lickylady

I dont know really what to say, I feel so alone here in Australia now. Mum moved out with us 3 years ago and didnt manage to sell her house in England. So with no money and health issues she has had to move back .... yesterday. I miss her so much already and now wonder what Im doing here. I spend alot ofl my time with my mum, and always have, she is my best friend. Im 44 so I know maybe I am being silly but, I cant imagine life here without her. Everything we did together is all around me. My other half works away 2 weeks every month and so now am going to be even more on my own. I have friends but they have their own lives too. I would go back tomorrow to UK but my OH loves it here and WONT move. It feels like I have to choose between my mum and him. What a nightmare. I have a good job etc but it is not the life I want. I wanna go HOME. :-( Sorry I just need to speak to someone else that may know how I feel, I need to work this out for myself I know but dont know where to start.

petensue

I am not that great with advice giving but just wanted to say don't try and decide what to do now as you are putting to much pressure on yourself.You need time to just cry or feel upset as it sounds like you and your Mum are so close.

Think about what you want to do later when you feel less upset.Sorry if this does not help much but just wanted to give you my support.Sue.

Wendy

Aw, that must be really hard for you. I was close to my Mum too so understand in a way what you are going through by her not being around all the time. I know that empty and lost feeling only too well.

The only advice I can give you right now is to just go easy on yourself for a couple of days, and try not to make any rash decisions until it's all sunk in. I know when my son visits I always feel very lost when he goes back, and it takes me a few weeks to feel myself again.

I don't really have any advice on what you should do, maybe she will be able to sell easier while she is in the UK? Is there a chance she can come back if she does?

lickylady

Thanks for your replies it really does help. I know once I speak to her I will feel better, she lands in 2 hrs with Dolly her dog on the same plane. We have both never really settled and long for the life we had in England. Maybe this is the first step and it will make me decide. My son is also in UK, although looking to move back here next year he says, Brisbane though not Adelaide. My mum has been given a bridging visa B for up to a year, so she could come back. She is almost 70 though and needs hip replacements so dont think this will ever happen. Maybe I just need to go back for a few months next year and see how I feel. I did go back for a month in July and loved every minute of being back where it felt so right. I know they say lifes a journey but I dont like this one at the moment. Am trying to keep positive and hope an answer wings its way to me very soon. x

discobay

I can sympathise with how you feel. My wife misses her mum and friends and has already left. She will be back but not for a few months. My son is so sad it hurts. When I first moved overseas I missed the UK so much I would do the long distance phone calls, writing (letters not email) and frequent trips back. I would even ask fellow expats to get me something when they went back even if it was just a t-shirt with something British on it. Looking back the thing that made life more bearable was having British friends around me and the occasional return trip back to recharge my batteries. Some British soaps are helpful too if you're that way inclined. After a while you start to miss your new home more than the one you grew up in. Hope you feel better!

Sally Simpson

Oh I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad now that your mum has gone back but as others have said, she has only just left, so it is bound to be very hard right now.
My suggestion would be to indulge your sense of loss for a few days but you need to set a limit. Maybe say from Monday you will try to get on with things & be positive & see how it goes.
It may be though that at some point in the future, you are going to have to make some very tough decisions.
Lots of luck & a big hug. Remember, the BE family will always be here to listen xx

quoll

{{{hugs}}} and join the gang of the sacrificial lamb, pandering to partners who wont go. Some of us survive by taking annual visits (only 2 more sleeps to my second trip home for this year!!!) and the family compromise is that the one who wants to stay gets to fund the habit of the one who wants to go. You can do it - not perfect but better than nothing and if you have a date in your diary you can have a continual count down to sanity.

lickylady

Thanks for your kind words. My partner wont support my trips back, thankfully I have a good job so can pay for myself. I mentioned that I may go back for a longer trip next year and he wasn't too pleased! I woundn't mind but he is only home 2 weeks per month so wouldn't even miss me. Perhaps I'll just go and ring him from England Haha. xxx

Sally Simpson

Why is he so negative & unsupportive about it?

lickylady

Exactly, I dont know. He is happy here and wants me to be. He knows how unhappy I am, I try to keep smiling and carryon. He dosn't understand what I miss about England! I explain it that I had lots of "Toys" around me in England: My friends, family, shopping, holiday, days out, exhibitions etc and now I have hardly any. He dosnt understand that the shopping etc is not the same here and thinks I'm mad to compare what I'm missing with shopping. I felt so alive when I went back, part of the real world, I felt 10 years younger. We had a big discussion a few months back and I said I was going to go back. he still refused and said that he would buy me out of our house. That hurt, no pleading me to stay etc, afterwards he said that he had only said that so I had a way out and not to make me feel trapped!. After much crying etc we just forgot about the conversation and carried on as if nothing had happend. Either way one of us will be unhappy, at the moment it is me.

joh117

I so know where you are coming from though its not my mum I miss it was my mates. I went back for 10wks in Nov 09 and I could have happily stayed.

I have now settled back into life in Brisbane and I am happy and settled. My husband would not go back to the UK for love nor money. So I gave up on the thought of moving back. We have ping ponged already so I do know life isnt a bed of roses in the UK the friends make more effort to see you when you are there for a short trip than when you move back.

Hope you get it sorted and can get a compromise that makes you all happy

Big hugs

Jo

lickylady

I dont really miss my friends, we keep in touch on facebook and phonecall etc. My best friend now lives in France which is only a hop skip and a jump on Ryanair from England. Its my mum...., we used to spend so much time together, I am a sales rep out on the road and she would come with me at least twice a week on my visits up and down the country. We would visit country houses, have lovely lunches and stay in wonderful places. I know these are now just wonderful memories but, we could have this again. Im sure I could get another job doing simular. My sister lives in Holland so my mum is on her own really. She is not one to go out much. She may join some clubs as she did here, she really loved them and the ladies were so upset that sh has gone back. We tried everything here in Adelaide, my job is the same and I am out and about everyday, my mum too. Now I have to go to all these places without her and it hurts. It seems like I am choosing my Mum over my partner but even with my mum here it still was not enough.

lancastrian48

I sympathise with your upset.

However, you have been lucky to have a family member around you in Oz

Many have to manage with no support network,and yes it's tough going.

quoll

Blimey.

As some kind soul on here once recommended for my DH - he sounds like he needs a slab of 4x2 upside his head and a roll of duct tape (beat him up, bind him up then get him on the plane) I tried it but it didnt work

I hope that your "home" fund grows really fast if he wont come to the party and help you retain your sanity. Now is the time for selfishness because it sure sounds like he has it in spades!

{{{hugs}}}

JAJ

Based on the information given, it looks like your mother probably tried to "move" as a tourist (always a bad, bad idea) and it's probably for the best that she ended up not selling her house in the UK.

If she has health issues, she may not even be eligible for a migration visa.

As for the rest, you and your husband need to work out between yourselves what your future should be. Do you miss your mother or the UK? Is it a solution for her to come to Australia to visit for a few months each year? Can you visit the UK for a few months each year? Do you have any children? And so on.