Have you made a t*t of yourself?
May 18th 2005, 2:23 am
#1
Prisoner of Her Majesty
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, Brisbane
Posts: 838
Have you made a t*t of yourself?
If there's one thing that us brits are good at - it's being able to laugh at ourselves.
With that in mind, how many of us have made a tit of ourselves recently?
I'll kick off...
Currently work freelance but am starting a full-time role on Monday. With a bit of free time on my hands yesterday I decided that I would drop Sam off at her school and carry on down the M1 to the Gold Coast to practise my body-boarding.
Thought I'd take the advice of a sales assistant in Brothers Nielson who suggested that Burleigh Heads was a good spot to catch some waves.
Set out from the beach on numerous occasions, battling against the onslaught of the waves. Was enjoyable though and did manage to catch my first 'real' big wave.
Got out and had a bite to eat up on the hill over-looking other surfers. Whilst eating I noticed that some surfers were scrambling over the rocks beneath me to get out at a further point (cutting out a few hundred yards of swimming against the waves from the beach).
Slowly but surely they managed it and carried on out to sea.
Now...Sam's advice to me earlier that morning was to not get washed up on the rocks, but here were some guys who were saving themselves a whole lot of energy by scrambling over the rocks to get out to the decent waves.
It didn't take me long to figure that if Sam had been with me she wouldn't have let me attempt it (I'm not under the thumb - honest
). So...
10 minutes later, with a few dozen people watching from where I had previously been sitting, I was stood on a bolder 3/4 of the way out to the further-most rock, board in one hand and fins (flippers) in the other.
Chuffed at getting out this far I then realised that I had done the easy part. Sam's words resounding in my head I figured that I should get prepared to dive in and swim away from the rocks.
Trying to get a feel for the strength of the waves sweeping past my ankles I thought now would be a good time to crouch down with my back to a large rock and get my fins on.
My thinking was that even if a big wave was to come my way, I'd just be pinned against the rock I was leaning on...ooops
Said wave came along and rather than be pinned against the rock, I was pushed up and over it!
Looking like a bit of a tool with one fin in the air and trying to regain my balance I ended up flat on my ass with a few cuts to my legs and hands whilst I could hear a few 'gasps' from onlookers.
Thankfully I was lucky and got straight up trying to regain my 'cool'
Needless to say I started to trudge back towards the safety of the grass verge with the sea water exagerating my cuts, making me look like my legs had been savaged by a shark!
I didn't look up once and proceeded to sulk back at the car, contemplating what a pillock I looked!
It was, however, only my pride that took a battering. My grazes don't look too bad today.
I was heartened to see later in the day (having got changed and cleaned up) another surfer try the same thing. He too came a cropper and went, tail between legs, back to the beach. I chuckled and thought that my fall would have looked far more graceful than his!!
Rob
With that in mind, how many of us have made a tit of ourselves recently?
I'll kick off...
Currently work freelance but am starting a full-time role on Monday. With a bit of free time on my hands yesterday I decided that I would drop Sam off at her school and carry on down the M1 to the Gold Coast to practise my body-boarding.
Thought I'd take the advice of a sales assistant in Brothers Nielson who suggested that Burleigh Heads was a good spot to catch some waves.
Set out from the beach on numerous occasions, battling against the onslaught of the waves. Was enjoyable though and did manage to catch my first 'real' big wave.
Got out and had a bite to eat up on the hill over-looking other surfers. Whilst eating I noticed that some surfers were scrambling over the rocks beneath me to get out at a further point (cutting out a few hundred yards of swimming against the waves from the beach).
Slowly but surely they managed it and carried on out to sea.
Now...Sam's advice to me earlier that morning was to not get washed up on the rocks, but here were some guys who were saving themselves a whole lot of energy by scrambling over the rocks to get out to the decent waves.
It didn't take me long to figure that if Sam had been with me she wouldn't have let me attempt it (I'm not under the thumb - honest
). So...10 minutes later, with a few dozen people watching from where I had previously been sitting, I was stood on a bolder 3/4 of the way out to the further-most rock, board in one hand and fins (flippers) in the other.
Chuffed at getting out this far I then realised that I had done the easy part. Sam's words resounding in my head I figured that I should get prepared to dive in and swim away from the rocks.
Trying to get a feel for the strength of the waves sweeping past my ankles I thought now would be a good time to crouch down with my back to a large rock and get my fins on.
My thinking was that even if a big wave was to come my way, I'd just be pinned against the rock I was leaning on...ooops
Said wave came along and rather than be pinned against the rock, I was pushed up and over it!
Looking like a bit of a tool with one fin in the air and trying to regain my balance I ended up flat on my ass with a few cuts to my legs and hands whilst I could hear a few 'gasps' from onlookers.
Thankfully I was lucky and got straight up trying to regain my 'cool'
Needless to say I started to trudge back towards the safety of the grass verge with the sea water exagerating my cuts, making me look like my legs had been savaged by a shark!
I didn't look up once and proceeded to sulk back at the car, contemplating what a pillock I looked!
It was, however, only my pride that took a battering. My grazes don't look too bad today.
I was heartened to see later in the day (having got changed and cleaned up) another surfer try the same thing. He too came a cropper and went, tail between legs, back to the beach. I chuckled and thought that my fall would have looked far more graceful than his!!
Rob
May 18th 2005, 3:37 am
#2
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 7,834
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
lmao I wish I had been one of the onlookers hehe!!!! bet it was well funny to watch, on saying that am glad u r ok 
May 18th 2005, 4:00 am
#3
(It's not my real name)
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Ilukapool. WA
Posts: 12,467
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
I was once flying my paraglider at Newhaven cliffs, attempting the run to Brighton and back. Someone told me the tide was going out. Anyway I was heading off to Brighton when I started running out of lift. I ended up having to land in a little bay, cut off by the waves.
It quickly dawned that the tide was coming in so I had to wade back from bay to bay in chest high water, getting pummeled by waves and walking in to rocks before I made it back to the beach at Newhaven.
I felt like a right prat and decided never to believe anyone about the tide unless I'd read the tide tables myself.
Another paraglider story, it was my first ever "big" flight at Stanwell Tops in NSW, sort of Sydney's equivalent of Beachy Head. Naturally I was shitting myself, anyway to cut a long story short I was told I had to land on what looked like a tiny pocket hanky of grass in the town below. In the end, my lack of experience meant I landed at speed, down wind in front of a bevvy of beach beauties playing volleyball who all had a good laugh.
Next the lifesaver came up to me on a quad bike and bollocked me in front of the bikini clad sheilas. I felt a right plonker.
It quickly dawned that the tide was coming in so I had to wade back from bay to bay in chest high water, getting pummeled by waves and walking in to rocks before I made it back to the beach at Newhaven.
I felt like a right prat and decided never to believe anyone about the tide unless I'd read the tide tables myself.
Another paraglider story, it was my first ever "big" flight at Stanwell Tops in NSW, sort of Sydney's equivalent of Beachy Head. Naturally I was shitting myself, anyway to cut a long story short I was told I had to land on what looked like a tiny pocket hanky of grass in the town below. In the end, my lack of experience meant I landed at speed, down wind in front of a bevvy of beach beauties playing volleyball who all had a good laugh.
Next the lifesaver came up to me on a quad bike and bollocked me in front of the bikini clad sheilas. I felt a right plonker.
May 18th 2005, 4:21 am
#4
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Maroubra
Posts: 753
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
I've got a season ticket for Spurs
May 18th 2005, 4:35 am
#5
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
Originally Posted by samnrob2
If there's one thing that us brits are good at - it's being able to laugh at ourselves.
With that in mind, how many of us have made a tit of ourselves recently?
I'll kick off...
Currently work freelance but am starting a full-time role on Monday. With a bit of free time on my hands yesterday I decided that I would drop Sam off at her school and carry on down the M1 to the Gold Coast to practise my body-boarding.
Thought I'd take the advice of a sales assistant in Brothers Nielson who suggested that Burleigh Heads was a good spot to catch some waves.
Set out from the beach on numerous occasions, battling against the onslaught of the waves. Was enjoyable though and did manage to catch my first 'real' big wave.
Got out and had a bite to eat up on the hill over-looking other surfers. Whilst eating I noticed that some surfers were scrambling over the rocks beneath me to get out at a further point (cutting out a few hundred yards of swimming against the waves from the beach).
Slowly but surely they managed it and carried on out to sea.
Now...Sam's advice to me earlier that morning was to not get washed up on the rocks, but here were some guys who were saving themselves a whole lot of energy by scrambling over the rocks to get out to the decent waves.
It didn't take me long to figure that if Sam had been with me she wouldn't have let me attempt it (I'm not under the thumb - honest ). So...
10 minutes later, with a few dozen people watching from where I had previously been sitting, I was stood on a bolder 3/4 of the way out to the further-most rock, board in one hand and fins (flippers) in the other.
Chuffed at getting out this far I then realised that I had done the easy part. Sam's words resounding in my head I figured that I should get prepared to dive in and swim away from the rocks.
Trying to get a feel for the strength of the waves sweeping past my ankles I thought now would be a good time to crouch down with my back to a large rock and get my fins on.
My thinking was that even if a big wave was to come my way, I'd just be pinned against the rock I was leaning on...ooops
Said wave came along and rather than be pinned against the rock, I was pushed up and over it!
Looking like a bit of a tool with one fin in the air and trying to regain my balance I ended up flat on my ass with a few cuts to my legs and hands whilst I could hear a few 'gasps' from onlookers.
Thankfully I was lucky and got straight up trying to regain my 'cool'
Needless to say I started to trudge back towards the safety of the grass verge with the sea water exagerating my cuts, making me look like my legs had been savaged by a shark!
I didn't look up once and proceeded to sulk back at the car, contemplating what a pillock I looked!
It was, however, only my pride that took a battering. My grazes don't look too bad today.
I was heartened to see later in the day (having got changed and cleaned up) another surfer try the same thing. He too came a cropper and went, tail between legs, back to the beach. I chuckled and thought that my fall would have looked far more graceful than his!!
Rob
With that in mind, how many of us have made a tit of ourselves recently?
I'll kick off...
Currently work freelance but am starting a full-time role on Monday. With a bit of free time on my hands yesterday I decided that I would drop Sam off at her school and carry on down the M1 to the Gold Coast to practise my body-boarding.
Thought I'd take the advice of a sales assistant in Brothers Nielson who suggested that Burleigh Heads was a good spot to catch some waves.
Set out from the beach on numerous occasions, battling against the onslaught of the waves. Was enjoyable though and did manage to catch my first 'real' big wave.
Got out and had a bite to eat up on the hill over-looking other surfers. Whilst eating I noticed that some surfers were scrambling over the rocks beneath me to get out at a further point (cutting out a few hundred yards of swimming against the waves from the beach).
Slowly but surely they managed it and carried on out to sea.
Now...Sam's advice to me earlier that morning was to not get washed up on the rocks, but here were some guys who were saving themselves a whole lot of energy by scrambling over the rocks to get out to the decent waves.
It didn't take me long to figure that if Sam had been with me she wouldn't have let me attempt it (I'm not under the thumb - honest
). So...10 minutes later, with a few dozen people watching from where I had previously been sitting, I was stood on a bolder 3/4 of the way out to the further-most rock, board in one hand and fins (flippers) in the other.
Chuffed at getting out this far I then realised that I had done the easy part. Sam's words resounding in my head I figured that I should get prepared to dive in and swim away from the rocks.
Trying to get a feel for the strength of the waves sweeping past my ankles I thought now would be a good time to crouch down with my back to a large rock and get my fins on.
My thinking was that even if a big wave was to come my way, I'd just be pinned against the rock I was leaning on...ooops
Said wave came along and rather than be pinned against the rock, I was pushed up and over it!
Looking like a bit of a tool with one fin in the air and trying to regain my balance I ended up flat on my ass with a few cuts to my legs and hands whilst I could hear a few 'gasps' from onlookers.
Thankfully I was lucky and got straight up trying to regain my 'cool'
Needless to say I started to trudge back towards the safety of the grass verge with the sea water exagerating my cuts, making me look like my legs had been savaged by a shark!
I didn't look up once and proceeded to sulk back at the car, contemplating what a pillock I looked!
It was, however, only my pride that took a battering. My grazes don't look too bad today.
I was heartened to see later in the day (having got changed and cleaned up) another surfer try the same thing. He too came a cropper and went, tail between legs, back to the beach. I chuckled and thought that my fall would have looked far more graceful than his!!
Rob
My classic was when a shop assistant asked me if I knew where Manchester was (I'd asked where oven gloves where) When I replied that indeed I did know where Manchester was, but my accent was Liverpudlian, but I was impressed she had detected the northern twang - she just walked off.
Jill
May 18th 2005, 4:51 am
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Perth, Since Jan 05
Posts: 708
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
Originally Posted by RichS
I've got a season ticket for Spurs
From a fellow sufferer...
May 18th 2005, 5:02 am
#7
Prisoner of Her Majesty
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, Brisbane
Posts: 838
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
Originally Posted by renth
I was once flying my paraglider at Newhaven cliffs, attempting the run to Brighton and back. Someone told me the tide was going out. Anyway I was heading off to Brighton when I started running out of lift. I ended up having to land in a little bay, cut off by the waves.
It quickly dawned that the tide was coming in so I had to wade back from bay to bay in chest high water, getting pummeled by waves and walking in to rocks before I made it back to the beach at Newhaven.
I felt like a right prat and decided never to believe anyone about the tide unless I'd read the tide tables myself.
Another paraglider story, it was my first ever "big" flight at Stanwell Tops in NSW, sort of Sydney's equivalent of Beachy Head. Naturally I was shitting myself, anyway to cut a long story short I was told I had to land on what looked like a tiny pocket hanky of grass in the town below. In the end, my lack of experience meant I landed at speed, down wind in front of a bevvy of beach beauties playing volleyball who all had a good laugh.
Next the lifesaver came up to me on a quad bike and bollocked me in front of the bikini clad sheilas. I felt a right plonker.
It quickly dawned that the tide was coming in so I had to wade back from bay to bay in chest high water, getting pummeled by waves and walking in to rocks before I made it back to the beach at Newhaven.
I felt like a right prat and decided never to believe anyone about the tide unless I'd read the tide tables myself.
Another paraglider story, it was my first ever "big" flight at Stanwell Tops in NSW, sort of Sydney's equivalent of Beachy Head. Naturally I was shitting myself, anyway to cut a long story short I was told I had to land on what looked like a tiny pocket hanky of grass in the town below. In the end, my lack of experience meant I landed at speed, down wind in front of a bevvy of beach beauties playing volleyball who all had a good laugh.
Next the lifesaver came up to me on a quad bike and bollocked me in front of the bikini clad sheilas. I felt a right plonker.
You see if it wasn't for things like this and the british mentality towards humour we wouldn't have such classic series as Fawlty Towers, Monty Python, The Office, etc!
Oh - also to top my story off - when I picked Sam up (having got lost on the way back and taking a 2 hour detour!
) I told her what had happened and she went into teacher mode... "What did you do that for?"To which I retorted: "Well the other guys were doing it..."
Sam: "well, I suppose if they were all jumping off cliffs you'd do that too would you?"
And there was me thinking I'd get some sympathy
Well children...the moral of the story is....
If you mum, girlfriend, sister, wife...or any woman for that matter tells you not to do something, wait until they're not looking or with you and do it anyway
R
May 18th 2005, 5:05 am
#8
Prisoner of Her Majesty
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, Brisbane
Posts: 838
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
Originally Posted by RichS
I've got a season ticket for Spurs
No one wants to sign a contract at Leicester
R
May 18th 2005, 5:08 am
#9
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 13,233
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
That would be so funny, but I can see it would be the sort of thing I'd do.
You done well to walk away first time, I'm not sure my pride would have let me.
I saw a similar thing at Freshie, where a surfer scrambled across the rocks so he could could get out the back quicker, but timed his jump wrong and ended up being dumped back on land, board in two pieces!
You done well to walk away first time, I'm not sure my pride would have let me.
I saw a similar thing at Freshie, where a surfer scrambled across the rocks so he could could get out the back quicker, but timed his jump wrong and ended up being dumped back on land, board in two pieces!
May 18th 2005, 6:06 am
#10
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Near Duloc
Posts: 4,638
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
I recently made the mistake of fussing over someone who I thought was pregnant, but wasn't (two women in the toddler group are preggers, but not this one!). I felt awful, she isn't even podgy... was just wearing slightly baggy clothes.
I will shut my trap in future.
I will shut my trap in future.
May 18th 2005, 8:40 am
#11
Australia's Doorman
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: The Shoalhaven, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 11,056
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
Last summer I was out on my mountain-bike and the weather was so nice I thought I'd take my t-shirt off and get some rays on my back. So I pulled over, took it off, draped it over the handle-bars and carried on. About five minute later, just as the cycle path emerged in front of a small factory (where the staff were eating their lunchtime sarnies), the t-shirt slipped inbetween the wheel and the brakes stopping the bike instantly and sending me cart-wheeling over the hanlde-bars before landing on gravel and shredding my back. Bike was ok, t-shirt was a right-off and I looked a right idiot.
May 18th 2005, 8:48 am
#12
Loving it in Bundy
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Bundaberg, Australia
Posts: 1,775
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
Don't worry Rob, we've all done it at some time or other. My party trick is to fall over fresh air. You think I'm kidding, I bet. I get so involved in "Sarah's World" that I either don't see things or think I see them and fall over anyway.
Andrew thinks I'm mad and walks away from me when I'm scrambling to get up, he gets more embarrassed than I do, lol.
Just remember, 'don't do it again'.
Sarah
Andrew thinks I'm mad and walks away from me when I'm scrambling to get up, he gets more embarrassed than I do, lol.
Just remember, 'don't do it again'.
Sarah
May 18th 2005, 9:28 am
#13
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 406
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
"Groan"
All this reminds me of a day a few years back when we were driving an old VW kombi around Australia.
We stopped off at Robe and after a quick look at the Rough Guide headed to long beach for a swim to cool off and a chill on the beach. I was a little took aback to see a sign saying that if you take your car on the beach to stick to the "hard" sand.
YOU CAN TAKE YOUR CAR.......ON THE BEACH!
I'll have some of that I thought. Especially as Long Beach is, well, really long.
Driving onto the beach with the sound advice from the sign in mind I headed for some "hard sand". Only to be faced with some wet sand where the water was lapping and some dry sand with tyre tracks in it.
Can you guess which I went for?
Drawing on my years of non beach driving I went for the dry stuff with tracks in it and after a few hundred yards I gradually slowed to a stop and burried my heavily laden, 2wd kombi upto its axels in sand.
With no other person in sight I tried to think what Ray Mears would have done and spent about an hour and half trying to digging it out only to re-bury it a few yards on.
On the point of exaustion and tears at the thought of my beloved kombi being taken by the ocean a local Ausy guy and his wife tootled down the beach on the hard WET sand and gave us a hand to get it out.
He didn't really say anything. He didn't have to, his face said it all.
Humiliated, I drove back to the car park.
Not to be defeated, Claire (my wife) suggested we saved the day and should still go to the beach to recover, cool down and wash off the sweat and sand.
We did and the water was great. I thought to my self I'd have a go at body surfing only to be jacked up by a great big wave and deposited head first in the bloody sand.
I spent the next week of our trip in the passenger seat in agony as I couldnt turn my head. Not even to look out of the window.
Sorry to drone on but I think I've used this post a therapy for what is a very sore subject.
Scotty.
A Pommy Tw*t that hates sand.
All this reminds me of a day a few years back when we were driving an old VW kombi around Australia.
We stopped off at Robe and after a quick look at the Rough Guide headed to long beach for a swim to cool off and a chill on the beach. I was a little took aback to see a sign saying that if you take your car on the beach to stick to the "hard" sand.
YOU CAN TAKE YOUR CAR.......ON THE BEACH!
I'll have some of that I thought. Especially as Long Beach is, well, really long.
Driving onto the beach with the sound advice from the sign in mind I headed for some "hard sand". Only to be faced with some wet sand where the water was lapping and some dry sand with tyre tracks in it.
Can you guess which I went for?
Drawing on my years of non beach driving I went for the dry stuff with tracks in it and after a few hundred yards I gradually slowed to a stop and burried my heavily laden, 2wd kombi upto its axels in sand.
With no other person in sight I tried to think what Ray Mears would have done and spent about an hour and half trying to digging it out only to re-bury it a few yards on.
On the point of exaustion and tears at the thought of my beloved kombi being taken by the ocean a local Ausy guy and his wife tootled down the beach on the hard WET sand and gave us a hand to get it out.
He didn't really say anything. He didn't have to, his face said it all.
Humiliated, I drove back to the car park.
Not to be defeated, Claire (my wife) suggested we saved the day and should still go to the beach to recover, cool down and wash off the sweat and sand.
We did and the water was great. I thought to my self I'd have a go at body surfing only to be jacked up by a great big wave and deposited head first in the bloody sand.
I spent the next week of our trip in the passenger seat in agony as I couldnt turn my head. Not even to look out of the window.
Sorry to drone on but I think I've used this post a therapy for what is a very sore subject.
Scotty.
A Pommy Tw*t that hates sand.
May 18th 2005, 9:44 am
#14
Prisoner of Her Majesty
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Chapel Hill, Brisbane
Posts: 838
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
Don't want to come across as a complete tool but Sam has just reminded me of another of my faux pas'
I now know that when an Australian asks you: "How you going?" you go into auto pilot with the response: "Good thanks, you?"
The second day in Oz I was asked the above question by a female shop assistant. I thought she genuinely would want to know that I was boiling my knackers off so I replied... "I'm feeling pretty hot today..."
Sam mentioned when we were out of the shop that here in Oz the phrase 'to be hot' is commonly meant as 'to be sexy'.
I wondered why the girl gave me a strange look when I told her I was feeling pretty sexy today..." - doh!
R
I now know that when an Australian asks you: "How you going?" you go into auto pilot with the response: "Good thanks, you?"
The second day in Oz I was asked the above question by a female shop assistant. I thought she genuinely would want to know that I was boiling my knackers off so I replied... "I'm feeling pretty hot today..."
Sam mentioned when we were out of the shop that here in Oz the phrase 'to be hot' is commonly meant as 'to be sexy'.
I wondered why the girl gave me a strange look when I told her I was feeling pretty sexy today..." - doh!
R
May 18th 2005, 9:54 am
#15
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2004
Location: Cheshire
Posts: 11
Re: Have you made a t*t of yourself?
Complete T*ts
We spoke to our cousins nr Melbourne to ask which school there kids goto so we can put ours in the same to make it easier, they told us Churchill primary school so we found there email and asked could the kids start in June, we were very pleasanty supprised when the headmaster emailed us back to say YES great but could the kids at the school start talking and making friends via email so that the kids would settle in ok and have friends to goto, "Brilliant" so lots of emails later, i noticed that none of my cousins kids had email through the school??? so i called them to ask why............cos its the wrong BLOODY school.....hahahahahahahahah, their kids goto churchill north. hahahahahahahahahahaha
Good job ive not got a visa on my ability to spell....
We spoke to our cousins nr Melbourne to ask which school there kids goto so we can put ours in the same to make it easier, they told us Churchill primary school so we found there email and asked could the kids start in June, we were very pleasanty supprised when the headmaster emailed us back to say YES great but could the kids at the school start talking and making friends via email so that the kids would settle in ok and have friends to goto, "Brilliant" so lots of emails later, i noticed that none of my cousins kids had email through the school??? so i called them to ask why............cos its the wrong BLOODY school.....hahahahahahahahah, their kids goto churchill north. hahahahahahahahahahaha
Good job ive not got a visa on my ability to spell....