Going Home
 

I am going home as my aunt has just died.It has come as such a terrible shock and we are all so upset and finding it so very hard being so far away.I have thought about nothing else for the last 36 hours and feel I must go home.I just feel so bad about leaving my husband with the children as they are not in a good state at the moment either.But we can only afford one ticket and I feel I need to get home as soon as I can, as my mum and nan are in a bad way.Has anyone else had to deal with this,as at the moment it just seems to be getting worse. I just feel so guilty about being here and not at home where I am needed. But now I have made my decision to go home I feel guilty about leaving the children. I just dont know what to do! Thanks for reading, claire

Re: Going Home
 

Sorry to hear about the predicament you find yourself in. I am sorry but I dont think I am the best person to offer advice on this kind of matter but I do hope that you find a way to get through it...

Good luck,

Hels

Re: Going Home
 

Sorry to hear about your loss, right now you need to do what you feel you need to do to get through this. We are expecting the same sort of feelings to kick in when something happens to my grandparents (hopefully not too soon but they are both in their 80s). It will be unlikely that we will all afford to go back so we will be in a similar situation. :(
When we decided to come here though we knew that these sorts of things were going to happen at some point. Don't beat yourself up about being so far away just do what you can and allow yourself to grieve. You could be in the UK and for other reasons not be able to do what you feel that you should be doing to support your Mom and Nan, it is surprising how even a short distance can feel like the other side of the world in these situations.
The important thing is not to well on guilt for being where you are being in the UK would not have prevented your Aunt from passing away and you may well have been having the same sorts of feelings of guilt and grief over there. These things take time to get over, allow yourself that time and use your time in the UK to help you comfort your family there before you come back to your family here and work through this with their support.
Good luck.
Nicky

Re: Going Home
 

Sorry to hear about your Aunt. Don't feel guilty about leaving the kids, it's not as if you are going of for a fun holiday. I am sure that they are going to have a fab time getting away with all sorts. Your Mum is lucky to have a daughter like you. She will really appreciate the effort that you are going to.

All the best with your trip.

Re: Going Home
 

Thanks for the replies.It is so hard at the moment and it has all been so sudden.She was only 60 and we only found out last week that she had leukemia, so it has all happened so suddenly that it has just knocked us off our feet.I feel I am doing the right thing its just so hard leaving here and the children.The little one is only 5 and he is very clingy to me.But I know my husband will cope and they will be fine.I know that if I dont go I could not go on like this, I need to be there for my mum and nan.
It just makes you realise how everything can change so fast and how far away I am,Claire.

Re: Going Home
 

Hi Claire,

Sorry to hear about your loss. :(
I had a similar situation back in March where my Auntie died and I went back to support my Dad and family. Don't feel bad about going - just go. Its something you have to do and I'm sure your husband understands completely.
It wont be a pleasant trip, but you will feel a thousand times better for going, and your family will really appreciate it.
For everyone out here - if you have family back in the UK - the best thing to do is make sure you have money put aside for occasions just like this. You don't want lack of a few $$$ to keep you away from your family at times like this.
You're only a plane ride away - and you have to keep that in mind.

W.

Re: Going Home
 

Thinking of you at this very difficult time
Love and prayers, Nicola x

Re: Going Home
 

So sorry to hear of your loss.

Last year my FIL died and my husband was his only relative. We drifted around here for 2 days until our flight back- we didn't know what to do with ourselves, and the flight felt like a lifetime.

However even had we been in UK, FIL would have still died (very quick heart attack), so we would have only have found out when the hospital called.

It is heart wrenching, but if you feel you need to go back, the only solution is to go. Strangely enough, doing practical things, like organising the funeral, dealing with bills etc, gave us a sense of purpose. I have never been a fan of funerals but it is the way to say goodbye and help move to the next stage of grief.
Hope all goes as well as possible and helps you cope with the loss of your aunt.

Re: Going Home
 

Hi Claire

I know just what you are going through. It happened to me in July. My Dad died and it was incredibly heartbreaking. :(

I went home alone to support my Mum and I too felt terrible being away from my husband and two small children in Oz.

I got through it...just! So will you. You need to concentrate on you, your Mum and Nan. They're the ones who need to see you at this time. Your husband will cope here in Oz. Sounds a bit calous I know, but it's true.

All the very best and be strong. Take care.

Re: Going Home
 

Sorry to hear about your loss, thinking of you, fee xx

Re: Going Home
 

Claire, my condolances to you and your family, and to echo the sentiments expressed by the other posters, don't feel guilty about leaving your kids - they'll be fine. Book your flight to come back to the UK - if you can afford to do it, and you know that your Mum and Nan will appreiciate your being there with them - then that's what's important, and you should do it.

Regards,

Nicky

Re: Going Home
 

It's a nightmare scenario, and probably one that happens all too frequently amongst those who emigrate. You have my heartfelt sympathy. I'm sure you are doing what is best. My thoughts are with you and your family at such a sad time.
TJ

Re: Going Home
 

I think this has to be our worst nightmare, living on the other side of the world and losing a special member of our family. I know only too well how you feel at the moment. As many on here I know, I lost my fantastic dad earlier this year and it almost destroyed me. Leaving the children behind here and making that long, long flight alone with such a heavy heart is the worst thing you will encounter.
You will get through. Be strong. Have a safe flight and please dont worry about the children. They will be fine. Just look after yourself at this very sad time.
With love

Sandra
x

Re: Going Home
 

I have emergency money , if i have to go back it is only for that as i have kids back in Uk as well, and i want to get on the next plane if anything happens. Claire your hubby and kids will manage without you, we just think they cant. Take care, Denise

Re: Going Home
 

you are such a great bunch. some of the things you have all typed to claire are very touching and im really sure this will help.
its strange how so many people who dont know you send things like this, i think we all know we will be in claires shoes one day.
i would just like to give u all a big pat on the back for your lovely replies to her and her family
soapy

Re: Going Home
 

Thankyou all so much for your kind words,it has really helped me.I will be going back as soon as I can arrange a flight and I am sure it is the right thing for me to do.It has just been such a shock to us all.My husbands work have been great and have said take the time off and dont worry so that also helps,and I am sure he will be fine.At a time like this its so nice to read so many lovely supportive words and it has really being a great source of comfort for us when we are so far away from family and friends,thanks,claire

Re: Going Home
 

Have a safe trip, and know that your BE friends will be here for you when you return.

Will be thinking of you

H

Ps Hubby and kids will be fine so just you concentrate on getting thro the next few days

Re: Going Home
 

Claire,
I'm so sorry to hear abut your aunt. But as others have said on here, you are needed here in the UK and your husband will manage with your children. (Us women naturally think we are the only ones able enough to look after our children, but of course deep down we know our husbands are equally as capable).
We discovered in August that my aunt in Brisbane (who is also my sponsor) has terminal cancer. It has come as a huge shock to us. She is 56. We do not know how long she has, but are hoping and praying that we will see her again next year. My mum and her other sister have recently made the painful trip of going over to see her, probably for the last time. They made the most of the time they had with her and will cherish those memories forever. You must also keep hold of the memories of your aunt.
You've now decided where you should be at this difficult time and you've made the right decision, and I'm sure you will be an enormous comfort to your Mum and Nan.
Unfortunately, the hardest part of this whole immigration process is facing up to the fact that we will all have to deal with situation at some time or another. But we will each deal with it as and when the time comes.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
Take care
Julie.x