Larissa

Hi guys
Right now, I could really do with one of those frivilous story threads and I've been all serious lately but could do with a giggle. (I've also said be warned so no-one can complain now...)

So... here goes... think it will have to be a "futurastic" story about big knickers after the thread on diets... I will either PMSL tommorrow or die with embarrassment that I ever started this one. Well, this one is for Poll, Podgypossum and all the other avid readers of that thread!

It was the year 2004. The cotton crop failure had a devastating effect on the availiability of larger sized, comfy knickers. Women across the land made do with their

TraceyW

.....tummy tucking, hold it all in, Bridget Jones knickers that they'd bought from M & S in the hope that they could still slither into ther little black number they'd used to wear pre children days. Women all over the world were turning blue during their nights out dancing around their handbags, through lack of oxygen and excruciating pain, and groans of shear relief could be heard from inside every toilet cubicle across the land!!

tiredwithtwins

PP & TWT, cowering in a corner muttering ''she said she was a size 18'' at the handbag dancers decided enough was enough! Clutching their 'insiders guide to adelaide' charged the dj station and grabbed the mike ''big bossomed women of Aus unite!!! We shall wear our big knickers and disappearing thongs with pride!! Join with us as we storm the Dept Immigration and demand that it be an extra 15 points to be over a size 16! Anything smaller will lose you 50 points!!''
Just as they spoke those words, who should dash in but...

CHnJ

Oprah Winfrey and Renee Zellweger. They announce to the crowd that they plan on taking over the government by sitting on John Howard (maybe that'll get a smile out of him!)

"Who's with us?" they cry ...

jayr

Simon Crean said he would love to if he could be their leader...

Elaine M

.. and Jonny Wilkinson said he'd sit on John Howard too... totally distracting PP and TWT...

Larissa

but all John Howard could do was sulk about it.
However, the effect of the cotton crop failure was yet to kick in. Knicker manufacturers first began to reduce the cotton content in their knickers. Gussets and seams began to strain... the price of pants began to rise... John Howard sulked all the more (his thongs (not flipflops) were getting a bit tight)

Pollyana

Worse still, people ordering their extra-large knickers by mail order were causing chaos in the offices of Australia Post as all the parcels were too large to be carried by one person. Pollyana decided to sue the post office for causing her to have a bad back through lifting all the sacks, and then she would have enough cash to pay for her wedding.....

Larissa

knickers - a supersize jobbie, encrusted with faux pearles (which have to be sewn on with COTTON!!!!). It was especially important that the faux pearles didn't pop off at the wedding ceremony, after all, what would the MIL think?

CHnJ

The lucrative cotton smuggling business diverted people-smuggling boats from Indonesia to mainland china with bales of cotton for black market knicker manufacture. The effect on migration policy meant ...

Larissa

that the skinny pommie shielas had to resort to eating cream cakes and chips all day. The government had a real crackdown on entrants to Aus, meaning that even Kylie was not permitted to return to Melbourne unless she sat in immigration control, drinking from a large vat of heated lard!!! (hahahahahahah )

Pollster

But the knock on effect of this policy meant that there was a sudden demand amongst young wannabe Aussie men for voluptuous women.

Things were so bad that any lady qualifying for the extra points just could not risk walking down the street for fear of being mobbed by gorgeous males waving......

tinaj

black-market cotton knickers!!They were the most valuable things around, they had even over taken the strong Aussie dollar.

Larissa

Meanwhile, Pollyana's bloke had kept her well supplied with cheese. She began to pile on the pounds, which made her even more desirable. She was pleased that her beloved pearl encrusted knickers still fitted but....

Pollster

There were even tales of women selling themselves ( and their immigration points) for 2 packs of Marks and Spencers' pants.

Victoria Beckham, Paris Hilton and their ilk were photographed at posh parties wearing their big knickers OVER their designer clobber just to prove how rich they were.

Things were spiralling dangerously out of control, but then.....