honeybob

weren't you in my class?????

I just knew that she would do it? that whimpering look that reduces you to a 9 year old, because you've just told your mum that you're wanting to emigrate to australia....

it was funny in a sad kind of way, not the best place to tell her either (i should have rehearsed it a bit more), in the car at 70 mile, northbound down the A1... she pressed the button, to roll down the window (i presume to get some air, be sick, whatever), she hits the 'auto' button instead, and everybodies windows go down, everyones getting air, fast air, whether they need it or not... it should have been a sentimental moment in my life i guess, but whilst my daughter screamed and my mother tried to minimise the damage, by pressing EVERY button on her door, i couldn't help but laugh!!!!

i had wanted to tell her for weeks, and had left a couple of books strategically placed around our house (i.e living and working in australia), hoping she'd get some kind of message, but no... she just always rightly assumed, i suppose, that i would never leave her and i never thought i would, or could!

the saddest thing is, i think i can leave her now! she's been happily married for nearly 3 years to a really good bloke and has a great life, a really positive relationship that she hasn't had for years and years! it had just been my mum and me for a long time, and then along came her 'annoying son in law' (their mutual appreciation of 'The Doors' has driven me to many a bottle of wine, and don't get me started on leonard cohen)!

so, i just assumed that it would be easier, it's been anything but...

she won't, says she can't talk about it calmly! keeps irrationally throwing into conversations that france is a wonderful place to live (she's only been to Paris twice!), and then when i'm completely down, and back to being a 9 year old, standing looking at my feet, asks me how i could leave nana, 'whom afterall is 80', i'll leave the rest to your imagination...

nana, incidentally, sighed, stopped watching 'jerry springer' for five 'solid' minutes, (result), and said it like it is, you're doing what you think is right for you and yours, how can that be wrong!!! if it dosen't work out you come back, at least having had the nerve to try it, no regrets...

so what do i do? how have other people handled it... what do you say? to make your folks believe it isn't because you love them any less or any of the other blackmailing crap she's come out with over the last few weeks! But because they've raised you to believe that you can do anything if you really try hard and stick together... (except fly, of course, because that just isn't sensible!)

she's in cuba as i type this, sitting missing her after only one bloody week, and lola phones and says there's a hurricane (charlie! nice name) heading there. Worried sick, i log on to the bbc. website hoping to gleam any information regarding this... and i'm grinning knowing that whatever happens, when i meet her soon at newcastle airport her opening shot will be, 'and i survived a hurricane for you to sod off to brisbane'! don't you just love your mums...

excuse my rambling, i'm just saying on here what i can't say to my mum, for the time being!

time for wine i think,
honeybob...

lindseyden

Hi Honeybob

I'll join you with the wine. Unfortunately most of them seem to be the same. My parents are OK but the in laws are not. At the moment it all seems to be my fault, even though hubby was about to apply when he met me 12 years ago. Listen to your nana, she's right and she'll talk your mum round soon enough, unfortunately mum will keep strumming those heart strings but just let her know she's loved and can visit whenever she likes. Once she's had time to digest she'll see you are doing what is best for you now and she'll agree.

Good luck

Lindsey

Don

Old but not stupid?

honeybob

The Don - how nice to finally meet you...

have read your accounts with popping ribs... congratulations on the wedding anniversary, how was the curry!!!!

and also, what is all this karma stuff, being completely new to this site, i need it all explaining...

speak slowly, i'm blonde...

as for nana, old, but deffo not stupid, well if you squint, goes back to the conversation when at 23 she asked me if i was 'sexually activated', interesting visuals!!!!

take care karma king!

honeybob

cheers lindsey, please join me with a nice glass of red!!!

thanx for your lovely message, nice to know in a strange kind of way that others are going through exactly the same kind of situation....

incidentally, i've got a star under my name, what is all that about, i'm new to this, but have had hours of fun reading everyones bits...

quite sad aren't i?????

brisbec

I know this may sound a little bit wierd but I kinda know how you feel.

For a long time my mother has known that ONE DAY I and her only grandchild will live in Australia, however in order to realise this dream I have taken employment in Wakefield which is about 1 Hrs travel from where i live at the mo. All hell broke loose when i told her - I tried to let her imagine if i was telling her it was Australia instead of Wakefield and she said it would be "easier handling me moving to Australia" !!!! Go figure!!!

Mums are mums and if my daughter told me she was leaving me i think i'd be gutted too - and as much as i would realise it was for her benefit i'm sure the selfish (don't leave me) person would come out!!!!!!!!

Don

I reckon your nana summed up what a lot of it is about: (this migration lark)

Look after you and yours (ie immediate family: mum, dad & the kids), don't exactly screw the rest but certainly 'immediates' come first - if that means a move to Antipodea necessitating break from other family, so be it. Suck it and see, if it goes well, fine; if it doesn't, try something else. It isn't failure to try it and decide to come back.

PS Karma - you press 'karma' button in the bottom left hand corner of any post by Don and send me a funny message, you get one back by return.

arnie2oz

Hi honeybob

On a personal note my mother thinks I can do no wrong and wishes us all the best in Oz - assuming we get the visa sell the house etc! Or maybe it's because she has my sister (who IS wonderful) to take her shopping 'phone her regularly & generally take care of her in the UK, that means she won't notice if I'm gone

Anyway on a serious note - nana is right. there have been other threads on this - you might find this one useful:-
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hlight=goodbye

There was also one on 11th August called 'How did your parent's take the news?', by phillip&claire I think.

Good luck with this difficult problem. I'm sure it will all be fine in the end and when your mum visits you and has such a great time she'll ask why you didn;t do it sooner!!!! Families huh??

honeybob

hi there sensible girl,

what you said brisbec, completely made sense!

I've never thought about it quite in that way, i.e. if ella came to me and said she was moving to the other side of the world, gutted wouldn't cover it i know....

but i do think, as a 'trying-to-be' good mum, i would encourage her to live her life!!! your mum sounds sorted, she knows you're going to go, so pick the sunny surrounds....

cool mum!!!

honeybob

Hi karma luvvie!!!

did what you said, tried to give you karma, it said i had to 'spread the reputation', sounds nice, like nutella! so how do i do that then????

and if i give u karma, do you honestly give it back????

don't you kinda get in trouble for doing this!!!

i like it!

CON

That about sums up our position. The old girl is busy planning to visit us (and her grandkids) as soon as we are settled in and able to play the host. She is really excited about us going to Australia and has been very good about it from day 1.

Don

naturellement

CON

I keep getting this message when I try and karmify you.

Damn, I can't copy and paste into this WYSIWYG editor, is that just me or is this happening to you all?

That is not the message, it said I must spread some love before giving you some more.

Maybe the last bottle was a mistake?

Don

1 bottle of vodka a day should be enough for anybody

honeybob

cheers mate!

i am sure your mum will notice that you are gone honeybun!

if she's like mine she'll wear a t-shirt at the airport saying 'abandoned', you know, as you are about to start your new life!!! and did i mention in the same place that we are!!!!! brisbane, have you been what's it like, tell me more!

the spider thing, worse than mothers perhaps? :scared: