Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
Aug 27th 2005, 9:55 pm
#1
Guest
Posts: n/a
Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
I have had to come on line at this late hour to tell you of the first meeting with my sister in law and the appalling behaviour of my animals.
Right, feeling nervous as Abdel has called me to say to muzzle the dog Rema as she is not good with new people and will bite out of sheer nerves. Although it has to be said, she is USUALLY good with women.
Door opens and I hear a softly spoken female voice coming up the stairs.
I have already shut my dog in the bedroom and have muzzled her for good measure.
Anyway, a very tall slim pretty woman of 35 came up the stairs in jeans, white shirt, black hair tied back, very brown and very pretty.
'Oooh yes!' Gordon the cat purred and proceeded to run down to meet her, with his pocket bursting with cat condoms and anticipation. You see, Gordon doesnt think he is a cat, he is 'Tom Jones' and he is certain that human females will and do throw their panties at him.
Just five minutes into the introduction of my sister-in-law, Abdel against my advice, thinks its high time that Rema had her introduction to the newest member of our flat.
'I wouldnt, she is still growling at the door' I said to Abdel.
'Shitting, pissing bitchcrow!' I could hear Rema shouting through the glass.
'Rema, shes gorgeous, honest, you should see her!' Gordon yelled back to her.
'******* traitor' Rema snarled back, the little whippet furious at the intrusion.
So, the door opens, and out comes my whippet walking upright on her hind legs, with her front paws shadow boxing the air. (and im not kidding)
Not giving anyone chance to grab her, she takes a running jump up at my sister-in-law, nearly knocking her over, barking her head off.
'You cow, who do you think you are flirting with Gordon. Bitch, monkeydog, cow, Im gonna have you' Screamed Rema in a fit of hysteria, bashing her muzzle on any part of her she can reach.
My poor sister-in-law pinned against the wall, as Abdel tailed off his sentence quickly 'Shes good with women'......
So Rema was tied to the sofa, growling under her breath for an hour or so.
Gordon meanwhile, has decided she is the best thing since catfood and has climbed into her bag. With a large fat ginger bottom sticking out, he becomes tangled in the ropes.
'Look Rema, Im going to put my name in her diary' Came the muffled sounds of my cat.
'Bastard' Rema snarled from her chair and snuggled up to me to prove a point.
Now Abdel has taught Gordon to play rough, and he doesnt mean it and hes not nasty, but Abdel has trained him that when anyone puts their elbow down the side of the chair, Gordon will bicycle furiously with his back legs and happily lacerate with his front, at the same time biting the limb as you would a lamb bone.
So, sister-in-law has now got over the shock of the muzzle bashing from Rema, and has put her elbow down the side of the chair. :scared:
Gordon, is sitting there, eyes lit up like a christmas tree, pupils dilated, wriggling his bottom.
Tapping Abdel on the arm, 'I wouldnt do that' I say simply.
'Shh, leave it' Abdel laughs, eagerly waiting the ginger assault.
'I really wouldnt do that' I repeat, as Gordon is getting into position.
Too late.
Gordon takes a running jump, latches himself onto the poor womans arm, bicycles for Tour De France, and chomps on her elbow as he would a bone.
Abdel is pissing himself laughing as her delicate hands and arms are eaten.
Peeling the ginger tom off, I send Abdel to the kitchen to get some antiseptic to clean her up, Gordon shouts out 'Right who's next?'
Abdel then sits in the same chair, looks smugly at his sister to show her how its done, dangles his elbow at the side of the chair, Gordon takes a leap from the sofa and latches on like a lion to a zebras neck and 'kills' Abdels arm.
Ive tried to tell him the dangers of a cat scratch, but no, he wouldnt listen.
So all is peaceful in my living room now.
Rema is tied up to the sofa and has decided that sister-in-law is quite nice and doesnt need to be barked at and as Rema is blind, she feels that is her excuse. Note, she is still tied up, Rema tells lies.
Gordon is asleep on his cat-scratch post, although Abdels arm was the post earlier.
As for me, well Im tired.
No more introductions of people to my house.
Pets, who would have them?
Right, feeling nervous as Abdel has called me to say to muzzle the dog Rema as she is not good with new people and will bite out of sheer nerves. Although it has to be said, she is USUALLY good with women.
Door opens and I hear a softly spoken female voice coming up the stairs.
I have already shut my dog in the bedroom and have muzzled her for good measure.
Anyway, a very tall slim pretty woman of 35 came up the stairs in jeans, white shirt, black hair tied back, very brown and very pretty.
'Oooh yes!' Gordon the cat purred and proceeded to run down to meet her, with his pocket bursting with cat condoms and anticipation. You see, Gordon doesnt think he is a cat, he is 'Tom Jones' and he is certain that human females will and do throw their panties at him.
Just five minutes into the introduction of my sister-in-law, Abdel against my advice, thinks its high time that Rema had her introduction to the newest member of our flat.
'I wouldnt, she is still growling at the door' I said to Abdel.
'Shitting, pissing bitchcrow!' I could hear Rema shouting through the glass.
'Rema, shes gorgeous, honest, you should see her!' Gordon yelled back to her.
'******* traitor' Rema snarled back, the little whippet furious at the intrusion.
So, the door opens, and out comes my whippet walking upright on her hind legs, with her front paws shadow boxing the air. (and im not kidding)
Not giving anyone chance to grab her, she takes a running jump up at my sister-in-law, nearly knocking her over, barking her head off.
'You cow, who do you think you are flirting with Gordon. Bitch, monkeydog, cow, Im gonna have you' Screamed Rema in a fit of hysteria, bashing her muzzle on any part of her she can reach.
My poor sister-in-law pinned against the wall, as Abdel tailed off his sentence quickly 'Shes good with women'......
So Rema was tied to the sofa, growling under her breath for an hour or so.
Gordon meanwhile, has decided she is the best thing since catfood and has climbed into her bag. With a large fat ginger bottom sticking out, he becomes tangled in the ropes.
'Look Rema, Im going to put my name in her diary' Came the muffled sounds of my cat.
'Bastard' Rema snarled from her chair and snuggled up to me to prove a point.
Now Abdel has taught Gordon to play rough, and he doesnt mean it and hes not nasty, but Abdel has trained him that when anyone puts their elbow down the side of the chair, Gordon will bicycle furiously with his back legs and happily lacerate with his front, at the same time biting the limb as you would a lamb bone.
So, sister-in-law has now got over the shock of the muzzle bashing from Rema, and has put her elbow down the side of the chair. :scared:
Gordon, is sitting there, eyes lit up like a christmas tree, pupils dilated, wriggling his bottom.
Tapping Abdel on the arm, 'I wouldnt do that' I say simply.
'Shh, leave it' Abdel laughs, eagerly waiting the ginger assault.
'I really wouldnt do that' I repeat, as Gordon is getting into position.
Too late.
Gordon takes a running jump, latches himself onto the poor womans arm, bicycles for Tour De France, and chomps on her elbow as he would a bone.
Abdel is pissing himself laughing as her delicate hands and arms are eaten.
Peeling the ginger tom off, I send Abdel to the kitchen to get some antiseptic to clean her up, Gordon shouts out 'Right who's next?'
Abdel then sits in the same chair, looks smugly at his sister to show her how its done, dangles his elbow at the side of the chair, Gordon takes a leap from the sofa and latches on like a lion to a zebras neck and 'kills' Abdels arm.
Ive tried to tell him the dangers of a cat scratch, but no, he wouldnt listen.
So all is peaceful in my living room now.
Rema is tied up to the sofa and has decided that sister-in-law is quite nice and doesnt need to be barked at and as Rema is blind, she feels that is her excuse. Note, she is still tied up, Rema tells lies.
Gordon is asleep on his cat-scratch post, although Abdels arm was the post earlier.
As for me, well Im tired.
No more introductions of people to my house.
Pets, who would have them?
Last edited by Professional Princess; Aug 27th 2005 at 9:57 pm.
Aug 27th 2005, 10:01 pm
#2
Ok this isn't so bad
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Dundee (Scotland) now Bayside Brisbane
Posts: 4,824
Re: Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
I have had to come on line at this late hour to tell you of the first meeting with my sister in law and the appalling behaviour of my animals.
Right, feeling nervous as Abdel has called me to say to muzzle the dog Rema as she is not good with new people and will bite out of sheer nerves. Although it has to be said, she is USUALLY good with women.
Door opens and I hear a softly spoken female voice coming up the stairs.
I have already shut my dog in the bedroom and have muzzled her for good measure.
Anyway, a very tall slim pretty woman of 35 came up the stairs in jeans, white shirt, black hair tied back, very brown and very pretty.
'Oooh yes!' Gordon the cat purred and proceeded to run down to meet her, with his pocket bursting with cat condoms and anticipation. You see, Gordon doesnt think he is a cat, he is 'Tom Jones' and he is certain that human females will and do throw their panties at him.
Just five minutes into the introduction of my sister-in-law, Abdel against my advice, thinks its high time that Rema had her introduction to the newest member of our flat.
'I wouldnt, she is still growling at the door' I said to Abdel.
'Shitting, pissing bitchcrow!' I could hear Rema shouting through the glass.
'Rema, shes gorgeous, honest, you should see her!' Gordon yelled back to her.
'******* traitor' Rema snarled back, the little whippet furious at the intrusion.
So, the door opens, and out comes my whippet walking upright on her hind legs, with her front paws shadow boxing the air. (and im not kidding)
Not giving anyone chance to grab her, she takes a running jump up at my sister-in-law, nearly knocking her over, barking her head off.
'You cow, who do you think you are flirting with Gordon. Bitch, monkeydog, cow, Im gonna have you' Screamed Rema in a fit of hysteria, bashing her muzzle on any part of her she can reach.
My poor sister-in-law pinned against the wall, as Abdel tailed off his sentence quickly 'Shes good with women'......
So Rema was tied to the sofa, growling under her breath for an hour or so.
Gordon meanwhile, has decided she is the best thing since catfood and has climbed into her bag. With a large fat ginger bottom sticking out, he becomes tangled in the ropes.
'Look Rema, Im going to put my name in her diary' Came the muffled sounds of my cat.
'Bastard' Rema snarled from her chair and snuggled up to me to prove a point.
Now Abdel has taught Gordon to play rough, and he doesnt mean it and hes not nasty, but Abdel has trained him that when anyone puts their elbow down the side of the chair, Gordon will bicycle furiously with his back legs and happily lacerate with his front, at the same time biting the limb as you would a lamb bone.
So, sister-in-law has now got over the shock of the muzzle bashing from Rema, and has put her elbow down the side of the chair. :scared:
Gordon, is sitting there, eyes lit up like a christmas tree, pupils dilated, wriggling his bottom.
Tapping Abdel on the arm, 'I wouldnt do that' I say simply.
'Shh, leave it' Abdel laughs, eagerly waiting the ginger assault.
'I really wouldnt do that' I repeat, as Gordon is getting into position.
Too late.
Gordon takes a running jump, latches himself onto the poor womans arm, bicycles for Tour De France, and chomps on her elbow as he would a bone.
Abdel is pissing himself laughing as her delicate hands and arms are eaten.
Peeling the ginger tom off, I send Abdel to the kitchen to get some antiseptic to clean her up, Gordon shouts out 'Right who's next?'
Abdel then sits in the same chair, looks smugly at his sister to show her how its done, dangles his elbow at the side of the chair, Gordon takes a leap from the sofa and latches on like a lion to a zebras neck and 'kills' Abdels arm.
Ive tried to tell him the dangers of a cat scratch, but no, he wouldnt listen.
So all is peaceful in my living room now.
Rema is tied up to the sofa and has decided that sister-in-law is quite nice and doesnt need to be barked at and as Rema is blind, she feels that is her excuse. Note, she is still tied up, Rema tells lies.
Gordon is asleep on his cat-scratch post, although Abdels arm was the post earlier.
As for me, well Im tired.
No more introductions of people to my house.
Pets, who would have them?
Right, feeling nervous as Abdel has called me to say to muzzle the dog Rema as she is not good with new people and will bite out of sheer nerves. Although it has to be said, she is USUALLY good with women.
Door opens and I hear a softly spoken female voice coming up the stairs.
I have already shut my dog in the bedroom and have muzzled her for good measure.
Anyway, a very tall slim pretty woman of 35 came up the stairs in jeans, white shirt, black hair tied back, very brown and very pretty.
'Oooh yes!' Gordon the cat purred and proceeded to run down to meet her, with his pocket bursting with cat condoms and anticipation. You see, Gordon doesnt think he is a cat, he is 'Tom Jones' and he is certain that human females will and do throw their panties at him.
Just five minutes into the introduction of my sister-in-law, Abdel against my advice, thinks its high time that Rema had her introduction to the newest member of our flat.
'I wouldnt, she is still growling at the door' I said to Abdel.
'Shitting, pissing bitchcrow!' I could hear Rema shouting through the glass.
'Rema, shes gorgeous, honest, you should see her!' Gordon yelled back to her.
'******* traitor' Rema snarled back, the little whippet furious at the intrusion.
So, the door opens, and out comes my whippet walking upright on her hind legs, with her front paws shadow boxing the air. (and im not kidding)
Not giving anyone chance to grab her, she takes a running jump up at my sister-in-law, nearly knocking her over, barking her head off.
'You cow, who do you think you are flirting with Gordon. Bitch, monkeydog, cow, Im gonna have you' Screamed Rema in a fit of hysteria, bashing her muzzle on any part of her she can reach.
My poor sister-in-law pinned against the wall, as Abdel tailed off his sentence quickly 'Shes good with women'......
So Rema was tied to the sofa, growling under her breath for an hour or so.
Gordon meanwhile, has decided she is the best thing since catfood and has climbed into her bag. With a large fat ginger bottom sticking out, he becomes tangled in the ropes.
'Look Rema, Im going to put my name in her diary' Came the muffled sounds of my cat.
'Bastard' Rema snarled from her chair and snuggled up to me to prove a point.
Now Abdel has taught Gordon to play rough, and he doesnt mean it and hes not nasty, but Abdel has trained him that when anyone puts their elbow down the side of the chair, Gordon will bicycle furiously with his back legs and happily lacerate with his front, at the same time biting the limb as you would a lamb bone.
So, sister-in-law has now got over the shock of the muzzle bashing from Rema, and has put her elbow down the side of the chair. :scared:
Gordon, is sitting there, eyes lit up like a christmas tree, pupils dilated, wriggling his bottom.
Tapping Abdel on the arm, 'I wouldnt do that' I say simply.
'Shh, leave it' Abdel laughs, eagerly waiting the ginger assault.
'I really wouldnt do that' I repeat, as Gordon is getting into position.
Too late.
Gordon takes a running jump, latches himself onto the poor womans arm, bicycles for Tour De France, and chomps on her elbow as he would a bone.
Abdel is pissing himself laughing as her delicate hands and arms are eaten.
Peeling the ginger tom off, I send Abdel to the kitchen to get some antiseptic to clean her up, Gordon shouts out 'Right who's next?'
Abdel then sits in the same chair, looks smugly at his sister to show her how its done, dangles his elbow at the side of the chair, Gordon takes a leap from the sofa and latches on like a lion to a zebras neck and 'kills' Abdels arm.
Ive tried to tell him the dangers of a cat scratch, but no, he wouldnt listen.
So all is peaceful in my living room now.
Rema is tied up to the sofa and has decided that sister-in-law is quite nice and doesnt need to be barked at and as Rema is blind, she feels that is her excuse. Note, she is still tied up, Rema tells lies.
Gordon is asleep on his cat-scratch post, although Abdels arm was the post earlier.
As for me, well Im tired.
No more introductions of people to my house.
Pets, who would have them?
Cheers
Ginny
Aug 27th 2005, 10:08 pm
#3
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 2,873
Re: Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
He he, reminds me of the woman who writes an articl ein the Mailon Sunday. she is obsessed with cats too. Hope the weekeend goes well. Can youtell I have been drinking?
Aug 27th 2005, 10:09 pm
#4
¤¤¤ • ¤¤¤ • ¤¤¤ • ¤¤¤
Joined: May 2004
Location: Frankston South, Victoria
Posts: 2,867
Re: Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
Sam, mate, never invite me round yours....
D D
PS As always, priceless.....loved it!!!
D D
PS As always, priceless.....loved it!!!
Aug 27th 2005, 10:15 pm
#5
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
Originally Posted by Stitch
Absolutely fabulous!
Cheers
Ginny
Cheers
Ginny
Aug 27th 2005, 10:24 pm
#6
58.38264% - Extreme Geek
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: The Place To Be
Posts: 2,270
Re: Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
Is it my imagination or does Rema have a speaking voice a bit like a female Father Jack? :scared: Does she yell '****, arse, dogfood' at regular intervals?
For some reason I imagine ginger Gordon with a lovely rich Scottish accent.... Bless!
Anya.
For some reason I imagine ginger Gordon with a lovely rich Scottish accent.... Bless!
Anya.
Aug 27th 2005, 10:32 pm
#7
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
Originally Posted by anya4oz
Is it my imagination or does Rema have a speaking voice a bit like a female Father Jack? :scared: Does she yell '****, arse, dogfood' at regular intervals?
For some reason I imagine ginger Gordon with a lovely rich Scottish accent.... Bless!
Anya.
For some reason I imagine ginger Gordon with a lovely rich Scottish accent.... Bless!
Anya.
She will shout and swear at regular intervals for attention and then deny its her.
Gordon, I havent sussed his accent out yet. I shall ponder on that one.
If anyone watched the X Factor tonight, there was a guy on that looked like Barry the Camp TRA man, he was wearing a purple suit.
Aug 27th 2005, 10:48 pm
#8
58.38264% - Extreme Geek
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: The Place To Be
Posts: 2,270
Re: Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
Originally Posted by Professional Princess
Rema has a devonshire accent but she does have tourrettes(?) syndrome - dont know if thats how you spell it.
She will shout and swear at regular intervals for attention and then deny its her.
Gordon, I havent sussed his accent out yet. I shall ponder on that one.
If anyone watched the X Factor tonight, there was a guy on that looked like Barry the Camp TRA man, he was wearing a purple suit.
She will shout and swear at regular intervals for attention and then deny its her.
Gordon, I havent sussed his accent out yet. I shall ponder on that one.
If anyone watched the X Factor tonight, there was a guy on that looked like Barry the Camp TRA man, he was wearing a purple suit.
Sam, you could have an award-winning sitcom on your hands here.
But which actors would play Barry and Duncan?
Can only think of pom actors for Barry - Steve Mc Coogan migth be good. Or that bloke from 'Little Britain'.
Geoffrey Rush could be Duncan, think he would relish the part with his range of acting skills. He'd have to put on some weight, though.
Cheers
Anya.
Aug 28th 2005, 9:22 am
#9
Account Closed
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 7,172
Re: Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
i am beginning to wonder about your motives when you invited me to stay at your house. you obviously dont like me at all!!!!!
Aug 28th 2005, 9:51 am
#10
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: To the world you are one person...to one person you may be the world
Posts: 873
Re: Gordon, Rema and My Sister-in-Law
Bloody hysterical!! One day when you're bored you can write a story about my 3!
Introducing Logan - eternal kitten (grey and white male 1 yr old), Milo, so chilled out - think he eats marajuana from next doors garden, (black 4 1/2 male) and his sister, Mischief - very pretty face, but has bit of an eating disorder, and slightly nervous temperment (silver tabby 4 1/2 female)
One day when you're bored you can write a story about my 3! Introducing Logan - eternal kitten (grey and white male 1 yr old), Milo, so chilled out - think he eats marajuana from next doors garden, (black 4 1/2 male) and his sister, Mischief - very pretty face, but has bit of an eating disorder, and slightly nervous temperment (silver tabby 4 1/2 female)
