jilla411

My O/H came out to Mackay,Qld to work down the mines in January,Me and the 2 kids 15 & 2 followed in May, so we have been here 3 months.I want to go home- deep down i think that this will happen.I don,t want to regret my decision so have not made any rash decisions.My son has become a virtual recluse and never goes anywhere apart from the odd party at weekends now and again,does not do any sports like back in the Uk and stays in night after night, he gets up at 5:30 in a morning to speak to his mates back in the UK on msn,and even though he says he,s fine it,s killing me to see his social life and confidence plummet.My daughter is starting to forget family back home and i am really missing my family as we were very,very close and of course all the close friends you have back at home.I have met some very nice people but struggle every day,i find it hard to be myself as i am to busy trying to hold it all together and not breakdown in floods of tears.I,ve thought about giving it another 6 months but then my Son,s chance of getting gcse,s will have been ruined.I,ve thought about sending him home within the next 2 weeks to go back to school in the uk and do his gcse,s,we,ll stay here and i,ll give it another 3 months to see if i feel any different, if we are still here when he has completed his GCSE,s- then he will come back and do year 12 ,it just gives me the option to go home knowing i haven,t ruined his life otherwise we are tied to staying hear another 2 1/2 years till he,s got his HSC can then go uni back in UK.I don,t think My other half wants to go but ,i really don,t think i could stay.I live in Bucasia and i am on my own everyday and everynight and feel marooned and isolated.Back home i had family friends,a car ,a job,satelite tv,braodband internet and a life here i feel like ijust exist and would not get up if it wasn,t for my daughter.Will it get better or shall i cut my losses and go home now?

JAJ

Out of interest, if your son did sport in the U.K. then why is he not interested in doing the same in Australia?

moneypenny20

3 months isn't long to find mates you son would want to spend time with. What do the lads at school do after school - there must be sports clubs around. My daughter was still doing the early morning chats on MSN after 3 months, and I think she had made about two friends here that she spent time with - she has nothing to do with them now but has loads of other mates.

If you are going to go back because you're all unhappy then don't beat yourself up about it. Aus isn't for everyone. You say your little one is forgetting her family, no disrespect but she is so young, you're stressed by it, not her. If you went back would you be able to be in the same town you were? If you ended up going to a different area, things would be no different than they are here. Not having a go, I just know that I would never be able to afford to go back to our old town.

As for ruining your son's life - three months, six months, a year etc in another country will never do that. GCSE's are not the be all and end all, He might not get the same grades he would have done but only because he would have missed a bit of course work.

Don't beat yourself up about this. Three months is the normal "what the **** have we done" time. The stress of moving is over and normal life has started and you have more time to think and imagine things.

Have a look in MBttUK forum. Stacks of people there moving back from all over the world, some wanting to move back and others just happy to give advice. Many many people have been in your boat but only you and your family can decide, don't go by other people's experiences because everyone's start off point is different and everyone has different needs and requirements.

Good luck, try and get out and join a club yourself - mums and babies etc. Being alone is not healthy and it's very easy to give up without really trying. You have to go to people, they won't come to you. The first few months are very hard. Hope whatever you decide makes the whole family happy.

OzWannabee

I know its hard for teenagers. We brought my daughter over when she was 15 and for the first 6 months she religously got up every morning to go on MSN but then she did start to make friends and go out more and got up early less and less. It does take time and 3 months is not long.

She originally only agreed to come over here for 2 years and then we agreed if we liked it here and wanted to stay she could go back to Uni in the UK and live with my Mum. We have been here 20 months now and she is just finishing Year 12 and the only Uni's she is applying for are ones in Brisbane - and that's with no suggestions from us!!! She says she is going back to the UK after she has finished Uni to work!!! I've stopped stressing now!! Moneypen is right GCSE's are not everything!! We moved 5 months before she was due to do hers but she is doing so much better over here and will probably end up with better grades than she would have done in the UK. You have to be really positive about the situation and that will rub off on your son. At least he is getting invited to parties - my daughter didn't for ages!! Maybe he could have a party!!!!????!!!!!

She is still on MSN all the time but mainly to her mates in Oz - even though she sees them all day!!!

Hope it all works out for you!!

jilla411

i don,t have a car my OH takes it to work and he,s at work monday lunch to Friday morning or Sunday to thursday night.So i couldn,t take him.He has enquired about joining the football team but that will be in January next year as it is the end of season.

DebiE

We know what you're going through...we're in the same boat!! Although we don't have a 15 year old to contend with, only a 5 and a 4 year old.

Our children are also forgetting about family back home. It breaks my heart when they don't even know who my sister is...I have photos all over the house and I'm constantly reminding them who everyone is. It's very hard to maintain a relationship with people back home. Even when my kids have grown up, I know they will not have the same relationship as they would have if we had stayed...I went through the same with my grandparents when they emigrated to NZ before I was born.

I just wish I could give you the right answer....things would be so much easier with a crystal ball!!

The only thing I do to keep going, is keep reminding myself why we came in the first place.

Just be strong. Keep a level head and take each day as it comes. That's all you can do. The answer will come!! Believe me!!

Best wishes and all the best for the future

Dorothy

Can he not ride a bicycle? Take a bus or taxi? Carpool with some others on the team? If he wants to do sport then he and you will find a way. If he wants to sit in and mope he and you will find a way for that too.
I too don't want to sound like I'm having a go at you but you say you're upset your 2 year old is forgetting her family. What did you think was going to happen? At 2 years old she probably doesn't remember what happened last week, never mind 3 months ago.
Children are very perceptive and will pick up on what their parents are feeling. Maybe your son doesn't go out because he can feel that you are unsettled and may want to go back. No sense in him making friends and joining up for things if he just has to give it all up again in a couple of months. It's easier for him to keep to himself so he doesn't have to say goodbye to another set of friends.
You and your husband are the only ones who can tell you if going back is right for you.