bluekipper

Hi
Dont know if this has ever been offered before but I`ve never come across it, sorry if I`ve put it in the wrong place?

I have been living in OZ since 2006, moved back (due to severe homesickness) in 2007.

I have never been so low and so down in my whole life and had no one who understood or helped me, hence why I went home to the UK, but I knew I had to overcome this challenge and came back for another go, I wouldn't say I immediately over came it, but within 2 years of returning and lots of internal work on myself and numerous books and strategies I finally worked it all out.

I have a counselling background and I`ve worked with people for over 20 yrs in different capacities, so I do have something concrete on paper in the way of qualifications but more importantly I have been there as they say and done that!

So I would like to share my understanding and offer those of you who find yourself in the same place I did upon moving to a new country.

so the offer is there, no charge, its all free, send me a message and I will respond when I can

thanks

Kapri

Hi BK

That's a nice offer

Is there anything you could say here on the public forum that might help people in that position?

garyp

Had a similar experience in 2010 but feel like returning to give it a proper go at unfinished business. Whats the secret to settling apart from the old give it 2 years?

bluekipper

Hi Guys

thought I would give something to others thats I needed myself for a long time, but had to learn myself the hard way.

I would say there are many aspects to settling once you have emigrated and you have to try different ones to see what fits right for you, here are 3

1. accept it is different, unfamiliar, all new.
2. Surrender to how you feel, stop trying to feel different, like pollyanna, making everything positive, when deep down you are sad, if you dont own your feelings how can you change them?
3. Once you are in a state of feeling sad, lonely, despair whatever, allow yourself to fully feel it, no emotion can stay stuck this way, its a very scary but powerful strategy to allow yourself to feel something negative, but the bigger you can make this feeling and say YES to the feeling, the faster it moves away and leaves you, emotion is just energy in motion after all! this is my favourite strategy as it truly works, once that emotion has gone it makes room for a better feeling emotion to take its place.

Hope these 3 tips help, lots more if anyone needs it

bluekipper

I had to return for the same reason, felt like unfinished business to me too

I dont believe that 2 yrs to settle rubbish, sorry to offend anyone who has advised people of that, how long is a piece of string, resistance is what makes the suffering longer, so don`t resist, see some of the tips I just posted

Kapri

Sounds like Acceptance & Commitment therapy BK

bluekipper

Yes Kapri it is on some level, the work is very internal when overcoming home sickness, actually overcoming it is the wrong term, you have to more step back and watch yourself , how you respond, how you behave and talk, I know people here who have had home sickness for years and years, and I watched the way they speak, they keep their negative story going, constantly the same conversation they have had on the same subject for yrs, it keeps you trapped in them feelings. Now I am not saying you should ever deny how you are feeling, that never works either but start noticing how you speak to yourself internally and to others and change your definitions, make it real but without emotional attachment, stay present if possible.

Nothing more powerful than knowking thyself

Jan4kids

I was terribly homesick for a good two years in Adelaide. I had lived in pretty much the same area in the U.K for 37 years and also identified strongly with my Parents background and morals....compounding the whole feeling of 'not belonging'. I didn't realise just HOW English I was until I wasn't there anymore

The things that helped immensely were:

Getting out and about in my new community, the day the local corner store checkout lady asked about my kids was wonderful...she 'knew' me!!

Meeting people in a similar situation......I met some awesome people through an Adelaide ex-pat site, and the meets kept me going in the hard times when I just wanted to crawl back under the Doona ....and again the day I bumped into one of my new compatriots at the shops was so nice after months of seeing a sea of strangers whilst out.

and

I Kept in mind that everything I missed was still there in the U.K.

Nothing has to be forever.


Good onya for offering your services Bluekipper

bluekipper

Thank you Jan

I just hope this becomes useful for those heading over here and those like me who just needed some real life tips and strategies, I leanrt one very big lesson that I passed onto my friends and family and that is, never ever make a decision, any decision, based on how are feeling right now, always wait, try everything 1st and if you still feel so strongly about something such as returning back to the UK, then go ahead.

Einstein famously stated:

` You cannot solve a problem by using the same kind of thinking we used when creating them`this quote when fully understood and known deeply, is what makes you shift to a very different mindset.

Kapri

You are absolutely right BK and I hope things are good for you now

Jan, I thought yours was a fantastic post with some great advice

salmonking

we came back to the uk (me,wife and daughter) 5 years ago,homesickness was the biggest influence to be honest.now back,bought a house but for the first time I want to go back but its too late for us now and wife is not keen on the idea,wish id of given it longer.

bluekipper

It`s hard when one of you want to return and the other doesnt, settling in any country is about creating a state of being/happiness inside you, maybe find out what you think you are missing exactly and explore how you could possibly create a different way of defining your life so that you can eventually feel different about life now? does that make sense in any way to you, PM me if not and I can explain further.

si.young

I am confused at the moment as to whether I want to move back to the UK, I have been here for 7 years and 2 months. My parents moved over here 5 years ago and had to move back 3 weeks ago due to visa and finance issues. I have been homesick on and off for 7 years. My 18 year old daughter is going on a one way ticket in August. We started off in Sydney initially and found it wasn't for us and then moved to Brisbane where we have been for 6 and a half years. I am totally confused. If it was just my husband and I it would be an easier decision but we have a 14 year old and a 2 year old. I never expected to still feel this way after such a long time

Alfresco

Exactly what happened to us many years ago.

si.young

What happened, did you move back?