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Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Old Oct 14th 2010, 3:14 am
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Originally Posted by lickylady
Exactly, I dont know. He is happy here and wants me to be. He knows how unhappy I am, I try to keep smiling and carryon. He dosn't understand what I miss about England! I explain it that I had lots of "Toys" around me in England: My friends, family, shopping, holiday, days out, exhibitions etc and now I have hardly any. He dosnt understand that the shopping etc is not the same here and thinks I'm mad to compare what I'm missing with shopping. I felt so alive when I went back, part of the real world, I felt 10 years younger. We had a big discussion a few months back and I said I was going to go back. he still refused and said that he would buy me out of our house. That hurt, no pleading me to stay etc, afterwards he said that he had only said that so I had a way out and not to make me feel trapped!. After much crying etc we just forgot about the conversation and carried on as if nothing had happend. Either way one of us will be unhappy, at the moment it is me.

Just a thought but if your relationship was good with your guy you wouldn't need all your TOYS, maybe and you can tell me I am wrong but maybe when your TOYS are all gone there is nothing else left...... Honestly life is too short to be unhappy...
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Old Oct 14th 2010, 3:59 am
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

its a grieving process you have to let yourself go through,
but reading between the lines of your original post and subsequent ones there maybe deeper problems between you and your husband,
I moved here just over 7 weeks ago leaving my Daughter, family and fantastic friends network, working 6-7 day weeks to.............
My husband, son, step son, my husbands friends and no job!!!!!! so its not been easy by no means but....... in my heart even though its not easy i know i have made the right decision for now and what ever happens in the future we will handle.

you will handle this is whatever way you go will be what is right for you and those around you

good luck and positive energy for wherever you are in your life
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Old Oct 15th 2010, 10:55 pm
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Tough one and goodbyes are awful.Give yourself a good 6 months make an effort and get out there.
All my family in UK and my dad just died so first few months wanted to go back.
Don't forget your young married and have a life with your husband.You can visit your mum and im sure your mum would not wanting you packing up your new life or husband for her.
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Old Oct 15th 2010, 11:15 pm
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Originally Posted by lickylady
Exactly, I dont know. He is happy here and wants me to be. He knows how unhappy I am, I try to keep smiling and carryon. He dosn't understand what I miss about England! I explain it that I had lots of "Toys" around me in England: My friends, family, shopping, holiday, days out, exhibitions etc and now I have hardly any. He dosnt understand that the shopping etc is not the same here and thinks I'm mad to compare what I'm missing with shopping. I felt so alive when I went back, part of the real world, I felt 10 years younger. We had a big discussion a few months back and I said I was going to go back. he still refused and said that he would buy me out of our house. That hurt, no pleading me to stay etc, afterwards he said that he had only said that so I had a way out and not to make me feel trapped!. After much crying etc we just forgot about the conversation and carried on as if nothing had happend. Either way one of us will be unhappy, at the moment it is me.
Sounds to me like your relationship has some difficulties regardless of your move over here. The move has simply been the hammer that's knocked the nail in.
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Old Oct 16th 2010, 5:02 pm
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Originally Posted by lickylady
I dont know really what to say, I feel so alone here in Australia now. Mum moved out with us 3 years ago and didnt manage to sell her house in England. So with no money and health issues she has had to move back .... yesterday. I miss her so much already and now wonder what Im doing here. I spend alot ofl my time with my mum, and always have, she is my best friend. Im 44 so I know maybe I am being silly but, I cant imagine life here without her. Everything we did together is all around me. My other half works away 2 weeks every month and so now am going to be even more on my own. I have friends but they have their own lives too. I would go back tomorrow to UK but my OH loves it here and WONT move. It feels like I have to choose between my mum and him. What a nightmare. I have a good job etc but it is not the life I want. I wanna go HOME. :-( Sorry I just need to speak to someone else that may know how I feel, I need to work this out for myself I know but dont know where to start.

Hi,
So sorry to here what you are going through, As what i have known of you and what we have talked about in the past, it will never get any easier for you, We both agree that some of us just need more to life, and it does not offer it here in adelaide, And when it does we will be to old to enjoy it.
I know your mum was your rock, Have you tried talking him into a different city maybe.
If you need to talk , phone me we can meet up for a coffee. You are not alone a lot of people feel this way .
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Old Nov 22nd 2010, 8:48 am
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

So..........mum has been back in Essex for 6 weeks now, she's not sure how she feels, all her furniture etc is still here in Oz so having to Beg Steal and Borrow at the moment. She has her house still which didnt sell but nothing in it! Am sure once her personal effects etc are all back with her she will feel much better. She did say her brain seems to be coming back to life and seems to be out most days when I ring! She has a bus pass and is using it! Oh and Dolly the dog made it back safe and sound too. My mum said on her first walk after being back Dolly remembered the little dog that she used to greet on the way past its gate and was looking for it. Haha after 2 1/5 years, I think she is glad to be back home too. Hopefully mum is buying a car from a friend so she can get around a bit easier. Anyway......I have decided I'm going back for Christmas to see her and my son who moved back last year too. My OH works away and will be gone all over Xmas and the New Year so, hey, why not. I'm off back for a proper Christmas. Only for 2 weeks but I CANT WAIT. Yes it is probably a waste of money but to me it is what I go to work for, to have some excitment in my life and something to look forward to. Just got to find my Duck Down jacket now!!
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Old Nov 22nd 2010, 2:04 pm
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Glad you are looking forward to a visit, but it is cold here at the mo, and expected to snow tomorrow even down here in the tropical south.

I always thought wistfully of cold Christmases in Aus, but now am thinking fondly of the heat!
Roll on 12 months when we will be back/heading back down under.

Bring plenty of warm layers. It is going to be cold....
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Old Nov 22nd 2010, 3:54 pm
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

It's not been that bad at all weatherwise in the SE - not for the past 6 weeks anyway. I still havent worn the down jacket I purchased for my trip earlier this year (and I didnt wear it then either) - sort of wish I had brought it back for the Canberra winter which was bitter. Today I didnt even have the fleece on, just a thick cardi. It all depends on who you listen to about whether it is going to be a horrible winter or not - I dont think Piers Corbyn or Joe Bastardi are hyping up a horror winter, just a regular British winter, and they are usually on the money.

I know what your mum means about her brain coming back to life - so much more here to do and see, it's amazing! Not got enough time to do even half the things I would like to do - havent walked nearly as much as I hoped I would but still far more than I would do in Aus and only twice needed the rain jacket!
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Old Nov 22nd 2010, 4:47 pm
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Originally Posted by lickylady
So..........mum has been back in Essex for 6 weeks now, she's not sure how she feels, all her furniture etc is still here in Oz so having to Beg Steal and Borrow at the moment. She has her house still which didnt sell but nothing in it! Am sure once her personal effects etc are all back with her she will feel much better. She did say her brain seems to be coming back to life and seems to be out most days when I ring! She has a bus pass and is using it! Oh and Dolly the dog made it back safe and sound too. My mum said on her first walk after being back Dolly remembered the little dog that she used to greet on the way past its gate and was looking for it. Haha after 2 1/5 years, I think she is glad to be back home too. Hopefully mum is buying a car from a friend so she can get around a bit easier. Anyway......I have decided I'm going back for Christmas to see her and my son who moved back last year too. My OH works away and will be gone all over Xmas and the New Year so, hey, why not. I'm off back for a proper Christmas. Only for 2 weeks but I CANT WAIT. Yes it is probably a waste of money but to me it is what I go to work for, to have some excitment in my life and something to look forward to. Just got to find my Duck Down jacket now!!

Glad to hear she's settling back in ok. Enjoy your visit, never mind about the cost, like you say, you work for your money and you should be able to enjoy it in whatever way you see fit (I've just spend $5k on a visit to the UK to see A-ha )

Originally Posted by Pomster
Glad you are looking forward to a visit, but it is cold here at the mo, and expected to snow tomorrow even down here in the tropical south.

I always thought wistfully of cold Christmases in Aus, but now am thinking fondly of the heat!
Roll on 12 months when we will be back/heading back down under.

Bring plenty of warm layers. It is going to be cold....
I thought I missed 'real' xmas and the shopping etc. But now I'm here I have realised I really don't - can't wait to get back to Australia! I walked for hours around the Trafford Centre on Saturday and again on Sunday and hardly found anything I wanted to buy!
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Old Nov 24th 2010, 5:39 am
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Spoke to my mum this morning and she said she is freezing, going to bed to keep warm. I reminded her that it was 36 here yesterday in Adelaide, like a ghost town no-one on streets, all in doors with the aircon on or in the shopping mall using theirs! She said she thinks on reflection she prefers the heat to the freezing cold!!! Well I never, she hated the heat and was longing for the cold winter in Essex. I sent her some food from tesco's that I ordered online and included a bottle of wine from Rosemount, local here in Mclaren Vale, we used to visit it together. She said she is really missing it here, so who knows, maybe she will end up coming back, me settling and we all live happily ever after in Adelaide. Hahaha, think I need a drink!
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Old Nov 24th 2010, 11:16 am
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Originally Posted by Wendy


I thought I missed 'real' xmas and the shopping etc. But now I'm here I have realised I really don't - can't wait to get back to Australia! I walked for hours around the Trafford Centre on Saturday and again on Sunday and hardly found anything I wanted to buy!
I notice that I miss the lower level of commercialisation in Aus. Everyone seems to go completely mad with consumerism and you must buy 'cleaning products/new bedlinen/new car/whatever' for the Christmas hols. Thought it was meant to be toys!
Definitely consumerism is far more rampant here, which surprised me (unless it is jsut because I am in London)
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Old Nov 29th 2010, 3:33 pm
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Originally Posted by Pomster
Glad you are looking forward to a visit, but it is cold here at the mo, and expected to snow tomorrow even down here in the tropical south.

I always thought wistfully of cold Christmases in Aus, but now am thinking fondly of the heat!
Roll on 12 months when we will be back/heading back down under.

Bring plenty of warm layers. It is going to be cold....


Hi Pomster,


You sound exactly like us! We came back to Essex March 2010, but are looking forward to heading back to Aus early next year! Whereabouts in the UK are you?
Tanya x
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Old Feb 18th 2011, 9:12 am
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Just thought I would give you a quick update after my trip back at Xmas. Well it was lovely to arrive on Christmas eve, I was so excited but no-one else at Heathrow was! I couldnt beleive it, I had my father Christmas singing hat on and everyone was just looking at me as if I was completely mad. So.... what did I think, well and you wont beleive it, I was actually looking forward to coming back to Adelaide at the end of the 2 weeks. None of freinds beleived me, they all thought I was an imposter but honestly this is the first time I felt like this. It was winter, cold miserable and grey, we had to have the lights on all day so maybe thats why I felt as I did. I went shopping almost everyday as that was really all there was to do and I realised that I was getting bored and perhaps all I did do before was shop most weekends. I just wanted to be back sipping latte in Brighton Adelaide looking at the beautiful blue sea erm... i mean ocean. I did love seeing my mum and we did all the things we used to do together, well almost, we wanted to take a trip up to Lancashire but the weather was too dodgy. I caught up with all my friends which again was great but, heres what I thought, I am here, fitting straight back in with my friends lives, doing all the things I wanted to do shopping, reminising etc and then when I am done I am going back to my OTHER life, one which I have and they dont! They have to stay there and carryon doing what they are doing, whereas I can pop into that life and then go back to my other life, how lucky am I? I dont mean this to sound selfish in anyway, it just made me think how lucky I am and maybe I should be more grateful for what I have. sorry if there were too many commas!. Anyway, hopefully mum is having her hips done July time, I will return to look after her for a few months(Job letting me have time off permitting) and then maybe she will come back to Adelaide with me. Of course that could all change once I have been back in the summer and I will be home sick yet again!!! Nightmare. x
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Old Feb 18th 2011, 9:21 am
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Originally Posted by lickylady
Just thought I would give you a quick update after my trip back at Xmas. Well it was lovely to arrive on Christmas eve, I was so excited but no-one else at Heathrow was! I couldnt beleive it, I had my father Christmas singing hat on and everyone was just looking at me as if I was completely mad. So.... what did I think, well and you wont beleive it, I was actually looking forward to coming back to Adelaide at the end of the 2 weeks. None of freinds beleived me, they all thought I was an imposter but honestly this is the first time I felt like this. It was winter, cold miserable and grey, we had to have the lights on all day so maybe thats why I felt as I did. I went shopping almost everyday as that was really all there was to do and I realised that I was getting bored and perhaps all I did do before was shop most weekends. I just wanted to be back sipping latte in Brighton Adelaide looking at the beautiful blue sea erm... i mean ocean. I did love seeing my mum and we did all the things we used to do together, well almost, we wanted to take a trip up to Lancashire but the weather was too dodgy. I caught up with all my friends which again was great but, heres what I thought, I am here, fitting straight back in with my friends lives, doing all the things I wanted to do shopping, reminising etc and then when I am done I am going back to my OTHER life, one which I have and they dont! They have to stay there and carryon doing what they are doing, whereas I can pop into that life and then go back to my other life, how lucky am I? I dont mean this to sound selfish in anyway, it just made me think how lucky I am and maybe I should be more grateful for what I have. sorry if there were too many commas!. Anyway, hopefully mum is having her hips done July time, I will return to look after her for a few months(Job letting me have time off permitting) and then maybe she will come back to Adelaide with me. Of course that could all change once I have been back in the summer and I will be home sick yet again!!! Nightmare. x
That for me is an excellent description and a wonderful way of looking at things.
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Old Feb 18th 2011, 9:28 am
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Default Re: Heartbroken - Mum has moved back to UK

Originally Posted by lickylady
Just thought I would give you a quick update after my trip back at Xmas. Well it was lovely to arrive on Christmas eve, I was so excited but no-one else at Heathrow was! I couldnt beleive it, I had my father Christmas singing hat on and everyone was just looking at me as if I was completely mad. So.... what did I think, well and you wont beleive it, I was actually looking forward to coming back to Adelaide at the end of the 2 weeks. None of freinds beleived me, they all thought I was an imposter but honestly this is the first time I felt like this. It was winter, cold miserable and grey, we had to have the lights on all day so maybe thats why I felt as I did. I went shopping almost everyday as that was really all there was to do and I realised that I was getting bored and perhaps all I did do before was shop most weekends. I just wanted to be back sipping latte in Brighton Adelaide looking at the beautiful blue sea erm... i mean ocean. I did love seeing my mum and we did all the things we used to do together, well almost, we wanted to take a trip up to Lancashire but the weather was too dodgy. I caught up with all my friends which again was great but, heres what I thought, I am here, fitting straight back in with my friends lives, doing all the things I wanted to do shopping, reminising etc and then when I am done I am going back to my OTHER life, one which I have and they dont! They have to stay there and carryon doing what they are doing, whereas I can pop into that life and then go back to my other life, how lucky am I? I dont mean this to sound selfish in anyway, it just made me think how lucky I am and maybe I should be more grateful for what I have. sorry if there were too many commas!. Anyway, hopefully mum is having her hips done July time, I will return to look after her for a few months(Job letting me have time off permitting) and then maybe she will come back to Adelaide with me. Of course that could all change once I have been back in the summer and I will be home sick yet again!!! Nightmare. x
nice to hear that you're feeling a bit more upbeat about things now. I hope that things work out for you, either in Adelaide or England. I reckon you deserve it.

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