He dosn't want to come!
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 236
He dosn't want to come!
After lots of careful thought, and lots of advice, we are going to apply for a 139 visa asap with a view to settling in perth. of course me and my husband discussed it with the children, and although they were a bit scepticle and afraid of missing friends etc, they have come round to the idea. My eldest son (almost 18) has said no way does he want to go! he has a good job here and a steady girlfriend, and they have already talked about moving in together. His girlfriends family said they will "look after him". But what if they fall out, what if he looses his job? has an accident etc. He has no contact with his father or any other relatives, i can't bear to think of him alone here. I know i must sound like i am being over protective, he is very independant and deep down i am sure he will be fine, but what if i never see him again! surley there are other mums and dads out there who know how i feel!
Ellen
Ellen
#3
hi
It is a very difficult time that you are having. I have an 18yr old son too and fully appreciate the torment as a mother that you are going through. I must admit I dont know what I would do if my son didn't want to go..
He is coming with us on our visa application because he was 17 when we applied and still in full time education (and for that matter still is).
Initially he was against it, but as time has passed..almost a year now, he is ready to go and try life in Oz
I think that there may be a sticking point with your son being included on your application.....
.. If he has a job ie working more than 20hrs a week, then he (i think i'm right) is considered independent of you and there fore would have to apply in his own right. There are other things that would cause problems too, for example, if he was to get engaged or move out of your home
Im sure that one of the agents who contribute to this site will correct me if Im wrong but I dont think that I am.
I have tried to find something from www.immi.gov.au to support what i say but can't find anything. It may say it in the application pack Im unsure
Good luck anyway..Let us know how you get on
It is a very difficult time that you are having. I have an 18yr old son too and fully appreciate the torment as a mother that you are going through. I must admit I dont know what I would do if my son didn't want to go..
He is coming with us on our visa application because he was 17 when we applied and still in full time education (and for that matter still is).
Initially he was against it, but as time has passed..almost a year now, he is ready to go and try life in Oz
I think that there may be a sticking point with your son being included on your application.....
.. If he has a job ie working more than 20hrs a week, then he (i think i'm right) is considered independent of you and there fore would have to apply in his own right. There are other things that would cause problems too, for example, if he was to get engaged or move out of your home
Im sure that one of the agents who contribute to this site will correct me if Im wrong but I dont think that I am.
I have tried to find something from www.immi.gov.au to support what i say but can't find anything. It may say it in the application pack Im unsure
Good luck anyway..Let us know how you get on
Last edited by yvsie; Apr 11th 2003 at 3:47 pm.
#4
Re: He dosn't want to come!
Originally posted by ellen1
After lots of careful thought, and lots of advice, we are going to apply for a 139 visa asap with a view to settling in perth. of course me and my husband discussed it with the children, and although they were a bit scepticle and afraid of missing friends etc, they have come round to the idea. My eldest son (almost 18) has said no way does he want to go! he has a good job here and a steady girlfriend, and they have already talked about moving in together. His girlfriends family said they will "look after him". But what if they fall out, what if he looses his job? has an accident etc. He has no contact with his father or any other relatives, i can't bear to think of him alone here. I know i must sound like i am being over protective, he is very independant and deep down i am sure he will be fine, but what if i never see him again! surley there are other mums and dads out there who know how i feel!
Ellen
After lots of careful thought, and lots of advice, we are going to apply for a 139 visa asap with a view to settling in perth. of course me and my husband discussed it with the children, and although they were a bit scepticle and afraid of missing friends etc, they have come round to the idea. My eldest son (almost 18) has said no way does he want to go! he has a good job here and a steady girlfriend, and they have already talked about moving in together. His girlfriends family said they will "look after him". But what if they fall out, what if he looses his job? has an accident etc. He has no contact with his father or any other relatives, i can't bear to think of him alone here. I know i must sound like i am being over protective, he is very independant and deep down i am sure he will be fine, but what if i never see him again! surley there are other mums and dads out there who know how i feel!
Ellen
#5
Re: He dosn't want to come!
I'm not sure if it helps but I left home at 18 and it was the best thing I have ever done.
My advice would be to let your son stay in the UK - but make it clear there is a plane ticket to Oz with his name on it should he ever change his mind.
My advice would be to let your son stay in the UK - but make it clear there is a plane ticket to Oz with his name on it should he ever change his mind.
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 52
Re: He dosn't want to come!
[HI Ellen
I know how you feel my daughter is 18 in nov has a boyfriend of 2 years and is madly in love. She does not want to go either. I feel that I must do it now or miss out on my dreams, but I feel the same as you will I settle knowing she is so far away. Her father is not alive and I feel that I am all she has.
My parents would keep an eye on her, but not sure where she would live. Where is your son going to live with his girlfriends family or can he afford to live alone?
My daughter is going to uni I just wish she would do it in NZ with us. Let me know how you get on. I know what you are going thru.
ali
I know how you feel my daughter is 18 in nov has a boyfriend of 2 years and is madly in love. She does not want to go either. I feel that I must do it now or miss out on my dreams, but I feel the same as you will I settle knowing she is so far away. Her father is not alive and I feel that I am all she has.
My parents would keep an eye on her, but not sure where she would live. Where is your son going to live with his girlfriends family or can he afford to live alone?
My daughter is going to uni I just wish she would do it in NZ with us. Let me know how you get on. I know what you are going thru.
ali
#7
Give the lad a break !!
Hes 18, the last thing he will want is you wet nursing him.
Get yourself to Oz, he knows where you are if he needs you.
I left home at 18, wish I had left earlier. !!
Hes 18, the last thing he will want is you wet nursing him.
Get yourself to Oz, he knows where you are if he needs you.
I left home at 18, wish I had left earlier. !!
#8
Finally made it
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: Perth
Posts: 210
Our son will turn 17 shortly before we leave for Perth. We're getting the same reaction, 'don't want to go, I'll stay with friends etc'. No easy answer is there!
Whatever you decide, will he come out with you initially to get his passport validated and if so does he then have 5 years in his own right to return to Oz?
I'm not sure if he will be able to do this if the main visa has been granted to you or your husband but it may be an option.
Steph
Whatever you decide, will he come out with you initially to get his passport validated and if so does he then have 5 years in his own right to return to Oz?
I'm not sure if he will be able to do this if the main visa has been granted to you or your husband but it may be an option.
Steph
#9
Re: He dosn't want to come!
Originally posted by ellen1
After lots of careful thought, and lots of advice, we are going to apply for a 139 visa asap with a view to settling in perth. of course me and my husband discussed it with the children, and although they were a bit scepticle and afraid of missing friends etc, they have come round to the idea. My eldest son (almost 18) has said no way does he want to go! he has a good job here and a steady girlfriend, and they have already talked about moving in together. His girlfriends family said they will "look after him". But what if they fall out, what if he looses his job? has an accident etc. He has no contact with his father or any other relatives, i can't bear to think of him alone here. I know i must sound like i am being over protective, he is very independant and deep down i am sure he will be fine, but what if i never see him again! surley there are other mums and dads out there who know how i feel!
Ellen
After lots of careful thought, and lots of advice, we are going to apply for a 139 visa asap with a view to settling in perth. of course me and my husband discussed it with the children, and although they were a bit scepticle and afraid of missing friends etc, they have come round to the idea. My eldest son (almost 18) has said no way does he want to go! he has a good job here and a steady girlfriend, and they have already talked about moving in together. His girlfriends family said they will "look after him". But what if they fall out, what if he looses his job? has an accident etc. He has no contact with his father or any other relatives, i can't bear to think of him alone here. I know i must sound like i am being over protective, he is very independant and deep down i am sure he will be fine, but what if i never see him again! surley there are other mums and dads out there who know how i feel!
Ellen
Of course you will miss him like crazy but you have to remember why you are considering emigrating in the first place. As much as he is a part of your life, you have to live your life for yourself.
My parents came the other way (Oz to UK) in the early 70's leaving all my mum's family behind. She never got to see her father again before he died but she says the choice they made to come to England was the right one at the time for both my parents and my brother and i. Yes she regrets missing that time with him. No she doesn't regret doing what they felt was best for our family. (She would return to Oz tomorrow at the drop of a hat, but that's a different story!)
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Sally
#10
Forum Regular
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 147
Re: He dosn't want to come!
Originally posted by ellen1
After lots of careful thought, and lots of advice, we are going to apply for a 139 visa asap with a view to settling in perth. of course me and my husband discussed it with the children, and although they were a bit scepticle and afraid of missing friends etc, they have come round to the idea. My eldest son (almost 18) has said no way does he want to go! he has a good job here and a steady girlfriend, and they have already talked about moving in together. His girlfriends family said they will "look after him". But what if they fall out, what if he looses his job? has an accident etc. He has no contact with his father or any other relatives, i can't bear to think of him alone here. I know i must sound like i am being over protective, he is very independant and deep down i am sure he will be fine, but what if i never see him again! surley there are other mums and dads out there who know how i feel!
Ellen
After lots of careful thought, and lots of advice, we are going to apply for a 139 visa asap with a view to settling in perth. of course me and my husband discussed it with the children, and although they were a bit scepticle and afraid of missing friends etc, they have come round to the idea. My eldest son (almost 18) has said no way does he want to go! he has a good job here and a steady girlfriend, and they have already talked about moving in together. His girlfriends family said they will "look after him". But what if they fall out, what if he looses his job? has an accident etc. He has no contact with his father or any other relatives, i can't bear to think of him alone here. I know i must sound like i am being over protective, he is very independant and deep down i am sure he will be fine, but what if i never see him again! surley there are other mums and dads out there who know how i feel!
Ellen
Tough call. I'm not a parent so please feel free to ignore my advice, but I suspect that he will resent you if you push too hard to do something as big as this, if he doesn't want to do it. (I'm only a few years beyond his age, so I think I might know what he's going through) As some-one else said you can always make clear to him that there's a plane ticket with his name on if he changes his mind, but if he's probably big enough to look after himself...he's got to do it at some point right?
Good luck!
#11
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 74
That happened to my friend. She left her son and gave him a return ticket for when they were settled he visited and loved the place went back and got his girlfriend and they came out on a working holiday visa and are still here.
#12
Hi, we are in a similar position. Our oldest is 18 and has a place at university this September. He is staying here until he graduates and then if he wants to, we will apply with him to come out to NZ. We are hoping to be in NZ in June 03 and will have him out with us for as much of July/August as possible, with yearly return trips also.
Of course we'll miss him, but even if we stay here he will be 200 miles away at Uni. I have put great faith in my family, especially my sister who is also his God Mother.
We can't live their lives for them, my son decided to leave to go to uni before we decided on NZ, and at 18 I feel he is mature enough to make his own choices, but we'll always be there to support him if he changes his mind.
Gill and Rob
Of course we'll miss him, but even if we stay here he will be 200 miles away at Uni. I have put great faith in my family, especially my sister who is also his God Mother.
We can't live their lives for them, my son decided to leave to go to uni before we decided on NZ, and at 18 I feel he is mature enough to make his own choices, but we'll always be there to support him if he changes his mind.
Gill and Rob
#13
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 236
Thank you all for your valuable advice! of course you was all right! i left home at 16, and i believe it made me into the person iam, independant, confident and not afraid to take risks (hence migrating to oz). Before kids, we all feel we would be laid back parents and give our kids freedom and responsilities, its not so easy though when there here and asking for exactly what we wanted as young people!
anyway thanks again
Ellen
anyway thanks again
Ellen