tomar

quoll

OZZYOZZY

My brothers are also in Australia so the thought of me going back too is just too much for my mum. Unfortunately, when my mum and dad made the trip to Australia as a ten pound pom, they never got citizenship and sadly my dad died when they came back to UK after 3 months.

My mum, i think is bitter that she didnt get citizenship so i think is jealous that my brothers are in Australia and now with us going back, she doesnt like to see us all happy and living our own lives, so she wants us to stay in the UK to look after her and my step dad. She has always been a bit jealous.

It would be better for them to enjoy being together with us and make happy memories, than be bitter and upset because it will create such an awful atmosphere all the while we are still here and that would not be the memories I would want to leave the UK with. TRY EXPLAINING THAT TO THEM THOUGH!!

I do understand how they feel and it makes me very sad but we cant sit around and wait year after year before we can make the move. We could potentially end up not going as life can change in the blink of an eye. So we need to put our future first and for our son.

There are no family members where my parents moved from 4 years ago and now they have grown up grandchildren, great grandchildren, my husbands parents and his sister and her family local to them now. They are together 24 hours a day and will not join any clubs etc....such as WI etc......They go out for coffee, lunch etc and are in good health, although dad more frail these days but bright as a button. My mum relies on me every week for socialism and i know she will miss that terribly, I will too but i have to put my own family first, before its too late to make the move.

BadgeIsBack

Not much to worry about Sir:
Jeremy Corben : [if he managed things better] could be PM at some point - as Shorten could well be the next AU PM.

Gordon Barlow

I had no problem leaving home for overseas, and nor did my parents. None of us ever regretted the decision. Dad died early, but my Mum and I were always extremely close - in spirit, though not physically - every one of the 36 years that we lived apart. We exchanged two or three aerogrammes a week, in those pre-Internet days. The difference between my emigration and those of other posters on this thread is that mine was from Australia, not Britain. Did we have some kind of unconscious awareness that our ancestors had all left their parents and siblings in various parts of England and Ireland two or three or four generations before? (Voluntarily, with the possible exception of the Irish contingent, whom I've never been sure about...!)

Maybe so, but the closeness of my mother and me argues against any resentment. She missed me the whole time, and I her; but she reckoned that my life was mine to lead, not hers. I married overseas, to a girl she'd met once, briefly; My wife's mother (an immigrant to Australia from England, alone at the age of 28, in the 1930s) didn't meet me until we visited her after four years of marriage, though we'd spoken a couple of times on the phone. She and her daughter were also close all their lives.

So those British emigrants or intending emigrants should take heart. Your parents and siblings will survive your departure, and will almost certainly admire your independence. Worry not.

Dreamy

Just thinking outside the box... you could always leave your reluctant teen with your mum and step-dad - two problems sorted for the price of one!

Kooky.

I'm going to sound quite brutal here, but I also read the thread about your reluctant teen and wondered if you are looking for reasons not to move, that don't seem to be of your own doing? That's not a criticism, but subconsciously perhaps you're not sure it's the right thing to do? It's perfectly normal to have doubts but, if that's the case, I urge you to talk about them with your partner.

As to guilt, my mother wrote the book on emotional blackmail. 17 years on I can hear her now saying, "How could you do this to us?" And I did, and I don't regret a thing.

brits1

I was just thinking (a rarity lol) but if you migrated could your mother also do so? When my friend migrated to Australia in 2003 her parent's were her only remaining relatives in the UK and they came out to join her a few years later in that ''reason' they had just retired (not at all wealthy but with a pension) and they still live in WA...it's just a thought.

Jacqui

If anyone thinks Karma doesn't exist - it does.

We emigrated in 2002 and gave little thought to how upset our parents would be. Yes we knew they were going to be sad, of course they were but we bought a big enough house over here that everybody could visit (and they all did). But we figured we were in control of our own lives (and that of our children aged 7, 9, 11) and with all parents in good health at the time, we couldn't afford the time of waiting (we wanted to go while our children were still young) and we both left sisters behind too, so that meant our parents would at least have someone caring for them in future years. Both our Dads have since died. My husband was lucky enough to be working in the UK during this time so was with his Dad at the end. My Dad died the day after I booked my emergency flight back (which cost over $3000 for economy!!!) so that was a horrible journey to make.

Fast forward to 2014 - at age 21, daughter no.2 moved to Japan, married a Japanese man and is now 7 months pregnant. This is our first grandchild and we will be lucky to see her once a year.
Then in 2015 - at age 24, daughter no.1 moved back to the UK and has asked me to ship all her stuff back because she is staying.

It really, really hurts. I miss them so much. Now I understand the pain our parents felt. I am living it every day.
Karma is real and it's a b****

rammygirl

moneypenny20

Nothing to do with karma. Karma would mean you did something wrong, you didn't, you lived your lives as you wished and now, because you've brought your kids up to be free thinking, independent people, they're living their lives as they wish. That's the whole point of being a parent imo. My eldest moved back to the UK two years ago. Miss her like **** but I'm damn proud of her, especially as she did it alone, to an area she didn't know and a fair distance away from our family. As for parents dying, they do that. It's heartbreaking but we know it's going to happen and you could have remained in the UK but been on a fortnight's holiday to Spain or even Wales and still missed their last days. Don't beat yourselves up over it, Plan a trip to see your grandchild, make sure you do daily/weekly video messaging, So much easier today than even 20 years ago.

rammygirl

OZZYOZZY

Thanks everyone for the messages on this topic.
I am not thinking about not going as I want this so desperately. Last night my husband popped round to see his parents about something and his mum started going on about it again, throwing in the huge emotional blackmail excuses and have said they are changing their will and how your sister is going to be dreadfully upset that your going back, how can you leave those gorgeous grandchildren, you've got a great job here, your pension etc....
I just went to bed as didn't want to discuss it but I was not at all happy. Our parents are making the situation unbearable for us (apart from my father in law, he just stays quiet but doesn't go on). So the blackmail continues.......I think my husband would just not go so he doesn't upset everyone. He will be the cookie that crumbles in the end.

Feeling very upset at the moment.

spouse of scouse

Your husband's parents are cutting him out of their will because he's not doing what they want? Can't see the love there! As hard as it is, you're both going to have to try to ignore such blatant bullying. Your reasons for wanting to leave haven't changed, keep those in the front of your mind.

OZZYOZZY

They haven't cut him out of the will, just said they are making changes as he won't be here when they die, things like cremation instead of burial, hymns etc....
Yes they are being emotional bullies and I'm not rising to it, or from my own parents .