love it here and know I wouldn't want to live in england again.

My advice to you (even though I am still in early days) would be to keep an open mind and be prepared to give your new life alot of effort and time.

hope this helps

donna

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Hi Donna - Glad to hear you are back here, and happy to be back as well. PM me if you need anything

xx

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Hi Theresa,

I like you, thought that I was realistic and that I would be OK when I got here. I hadn't lived close to my family for over 10 years, whereas we had lived very near my partners my family. I was wrong - things hit me big time, the first 6 weeks were very hard, then just as I was adapting, my grandmother passed away. This just brought back the memory of when we left and both she and my grandfather were crying - at the time of the goodbyes I was fine, in denial I now think. But, it does get better. 6 months after we got here my sister came out, then a year after we arrived my sister and mother came out. As soon as my mother left I was instantly cured of my homesickness, it was like I was subconsciously worried about her worrying about me, and as soon as I knew that she had seen that I was ok, things were fine in my head. Does that sound really weird? Now almost 2 years later we are preparing to go home for the first time - we'll be suprising everyone as no-one knows we are coming. It'll be the first time seeing my dad which I am nervous about. But as has been said, the telephone is so cheap that I speak to them at least once a week. I am looking forward to going back, but also looking forward to coming back to Oz.
All I can say is, expect it to be hard, but you'll get over the hard times - your children will help you with that.
Good luck.

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Hi Theresa

I have the same worries for Jules. I know she puts on a brave face for me.
It is still very difficult to deal with, and we are now into our second year.
There is nothing you can do that will completely fill the void you might feel missing your family. Phone calls, web chats and a busy social life do help.

It is important to talk to your partner too about your real feelings. If you are ok with missing family then make sure he knows. Equally so, if you have any doubts.

Good luck with everything.

Chris.

Re: Homesick ???
 

As others have said, homesickness every now and again is par for the course for most people emigrating. The emigration process is all encompassing and is one big roller coaster ride of emotions. Often we are so busy coping with the emigration process that 'feelings' don't hit home until you've had chance to settle in your new country / new home. It would be pretty naive of anyone emigrating not to think it might happen, however....for most people it comes in small waves, usually triggered by songs, talk of snow or Xmas time or special family occasions etc....and then as quickly as it appears..it disappears again.

Of course there are the few who feel an overwhelming feeling of loss and a big black cloud descends and nothing but to go home to UK eases this pain. Thankfully, this only seems to happen to a few as the emotinal turmoil they feel is terrible :(

FWIW I've found that I have to rationalize my feelings whenever I've had the very rare feelings of homesickness by putting to one side my emotions. It's too easy to get carried away with how I'm feeling at the time and I realise the cruel tricks my mind plays when my heart strings rule my head...for instance when my parents came for 3 months to Aus and then returned to UK....I soooo missed them that for 2 cents I could have easily have got on the plane with them :( However I rationalised those feelings and weighed up the pro's and cons and this helped me to diminish the homesickness and in fact embrace the fact I love them and that THIS is what made me feel this way. Not Australia, or living here.

The fact is....when you make the choice to emigrate you should accept there are probably going to be times when you'll miss your family, friends, culture and "things" from your home country. The key really is to accept you will probably have those feelings and you have to overcome them [if you can] which is not easy.

But then who ever said emigrating to the other side of the world is going to be easy :confused:

Only you guys can make this decision and at least you are doing your homework and assessing the pro's and cons. Although you wont really know how you'll feel or how you'll cope till you get here and start living your new life. There is no majic ingredient for the happiness or sadness you might feel when you get here.....if there was ....Expats would patent it!

Whatever you decide I'm sure you'll think through.

Good luck to you and your family Theresa ;)

Re: Homesick ???
 

I think you'd be a fool (or as you put slightly nicer, naive) to think it would be! But as others have said while it does come, it goes just as quickly, and once you get into feeling that here is your 'home' its less frequent and less painful. I always think of it as having bad hours, but good days... the time spent being happy here far out weighs that of missing home. Its breaking through the initial few weeks/months thats the hardest bit, IMO, not living here permanently.

Re: Homesick ???
 

Excellent. Couldn't have put it better myself ;)

Errm in fact it took me about a dozen sentances to say this :D

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Cheers, well I might copywrite it, but you can use it for your own purposes still!! ;)

Re: Homesick ???
 

Cheers. Saves me getting writers cramp :D

Re: Homesick ???
 

I think homesickness is a very personal thing, your kids will adapt probably quicker than you do, along as you feed & water kids they tend to be ok!!

As for you & hubby come and give it your best shot & see how it works out, and always remember whats the worst that can happen? if you really dont like it that much, try somewhere else, and if that does not work out either then you can always go home.

Re: Homesick ???
 

Hi Theresa

People sickness is what I've just started to feel after being here for 4 1/2 months. Very close to my family in the UK. I knew what I would feel like after a while away from them but never let it stop me from making the move - so glad I didn't! It has definately been the right move for us - especially my hubby job wise, changed our lives so much.

As someone else said, 'it comes and goes' really strange feeling, I suppose its a bit like losing someone, hard to explain. If you make the decision to change your life, then you have to be strong enough to put up with the consequences and being away from close family is one of the hardest to overcome at times. Phone calls help a lot, but for some people many family members come over to visit them and time does fly when you are having fun in the sun!!!!!!!!

Most children are ok, especially if they are of 'school age' enables them to make new friends, which inevitably helps them to settle into their new lifes.

Everybody 'deals' with it in a different way, but all I will say is - for me it doesn't last long cause I just look out the window and think 'WOW' we are really here :)

Its a chance in a lifetime - and lifes short - go for it - you can always go back if things don't work out - but you need to stay a couple of years I think to really get to grips with Australia.

Take care

:)

Re: Homesick ???
 

Many thanks to all of you for your replies. Yes, I am trying to prepare myself as best possible. At the moment I can't wait to go.

PS - Watched A New Life Down Under last night with Zena and Steve, they came home after only 4 months! But she did say at the end that they really didn't give it long enough.

Re: Homesick ???
 

I think it's always difficult to move to a new area - even in the UK. I've moved 4 times around the country and it usually takes me a year to get to know my way around and find one or two pals, a couple of years to settle in and around 5 years to feel I belong with a gang of friends, best mates and people you can call in on at any time.

So I know it will be hard initially but at least we live in an age where we can get visits from home, many can make long haul holidays back here regularly to get the feel of home; and we have the internet & cheap phone calls - how long till we get video phones?

Much better than when my two brothers in-law and their families went 25 years ago and had a 6 week trip by ship and could only communicate by expensive and slow mail.

This site also seems fantastic for making friends before you even get there.

My Australian neices have all said the best thing their parents did was to take them to Melbourne and though they come here for working holidays they can't wait to get back. When UK kids go there I get the impression they'd like to stay.

There are so many things to help us settle in but even then I guess there are still going to be floods of tears. I stupidly asked my mum if she'd cried yet yesterday - cue wet eyes, gulps, change of subject from both of us.

We only found out last Tuesday that we're going in just 3 months so I'm concentrating most on selling up and seeing everyone we know on this continent (having moved so many times there are lots of friends to catch up with) rather than getting emotional.

Anyway hope we all cope, make lots of pals, have a great time and know it's the best thing we've ever done.

Good luck

Carolyn

Re: Homesick ???
 

Great post Carolyn and I'm sure you'll cope fine ;)

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Theresa,

I think your hubby is right.

From what I have witnessed, seen, heard and read it is nearly always that the ladies have more of a challenge with this.

Is it hormonal ? Maybe. I don't mean that in a derogatory fashion. Our make-up is different.

Is it loneliness ? Maybe. A higher percentage of ladies are in the home with time to "ponder".

Read the Banana Diaries or some posts from Pollyana. Like lots and lots of people they have had their off days.....and posted about them.
They come through the other end because they accept them for what they are - off days. Having a miserable day or two is no big deal unless you let them foster and breed out of proportion.

Hey, and make sure you go with open minds and low expectations....or at least controlled expectations. It can be the difference between being pleasantly surprised and miserably dissappointed.

Good luck. :)

Re: Homesick ???
 

Thanks, I will do a search for the Banana Diaries and Pollyana posts. Any experiences, good and bad are what I would like to read about.

It's weird because we have spent months telling the children that we are making life changing move and have convinced them it will be much better for them.

Completely forgot about us, the grown-ups! Although you know, or think, deep down that you have made the right decision... it is not till you get there that you can really see if you have!

Re: Homesick ???
 

Hi,
Hope you enjoy (??) reading some of my posts! You need to read quite a few, but hopefully then you'll see that it really is a case (for a lot of us) of up one minute, down the next. Homesickness is a strange thing - I never ever expected to suffer from it, and I don't consider it homesickness as much as "peoplesickness" as its the people I miss, not the place.
One way I have of dealing with it is this - since the day I left the UK, Hallowe'en 2003, I have promised myself that I will go back and visit peple when I have done 2 years here. I've now done 17 months, I've had ups and downs, I've loved things, I've hated things, I've wanted to leave, and I've wanted to stay. But when I booked a ticket this week to visit the UK in October, I knew I was booking it as a visit, with no desire to make it a one-way trip. So I guess I am slowly settling here.

As you say, you don't know till you get here whether you have made the right decision. Something you need to remember though is that you may not realise its the right decision until you have been here for a while. Don't rush back "home" after 3 months, don't give up after 6 months, give yourselves time to adjust, time to go through the highs and lows, and time to build a life and make friends here. THEN and only then, will you know if its right for you forever.
At least if you move as a family you all experience it together - I came out here to marry an Aussie; lived in Queensland all his life, not moved house for 11 years. We are now looking to move to a better house, and he is so apprehensive about moving - within the same area of Brissie! Only now is he starting to realise how traumatic it must have been for me to move 12,000 miles, leaving everyone behind.

If you read enough of my witterings you will read good, bad and indifferent. But deep down I love it here, and I hope you will too. :)

Re: Homesick ???
 

Thanks for that Pollyanna.

I now have a mission for the weekend, to catch up on your posts, am looking forward to it!

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Good luck and happy reading!!! - think it might take you more than a weekend though! :)

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I just love the way you write......I read your posts before you got here.....promising you would be the one who loved it and stayed come what may! And as I went through my hate the bloody place phase....you kept me sane cause if you above all had difficulty so could I!!!

Now three years in........I am making myself again, new job and a nice one despite the lack of internet access and the fact I fall asleep when I get in cause I have been so busy in the 10 hrs at work per day....shit and I was persuaded to come here for a relaxed lifestyle.....bollocks!

Anyway...thanks for keeping it real for me pollyana

;)

Re: Homesick ???
 

Hi
I too am a very realistic person and the eternal optimist...........and was so shocked by the feelings og homesickness. I agree with the others though ti is people sickness, I do not miss England as a place at all.
After being here 4 weeks I could have packed up and gone home but we have settled and relly like it now...........
You have to give it time and you also have to make the effort to meet people, as it is the staying in the house that is the orst when you don't know anybody.
I am sure you will ok and you can always post on the forum if you need some support.........people are really good on here
Amanda

Re: Homesick ???
 

Aw Sandra, you say the nicest things!!!Actually the feeling is mutual as I do tend to look out for posts by you....especially during our "night-owl" phases.You're anither poster who is always realistic :)

Re: Homesick ???
 

Polly and Sand, stop the love in otherwise i'm gonna puke :D

Yep as most have said its people sickness, i don't miss the place at all.

I got very down after the honeymoon period wore off (around month 6 to 8 ish) and i was pretty kind of bitter at Aus for making me feel like this. Normally i'm very easy going and Aus was p*ssing me off! I now know it wasn't Aus, it was me kicking back at the strangeness of the place and the lack of familiarity that made day to day stuff an up hill struggle.

One day I violently chucked the yellow pages across the room screaming something along the lines of "they don't even know how to write a f*^k*%g phone book properly in this shit hole of a country" I couldn't find the number for directory enquiries, it sure as hell aint 192 :o :D

I found things better once i got a job and back into the real world. We've also had an influx of pommy rellies visiting and frankly i'm a bit over it now and glad of some peace:)

I have no desire to visit England whatsoever. When i'm feeling a bit down i go to somewhere here that i love, somewhere that takes my breath away, and its like a slap and i always walk away smiling at my self for being stupid. I may look a bit of a loon, but hey, it works for me:D

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Must remember to tell The Bloke that one - he thinks its only me that does things like that :D

Re: Homesick ???
 

[QUOTE=hooperhome]We are about to have medicals so nearing the end of the visa application. We (myself and hubby) have been so concerned about the children's happiness with moving to Oz that we have not even contemplated ourselves. He came home from work yesterday and said he has no doubts about each of the children settling in, and definitely none for him (bad family relations). However he has started to worry about me.

I do have a very close family and I know that I will miss them terribly.

I did want to ask if anybody has gone out there and really found that they have been surprisingly more homesick than they could have imagined and how they dealt with it.

Personally I think hubby is worrying about nothing. I am quite a realistic character but just thought I could gather a few experiences if poss.




Hi...I arrived about 8 weeks ago and back in the UK I actually knew that I would be homesick and told myself that I would have to give it about 6 months to a year to settle in. However, when you are actually here it feels different and I have been more homesick than expected.

When I told a friend about this just a week or so ago she gave me some really good advice, and that is not to look at this as a permanent move or a jail sentence and to think of staying here just for the foreseeable future.

This has meant the world of difference to me...instead of feeling like I have no one I now think that "its not for life, and that if I really need to I can go home".

I think we all grieve for home....and when we move away we are mourning our past way of life, and too...most humans don't like change and we fear it...so that when it happens instead of embracing it we struggle with it and want our old life back. I now that if I went back to the UK to my old life, it would not be the same...we have sold our house and possessions and I have given up my job so I would have to resettle somewhere else....(at least here it is in the sun!)...

This weekend we are away to Jervis Bay, last weekend we went scuba diving, subathing, sea kayaking...all for less than £50.00...you could not do this in the uk,...at all