Bordy

Assertive Womans Conferance.



At the 2004 World Woman's conference the first speaker from Canada stood
up:
"At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our
husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband
that I
would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself.
After
the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But
after
the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb!" The
crowd
cheered.

The second speaker from France stood up: "After last year's conference I
went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and
that
he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing.
After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that
he
had not only done his own washing but my washing as well!" The crowd
cheered.

The third speaker from Glasgow stood up: "Efter last year's conference
ah
went hame and telt ma man that I widnae dae his cookin, cleanin or
shoppin
and that he wid hiftae dae it himsel. Efter the first day ah saw
nuthin'.
Efter the second day ah saw nuthin'. But efter the third day I could see
a
wee bit oot o ma left eye."

molloymj

V. funny Bordy.

Try this link - it isn't funny.....just a bit weird http://www.digicc.com/fido/

Rgds.

moneypenny20

Now how the hell does that work. Me and the girls have just done that a few times with BIG numbers and he gets it each time. wierd.

samnrob2

Posted this in the lounge a week back but nobody replied - probably all evil women in there!?

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to
be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer". The drug
is found in liquid form and available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans,
from taps and in large "kegs".

Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade
their male victims to go home and have sex with them.

A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then
simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered
helpless against this approach.

After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to perform
sexual acts on horrific looking women whom they would never normally be
attracted.

After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's
savings, in a familiar scam known as a "relationship". In extreme cases, the
female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a
longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage".

Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and
sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

If you fall victim to this beer and the women administering it..... There are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly affected like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.
Rob

SunshineGirl

It works on the basis of transposition. That is if you have 2 sets of numbers consisting of the same digits then the difference between them will always be exactly divisible by 9 (1763 - 1376 = 387 which is 43 times divisible by 9).

Now circle 8 and you're left with 37. They now know that you've chosen a 4 digit number to start with as the difference between 2 sets of 4 digit numbers will always consist of 3 numbers.

Now the difference (in this case 387) when added individually will always come to a factor of 9 ie 9, 18, 27, 36 etc. Add 3 +7 = 10 so the circled figure must equal 8.

Try it and see!

PS: Sorry, I'm an Accountant, I can't help it ...

samnrob2

molloymj

Hee hee! Geek!

SunshineGirl

Yep. I know. Sad isn't it?

Still, it flippin' pays well!

AND it got me on the MODL so I ain't complaining!

SunshineGirl

Tell me about it! It's very worrying when you get excited by equations.

Bordy

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in
Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade, in Ohio. They
were collected over a period of three years by two teachers. Read
carefully
for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course, spelling! Kids should
rule
the world, as it would be a laugh a minute for us adults and therefore no
time to war or argue.

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all
wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the
Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened
bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada
but
his commandos made it.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was an
actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds like he
was sort of busy too.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't
have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.

Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock which
is
apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic
decline.

In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and
threw the java. The games were messier then than they show on TV now.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
of
March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for
reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have
problems.

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When
she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that
was the end of the fighting for a long while.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of blood.

Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes
and started smoking.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper which was
very dangerous to all his men.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
born
in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and
is famous only because of his plays.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise
Lost. Since then no one ever found it.

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
Thomas
Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing
two
cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still
dead.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother died
in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation
Proclamation.

On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot
in
his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the
assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined
Booth's career.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number
of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up
in
his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous
composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half
Italian, and half English. He was very large.

Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote
loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long walks in
the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Bethoven expired in
1827
and later died for this.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions.
People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don't know why.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species. It was
very long and people got upset about it and had trials to see if it was
really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24 hours but without
watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.

Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did.
Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to find
radios because they were already taken.

Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the
movies.
Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the family had to
have a job, I guess.

molloymj

Well that's told me!

I didn't see "Chief 7up Problem Solver" on the MODL!

worzel

..and I get panned for giving accountants a bad name

I am glad to say I didn't know the answer (although I do understand it which is bad enough.)

micky

couldn't resist.....

>
> BLACK PANTIES ?
>
> Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of
> her mourning stage. Her daughter constantly urges her to get back into the
> dating world.
>
> Finally, Sherry says she'll go out, but doesn't know anyone. Her daughter
> immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
>
> Well, it's an immediate hit. They really like one another and after dating
> for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the mountains.
>
> Their first night there, she undresses as does he. There she stands nude
> except for a pair of black lacy panties, while he is in his birthday suit.
>
> Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?"
> She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but
> down there I am still in mourning."
>
> The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black
> panties on and he is in his birthday suit... except that he has a black
> condom over his erection.
>
> She looks at him and asks, "What's with the black condom?"
>
> He replies, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."
>
>
>

-----------------------------------------
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



----- Original Message -----
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected] ; [email protected] ; [email protected] ; [email protected] ; [email protected]
Sent: Monday, January 05, 2004 2:55 PM
Subject: Black Panties


BLACK PANTIES ?

Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of
her mourning stage. Her daughter constantly urges her to get back into the
dating world.

Finally, Sherry says she'll go out, but doesn't know anyone. Her daughter
immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it's an immediate hit. They really like one another and after dating
for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the mountains.

Their first night there, she undresses as does he. There she stands nude
except for a pair of black lacy panties, while he is in his birthday suit.

Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but
down there I am still in mourning."

The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black
panties on and he is in his birthday suit... except that he has a black
condom over his erection.

She looks at him and asks, "What's with the black condom?"

He replies, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

soapy©

all the guys will like this

worzel

I think I am going to love Australia!