Friendship
Dec 2nd 2003, 8:05 am
#1
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: Scotland
Posts: 7,949
Friendship
Hello to all my silent friends. You will need to read this article for an explanation. (Only if you are interested!)
OzTennis
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspap...911103,00.html
OzTennis
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspap...911103,00.html
Dec 2nd 2003, 8:07 am
#2
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 11,149
Re: Friendship
Originally posted by OzTennis
Hello to all my silent friends. You will need to read this article for an explanation. (Only if you are interested!)
OzTennis
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspap...911103,00.html
Hello to all my silent friends. You will need to read this article for an explanation. (Only if you are interested!)
OzTennis
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspap...911103,00.html
Dec 2nd 2003, 8:09 am
#3
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,810
No good, you'll have to post the text here - the Times site wants login etc in order to access it .... and even though I miss The Times I've never bothered to subscribe to it!
Signed,
A silent friend who tried!!!
Signed,
A silent friend who tried!!!
Dec 2nd 2003, 8:26 am
#4
Guest
Posts: n/a
it did not ask me to log in???
well anyway here it is....
Pal, mate or buddy, modern life’s pressures create a high turnover in companionship
COUNT them carefully. You have 33 friends now, yet within a few years you will have lost touch with all but a handful. They won’t even send you a Christmas card.
Whether they are pals, mates, chums or buddies, you will go through 396 friends in a lifetime but will have only 33 at any one time, says a study.
Death, rows and disinclination all chip away at the coterie of companions surrounding you now, and it is only a matter of time before 363 — 11 out of 12 — are lost to you. Of the 33 people counted as friends for now, only six at most can be described as close friends in whom you can confide and trust to be there when you need a shoulder to cry on.
Best friends, according to the study of 10,000 people, are not even the ones that you see most of — you see them just once every eight weeks — but they are the ones thought of more often than any other.
The remainder of the 33 are merely for social occasions and are made up of workmates past and present, old school friends, drinking cronies and the occasional neighbour.
A gender difference is identified in a report, Anatomy of Modern Friendship, with women seeing social friends every 3.5 days on average, whereas men managing it once every five days.
Women appear to be more particular about who they are prepared to count as a friend. Men claimed to have 25 per cent more companions but see much less of them.
The most dangerous age for groups of friends is the 30s. Until they turn 30, people tend to live in the area where they have all grown up together. But at this point they move, said the study, by the web business MSN Messenger.
Getting married, moving away for a new job and, perhaps most crucially, having children and deciding to spend time with them rather than socialising all put strains on friendships.
The research identified four categories of friendship.
Cultivators, to whom friends mean a lot, are the most likely to nurture friendships and ensure frequent meetings.
Pruners have a tendency towards making friends quickly and dropping them just as fast. They like to be seen in the “in crowd� and are ruthless with those they see as dead wood, even deleting their names from diaries.
Harvesters have a hardcore circle of friends despite spending long periods making no attempt to meet or even speak with them. Christmas cards can be the only form of contact for a year or more.
Gatherers, the last of the four types, make friends easily and in great numbers but do little to maintain the relationships and rarely make the effort to keep in touch.
Men are more likely to be gatherers or harvesters, whereas women dominate the cultivator category.
The national average number of friends is 33, but there are regional variations. People in Scotland and the North East have the widest circles, with 37 and 38 respectively. The South West has the fewest, with 28.
The number of people considered to be friends falls steadily as age rises. Those aged 18-24 manage the most, with young men claiming 43 and women 36, but by the time the over-65 age bracket is reached, bitter experience and the grim reaper have taken their toll, reducing numbers to 29 for men and 19 for women.
Despite the drop-out rate of friends, six out of ten people told the researchers that they value their friendships more than money, successful careers or even family.
Seven in ten say that the loss of 11 out of every 12 friends is one of the biggest regrets they have. Such sadness, said MSN, is one of the prime reasons for the success of websites such as Friends Re- united and online messenger groups.
Online technology has even created a new kind of companion — the “silent friend� whom people speak to through text messaging and e-mails. Very rarely do they speak on the phone, and they are even less likely to meet face to face.
One in three people admit they have “silent friends� and say they make contact with them up to four times a day.
Clare Bolton, of MSN, said: “With hectic work schedules, physical distance and pressured social lives making friendship get-togethers increasingly difficult, more and more of us are cultivating ‘silent friendships’.�
Linda Papadopoulos, a psychologist at London Metropolitan University analysed the study. She said: “These days, we are not static in terms of where we live and where we work. Our lives are more dynamic, so staying in touch and maintaining proximity is much more difficult than it used to be.�
The fact that so many companions get left in the past shows the differences in the depth of friendships, said Dr Papadopoulos.
“There are different levels of friendship. Clearly there are some people we will turn to when things are really bad or really good, and they will be a rock for you,� she added.
“Others, those more easily left behind, are work friends, gym friends, pub friends — people we enjoy being with but who don’t give us the spiritual support we get from deeper friendships.�
well anyway here it is....
Pal, mate or buddy, modern life’s pressures create a high turnover in companionship
COUNT them carefully. You have 33 friends now, yet within a few years you will have lost touch with all but a handful. They won’t even send you a Christmas card.
Whether they are pals, mates, chums or buddies, you will go through 396 friends in a lifetime but will have only 33 at any one time, says a study.
Death, rows and disinclination all chip away at the coterie of companions surrounding you now, and it is only a matter of time before 363 — 11 out of 12 — are lost to you. Of the 33 people counted as friends for now, only six at most can be described as close friends in whom you can confide and trust to be there when you need a shoulder to cry on.
Best friends, according to the study of 10,000 people, are not even the ones that you see most of — you see them just once every eight weeks — but they are the ones thought of more often than any other.
The remainder of the 33 are merely for social occasions and are made up of workmates past and present, old school friends, drinking cronies and the occasional neighbour.
A gender difference is identified in a report, Anatomy of Modern Friendship, with women seeing social friends every 3.5 days on average, whereas men managing it once every five days.
Women appear to be more particular about who they are prepared to count as a friend. Men claimed to have 25 per cent more companions but see much less of them.
The most dangerous age for groups of friends is the 30s. Until they turn 30, people tend to live in the area where they have all grown up together. But at this point they move, said the study, by the web business MSN Messenger.
Getting married, moving away for a new job and, perhaps most crucially, having children and deciding to spend time with them rather than socialising all put strains on friendships.
The research identified four categories of friendship.
Cultivators, to whom friends mean a lot, are the most likely to nurture friendships and ensure frequent meetings.
Pruners have a tendency towards making friends quickly and dropping them just as fast. They like to be seen in the “in crowd� and are ruthless with those they see as dead wood, even deleting their names from diaries.
Harvesters have a hardcore circle of friends despite spending long periods making no attempt to meet or even speak with them. Christmas cards can be the only form of contact for a year or more.
Gatherers, the last of the four types, make friends easily and in great numbers but do little to maintain the relationships and rarely make the effort to keep in touch.
Men are more likely to be gatherers or harvesters, whereas women dominate the cultivator category.
The national average number of friends is 33, but there are regional variations. People in Scotland and the North East have the widest circles, with 37 and 38 respectively. The South West has the fewest, with 28.
The number of people considered to be friends falls steadily as age rises. Those aged 18-24 manage the most, with young men claiming 43 and women 36, but by the time the over-65 age bracket is reached, bitter experience and the grim reaper have taken their toll, reducing numbers to 29 for men and 19 for women.
Despite the drop-out rate of friends, six out of ten people told the researchers that they value their friendships more than money, successful careers or even family.
Seven in ten say that the loss of 11 out of every 12 friends is one of the biggest regrets they have. Such sadness, said MSN, is one of the prime reasons for the success of websites such as Friends Re- united and online messenger groups.
Online technology has even created a new kind of companion — the “silent friend� whom people speak to through text messaging and e-mails. Very rarely do they speak on the phone, and they are even less likely to meet face to face.
One in three people admit they have “silent friends� and say they make contact with them up to four times a day.
Clare Bolton, of MSN, said: “With hectic work schedules, physical distance and pressured social lives making friendship get-togethers increasingly difficult, more and more of us are cultivating ‘silent friendships’.�
Linda Papadopoulos, a psychologist at London Metropolitan University analysed the study. She said: “These days, we are not static in terms of where we live and where we work. Our lives are more dynamic, so staying in touch and maintaining proximity is much more difficult than it used to be.�
The fact that so many companions get left in the past shows the differences in the depth of friendships, said Dr Papadopoulos.
“There are different levels of friendship. Clearly there are some people we will turn to when things are really bad or really good, and they will be a rock for you,� she added.
“Others, those more easily left behind, are work friends, gym friends, pub friends — people we enjoy being with but who don’t give us the spiritual support we get from deeper friendships.�
Dec 2nd 2003, 9:15 am
#5
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 8,147
33 friends!!!!!!! I can count my friends on two hands!!!!! Lots of aquaintances though....
The friends i do have I have had for years - think I come under the 'harvester' category! several I dont speak to for months at a time, but when we get together its like it was only yesterday!
33 friends....wow...thats a lot of christmas pressies!!! (only joking)
sue
The friends i do have I have had for years - think I come under the 'harvester' category! several I dont speak to for months at a time, but when we get together its like it was only yesterday!
33 friends....wow...thats a lot of christmas pressies!!! (only joking)
sue
Dec 2nd 2003, 9:38 am
#6
Anxiously awaiting March
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: dreamland
Posts: 779
I think I'm a harvester too. Found it difficult to come up with more than 6 or 7 real friends at best.
Dec 2nd 2003, 10:15 am
#7
Dugongidae Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Location: Wimbledon, England
Posts: 441
can't help thinking oztennis is losing the plot.
he keeps posting cut and paste newspaper articles of completely irrelevant material. still better he posts this rubbish than the usual aussie propaganda.
i recall the abuse posted on here when a certain pb used to cut and paste just as much and at least that concerned australia. maybe he should discover the lounge or somewhere more relevant. or even better go and teach some of our kids which we are paying him for.
he keeps posting cut and paste newspaper articles of completely irrelevant material. still better he posts this rubbish than the usual aussie propaganda.
i recall the abuse posted on here when a certain pb used to cut and paste just as much and at least that concerned australia. maybe he should discover the lounge or somewhere more relevant. or even better go and teach some of our kids which we are paying him for.
Dec 2nd 2003, 10:17 am
#8
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: Scotland
Posts: 7,949
Originally posted by dugongs
can't help thinking oztennis is losing the plot.
he keeps posting cut and paste newspaper articles of completely irrelevant material. still better he posts this rubbish than the usual aussie propaganda.
i recall the abuse posted on here when a certain pb used to cut and paste just as much and at least that concerned australia. maybe he should discover the lounge or somewhere more relevant. or even better go and teach some of our kids which we are paying him for.
can't help thinking oztennis is losing the plot.
he keeps posting cut and paste newspaper articles of completely irrelevant material. still better he posts this rubbish than the usual aussie propaganda.
i recall the abuse posted on here when a certain pb used to cut and paste just as much and at least that concerned australia. maybe he should discover the lounge or somewhere more relevant. or even better go and teach some of our kids which we are paying him for.
OzTennis
Dec 2nd 2003, 10:18 am
#9
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Mar 2003
Location: melbourne,australia
Posts: 1,028
I think it is the quality of your friends that is important and not the quanity...
and I find that I have different friends for different needs/interests etc.
Some friends I wouldnt have meet each other as I know they would not be suited yet I am suited to them individually.
booboo
and I find that I have different friends for different needs/interests etc.
Some friends I wouldnt have meet each other as I know they would not be suited yet I am suited to them individually.
booboo
Dec 2nd 2003, 10:20 am
#10
Dutch expat/Aus citizen
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: South East, Perth (was Holland)
Posts: 5,789
I'm a harvester/gatherer.
Have very few friends/no best friend (well, my husband)
I left Oz in 96 and kept in contact with 4 friends (it started heading towards only chrissie cards)
Then I went back for holidays in 2000, and stayed with 3 of them, and saw the other.
Since then 2 of them have been over here while travelling the world, and we keep in touch by email, and they called for my wedding. One of these girls I would consider my best friend if I had to choose one. When I see her/talk to her, we can talk for ages again. I’m really curious how our friendship will go when I’m back in Perth. It’ll never be best friends like others, but still..
Here I’ve never made any good friends. The ones from highschool I lost when I went to uni and got a boyfriend(and I only really saw them at school anyway). Then we had my boyfriends friends as friends, but when he stepped out his band, we lost contact with them, they also all moves different places. Then we started hanging out with his brother more, and his friends. So now we see them when we go out (once every 2 weeks) and on birthdays. This is a group of about 8 guys, and girlfriend numbers fluctuate! Lol! But I know we’ll lose contact, and I don’t really care!
And I now have some uni friends, who I sometimes have dinner with too, and we went sailing for a day in the holidays, but I know I’ll lose contact with them as well, and don’t mind, it’s not as if they’re that good friends
So, this may seem sad, but it isn’t for me. I’ve moved so many times in my life, I’ve never had a best friend.
My husband is now my best friend , and I’m very happy with that!
Also I get along well with my parents now.
And I have you lot, cos sometimes I have so much to talk about/tell, and no one else who’ll be interested or has time to listen
Sometimes though, I do wonder what it would be like having a bestgirlfriend, but I can't imagine, cos I never had one, and I don't think I'm the type either, for sharing everything.
But it must be nice sometimes to be able to talk to someone who's not your husband, about EVERYTHING.
Have very few friends/no best friend (well, my husband)
I left Oz in 96 and kept in contact with 4 friends (it started heading towards only chrissie cards)
Then I went back for holidays in 2000, and stayed with 3 of them, and saw the other.
Since then 2 of them have been over here while travelling the world, and we keep in touch by email, and they called for my wedding. One of these girls I would consider my best friend if I had to choose one. When I see her/talk to her, we can talk for ages again. I’m really curious how our friendship will go when I’m back in Perth. It’ll never be best friends like others, but still..
Here I’ve never made any good friends. The ones from highschool I lost when I went to uni and got a boyfriend(and I only really saw them at school anyway). Then we had my boyfriends friends as friends, but when he stepped out his band, we lost contact with them, they also all moves different places. Then we started hanging out with his brother more, and his friends. So now we see them when we go out (once every 2 weeks) and on birthdays. This is a group of about 8 guys, and girlfriend numbers fluctuate! Lol! But I know we’ll lose contact, and I don’t really care!
And I now have some uni friends, who I sometimes have dinner with too, and we went sailing for a day in the holidays, but I know I’ll lose contact with them as well, and don’t mind, it’s not as if they’re that good friends
So, this may seem sad, but it isn’t for me. I’ve moved so many times in my life, I’ve never had a best friend.
My husband is now my best friend , and I’m very happy with that!
Also I get along well with my parents now.
And I have you lot, cos sometimes I have so much to talk about/tell, and no one else who’ll be interested or has time to listen
Sometimes though, I do wonder what it would be like having a bestgirlfriend, but I can't imagine, cos I never had one, and I don't think I'm the type either, for sharing everything.
But it must be nice sometimes to be able to talk to someone who's not your husband, about EVERYTHING.
Dec 2nd 2003, 10:23 am
#11
Account Closed
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 174
Originally posted by booboo
I think it is the quality of your friends that is important and not the quanity...
and I find that I have different friends for different needs/interests etc.
Some friends I wouldnt have meet each other as I know they would not be suited yet I am suited to them individually.
booboo
I think it is the quality of your friends that is important and not the quanity...
and I find that I have different friends for different needs/interests etc.
Some friends I wouldnt have meet each other as I know they would not be suited yet I am suited to them individually.
booboo
Likewise , but at the end of the day bugger 'em all, I'm off to live in the sun!!
Hope they are jealous as hell and if I'm really lucky they'll come and see us.
Dec 2nd 2003, 10:30 am
#12
Dutch expat/Aus citizen
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: South East, Perth (was Holland)
Posts: 5,789
Originally posted by dugongs
can't help thinking oztennis is losing the plot.
he keeps posting cut and paste newspaper articles of completely irrelevant material. still better he posts this rubbish than the usual aussie propaganda.
i recall the abuse posted on here when a certain pb used to cut and paste just as much and at least that concerned australia. maybe he should discover the lounge or somewhere more relevant. or even better go and teach some of our kids which we are paying him for.
can't help thinking oztennis is losing the plot.
he keeps posting cut and paste newspaper articles of completely irrelevant material. still better he posts this rubbish than the usual aussie propaganda.
i recall the abuse posted on here when a certain pb used to cut and paste just as much and at least that concerned australia. maybe he should discover the lounge or somewhere more relevant. or even better go and teach some of our kids which we are paying him for.
Don't agree with that this is irrelevant. (some of us are silent friends)
Don't agree that this is rubbish. (it's very interesting)
Don't agree he usually posts aussie progaganda. (huh?. If you call his posts aussie propaganda, then your's are by a pommie whinger)
I don't agree that this post should have been posted elsewhere. (Officially maybe yes, but who cares! If these sort of posts make people come on here more often, than also the posts about life and culture in Oz will be read and answered to more. So it helps keep the forum renewed/fresh. (it's a bit hard to explain what I mean here..))
Teachers have free periods and breaks.
Dec 2nd 2003, 11:10 am
#13
Guest
Posts: n/a
makes you think about your "real" friends though, if i had to put a figure on it i would say somewhere beetween 8 and 12, but then there are the other 20 or 30 who are friends but not "friends" if you know what i mean.
Dec 2nd 2003, 11:14 am
#14
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2002
Location: Gold Coast- the best place in the world
Posts: 3,196
I am definitely a Harvester, I am one of those annoying people who says they are going to keep in touch and doesn't! I think of people often but don't have time to contact them much. There is no way I have anywhere near 33 friends!
Dec 2nd 2003, 12:09 pm
#15
Banned
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,467
Me neither I have 5 close friends, I dont need anymore Im not greedy lol I could confide about anything to them and share funny and sad times too. I wouldnt like to get them together though I really dont think theyd get on. I worry sometimes that I have multiple personalities because they are all very different so how come they all get on with me