HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
Mar 27th 2008, 11:22 pm
#61
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
Look I really feel that Moneypen hasn't stepped over the mark. It is very easy to 'unwittingly' put pressure on our children. Just because they turn 18 doesn't mean that they cease to be our children.
Perhaps this will give you the opportunity to look at your own motivation, gather all your information then present some options to your son and his girlfriend. I remember my son saying to me, "just because its your dream doesn't mean its mine!" You could be putting yourself through hell with the 'but what ifs' and she may have absolutely no intention of even thinking about Oz. Just a thought.
Also you have said that he keeps changing his mind, could be scared you know, when I talked it through with my eldest (believe me this was a very emotional discussion) it boiled down largely to fear.
Try to think about ways of making it easy to come with you with as many options as possible. Rather than hard for him to stay. It may put the focus in a more productive place.
As one parent to another my thoughts are with you, try not to read too negative point into the responses that your not too keen on, think of it as food for thought. An opportunity to play devils advocate with the subject, after all it may be the reaction her mother gives if / when she's aware of all this.
Good luck
T
Perhaps this will give you the opportunity to look at your own motivation, gather all your information then present some options to your son and his girlfriend. I remember my son saying to me, "just because its your dream doesn't mean its mine!" You could be putting yourself through hell with the 'but what ifs' and she may have absolutely no intention of even thinking about Oz. Just a thought.
Also you have said that he keeps changing his mind, could be scared you know, when I talked it through with my eldest (believe me this was a very emotional discussion) it boiled down largely to fear.
Try to think about ways of making it easy to come with you with as many options as possible. Rather than hard for him to stay. It may put the focus in a more productive place.
As one parent to another my thoughts are with you, try not to read too negative point into the responses that your not too keen on, think of it as food for thought. An opportunity to play devils advocate with the subject, after all it may be the reaction her mother gives if / when she's aware of all this.
Good luck
T
My son has moved with us twice to Brisbane Au's, both times selling and buying new houses and having to re-school, so i don't think that there is anything that he is scared about.
The only issue here is that he is in love and thinks that the only option open to him is to for-fit every thing to be with his one love.
And i as a mother will do every thing i can to make sure that my son is happy, so therefore will find out all the options open to him.
And yes every one does have there opinions, but i take great offence if some one has referred to some thing that i have not and would not say. Quote:- "Telling your son that you wont go without him, sounds to me like horrible blackmail. I would have been horrified if my parents had ever said anything like that to me at that age".
As for my son changing his mind, is because he really wants to be with his family and move but does not want to leave his girlfriend behind.
But thank you for your opinion.
Mar 27th 2008, 11:24 pm
#62
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
Shes fine and doing well over in UK, much better than what she was doing here.
I left home at 15...so i understand how it must feel to be somewhere you don't want to be. Look at me now
Mar 28th 2008, 1:18 am
#63
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
ausi dream - I haven't read all this thread as its quite a long one, so apologies if this has been mentioned before, but has his girlfriend considered BUNAC?
www.bunac.org/uk/workaustralia/
Its essentially an inexpensive way for her to try out OZ for a year. Plenty of people do it in their gap year and its specifically aimed at younger people. It will allow her to do casual work (I did waitressing, tourist stuff, I know others that have had desk jobs or done life guarding etc).
If she likes it she can look at something more permanent, visa wise, if not she'll have had a great experience.
They are a very reputable company, will give her an orientation on arriving, arrange flights and will tell her about possible jobs - although most people prefer to find their own work on arrival.
This will allow her to try OZ in an independent way and look at it as a working holiday, which may seem less daunting than 'emigrating'.
Hope this helps
WithIce x
www.bunac.org/uk/workaustralia/
Its essentially an inexpensive way for her to try out OZ for a year. Plenty of people do it in their gap year and its specifically aimed at younger people. It will allow her to do casual work (I did waitressing, tourist stuff, I know others that have had desk jobs or done life guarding etc).
If she likes it she can look at something more permanent, visa wise, if not she'll have had a great experience.
They are a very reputable company, will give her an orientation on arriving, arrange flights and will tell her about possible jobs - although most people prefer to find their own work on arrival.
This will allow her to try OZ in an independent way and look at it as a working holiday, which may seem less daunting than 'emigrating'.
Hope this helps
WithIce x
Mar 28th 2008, 1:21 am
#64
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
His girlfriend might not want to go to OZ...
Mar 28th 2008, 1:38 am
#65
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
Oh please you have brought tears to my eyes
i feel that by doing that i would be saying "right we are going and you go and get on with it".
I would feel like i was deserting my son, i know he is my eldest and there will be a time when they leave home but its because of what we are doing that is pushing him away.
We are a very close family and i feel that things are getting in between us, as he has been giving us such a hard time since Christmas knowing that we are serious and close to going back to Au's.
He too gave up an apprenticeship at christmas time, and is finding it hard to secure jobs and that is why we worry so much as to if he would be able to support himself or both of them if he stayed behind.
i feel that by doing that i would be saying "right we are going and you go and get on with it".I would feel like i was deserting my son, i know he is my eldest and there will be a time when they leave home but its because of what we are doing that is pushing him away.
We are a very close family and i feel that things are getting in between us, as he has been giving us such a hard time since Christmas knowing that we are serious and close to going back to Au's.
He too gave up an apprenticeship at christmas time, and is finding it hard to secure jobs and that is why we worry so much as to if he would be able to support himself or both of them if he stayed behind.
My son has found a good job and we are letting him rent our house as my eldest is autistic and won't come either so we aren't burning any boats
my son has realised that even if we had stayed here he would have left home as he likes his independance. I am not going to force him to leave his girlfriend
and to be honest I lef home at 18 for a similar sort of reason and as long as you keep it friendly they may come round but It is their choice.
I am keeping a UK bank acct into which the rent will be paid so If they hit difficulties I can help out money wise fairly easily. If its advice they want we can talk on msn or skype as we kitted them out with PCs and cameras.
Good luck honey
Mar 28th 2008, 3:47 am
#66
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
Oh I see, I was just replying to the OP's comment:
And thought BUNAC might be a possibility.
WithIce x
I have put it to my son that if it was such a serious thing (which we think it is) then it could be possible that she could come over too. Perhaps not at the time of leaving but later.
But to be honest i don't know if that is possible and how you would go about doing that, and what the process we would need to do.
But to be honest i don't know if that is possible and how you would go about doing that, and what the process we would need to do.
WithIce x
Mar 28th 2008, 7:08 am
#67
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
HI, Well! We are trying to talk to our son at the moment about if he does not want to come what would he do/ where would he go and about the possibilities of his girlfriend still being able to be with him if that is what they both want to do and of course her mother.
Think he is still thinking things through as he is not ready to talk at the moment. So at the moment i dont realy know if his girlfriend would go.
Think he is still thinking things through as he is not ready to talk at the moment. So at the moment i dont realy know if his girlfriend would go.
Mar 28th 2008, 7:22 am
#68
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
why not agree to help him a bit until he has a job.
My son has found a good job and we are letting him rent our house as my eldest is autistic and won't come either so we aren't burning any boats
my son has realised that even if we had stayed here he would have left home as he likes his independance. I am not going to force him to leave his girlfriend
and to be honest I lef home at 18 for a similar sort of reason and as long as you keep it friendly they may come round but It is their choice.
I am keeping a UK bank acct into which the rent will be paid so If they hit difficulties I can help out money wise fairly easily. If its advice they want we can talk on msn or skype as we kitted them out with PCs and cameras.
Good luck honey
My son has found a good job and we are letting him rent our house as my eldest is autistic and won't come either so we aren't burning any boats
my son has realised that even if we had stayed here he would have left home as he likes his independance. I am not going to force him to leave his girlfriend
and to be honest I lef home at 18 for a similar sort of reason and as long as you keep it friendly they may come round but It is their choice.
I am keeping a UK bank acct into which the rent will be paid so If they hit difficulties I can help out money wise fairly easily. If its advice they want we can talk on msn or skype as we kitted them out with PCs and cameras.
Good luck honey
We can see our son is ready for leaving home and i do think that if we were not emigrating it would have happened anyway.
If our son decides to stay then we will help him in every way we can, and as for renting the house that is a good idea as we are putting ours up for rent this time where as before we have sold it.
Mar 28th 2008, 7:27 am
#69
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
ausi dream - I haven't read all this thread as its quite a long one, so apologies if this has been mentioned before, but has his girlfriend considered BUNAC?
www.bunac.org/uk/workaustralia/
Its essentially an inexpensive way for her to try out OZ for a year. Plenty of people do it in their gap year and its specifically aimed at younger people. It will allow her to do casual work (I did waitressing, tourist stuff, I know others that have had desk jobs or done life guarding etc).
If she likes it she can look at something more permanent, visa wise, if not she'll have had a great experience.
They are a very reputable company, will give her an orientation on arriving, arrange flights and will tell her about possible jobs - although most people prefer to find their own work on arrival.
This will allow her to try OZ in an independent way and look at it as a working holiday, which may seem less daunting than 'emigrating'.
Hope this helps
WithIce x
www.bunac.org/uk/workaustralia/
Its essentially an inexpensive way for her to try out OZ for a year. Plenty of people do it in their gap year and its specifically aimed at younger people. It will allow her to do casual work (I did waitressing, tourist stuff, I know others that have had desk jobs or done life guarding etc).
If she likes it she can look at something more permanent, visa wise, if not she'll have had a great experience.
They are a very reputable company, will give her an orientation on arriving, arrange flights and will tell her about possible jobs - although most people prefer to find their own work on arrival.
This will allow her to try OZ in an independent way and look at it as a working holiday, which may seem less daunting than 'emigrating'.
Hope this helps
WithIce x
Thank you WithIce, that is quite a good idea as a year would give then time to see if everything would be OK for them there.
Mar 28th 2008, 7:45 am
#70
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
This one is for Ozzidoc, Yep you are quite right i will change from Au's to Aus.
Mar 28th 2008, 1:56 pm
#71
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Mar 28th 2008, 2:11 pm
#72
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
She was 16 when she went back not 14, still young i know, but she has always been very independant and mature.
Shes fine and doing well over in UK, much better than what she was doing here.
I left home at 15...so i understand how it must feel to be somewhere you don't want to be. Look at me now
Shes fine and doing well over in UK, much better than what she was doing here.
I left home at 15...so i understand how it must feel to be somewhere you don't want to be. Look at me now
well you know were she gets it from
Actually my sister who is 15 wants to come to Australia with me now doesn't want to stay here Ild have her in a heart beat but she will have to wait on till she is 18 my sister is bringing her over for 3 months i reckon we will have a hard job getting her home
My mother would go mad though
that would make 3 of us in Australia as my brother is there already
Mar 28th 2008, 2:14 pm
#73
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
oops sorry about that still young but did she meet her boyfriend when she was 14 and it lasted the distance thats love for you alright
well you know were she gets it from
Actually my sister who is 15 wants to come to Australia with me now doesn't want to stay here Ild have her in a heart beat but she will have to wait on till she is 18 my sister is bringing her over for 3 months i reckon we will have a hard job getting her home
My mother would go mad though
that would make 3 of us in Australia as my brother is there already
well you know were she gets it from
Actually my sister who is 15 wants to come to Australia with me now doesn't want to stay here Ild have her in a heart beat but she will have to wait on till she is 18 my sister is bringing her over for 3 months i reckon we will have a hard job getting her home
My mother would go mad though
that would make 3 of us in Australia as my brother is there already
bloody crazy i know!!Yes, they are still together, unbelievable.
Mar 28th 2008, 2:19 pm
#74
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Mar 29th 2008, 2:09 am
#75
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Re: HELP SON WONT GO WITHOUT GIRLFRIEND
She is coming to visit us in June for a holiday. Thats if she can bare to be without him for 2 weeks
Kids eh!!! never was one myself.
