Kim67

Hehe, we actually did, but just couldn't bring ourselves to eat them.

KJCherokee

We are surrogate grandparents to the three sons of some friends, and they certainly know that what they can get away with at home won't work when they are with us - like eating with their fingers, and leaving their toys, bikes, etc in the way outside the back door, leaving a pile of Lego or colouring books on the floor when they go to do something else.

Punish them for breaking your rules by depriving them of their favourite toy, electronic game, icecream after dinner, etc. And most importantly, be consistent - don't promise a consequence for bad behaviour and then not follow through with it.

Kapri

Sounds like a sure fire way to fall out with the daughter.

I'm not saying the children shouldn't be taught manners, just that criticising people's parenting rarely ends well.

moneypenny20

Absolutely. The mother used to complain about how I was bringing up my daughters. She got told very politely (too politely that they were polite, happy and healthy kids who knew how to behave thank you very much. We didn't get on anyway but those episodes didn't help.

Simply put, as others have said, if they come to your home they learn your rules, providing you teach them without making them or their parents feel bad, you shouldn't have a problem.

When I was a kid and we went round to my dad's mum, I wasn't allowed to sit in an armchair or on the sofa, they were kept for my parents and my brother. Me and my sister had to sit on the floor. Bizarre but she was victorian and it was her house, her rules, so I did as I was told. Very quickly worked out what I could and couldn't do in various houses.

paulry

Or corn on the cob

I like tea

Thank you for your replies and suggestions. Sometimes I think I am the only one with this problem as friends only gush about how wonderful their grand children are. So it's nice to know there are others out there who have the same problem.

I still feel sad that I don't enjoy their company and feel as they get older this will be worse and I'll be less inclined to take them out etc.

Amazulu

couple of slaps upside the head will sort the little f**kers out

spouse of scouse

You're definitely not alone! I'm sure that some grandparents do have wonderful grandchildren and they deserve their nanna/poppa brags. But a little shit is a little shit, whether they're related to you or not!

quoll

Yup, wearing that t shirt too! I won't say mine are 100% brat (they're actually not too bad when not in the vicinity of their boundary free parents!) but they have their moments! Apply your own boundaries and be consistent with consequences - the kids will thank you in the end. It'd be interesting to see if these issues are more prevalent for those of us with sons or daughters in the relationship? For me it's a son whose wife has the whacky ideas and he's going along with them (that's my reading of it anyway). No Mops brag book here LOL (I refuse to be grandma)

spouse of scouse

Great advice. Granny

Kapri

I think it would be sad if it came to that.

While I don't think you should confront their parents or make a scene, I do think you have a chance to gently shape their behaviour and instil some manners.

Don't give up! Children benefit from Grandparents involvement, and as I've said, they can easily adapt yo different situations.

Good luck

paulry

Wise words.

Kids are well accustomed to adapting to different environments. Time to be a canny granny and bring them around to your ways with rewards and outings for good behavior , and no rewards for bad. And give them tons of love so that they want to be near you. A combo of all that, and they'll soon get the message.

Kapri

Exactly

tomar

Wow I am not alone, what a relief.
Not quite the same, but my 2 grandchildren are in UK,age 4 & 6 so we hardly ever see them, but I can't call the brats,
However my son and to be honest mainly my daughter in law are so child centered that their world revolves totally around the children, to the exclusion of us being allowed to spend much time with them.
Oh it's good to get this off my chest!
They were here for 3 weeks last year for our other son's wedding. We paid for almost everything, have no problem with that, including 2 weeks in a flat in Mooloolaba about 5 mins from us.
Were we included in their lives were we h---ll. Still stupidly so hurt, never went on the beach once with them, really never saw them, apart from 1 day at the zoo.
On one rare occasion when they were at our house, I had the temerity to ask my DIL something while she was with the 2 boys, to be roundly told off in a loud voice, I am playing with the children and turned her back on me. I rest my case.
Still can't come to terms with their attitude, we know our DIL has never liked any of us, but to deprive us of contact with them while here, well words fail me, and trust me we did try,
We know that we always come 2nd to the children's important activities when we are in Uk,
Yes I am being sarcastic, as obviously age 4 & 6 if they miss a swimming lesson etc their futures will be ruined!!! but we are only there for a few weeks.
Also sad that our son allows it.
We aren't going to UK this year, as we are fed up with making the effort for so little appreciation.
Sorry rant over.

spouse of scouse

What a rude, horrible person your DIL sounds. Can't believe how she behaved to you on the trip over! Your son's taking the line of least resistance, I'd imagine he'd be in all sorts of strife with her if he called her on her attitude.

Isn't it strange how things don't turn out like they're 'supposed' to? When we think of our grandparent years we imagine having little cherubs to love and spoil. My oldest grandchild is 7, and I haven't seen him since he was 2

I have a dear friend who's 70 and going through chemo. She said something that really rang true to me - "I though at my age it'd be all grey hair and dignity-boy I got that wrong!"