BEVS

When husband told his mother , my My Smother-in-Law , her reaction was to mutter that she would never see him again in her lifetime. Total codswallop of course but that is how she felt . In our view she was entitled to express her sorrow , after all he was her only son , so he took that on the chin.
She saw him again. We spent goodness knows how much flying to and fro for years.

Your husband must not feel bad for the words that come from his Mum. She is just expressing her love , sorrow, love and fear. We will all do this at times in our life. Husband should take it as care and then think what he will do & plan to see her again.

It is always tough on those left behind when we lose someone we love.

Dreamy

Some parents are particularly skilled at piling on the guilt.
I disconnected the router this Christmas after Mr Dreamy's mother was sobbing down the camera, singing along to "It'll be lonely this Christmas" which was playing on loop, getting louder and louder as Mr Dreamy was completely oblivious.

He's the eldest of three, the youngest still lives at his mother's and the middle one visits every other day. Mr Dreamy hadn't even lived in the area for years before we left but still, we destroyed her life by moving away.
She manages to destroy a bit of ours every other year when she visits.

I was lucky with my parents - they had to deal with the guilt ladled on by my Dad's mother in the 70s when they were offered a chance at emigrating to Australia, allowed that to influence them and regretted it, so they were very understanding (sad, but understanding) when we moved, even though my brother migrated to Greece 5 years earlier. My children's other grandparents were equally understanding and supportive even though the kids are their last link to their son who died.

It's just. Her.

spouse of scouse

Your Moo-In-Law sounds a right selfish cow Just because you give birth to someone, doesn't mean you own them for the rest of their lives.

scrubbedexpat142

Perhaps you should send your "Smother in law" (love that, Bevs!) a musical Christmas card version of Wizzard's "I wish it could be Christmas every day"!

Beoz

I have no doubt my wife's sibling will get all. For years my wife has asked what the deal is with the will as the asset list has changed since it was originally drawn up. It does sound a bit cheeky to ask but her father went through endless legal issues over a will with his siblings, so she wants to make sure the same doesn't occur. You would think that he wouldn't want to be repeated by his own kids but I bet it's on the cards given she took off and they are resentful over it.

BEVS

That happened to MrBEVS. A rather long and sorry story .
It also happened in part to me.

quoll

the troubadour

Regarding wills. Something I do know a bit about. Possibly wrong to think its a done deal with regards to inheritance, just due to putting in the 'hard yards'. What can just as easily happen is undue regard to another family member or similar, who have not been exactly 'close', but in order to attempt to win over some 'affection' (for want of another word) sign over the bulk or entirety to so said person. It can be through 'desire', as mentioned, or bullying on the other hand.
Then there's the will made to pacify a close family member (s) after request to view, which appears in order in degree of fairness, only to be changed, unfavourably to suit other 'interests'. This can often result with 'blended' families , step kids, or indeed a sibling influencing outcomes in own favour.
The worst of personalities often result from such transactions in order to obtain personal gain. Regardless of persona in other aspects of life. It is often only discovered too late, when impossible to influence course of events, for the most part. Assume nothing and accept anything as a bonus.

BEVS

In our cases we were the carers as far as we could manage. It was our time and our money that helped ensure our respective parents lived the life they wanted best they could. We shuttled back and forth . We arranged, advocated, spent time - lots of time. Siblings though, they sat on their hands doing little to nothing, taking elderly parents for granted until the end was nigh and even then not stepping up.

There are those that give and those that just take advantage. It isn't nice.

We did what we did out of love and care. It seems others did little to nothing but saw gain.

moneypenny20

My grandmother changed her will like some people change underwear. If one of her children upset her, however minor, she'd have the solicitor alter the inheritance and took pleasure in telling everyone. Only winner was the solicitor. When she died we found a cabinet full of updated wills. In the end she'd split it 48/48 with the remainder split between the grandchildren. Kept her brain active I guess

quoll

OZZYOZZY

Update:
I told my mum yesterday of our plans and then I get a text from her later in the evening saying how she and my dad are so, so upset and want me and my husband to stay until there passing so they can be looked after in their old age as they need me.
They moved to our area when we returned from Australia nearly 5 years ago and my mum said she fought tooth and nail to get my dad to agree to the move as he was very happy where they were.

So, how long is a piece of string?

I think my husband will still go ahead with his visa application anyway.

Feeling very emotional and trapped at the moment.

moneypenny20

Wow! Emotional blackmail on a huge level! I realise they are upset but I'd be so angry if I'd had that reaction. Definitely keep going with the application. It could take some time and your parents may come round.

scrubbedexpat142

My Mother has tried a little of the guilt on me - interestingly, after the infamous referendum (she voted for brexit) she emailed and said "now you will have to come "home""!

My view has been that she live her life very much as she wanted to, regardless, so we are doing the same.

Harsh? Under our family's circumstances - I don't think so.

spouse of scouse

'so, so upset' - understandable. Wanting you and your husband to stay until they pass away because they need you to look after them might be an understandable thing for them to think, but to actually say that to you is selfish. Where is the thought for you and your husband's well being, wishes and happiness in that message? Loving someone and being sad because they're moving away is one thing, focusing only on their own needs and totally disregarding yours is quite another.