Friday Funny

Old Jan 15th 2004, 10:50 pm
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A Fairy told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married couple
for 25 years, I will give you each a wish"

"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband"......said the
wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! Two tickets appeared
in her hands.

Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said:
"Well......this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only
occurs once in a lifetime. So....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is......to
have a wife 30 years younger than me"

The wife was deeply disappointed but, a wish was a wish. The Fairy made a
circle with her magic stick and.......abracadabra!... Suddenly the husband
was 90 years old.

Men might be bastards but Fairies are Female!
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Old Jan 15th 2004, 10:57 pm
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Those dastardly women !!

Woman buys a magic mirror off this gypsy and she hangs it on the bedroom door.

She stands in front of it topless as she looks at her tiny boobs and says "mirror mirror on the door, make my boobs a 44"

Poooof...... her boobs grew to a 44.

Hubby comes home and takes one look at his wifes boobs. asks what happened and then races up the stairs to the bedroom where he stands in front of the mirror with his undies around his ankle "mirror mirror on the door, make my dick touch the floor"

Poooof........... his legs drop off

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Old Jan 15th 2004, 11:10 pm
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LOL @ both of them .
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Old Jan 15th 2004, 11:14 pm
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Bruce walks into the doctor with very bad sunburn. The doctor prescribes calamine lotion and a course of Viagra. “What’s the Viagra for� asks Bruce. “You will need something to keep the sheets off you at night� replies the doctor.
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Old Jan 15th 2004, 11:30 pm
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Originally posted by dracupg
Bruce walks into the doctor with very bad sunburn. The doctor prescribes calamine lotion and a course of Viagra. “What’s the Viagra for� asks Bruce. “You will need something to keep the sheets off you at night� replies the doctor.

 
Old Jan 15th 2004, 11:31 pm
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I took 2 viagra by mistake in place of my sleeping pills
I was UP all night

I took 2 viagra a week ago and they got stuck in my throat.
Ive had a stiff neck ever since

When I was with my ex wife my credit cards got stolen. I didnt bother to report it because when my statement came I saw that the thief was spending less than the ex was

I used to take the ex everywhere.
Problem was she always found her way back

Welsh fella, english fella and irish fella were on a desert island when they find a genie bottle, they rub it and out pops the genie to announce that they each have one wish.

Welsh fella says "we have been stuck on this island for nearly 20 years, I miss me wife and kids, I wish I was home"
Poooof.......... hes gone
English fella says "I also miss my wife and kids, I wish I was home"
Poooof............. hes gone
Irish fella says "Well we were on this island for nearly 20 years, I never did marry and I dont have kids. Its gonna be lonely here without those fellas. I wish they were back here"
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Old Jan 15th 2004, 11:46 pm
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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a
frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from
this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog and then the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for,
your husband will get ten times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an
Adonis, that women will flock to.

"The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most
beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So,
KAZAM-- she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the
world, and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his
is mine." So, KAZAM--she's the richest woman in
the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish and
she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."
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Old Jan 15th 2004, 11:50 pm
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Old Jan 15th 2004, 11:55 pm
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A man is sitting in a Chinese restaurant having recently ordered when a duck walks up to him with a rose held in its bill.

The duck says to him "you are so perfect, your eyes are like moonlight on a distant shore"

The man turns to the waiter " Waiter, I ordered AROMATIC duck!"
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Old Jan 15th 2004, 11:56 pm
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Originally posted by I want out
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a
frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from
this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog and then the frog said,
"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for,
your husband will get ten times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most
beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an
Adonis, that women will flock to.

"The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most
beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So,
KAZAM-- she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the
world, and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his
is mine." So, KAZAM--she's the richest woman in
the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish and
she answered,
"I'd like a mild heart attack."
LOL

A new invention for childbirth was being tested. It was a machine that could transfer the pain from the mother to the father.

Husband and wife decide they would try it out so when came the time they both go to the hospital where they are all wired up to this new machine.
Wife is in labor and feeling no pain at all. Husband is being monitered very closely to see how he is managing. To the amazement of the doctors, he is not experiencing any pain at all.
Baby is born and within minutes hubby is walking around without any pain.
He decides to make a quick dash home to get his other kids and when he gets to his driveway he sees the milkman in a fetal position, crying in total agony !!
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Old Jan 15th 2004, 11:59 pm
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A penguin is driving his car through the (ant?)arctic when the car starts giving him trouble so he pulls in at the local garage and ask the mechanic to take a look.

Whilst waiting he pops into the store and gets an ice cream. As he trys to eat it his lack of thumbs result in him spilling much of the ice cream down his front.

He returns to the mechanic who says "Looks like you've blown a seal" To which the penguin replies, "No, no i just dropped my ice cream!"
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Old Jan 16th 2004, 12:02 am
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Originally posted by jayr
A penguin is driving his car through the (ant?)arctic when the car starts giving him trouble so he pulls in at the local garage and ask the mechanic to take a look.

Whilst waiting he pops into the store and gets an ice cream. As he trys to eat it his lack of thumbs result in him spilling much of the ice cream down his front.

He returns to the mechanic who says "Looks like you've blown a seal" To which the penguin replies, "No, no i just dropped my ice cream!"
Hey !! thats a canadian joke and it wasnt a car it was a snowmobile :P
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Old Jan 16th 2004, 12:05 am
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Originally posted by jayr
A penguin is driving his car through the (ant?)arctic when the car starts giving him trouble so he pulls in at the local garage and ask the mechanic to take a look.

Whilst waiting he pops into the store and gets an ice cream. As he trys to eat it his lack of thumbs result in him spilling much of the ice cream down his front.

He returns to the mechanic who says "Looks like you've blown a seal" To which the penguin replies, "No, no i just dropped my ice cream!"
I like it..........Alot
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Old Jan 16th 2004, 12:28 am
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Doing the dishes
>
> A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He had always wanted a
>big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not
>having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a
>for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint
>condition. He inquires about it with the owner.
>
> "This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you
>keep it in such good shape.
>
> "Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if
>the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It
>protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't
>need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the
>buyer a tube of Vaseline.
>
> The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the
>bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).
>
> That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's
>parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it
>will make a big impression. When the couple get to the house, the girlfriend
>grabs her boyfriend's arm.
>
> "Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents
>before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who
>says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
>
> "No problem," he says. And in they go.
>
> The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living
>room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack
>of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks,
>dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
>
> As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the
>situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word.
>So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents,
>but still they keep quiet.
>
> So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they
>make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.
>
> "Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom
>and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total
>silence.
>
> Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's
>starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he
>pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.
>
> Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll
>do the damn dishes."
>
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