welshtaffy

as it says above.....we've got 2 boys age 3yrs and 9yrs...and that all they do is fight and argue all the time but the same time love each other:curse:


we as a family myself and OH and the 2boys would love to move out to oz in the next year or so or even sooner...but at the moment my Oh says we not going cause of the boys fighting and arguing all the time..can't even go out as a family with them both together..as it just ends in tears and embarrassing for us..can't go out for meals and deffo can't go shopping:curse:
can't even go to the parks or playarea's....


so my question is:- is/as any one been in the same boat as me?
and gone out to oz..and they kids get on better over there or still the same?

as im thinking the change of lifestyle would help them...by being outside all the time and able to do more as a family outside together...??


sorry if it sounds all a bit muddle as im not very good at asking these type's of questions

thanks clare,dean
jordan & jake xx

woody1cruiser

Hi

I have 2 boys aged 9 and 12.

Since we have been over here, things have improved but they still argue. I feel the reason is because they spend so much more time outside and less time couped up. They still have their moments but they are fewer and our house is a lot bigger here, their rooms are further away. It also means the main living area isn't as cramp so I am now able to go to a different room that is further away and turn the music up loader. This is also made much easier as we are not attached to next door so I am not upsetting neighbours.

Debs

Timber Floor Au

I reckon you should slap the 9 yr old for picking on a 3 yr old

Thats just ridiculous.. sort em out, they obviously aint gonna do it emselves lol

Quick Sharp SLAP !

NickyC

I don't understand how you could expect a 3 year-old and a 9 year-old to be the best of friends . They'd hardly have anything in common (mentally and physically) with that sort of age difference. I'd imagine that the 3 year-old would get on the 9 year-old's nerves most of the time and the 3 year-old would end up frustrated as he'd be unable to do the things that the 9 year-old does easily.

They'd probably get on a lot better if they spent some time apart doing activities that suit their different ages. Just because they're brothers doesn't mean that they're automatically going to be best mates 100% of the time.

Ozzidoc

Sounds like my sister and I!!

Could I possibly suggest trying some family counselling with a psychologist? Seriously - I really wish that we'd had something like this when I was growing up. Even just one or two sessions could make a differnece to your life-long family dynamics

Ozzidoc

I hear what you are saying, but it does sound like the kiddies are expressing a fair bit of negativity towards each other. Even three year olds can learn to be civil, polite etc. Each is probably frustrated with the other, and they need to learn how to deal/cope with it.

I've just done a placement in child and adolescent psych, and I am amazed at what can be done to help families in all sorts of situations. Soooooo many people (adults) have no idea as to the impact of their and their family's behaviour on their kids.

Well done to the OP for asking for some guidance

michael_w

We've been in the same boat with two boys who are now 8 and 10. Always fighting - the older teasing the younger one, who retaliates with his fists!
I think the good thing about Australia is that it has allowed them to develop in their own ways without being cooped up indoors, and with lots of opportunities to do things they like - and give them away from each other.
One is active and likes sports, the other just likes to hang out at the beach or in the park.
Australia won't 'cure' kids who are prone to fighting - but it certainly has lots of distractions. I think the older one becoming more involved in team sports at school has also helped him to mature and to get along with other kids of his age.

Timber Floor Au

Thanks Ozzi for the message

I will rectify previous statement lol.

Dont hit children, its not big and its not clever.

No adult should ever hit a child !!!

Now I have for hire a 5 yr old a 7 yr old and a 11 yr old, neighbouring feral family, who run a small company called Hirre a Hit !

They will sort em out

Seriosuly tho,, hope you get it sorted.. seems least of your concerns is OZ !

Ozzidoc

Fly Away

To the OP, have you tried reinforcing the good behaviour and punishing the bad behaviour?

It's a simple technique. Explain to the boys what your rules are - they must not fight and argue in public for example. Tell them the consequences for breaking the rule, (make up a punishment for each child that will be something they really won't like). Tell them, you will not stoop to their level by shouting in public but will punish them in private.

If they break the rule, ignore the behaviour whilst out then carry out the punishment at home. Do not waver or give in.

However, if they follow the rule, constantly tell them how proud you are of them, even tell complete strangers what good boys you have, () smile, encourage them, praise them etc. Maybe start a star chart - every day they are good gets a star. When they get 10 stars they get a treat of their choice.

Once the kids get the hang of behaving in public it becomes a habit.

welshtaffy

i would just like to say a big thanks to all of you for your advice and guidanceeven timber floor mani wouldnot even think about slapping my kids

and i think we'll look in to doing things together but different activies for they ages..its hard when i don't drive and hubby in work all week...and catching public transport...which is 2 buses just to go swimming:curse:

fly away....ive tryed the star chart before..but that soon went out the window..but will deffo try giving it another go.


both boys know about what we are all considering about moving to oz..even caught the 9yr old the other day on the real estate site looking at the houses for sale

and the 3yr old just keeps saying can we have a pool in the garden mam plz...

so they both up for the idea of moving..but i think as a family things need to change..not just the boys me and my hubby

well its the start of half term monday...so wish me luck

so thanks once again guys...and this site is great its starting to be a 24/7 thing...lol

clare,dean
jordan & jake xxx

mrsridge

hey, if you are so organised to even take two buses to swimming - then you are going to find emigrating "easypeasy". good luck you to I say (my sister and I are 4 years apart and never got along and my mother used to say when we got older it would get better... but it hasn't! its just got worse - but that's just a personality clash) go for it!

welshtaffy

awwwwwwwww.....thanks mrsmy younger brothers were the same..6 yrs between them to..it was hell in the house when i was living at home..couldn't wait to move out...but now my brothers are grown up(the youngest one got he's own house and a girlfriend and a little boy....and the other is still at home with mam n dad)they both work for the same company they go out drinking together..and its just great..so hopefully you and your sis will make up your differences and start getting on with each other


i would leave for the next plane tomo..if i had my own way...but its hubby..he worries to much..i see were his coming from and i love him dearly for it...but there's just nothing here for us....but i keep my chin up and hopefully we'll be out there soon

hubby is a forklift technician with a International company called Linde..and we've heard off the guy who is out there that they are crying out for workers out there all over the country with a wage up to $60 a year(is that good?)thumbup: so its just doing a lot of researching and saving really hard

are u out there yet?if so where to?

thanks the wilkinson's xxx

Darren_Karen

Hey, I completely sympathise. I have a 9 year old girl, and a 5 year old boy and they are exactly the same. I know they've nothing in common but they are related, live under the same roof, same parents, so we cant keep them apart

We've been in Perth just over 3 months, and initially they were loads better, I guess only having each other made them more willing to play together. That said, it has been so much harder, having to find a place to live, car to drive, furniture, lots of shopping to do = fed up, bored kids who just argue, fight, annoy, shout at each other. We wouldn't even bother eating at the food courts as we knew how it would be.

I know a lot of people will sit on their high horse and look down at us as bad parents, but hey, I'm learning how to be a mum as I go along...

I guess what i'm saying it, it will be hard initially, but long term there is more for them to do - and bigger houses to keep them apart in separate rooms

Good luck, and treat yourself to a nice glass of wine each evening for having survived the day, that's how i get through it!

Karen

comet555

I wouldn't let your kids fighting stop you.

You could either stay were you are and they'll fight. Or you could move to Australia and they'll probably still fight. They might as well be fighting in the country of your choice.

You just have to get through a tough plane ride with the kids and a tough first month setting up, then voila.... same old kids, nice new country!

Anyway..... my brother was 5 years older than me and we used to fight quite a bit when we were younger. We both got on each others nerves all the time. Once he hit high school (around age 14) he sort of went his own way with his friends and we started to leave each other alone. I don't think anything else changed except that we were a bit older and interested in other things. So maybe there's hope yet We still get along great although we were never really close because I think we were a bit far apart age wise.