Going crazy...what would you do?
Oct 19th 2004, 3:05 pm
#16
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Joined: Oct 2004
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Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
Originally Posted by PWBCSA
All I can do is recount my experiences...
I am 32 and have been with my partner for just over 10 years now. We have travelled a lot over the last six years, using sabbaticals and extended holidays etc, and spent 4 months in Oz a couple of years ago.
She has been home sick on a number of occasions whilst travelling; generally when we spend more than a month in another country which we have done on a number of occasions.
Anyhow...
After leaving Oz I decided that I wanted to live there. We had enjoyed visiting other places but this was the first place that I wanted to emmigrate to; I am not a UK 'basher' but I have been more interested in living elswhere for sometime.
She didn't!
...or more to the point, she did (sort of) but didn't want to leave family and friends etc.
I have held in for two years, with regular gentle persuasion, and we have finally just sent off HER skills assessment and hope to move to Melbourne in late 05 / early 06.
At no point have I said to her that I might leave her to go, which I think helped big time, and one of the main points that helped her agree was my saying that we won't plan on going for ever. We might stay there for a couple of months, a couple of years or the rest of our lives... we will just see how we get on.
I think the most important thing was that she new, firstly, how important it was for me to go but, secondly, how important she is to me as well.
Hope this helps.
Hang in there, things ALWAYS work out.
I am 32 and have been with my partner for just over 10 years now. We have travelled a lot over the last six years, using sabbaticals and extended holidays etc, and spent 4 months in Oz a couple of years ago.
She has been home sick on a number of occasions whilst travelling; generally when we spend more than a month in another country which we have done on a number of occasions.
Anyhow...
After leaving Oz I decided that I wanted to live there. We had enjoyed visiting other places but this was the first place that I wanted to emmigrate to; I am not a UK 'basher' but I have been more interested in living elswhere for sometime.
She didn't!
...or more to the point, she did (sort of) but didn't want to leave family and friends etc.
I have held in for two years, with regular gentle persuasion, and we have finally just sent off HER skills assessment and hope to move to Melbourne in late 05 / early 06.
At no point have I said to her that I might leave her to go, which I think helped big time, and one of the main points that helped her agree was my saying that we won't plan on going for ever. We might stay there for a couple of months, a couple of years or the rest of our lives... we will just see how we get on.
I think the most important thing was that she new, firstly, how important it was for me to go but, secondly, how important she is to me as well.
Hope this helps.
Hang in there, things ALWAYS work out.
Thanks so much for all of your kind replies. I sometimes feel as though I'm being an ungrateful witch because I should just be happy staying here forever. I've never suggested to my partner that I would go without him and I have said nothing is forever, we could just try it out maybe for a few months, a year and see how we go. I don't know how much effect this has had really but like your girlfriend, my boyfriend seems most concerned with leaving family and friends (which I find kinda wierd seeing as he's never bothered if he sees his sisters or not- they live in London. Most of his friends call me to ask what he's been up to because he can be quite lazy on that front too!) I think he's just one of those people who really like the familar - and I thrive on the opposite in many ways.
I think the posting on here today has helped clarify one thing though - I need to be really honest with him and tell him that I do intend to apply. I've just read a book that says you should 'hope for the best and plan for the worst.' I will put every effort into the relationship though and see how things pan out.
Oct 19th 2004, 3:14 pm
#17
surfer chic from Teesside
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Halls head, WA
Posts: 1,431
Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
Originally Posted by Nutty
Hi!
This is the first time I've posted and the first time I've even come across this website. I'm having a huge dilemma, I've been going around in circles in my head now for months and months on end, it's making me so miserable I feel like bursting into tears practically every day. Long story short - I always intended to migrate to Oz from about 5 years ago. I studied for a year at an Australian uni and my sister and nieces are Australian citizens. I only returned to the UK in order to get a couple years work experience so that I could apply for my residency in Oz.
I've just about got those two years now. The only problem is that I've met somebody and fallen in love but he doesn't not want to live in Australia. I thought I'd kinda comes to terms with this, but the more and more I think about it the more it gets me down. He's said that he 'may' consider it at some point in the future but that if I am to stay with him (and that really means if we get married) then I have to envisage the worse case scenario which is that we never go.
I've started to kinda resent the fact that I'm supposed to accept that unless he has a sudden change of heart, I am expected to be 101% happy about living in the UK (I hate it here, apart from the fact that my parents are still here). It all seems to be on his terms - if he decides in the future that he might like to try it then ok, but otherwise I am to go through the next 40,50,60 years assuming we will never go. And deep down I don't think he will ever want to go.
I'm realisitic, I don't expect anyone to want to do exactly that same as me, it just seems harsh that I've been told - 'assume we will never go'. If his work demanded that we move to New York tomorrow, I'd go with him. Or at least I'd be open to it. He can't even promise me that in the next 50 years, at some point, if only for while, he MIGHT consider it.
I really really love this guy, I can't imagine not having him in my life but equally I can't imagine living in dreary, miserable UK for the rest of my life either. He really seems like a homeboy and I'm not. I could probably get my residency if I applied for it within the next 6 months. Otherwise there is a chance I'll never get it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I think about it every day. I'm also 30 years old and it's the the typical female dilemma re: children. My partner loves me to death and would be a wonderful father - do I sacrifice all of this for my dream of living in Australia? I'm scared of going and I'm scared of staying. Please help!!
This is the first time I've posted and the first time I've even come across this website. I'm having a huge dilemma, I've been going around in circles in my head now for months and months on end, it's making me so miserable I feel like bursting into tears practically every day. Long story short - I always intended to migrate to Oz from about 5 years ago. I studied for a year at an Australian uni and my sister and nieces are Australian citizens. I only returned to the UK in order to get a couple years work experience so that I could apply for my residency in Oz.
I've just about got those two years now. The only problem is that I've met somebody and fallen in love but he doesn't not want to live in Australia. I thought I'd kinda comes to terms with this, but the more and more I think about it the more it gets me down. He's said that he 'may' consider it at some point in the future but that if I am to stay with him (and that really means if we get married) then I have to envisage the worse case scenario which is that we never go.
I've started to kinda resent the fact that I'm supposed to accept that unless he has a sudden change of heart, I am expected to be 101% happy about living in the UK (I hate it here, apart from the fact that my parents are still here). It all seems to be on his terms - if he decides in the future that he might like to try it then ok, but otherwise I am to go through the next 40,50,60 years assuming we will never go. And deep down I don't think he will ever want to go.
I'm realisitic, I don't expect anyone to want to do exactly that same as me, it just seems harsh that I've been told - 'assume we will never go'. If his work demanded that we move to New York tomorrow, I'd go with him. Or at least I'd be open to it. He can't even promise me that in the next 50 years, at some point, if only for while, he MIGHT consider it.
I really really love this guy, I can't imagine not having him in my life but equally I can't imagine living in dreary, miserable UK for the rest of my life either. He really seems like a homeboy and I'm not. I could probably get my residency if I applied for it within the next 6 months. Otherwise there is a chance I'll never get it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I think about it every day. I'm also 30 years old and it's the the typical female dilemma re: children. My partner loves me to death and would be a wonderful father - do I sacrifice all of this for my dream of living in Australia? I'm scared of going and I'm scared of staying. Please help!!
hi nutty
I myself had the same dilema, with 2 ex-partners!
Based on my experience I think that life is too short and if you are not happy here, then when the honeymoon period is over you will feel even worse....
I think that you should be with someone who shares the same dreams as you and who wants the same goals otherwise how can you ever have a future without one of them being totally happy???
If he loves you as much as he says he will move out there and give it a go with you, if he doesnt like it he can always come back, at least he could try it????
And if not there are plenty more blokes in Auz!!!
Here is my sad story....
the first one i gave up a chance to migrate to auz with my parents when i was 17 as he wouldnt come with us and i was in love and so i stayed. We stayed here and bought a house etc..... As i got older i wanted to go to Auz more and more and regretted not going when i had the chance, in the end we broke up as i was soo unhappy here and kept wishing i was in Auz and blaming everything that went wrong on him not wanting to go.
So i started saving up and paying off debts ready to go to auz.......
Then i met someone else when i was 24, i was going to Auz myself to stay with my auntie and so i took him to auz with me and he loved it and while we were there he was all for moving out there permanatley and then when we got back home to UK he chickened out saying he would miss his mum and friends and loved the UK and his life here and didnt want to go etc.....
I was gutted as it was all i dreamed about and i was in such a rut here, i only had a bit more debt to pay off and then i was going for good........so i dumped him as thought would always resent him if i didnt just go........
So I went back to uni to train as a nurse as only way i could get enough points without my ex...........
Then i met my current partner jonathan, who also wants to go to Aus a much as i do and we are now both in the process of applying for PR, and hope to be in Aus as soon as i have graduated. We can apply now though as we had enough points on his job alone, so even though it was a bad begining i met someone in the end who shared the same dreams as me and i am totally happy!
Anyway good luck with whatever you decide to do, I say go for it and leave him here, you have the skills to go alone and you are an independant women, dont miss your chance, you will have a ball in auz. Dont end up regretting it like i did, a man is never as great!as you first think!
laura
x
Oct 19th 2004, 3:18 pm
#18
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Joined: Oct 2004
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Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
Originally Posted by podgypossum
Can i ask a question?
How long have you and this guy been together?
How long have you and this guy been together?
So in answer to your original question 2 years, but I thought he was cute when he was 12.
Oct 19th 2004, 3:22 pm
#19
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,666
Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
That is why i have just asked how long they have been together Laura. Sorry to hear your sad tale.
It is a very difficult situation, but to give up a lifes dream for someone who may not be around forever is a hell of a risk.
It is a very difficult situation, but to give up a lifes dream for someone who may not be around forever is a hell of a risk.
Oct 19th 2004, 3:24 pm
#20
surfer chic from Teesside
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Halls head, WA
Posts: 1,431
Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
Originally Posted by Nutty
Well here's a story for you all - just to add complication. We've been together nearly two years and have lived together since March this year. However I've actually known him since he was 12 years old because he happens to be my ex-best frend's little brother (he's only two years younger than me so I haven't kidnapped anyone here). Anyway - yes she is my EX -best friend. We fell out years ago,over something trivial, and it's safe to say that she wasn't and isn't really too happy about us being together. She'd kill me (with any excuse) if she thought I was attempting to encourage him to leave the U.K. - just another element of stress to add to the whole proceedings.
So in answer to your original question 2 years, but I thought he was cute when he was 12.
So in answer to your original question 2 years, but I thought he was cute when he was 12.
hi nutty
im also a bit of a cradle snatcher as J is 4 years younger than me ekkk!!!
Dont they say your only as old as the man you feel??!!
All Sounds very complicated to me, i think your defo best off out of it all, just go and start a new life in Auz, be young free and single, like you say its horrid here, and its not like you'll be on your own as your sis will be waiting for you!
were does your sis live?
laura
x
Oct 19th 2004, 3:27 pm
#21
surfer chic from Teesside
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Halls head, WA
Posts: 1,431
Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
Originally Posted by podgypossum
That is why i have just asked how long they have been together Laura. Sorry to hear your sad tale.
It is a very difficult situation, but to give up a lifes dream for someone who may not be around forever is a hell of a risk.
It is a very difficult situation, but to give up a lifes dream for someone who may not be around forever is a hell of a risk.
hi pp
yes and a sad tale at that, but God if i had of known then what i know now, i wouldnt of wasted so much time churning myself up over them bloody blokes....
And being a wise wise women yourself, you will know we live and we learn, and what doesnt kill you will only make you stronger, or however that saying goes?????
ha,ha!!
laura
x
Oct 19th 2004, 3:34 pm
#22
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 2,666
Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
Laura...i wish i had a dollar for everytime i had said that!!! i am very pleased to have finally found happiness, but i could kick myself for taking so bloody long to find it..LOL
The big deciding factor in me making a commitment to my husband, was making sure it wasnt just my heart, but also my head saying it was right, and i think that often when we are younger we dont listen to the head often enough.
Nutty...i really dont know what the best advice is, all i will say is, dont let your heart runaway with you. I know its really hard not to, but use your head too. This comes from a woman who wasted too many years following her hearts advice.
The big deciding factor in me making a commitment to my husband, was making sure it wasnt just my heart, but also my head saying it was right, and i think that often when we are younger we dont listen to the head often enough.
Nutty...i really dont know what the best advice is, all i will say is, dont let your heart runaway with you. I know its really hard not to, but use your head too. This comes from a woman who wasted too many years following her hearts advice.
Oct 19th 2004, 3:37 pm
#23
surfer chic from Teesside
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Halls head, WA
Posts: 1,431
Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
Originally Posted by podgypossum
Laura...i wish i had a dollar for everytime i had said that!!! i am very pleased to have finally found happiness, but i could kick myself for taking so bloody long to find it..LOL
The big deciding factor in me making a commitment to my husband, was making sure it wasnt just my heart, but also my head saying it was right, and i think that often when we are younger we dont listen to the head often enough.
Nutty...i really dont know what the best advice is, all i will say is, dont let your heart runaway with you. I know its really hard not to, but use your head too. This comes from a woman who wasted too many years following her hearts advice.
The big deciding factor in me making a commitment to my husband, was making sure it wasnt just my heart, but also my head saying it was right, and i think that often when we are younger we dont listen to the head often enough.
Nutty...i really dont know what the best advice is, all i will say is, dont let your heart runaway with you. I know its really hard not to, but use your head too. This comes from a woman who wasted too many years following her hearts advice.
well said PP......"here,here"
Nutty, these are wise words from PP, you dont want to look back like us two now do you, LOL
anyways i'm sure you will work it all out in the end, good luck!
laura
Oct 19th 2004, 3:45 pm
#24
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 8
Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
Originally Posted by podgypossum
Laura...i wish i had a dollar for everytime i had said that!!! i am very pleased to have finally found happiness, but i could kick myself for taking so bloody long to find it..LOL
The big deciding factor in me making a commitment to my husband, was making sure it wasnt just my heart, but also my head saying it was right, and i think that often when we are younger we dont listen to the head often enough.
Nutty...i really dont know what the best advice is, all i will say is, dont let your heart runaway with you. I know its really hard not to, but use your head too. This comes from a woman who wasted too many years following her hearts advice.
The big deciding factor in me making a commitment to my husband, was making sure it wasnt just my heart, but also my head saying it was right, and i think that often when we are younger we dont listen to the head often enough.
Nutty...i really dont know what the best advice is, all i will say is, dont let your heart runaway with you. I know its really hard not to, but use your head too. This comes from a woman who wasted too many years following her hearts advice.
I'm going to make myself and coffee to blub into.
Oct 19th 2004, 4:16 pm
#25
Gee of the Bee Member
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: Perth
Posts: 613
Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
Alright there Luv
Hmmm looks like you have got yourself in to a bit of a pickle eh
Its a tough decision for you to make but in a relationship there has to be some give and take. Sounds like your fella is refusing point blank to look at the bigger picture?
Maybe butter him up first and don't say how!
But not just with sex as we blokes will agree to owt at the prospect of getting some or just had some! Ah come on you know its true!
Anyway once he's been buttered up for a while tell him actualy how you feel about him and also about Oz; make sure he realises that it is tearing you apart and also that he's the one etc etc. Then unless he's heartless (sorry) you should both be able to come to a comprimise to giving Oz fair go for maybe a year or two.....
I myself purposely avoided your situation as I said to myself last time I came back from travelling that I wanted to live in oz. Thing is I have kept myself single to stop from having to decide between girlfriend or Oz, just didn't know it was gonna take 4 bloody years!
Hope you can work it out
Hmmm looks like you have got yourself in to a bit of a pickle eh
Its a tough decision for you to make but in a relationship there has to be some give and take. Sounds like your fella is refusing point blank to look at the bigger picture?
Maybe butter him up first and don't say how!
But not just with sex as we blokes will agree to owt at the prospect of getting some or just had some! Ah come on you know its true!Anyway once he's been buttered up for a while tell him actualy how you feel about him and also about Oz; make sure he realises that it is tearing you apart and also that he's the one etc etc. Then unless he's heartless (sorry) you should both be able to come to a comprimise to giving Oz fair go for maybe a year or two.....
I myself purposely avoided your situation as I said to myself last time I came back from travelling that I wanted to live in oz. Thing is I have kept myself single to stop from having to decide between girlfriend or Oz, just didn't know it was gonna take 4 bloody years!
Hope you can work it out
Oct 19th 2004, 5:48 pm
#26
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Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Mid West >> UK
Posts: 1,239
Re: Going crazy...what would you do?
Originally Posted by Nutty
Hi!
This is the first time I've posted and the first time I've even come across this website. I'm having a huge dilemma, I've been going around in circles in my head now for months and months on end, it's making me so miserable I feel like bursting into tears practically every day. Long story short - I always intended to migrate to Oz from about 5 years ago. I studied for a year at an Australian uni and my sister and nieces are Australian citizens. I only returned to the UK in order to get a couple years work experience so that I could apply for my residency in Oz.
I've just about got those two years now. The only problem is that I've met somebody and fallen in love but he doesn't not want to live in Australia. I thought I'd kinda comes to terms with this, but the more and more I think about it the more it gets me down. He's said that he 'may' consider it at some point in the future but that if I am to stay with him (and that really means if we get married) then I have to envisage the worse case scenario which is that we never go.
I've started to kinda resent the fact that I'm supposed to accept that unless he has a sudden change of heart, I am expected to be 101% happy about living in the UK (I hate it here, apart from the fact that my parents are still here). It all seems to be on his terms - if he decides in the future that he might like to try it then ok, but otherwise I am to go through the next 40,50,60 years assuming we will never go. And deep down I don't think he will ever want to go.
I'm realisitic, I don't expect anyone to want to do exactly that same as me, it just seems harsh that I've been told - 'assume we will never go'. If his work demanded that we move to New York tomorrow, I'd go with him. Or at least I'd be open to it. He can't even promise me that in the next 50 years, at some point, if only for while, he MIGHT consider it.
I really really love this guy, I can't imagine not having him in my life but equally I can't imagine living in dreary, miserable UK for the rest of my life either. He really seems like a homeboy and I'm not. I could probably get my residency if I applied for it within the next 6 months. Otherwise there is a chance I'll never get it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I think about it every day. I'm also 30 years old and it's the the typical female dilemma re: children. My partner loves me to death and would be a wonderful father - do I sacrifice all of this for my dream of living in Australia? I'm scared of going and I'm scared of staying. Please help!!
This is the first time I've posted and the first time I've even come across this website. I'm having a huge dilemma, I've been going around in circles in my head now for months and months on end, it's making me so miserable I feel like bursting into tears practically every day. Long story short - I always intended to migrate to Oz from about 5 years ago. I studied for a year at an Australian uni and my sister and nieces are Australian citizens. I only returned to the UK in order to get a couple years work experience so that I could apply for my residency in Oz.
I've just about got those two years now. The only problem is that I've met somebody and fallen in love but he doesn't not want to live in Australia. I thought I'd kinda comes to terms with this, but the more and more I think about it the more it gets me down. He's said that he 'may' consider it at some point in the future but that if I am to stay with him (and that really means if we get married) then I have to envisage the worse case scenario which is that we never go.
I've started to kinda resent the fact that I'm supposed to accept that unless he has a sudden change of heart, I am expected to be 101% happy about living in the UK (I hate it here, apart from the fact that my parents are still here). It all seems to be on his terms - if he decides in the future that he might like to try it then ok, but otherwise I am to go through the next 40,50,60 years assuming we will never go. And deep down I don't think he will ever want to go.
I'm realisitic, I don't expect anyone to want to do exactly that same as me, it just seems harsh that I've been told - 'assume we will never go'. If his work demanded that we move to New York tomorrow, I'd go with him. Or at least I'd be open to it. He can't even promise me that in the next 50 years, at some point, if only for while, he MIGHT consider it.
I really really love this guy, I can't imagine not having him in my life but equally I can't imagine living in dreary, miserable UK for the rest of my life either. He really seems like a homeboy and I'm not. I could probably get my residency if I applied for it within the next 6 months. Otherwise there is a chance I'll never get it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I think about it every day. I'm also 30 years old and it's the the typical female dilemma re: children. My partner loves me to death and would be a wonderful father - do I sacrifice all of this for my dream of living in Australia? I'm scared of going and I'm scared of staying. Please help!!
