Funnies for Go Bananas!!
Jan 29th 2004, 4:39 am
#16
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by WBB
gis a job, i can do that.
gis a job, i can do that.
If you have the right tool kit the job's yours - (juice extractors do not count !) oops wasn't mean't to sound that rude , just a reference to a previous thread, many moons ago................
Jill
Jan 29th 2004, 4:40 am
#17
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by Go Banana's !!
Wondered when you would get in here !
If you have the right tool kit the job's yours - (juice extractors do not count !) oops wasn't mean't to sound that rude , just a reference to a previous thread, many moons ago................
Jill
Wondered when you would get in here !
If you have the right tool kit the job's yours - (juice extractors do not count !) oops wasn't mean't to sound that rude , just a reference to a previous thread, many moons ago................
Jill
Jan 29th 2004, 4:42 am
#18
Kiwified member
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: New Plymouth, NZ
Posts: 1,647
Originally posted by WBB
i was voted most pervy poster 2003!!!
i was voted most pervy poster 2003!!!
That is not neccessarily something to be proud of, WBB.
Jan 29th 2004, 4:43 am
#19
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by WBB
i was voted most pervy poster 2003!!!
i was voted most pervy poster 2003!!!
Jill
Jan 29th 2004, 4:45 am
#20
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by Pollster
That is not neccessarily something to be proud of, WBB.
That is not neccessarily something to be proud of, WBB.
Jill
:scared:
Jan 29th 2004, 4:55 am
#21
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by Pollster
That is not neccessarily something to be proud of, WBB.
That is not neccessarily something to be proud of, WBB.
Jan 29th 2004, 5:13 am
#22
no longer searching
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,030
Originally posted by WBB
do you wanna see some puppies.
do you wanna see some puppies.
Jan 29th 2004, 7:02 am
#23
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by walaj
:scared: :scared: you are not the fat kid that asked me the same question on 3rd boulevard Santa Monica 2 yrs back?
:scared: :scared: you are not the fat kid that asked me the same question on 3rd boulevard Santa Monica 2 yrs back?
:scared:
:scared:
Jan 29th 2004, 8:07 am
#24
Kiwified member
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: New Plymouth, NZ
Posts: 1,647
Here you go Jill - hope this exercises your cheek muscles!
The teacher asks the class to come up and write a word on the blackboard that can be associated with 'panic'.
The first young lad come up and writes the word "FIRE".
Very good says the teacher. Fire causes panic.
A little girl came up and she wrote the word "FLOOD".
Very good said the teacher. Flood causes panic.
A little boy came up and he wrote "X X X"
The teacher looked puzzled. " How does 'X X X' cause panic.
The young lad explained, " Well I have four elder sisters and every month they each put a cross on the calendar on their own particular day. I don't know why but when there's only three crosses on the calender there's a hell of a panic in our house.
The teacher asks the class to come up and write a word on the blackboard that can be associated with 'panic'.
The first young lad come up and writes the word "FIRE".
Very good says the teacher. Fire causes panic.
A little girl came up and she wrote the word "FLOOD".
Very good said the teacher. Flood causes panic.
A little boy came up and he wrote "X X X"
The teacher looked puzzled. " How does 'X X X' cause panic.
The young lad explained, " Well I have four elder sisters and every month they each put a cross on the calendar on their own particular day. I don't know why but when there's only three crosses on the calender there's a hell of a panic in our house.
Jan 29th 2004, 8:08 am
#25
Kiwified member
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: New Plymouth, NZ
Posts: 1,647
And another....
One evening a husband comes home to his apartment very roughed up. When his wife sees him she asks, "What happened to you?"
"I got into a fight with the apartment manager."
"Whatever for?"
"He said he had slept with every woman in the complex except one!"
The woman replied, "I bet it's that snooty Mrs. Gellar on the third floor."
One evening a husband comes home to his apartment very roughed up. When his wife sees him she asks, "What happened to you?"
"I got into a fight with the apartment manager."
"Whatever for?"
"He said he had slept with every woman in the complex except one!"
The woman replied, "I bet it's that snooty Mrs. Gellar on the third floor."
Jan 29th 2004, 8:11 am
#26
Kiwified member
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: New Plymouth, NZ
Posts: 1,647
and an explaination why WBB's post is always late?......
One Monday morning a postman is walking the neighbourhood on his usual route.
As he approaches one of the homes he sees Bob coming out with a load of empty beer and wine bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had a hell of a party last night." the postman said.
Bob, in obvious pain, replies," Actually we had it Saturday night, this is the first I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning.
"We had a about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for the Christmas Cheer and got a bit wild. Hell we even got so drunk that around midnight we started playing WHO AM I."
The postman says, " How do you play that?"
Bob continues between hung over gasps," Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "units" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The postman laughs and says," Damn I am sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds, "your name was guessed four or five times."
One Monday morning a postman is walking the neighbourhood on his usual route.
As he approaches one of the homes he sees Bob coming out with a load of empty beer and wine bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had a hell of a party last night." the postman said.
Bob, in obvious pain, replies," Actually we had it Saturday night, this is the first I have felt like moving since 4 am Sunday morning.
"We had a about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for the Christmas Cheer and got a bit wild. Hell we even got so drunk that around midnight we started playing WHO AM I."
The postman says, " How do you play that?"
Bob continues between hung over gasps," Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "units" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The postman laughs and says," Damn I am sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds, "your name was guessed four or five times."
Jan 30th 2004, 5:26 am
#27
Kiwified member
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: New Plymouth, NZ
Posts: 1,647
bumpity bump for walaj!!
Jan 30th 2004, 5:47 am
#28
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by Pollster
bumpity bump for walaj!!
bumpity bump for walaj!!
Jill
Jan 30th 2004, 5:55 am
#29
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2002
Location: Melbourne
Posts: 121
First Catch Your Rabbit
The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit for their supper, returning with it ready to skin and cook.
Night falls.
First up -the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap".
They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes. "Excellent!" says the trainer.
Next up -the Para's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour or so the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs, whistling the theme tune from Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is broken only by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One; suspect headed straight for you. .." etc.
After what seems an eternity , they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer.
"Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you to do five hours ago!".
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours. Night drags on and dawn breaks. Finally, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.
"Are you taking the piss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer. The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:
"All right, all right. I'm an f***in' rabbit!"
Colin
The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit for their supper, returning with it ready to skin and cook.
Night falls.
First up -the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap".
They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes. "Excellent!" says the trainer.
Next up -the Para's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour or so the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs, whistling the theme tune from Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is broken only by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One; suspect headed straight for you. .." etc.
After what seems an eternity , they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer.
"Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you to do five hours ago!".
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours. Night drags on and dawn breaks. Finally, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.
"Are you taking the piss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer. The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks:
"All right, all right. I'm an f***in' rabbit!"
Colin
Jan 30th 2004, 6:02 am
#30
Guest
Posts: n/a
LOL
Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions. Make sure you tell the truth because if you don't, we'll have to ask you to visit the beast below. Your answers will also determine what kind of car you will get. You have to have a car here in heaven because it is so huge!" St. Peter asked the first man, "How long were you married?" The guy replied, "24 years." St. Peter then asked, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?" The guy said, "Yeah, about 10 times... but you said I was forgiven." Peter said, "Yes, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto for you to drive." The second guy got the same questions from Peter to which he replied, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out. I was faithful thereafter." Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that. Here's a Mercedes SUV for you to drive." The third guy said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!" Peter said, "Now that's what I like to hear! Here's a Jaguar for you to drive." A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked him what was wrong he tearily said, "I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!"
Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions. Make sure you tell the truth because if you don't, we'll have to ask you to visit the beast below. Your answers will also determine what kind of car you will get. You have to have a car here in heaven because it is so huge!" St. Peter asked the first man, "How long were you married?" The guy replied, "24 years." St. Peter then asked, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?" The guy said, "Yeah, about 10 times... but you said I was forgiven." Peter said, "Yes, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto for you to drive." The second guy got the same questions from Peter to which he replied, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out. I was faithful thereafter." Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that. Here's a Mercedes SUV for you to drive." The third guy said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!" Peter said, "Now that's what I like to hear! Here's a Jaguar for you to drive." A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked him what was wrong he tearily said, "I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!"
