Jimbo9

A Mancunian, a Londoner and a Scouser died and went to heaven. Upon reaching the purley gate St Peter looked at them and told them he'd judge them on sexual sin, and reward them likewise. To the Mancunian he said "my son, you have lived a good life, free of sexual sin. Your reward will be a mercedes." To the Londoner he said "my son, you were a bit wild as a youth, but not unforgiveable. Have a toyota." To the scouser St peter did not look pleased. You have sinned greatly my son, so your punishment shall be a nissan micra. The scouser was downcast, and drove off in his new car. Suddenly he saw the merc and the toyota, crashed and written off on heaven's streets, but with the Mancunian and Londoner lying on the floor laughing. "Why are you laughing you idiots?" said the scouser, "St Peter will never give you another car now!" "Never mind said the londoner, we've just seen your mum on rollerskates"

OzTennis

What did the Scotsman, the Irishman and the Aussie get?

OzTennis

Jimbo9

A Penny Farthing, a racehorse and a V8 Ute !

biggy

The following quiz consists of four questions that tell you whether or
not you are qualified to be a professional.

Scroll down for the answers. The questions are not that difficult. You
just need to think like a professional.

Good luck

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
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The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and
close the door. This question tests whether you are doing simple things in
a complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

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Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close
the refrigerator door. Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the
giraffe, put in the elephant, and close the door. This question tests your
memory.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend
except one. Which animal does not attend?
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Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This
tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking. OK, if you did not
answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last
chance to test your qualifications to be a professional.

4. There is a river known for its vicious, man-eating crocodiles.
How do you cross it?

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Correct Answer: Simply swim. All the crocodiles are attending the animal
meeting! This question tests your reasoning ability. If you answered four
out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and
success await you.

If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but
there's hope for you.
If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger
flipper
in a fast food joint.
If you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It's
the only way you will ever make any money.
If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require
any higher mental functions at all, such as politics.

OzTennis

I like that jimbo, very witty and appropriate reply. Now, I'm still trying to figure out where I could get a fridge big enough to get that b****y giraffe in it - nice one too biggy.

OzTennis

arnie2oz

Good one biggy!!

Looks like I'll be working in McDonalds soon

A2O