HELP! What to do??? Am so confused.
Mar 11th 2011, 8:56 pm
#46
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Hill overlooking the SE Melbourne suburbs
Posts: 16,622
Re: AM I BEING SELFISH FOR WANTING TO TRY OZ AGAIN 2ND TIME ROUND??
Next time around you'll know to call it 'Aus'!
What was the issue with the 'hubby' the first time around? Work problems?
What was the issue with the 'hubby' the first time around? Work problems?
Mar 11th 2011, 10:10 pm
#47
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 14,284
Re: AM I BEING SELFISH FOR WANTING TO TRY OZ AGAIN 2ND TIME ROUND??
I think that you and your OH need to draw a line under what happened last time and look to the future only.
As horrible as it was to find your things chucked out on the street, I am really struggling to see how that experience could have put somebody off the entire country. Most people would have picked themselves up and got on with it, we don't typically leave a country because of a falling out. That your family did suggests to me that there was some underlying reason why it was not right and ever since it has been blamed on this disagreement.
Perhaps you need to have one last conversation on this and set the rule that nobody is allowed to bring what happened last time into the decision making process.
Ultimately if your OH doesn't want to go and the children don't want to go then not only are you out numbered, but it is surely going to be less distressing that you stay in the place you were born and have always lived, than they are dragged from their home to the other side of the world.
As horrible as it was to find your things chucked out on the street, I am really struggling to see how that experience could have put somebody off the entire country. Most people would have picked themselves up and got on with it, we don't typically leave a country because of a falling out. That your family did suggests to me that there was some underlying reason why it was not right and ever since it has been blamed on this disagreement.
Perhaps you need to have one last conversation on this and set the rule that nobody is allowed to bring what happened last time into the decision making process.
Ultimately if your OH doesn't want to go and the children don't want to go then not only are you out numbered, but it is surely going to be less distressing that you stay in the place you were born and have always lived, than they are dragged from their home to the other side of the world.
Mar 12th 2011, 2:47 am
#49
Living the dream
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: The Vines WA
Posts: 1,441
Re: Do i move teenager to OZ or not??
We arrived when my daughter was 12, she was all for coming but once we got here and she started school she got really homesick and wanted to go home. She didnt fit in, the girls in her school were just plain nasty and she had a terrible time. We eventually moved schools and now she loves it. She does still keep in touch with her friends back in the UK via facebook but realises she does have a better life here. We gave her the option to go back with her grand parents at xmas but she decided no she liked it better here! Thank God! It does take time for them to settle in at that age but once they make true friends and get out and about enjoying themselves they soon realise they are in a better place. Good Luck with your plans but realise you have to think is it really that bad to stay where you are with your family and build a happy life there if no one else wants to come here 
Mar 12th 2011, 9:33 am
#50
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Re: HELP! What to do??? Am so confused.
I've merged the three threads, it'll be far easier for you to get replies that way and stop other posters getting confused.
Mar 12th 2011, 11:35 am
#51
Banned
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 22,348
Re: HELP! What to do??? Am so confused.
Sorry you have had a rough time.
But why did you go home? oops re-read your post you lasted 6 weeks.
Why did you go home after only 6wks?
Yes we have a right bunch of jokers on here. But to be honest its very odd and something big must have happened for your friend to resort to throwing your belonging in the street.
You buckled under the first obstacle, you didnt really get on your feet and give it a go. As a family you need to make your own way in the world, plan how you would fund your first few months, what accommodation your going to use.
Always, always have a back up plan.
Sit down make a list of how a new trip would work and how you would do it.
Then maybe he may change his mind.
Good luck
Gems
But why did you go home? oops re-read your post you lasted 6 weeks.
Why did you go home after only 6wks?
Yes we have a right bunch of jokers on here. But to be honest its very odd and something big must have happened for your friend to resort to throwing your belonging in the street.
You buckled under the first obstacle, you didnt really get on your feet and give it a go. As a family you need to make your own way in the world, plan how you would fund your first few months, what accommodation your going to use.
Always, always have a back up plan.
Sit down make a list of how a new trip would work and how you would do it.
Then maybe he may change his mind.
Good luck
Gems
The decision to stay or go is tantamount to fortune-telling, unfortunately.
Sit down and think how the UK will change over the next ten years and ask yourself whether you can live with it. I think the ever increasing population will cause more and more socio-economic problems in the UK as more people cram into the same space. Same process for Australia, what will happen over the next ten years. Which is better for you, hubby and he kids. Keep emotion out of your analysis and keep it evidence-based.
I see you have kids. I think it's better for kids here. My daughter's friends in the UK have gone away to uni as their adventure. My daughter lives at home, attends Melbourne, just came back from exchange in LA, via 9 other countries. Son went to Bali on school exchange before Xmas, off to Samoa to play rugby in April, hoping to go to Canada with cadets in July, learnt to scuba with cadets in Jan. If we had stayed in UK they would not be doing this sort of thing. There are opportunities to do all sorts because of the better weather, and living in a capital city with its facilities on your door-step.
All parents do everything for our kids. I suggest you focus on the kids' lives and do a rational analysis (non-emotional) as to whether the UK or Aus is better for them.Aus isn't better in every respect. But, it's definitely different. The decision is yours, hopefully the forum will help in giving honest answers to your questions.
My attitude is in for a penny, in for a pound. I would vote for giving it another go just because I think you have the opportunity of a lifetime. Last time it didn't work out but this time tell yourself it will be different. The economy here is way better than the UK and, I don't think you have seen the worst in the UK, yet. The UK economy has more to slide.
Remember, with hope in your heart ...
Sit down and think how the UK will change over the next ten years and ask yourself whether you can live with it. I think the ever increasing population will cause more and more socio-economic problems in the UK as more people cram into the same space. Same process for Australia, what will happen over the next ten years. Which is better for you, hubby and he kids. Keep emotion out of your analysis and keep it evidence-based.
I see you have kids. I think it's better for kids here. My daughter's friends in the UK have gone away to uni as their adventure. My daughter lives at home, attends Melbourne, just came back from exchange in LA, via 9 other countries. Son went to Bali on school exchange before Xmas, off to Samoa to play rugby in April, hoping to go to Canada with cadets in July, learnt to scuba with cadets in Jan. If we had stayed in UK they would not be doing this sort of thing. There are opportunities to do all sorts because of the better weather, and living in a capital city with its facilities on your door-step.
All parents do everything for our kids. I suggest you focus on the kids' lives and do a rational analysis (non-emotional) as to whether the UK or Aus is better for them.Aus isn't better in every respect. But, it's definitely different. The decision is yours, hopefully the forum will help in giving honest answers to your questions.
My attitude is in for a penny, in for a pound. I would vote for giving it another go just because I think you have the opportunity of a lifetime. Last time it didn't work out but this time tell yourself it will be different. The economy here is way better than the UK and, I don't think you have seen the worst in the UK, yet. The UK economy has more to slide.
Remember, with hope in your heart ...
Hey, lighten up. You feel passionately about this but others in your family don't and we have not given you the 'yes your right and how fantastic you are and how can't your stupid hubby and kids see that' vote.
I am serious in that there are two issues here:
1. You versus your family. Its all too emotional and now you are blind to everyone elses opinion because YOU are right and 'the rock'.
2. Something happened for them to kick you out in such a dramatic and quick fashion. It may be something said, implied or occurred or even something one of them said to the other which caused a massive rift. Either way, everything happens for a reason and you need to find out what that reason was. Was your 'landlord' a member of BE?
Stop getting upset, look at the facts and if they add up that no one else apart from you wants to come here then either give up that option or make your own choice. All you will do otherwise is get bitter towards your loved ones for them simply wanting a different choice.
I am serious in that there are two issues here:
1. You versus your family. Its all too emotional and now you are blind to everyone elses opinion because YOU are right and 'the rock'.
2. Something happened for them to kick you out in such a dramatic and quick fashion. It may be something said, implied or occurred or even something one of them said to the other which caused a massive rift. Either way, everything happens for a reason and you need to find out what that reason was. Was your 'landlord' a member of BE?
Stop getting upset, look at the facts and if they add up that no one else apart from you wants to come here then either give up that option or make your own choice. All you will do otherwise is get bitter towards your loved ones for them simply wanting a different choice.
Hey,
OK so just relax, no1 was having a go, clearly this is difficult for you and some people on here can be a pain in the arse but the funny comments on here I think were genuinly in jest to try and make you smile. Ultimately no1 on here can tell you what to do, but you DID get some advice.
For every solution someone will suggest there will be 10 more questions and queries. You have to assess why exactly your OH doesn't want to go back, why you do, why you didn't have a back-up plan the first time, why you feel this time will be any different... make lists for and against and make a list of all possible outcomes then be prepared for things you couldn't possibly predict. If you really want to make a go of it then you have to just go over and get on with it and really give it a go, 6 weeks is a very short amount of time for you to come back.
I wish you all the best but you really need to chill.
Take care x
OK so just relax, no1 was having a go, clearly this is difficult for you and some people on here can be a pain in the arse but the funny comments on here I think were genuinly in jest to try and make you smile. Ultimately no1 on here can tell you what to do, but you DID get some advice.
For every solution someone will suggest there will be 10 more questions and queries. You have to assess why exactly your OH doesn't want to go back, why you do, why you didn't have a back-up plan the first time, why you feel this time will be any different... make lists for and against and make a list of all possible outcomes then be prepared for things you couldn't possibly predict. If you really want to make a go of it then you have to just go over and get on with it and really give it a go, 6 weeks is a very short amount of time for you to come back.
I wish you all the best but you really need to chill.
Take care x
Selfish? Yes probably. Is he being selfish for not wanting to go? Yes probably. Best thing is to try and come to some sort of compromise otherwise one or other of you is always going to play the resentment card when things dont go quite the way you plan it. If you are settled and secure where you are then that is a real bonus. Only uproot yourselves if there is an opportunity not to be missed with minimal risk to your well being. Otherwise, if it aint broke, dont fix it.
Aside from the fact you've already asked this before. Let's be honest you didn't really emigrate the first time round. 1 month is not really migration. Its a holiday.
The first few months are the "honeymoon" period for many. If you jacked it in then, what's so different in Queensland that couldn't do in Adelaide. Whilst you may have had a bad experience with friends, what stopped you from leaving them and just getting on with it.
What ever you decide, good luck to you. But if your going to do it, make it work and take the attitude of not going back and working through the initial problems, and there will be some - there is for everyone.
The first few months are the "honeymoon" period for many. If you jacked it in then, what's so different in Queensland that couldn't do in Adelaide. Whilst you may have had a bad experience with friends, what stopped you from leaving them and just getting on with it.
What ever you decide, good luck to you. But if your going to do it, make it work and take the attitude of not going back and working through the initial problems, and there will be some - there is for everyone.
To be honest I think you are going to get a better response if you stick to one thread, yes it may go off topic like most threads do but you wont get any better advice by starting lots of threads, in fact people may start to shut off. The bottom line is what happened in the past is done and dusted, you cannot move forward while you are continuing to carry this emotional baggage and resentment for what happened to you first time round.
Draw a line under it and start by talking to your husband, if he doesnt want to go, if your kids dont want to go then your team is divided. Australia is just a country, it may be unfinished business to you but to your family it is finished and they perhaps want to enjoy the life they have where they have it now.
Imagine if you persuaded them to move back and you felt so desperately homesick and wanted to come back and they didnt, say your teenager was happy and didnt want to come back with you? Noone on here can give you the answer that you want, your husband can tell you what he wants and so can your teenager but to be honest, if they are not on your side then you stand alone and that is a very lonely situation to be in.
Talk about it once and for all, better that than to chip away at them to get what you want.
If they say no, perhaps accept it - then start to look at the life you have now, what you have now and who in your life is important and start to build on it, to make it better. Australia is hardly going to be a better place for your family if your husband doesnt want to go back.
Your health, your children, your husband, a job, a roof over your head - the rest can be worked on. Only you can make you happy within and if you cant find that in the UK, you sure as hell are not going to find it in another country.
Draw a line under it and start by talking to your husband, if he doesnt want to go, if your kids dont want to go then your team is divided. Australia is just a country, it may be unfinished business to you but to your family it is finished and they perhaps want to enjoy the life they have where they have it now.
Imagine if you persuaded them to move back and you felt so desperately homesick and wanted to come back and they didnt, say your teenager was happy and didnt want to come back with you? Noone on here can give you the answer that you want, your husband can tell you what he wants and so can your teenager but to be honest, if they are not on your side then you stand alone and that is a very lonely situation to be in.
Talk about it once and for all, better that than to chip away at them to get what you want.
If they say no, perhaps accept it - then start to look at the life you have now, what you have now and who in your life is important and start to build on it, to make it better. Australia is hardly going to be a better place for your family if your husband doesnt want to go back.
Your health, your children, your husband, a job, a roof over your head - the rest can be worked on. Only you can make you happy within and if you cant find that in the UK, you sure as hell are not going to find it in another country.
I'm giggling at some of the comments but
Yes, you should try again because it's bugging you, and if you don't you will go to your grave wondering what could have been.
You are suffering from once bitten, twice shy. Unfortunately, no matter what any of us say you will not know unless you come here and you roll the dice.
There's a risk it won't work out but on the bright-side, you will know that you gave it a go and have inner-peace.
If it does work out we can rib you about your posts.
Yes, you should try again because it's bugging you, and if you don't you will go to your grave wondering what could have been.
You are suffering from once bitten, twice shy. Unfortunately, no matter what any of us say you will not know unless you come here and you roll the dice.
There's a risk it won't work out but on the bright-side, you will know that you gave it a go and have inner-peace.
If it does work out we can rib you about your posts.
I think that you and your OH need to draw a line under what happened last time and look to the future only.
As horrible as it was to find your things chucked out on the street, I am really struggling to see how that experience could have put somebody off the entire country. Most people would have picked themselves up and got on with it, we don't typically leave a country because of a falling out. That your family did suggests to me that there was some underlying reason why it was not right and ever since it has been blamed on this disagreement.
Perhaps you need to have one last conversation on this and set the rule that nobody is allowed to bring what happened last time into the decision making process.
Ultimately if your OH doesn't want to go and the children don't want to go then not only are you out numbered, but it is surely going to be less distressing that you stay in the place you were born and have always lived, than they are dragged from their home to the other side of the world.
As horrible as it was to find your things chucked out on the street, I am really struggling to see how that experience could have put somebody off the entire country. Most people would have picked themselves up and got on with it, we don't typically leave a country because of a falling out. That your family did suggests to me that there was some underlying reason why it was not right and ever since it has been blamed on this disagreement.
Perhaps you need to have one last conversation on this and set the rule that nobody is allowed to bring what happened last time into the decision making process.
Ultimately if your OH doesn't want to go and the children don't want to go then not only are you out numbered, but it is surely going to be less distressing that you stay in the place you were born and have always lived, than they are dragged from their home to the other side of the world.
Sutty77, if you work through the highlighted bits I reckon you'll arrive at an outcome that'll be agreeable for all of your family.
Good luck, I hope you find peace and happiness
Aug 31st 2011, 2:58 am
#52
Just Joined
Joined: Aug 2011
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 1
Re: HELP! What to do??? Am so confused.
Hi I have just come across this page and would like to comment on this I know of this story as I am a friend of the couple Sutty77 stayed with and want to put something’s straight. The family do not use this website but I have told her what has been written……
SO here goes the other side to the sob story…..
Yeah you did make friends with the family concerned and before you left the UK the family you were told they were living in a 2 bedroom unit with 1 living space, 1 bathroom, 1 toilet and 1 kitchen…common sense would have told you to look into booking holiday accommodation. The family picked you up from the airport and agreed to let the car rental place use THEIR credit card details……
• Also YOU and your husband slept in their room while they slept on the couch….you both knowing that her husband was up and out early every morning for work.
• Your daughters slept in her daughter’s bedroom, her daughter having to go to school……
• As you are fully aware of the water shortage in Adelaide your family would have baths nearly every night filling the bath full…..not a bad thing when you’re not paying for water…..
• The family had 1 wage coming in, you paying your way is a load of shit you bought biscuits and crisp…..for your children.
• She ran a business from home and found this difficult to do as people were on HER computer when she needed to be.
• You and your family looked at a hand full of rentals in the weeks you stayed with them….none were good enough for you…..other words you couldn’t afford any.
No explation what so ever. I gave her money for our keep, did cooking, washing and shopping etc. Then she had cheek to text me day after and tell me that she had put 2 bin bags of our stuff out on the streets what we had left - when my hubby went to get it, there it was - on the street accross road from her house.
To this day i still dont know why she kicked us out. I will say now that niether myself, hubby or kids did anything to her and her family. Thats the awful part, i just dont know why!!! She even locked me ut house at 6 in the morning one day - dont ask why because i couldnt tell you. Anyway enough said about her!!!
• Ok no explanation…..you were NOT kicked out or locked out, the morning you left was after you took your husband to work (who once again after sleeping soundly) leaving your children behind who then woke her daughter this was not a one off and you are fully aware of this….. You walked back into the unit and asked if all was ok and she said NO from that point you and the girls packed the cases and called your husband who you collected from work and moved out without saying a word…..so don’t come on here making out you are the innocent one as you aren’t. As for the text your husband called hers and was told there were 2 bin bags at the front door – not sure how you can say across the street as they live in a street with 1 row of houses and across the road is a fence to be honest and that’s what we are being here they lived on an old peoples residential area so please stop lying. You also took things of theirs like a toothbrush….yes if we are splitting hairs here I will let everyone know what you and your family are like
• You did not give her money you came to Oz with NO money hence you would have been able to pay for somewhere to live...etc
• You did her washing, shopping, cleaning you are full of crap she was home (like I said earlier) through the day and managed to do it all herself!
She helped you with things from getting the girls into school and centre link also drove you places and helped you look for rentals…..She would never have taken and didn’t take a cent from you...the only thing she did was go out of her way and for you to come on here and slander her it well and truly out of order….So yes to quote you once again ‘enough said about her!!!’ make sure for your sake it is….if i were you i would be deleting any other thing you have slandered them with as now it is in the hands of lawyers....
Oh and by the way the family you are talking about have moved to the Gold Coast now…just a friendly word of advice!
Enjoy your new life and if you do come back then if I were you I would be looking over my shoulder at all times……
To the rest of you who have commented on this thread i thank you on behalf of my friends for being open minded and yes there is always two sides to a story.....
SO here goes the other side to the sob story…..
Yeah you did make friends with the family concerned and before you left the UK the family you were told they were living in a 2 bedroom unit with 1 living space, 1 bathroom, 1 toilet and 1 kitchen…common sense would have told you to look into booking holiday accommodation. The family picked you up from the airport and agreed to let the car rental place use THEIR credit card details……
• Also YOU and your husband slept in their room while they slept on the couch….you both knowing that her husband was up and out early every morning for work.
• Your daughters slept in her daughter’s bedroom, her daughter having to go to school……
• As you are fully aware of the water shortage in Adelaide your family would have baths nearly every night filling the bath full…..not a bad thing when you’re not paying for water…..
• The family had 1 wage coming in, you paying your way is a load of shit you bought biscuits and crisp…..for your children.
• She ran a business from home and found this difficult to do as people were on HER computer when she needed to be.
• You and your family looked at a hand full of rentals in the weeks you stayed with them….none were good enough for you…..other words you couldn’t afford any.
No explation what so ever. I gave her money for our keep, did cooking, washing and shopping etc. Then she had cheek to text me day after and tell me that she had put 2 bin bags of our stuff out on the streets what we had left - when my hubby went to get it, there it was - on the street accross road from her house.
To this day i still dont know why she kicked us out. I will say now that niether myself, hubby or kids did anything to her and her family. Thats the awful part, i just dont know why!!! She even locked me ut house at 6 in the morning one day - dont ask why because i couldnt tell you. Anyway enough said about her!!!
• Ok no explanation…..you were NOT kicked out or locked out, the morning you left was after you took your husband to work (who once again after sleeping soundly) leaving your children behind who then woke her daughter this was not a one off and you are fully aware of this….. You walked back into the unit and asked if all was ok and she said NO from that point you and the girls packed the cases and called your husband who you collected from work and moved out without saying a word…..so don’t come on here making out you are the innocent one as you aren’t. As for the text your husband called hers and was told there were 2 bin bags at the front door – not sure how you can say across the street as they live in a street with 1 row of houses and across the road is a fence to be honest and that’s what we are being here they lived on an old peoples residential area so please stop lying. You also took things of theirs like a toothbrush….yes if we are splitting hairs here I will let everyone know what you and your family are like
• You did not give her money you came to Oz with NO money hence you would have been able to pay for somewhere to live...etc
• You did her washing, shopping, cleaning you are full of crap she was home (like I said earlier) through the day and managed to do it all herself!
She helped you with things from getting the girls into school and centre link also drove you places and helped you look for rentals…..She would never have taken and didn’t take a cent from you...the only thing she did was go out of her way and for you to come on here and slander her it well and truly out of order….So yes to quote you once again ‘enough said about her!!!’ make sure for your sake it is….if i were you i would be deleting any other thing you have slandered them with as now it is in the hands of lawyers....
Oh and by the way the family you are talking about have moved to the Gold Coast now…just a friendly word of advice!
Enjoy your new life and if you do come back then if I were you I would be looking over my shoulder at all times……
To the rest of you who have commented on this thread i thank you on behalf of my friends for being open minded and yes there is always two sides to a story.....
Aug 31st 2011, 3:08 am
#53
BE Co-Founder
Joined: Feb 2000
Location: Florida
Posts: 25,928
Re: HELP! What to do??? Am so confused.
Really not sure what is going on here, but it's inappropriate to play this out on a public forum. Seems like personal issues that should be taken up in private.
Thread Closed.
Thread Closed.
