susmac

Well I'm sure that piece of advice will be reassuring !!

madmancunian

Don't be nervous - fly Quantas - with pilots and ground engineers like these you know they won't miss anything!
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Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

Here are some (supposedly) actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

By the way Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a major accident.

P - stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and S - stands or the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed
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Only kidding kiddies - flying is still safer than crossing the road.
MM

pommie bastard

Not true it had a plane come off a runway last year , its record is good so are many other airlines but as far as service is concerned its very poor having flown with them a few times the words only if I have to come to mind.
Try Singapore Airlines voted the best in the world by travelers mag, cannot go wrong these people are the best.

madmancunian

True PB - I remember the incident and this snippet is old > 3yrs. It does count as a 'major accident' - I am guilty of cut-and-pasting' this snippet without proof-reading the article. Still funny though.

Maybe that tyre did need replacing after all.

MM

pommie bastard

Well we agree about something but I have gone right off Qantas the last time I flew with them was to Japan from Perth Viva Sydney, the plane was 2/3 empty and the servive was very poor even domestic I would fly Virgin Blue .

remmie1

Thanks again for the advice - Grub I'm with you about boats aswell, my brother asked me recently if I'm ok walking! I think it's a control issue, if I was flying the plane, sailing the boat, driving the car I'd be ok.

Renth could you tell me which tape you used and where you got it?

I have been on a Fear of Flying course at Manchester Airport, which was very informative and helped (a bit). They give you relaxation exercises to do and when we last flew I was practising them on the plane and my (then 6 year old) daughter looked at my like I'd flipped. They did work though - well with a little snifter of Southern Comfort aswell.

Thanks again everyone.

Andy_Hanrahan

Regarding hypnosis tapes, Potentials Unlimited (www.potentialsunlimited.com )do some really good ones. They have a fear of flying one.

The only thing that has really worked for me - and I don't advocate getting smashed on a flight - was to down a few glasses of wine and take two Nytol tablets. I did that on a flight to Oz last year and after that, well, let's just say if I'd turned round and seen Osama himself sitting in the row behind me, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid

I totally agree about Singapore Airlines, their service was impeccable, the food was excellent and the entertainment good. can't fault them.

Andy

denhim

who cares about that! what were the air stewardess`s like??

pott

I am totally pooing the flight and don't even want to think about it. Would take sleeping tablets but who would look after the kids - although suppose they can't really get lost??

remmie1

Thanks Andy I quite like the idea of being so laid back. Might give the wine and Nytol a trial run this weekend to gauge how I will behave!

pommie bastard

A lot better than qantas who employ grannies and gays , as for Virgin Blue out of this world everyone a model.

colind

Did Sydney-Perth Monday and Perth-Sydney yesterday...same crew and your description is not far off!!!

BTW, while in Perth I met up with some friends from London who have settled in Joondalup. It's a small world.

pommie bastard

Joondalup is Pom town , what did you think of it?

colind

Didn't actually make it to Joondalup. Met them half way at Trigg Beach (I was working in the City). They said it was 90% Poms...they like it there so far; they've been there a year now. They had done 13 years in London then a year in Sydney before the move out west, so it's a total contrast.

pommie bastard

I think its a bit like Milton Keynes new with little heart as yet but give it time , nice place Trig good spot to spend an afternoon though do prefer Scarbrough OB city which is right next to it .
Yes whats your feelings about sandgropppers country would it suit you or bore you to death?