DollyDaydream

Useful Military Warnings:


1. "Aim towards the Enemy". - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher

2. "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army

3. "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

4. "If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

5. "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

6. "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

7. "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

8. "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

9. "Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

10. "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth

11. "If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

12. "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

13. "Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anonymous

14. "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit

15. "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

16. "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S. Ammo Troop

Hope this raised a wry smile or two......

D D

Teddybex

Thanks for that Dolly. It brought a smile to an otherwise boring Friday morning at work!

KayCee

I love those kind of comments. I know I had a list and will try and find it but....

* childrens superman outfit - do not attempt to fly!

* on the bottom of a trifle - do not turn upsdie down!

* chainsaw - not for use on genitals!!

If I find it, I will post it!

Stewie

This may keep the smiles going!!!

The minister agreed to marry the young couple in his church if they vowed to remain celibate for the duration of their engagement.
One week before the wedding, he met them and asked, "Have you remained chaste, as I requested?"
The man confessed that they had not: "Last week my fiancee was reaching for a box of lightbulbs on a high shelf, and she dropped it. When she bent to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and - suffice to say - we lost all control there and then."
The preacher shook his head and solemnly informed the man that he would not be able to marry the couple in his church.
"Yes, that's what we expected," sighed the man. "We're not welcome in B&Q any more, either".


Best wishes

loose

1. Can you cry under water?
> > > >>> 2. When I was young we used to go "skinny
> > > >>>dipping," now I just "chunkydunk."
> > > >>> 3. How important does a person have to be
> > > >>>before they are considered assassinated instead of
> > > >>>just murdered?
> > > >>> 4. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do
> > > >>>banks have branches?
> > > >>> 5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in",
> > > >>>but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's
> > > >>>that extra penny going?
> > > >>> 6. Why does a round pizza come in a square
> > > >>>box?
> > > >>> 7. How is it that we put man on the moon before
> > > >>>we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels
> > > >>>on luggage?
> > > >>> 8. Why is it that people say they "slept like
> > > >>>a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
> > > >>> 9. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it
> > > >>>still called a hearing?
> > > >>> 10. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings
> > > >>>and then put money in binoculars to look at things
> > > >>>on the ground?
> > > >>> 11. How come we choose from just two people
> > > >>>for President and fifty for Miss America?
> > > >>> 12. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom
> > > >>>does he/she call?
> > > >>> 13. I signed up for an exercise class and was
> > > >>>told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I had any
> > > >>>loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in
> > > >>>the first place!
> > > >>> 14. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed
> > > >>>up our life we could simply press Ctrl Alt Delete
> > > >>>and start all over?
> > > >>> 15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and
> > > >>>then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
> > > >>> 16. Just remember . . if the world didn't
> > > >>>suck, we'd all fall off.
> > > >>> 17. Why is it that our children can't read a
> > > >>>Bible in school, but they can in prison?
> > > >>> 18. If raising children was going to be easy,
> > > >>>it never would have started with something called
> > > >>>labor!
> > > >>> 19. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but
> > > >>>fat cells live forever

ANA123

Theres a roadsign I've noticed around Brisbane that says:

BLIND PEOPLE CROSS HERE

Still not sure if its a warning or instruction

HUP

WARNING NOT FOR THE POLITICALLY CORRECT


Two Arabs were sat on the Gaza strip chatting over a pint of goats milk. The topic of conversation turned to their children. One Arab pulled out his wallet and got out a photo. "My first son. He is a martyr" He reaches into his wallet and pulls out another photo. 2My second son...He was a martyr too."

The other arab heaves a big sigh

"Kids they blow up so quickly these days..