gedge

Well they came and went, now we're a mess.
'They' being Jules' sister, brother-in-law and 18mo niece - Bub, Matt and Danica.

We arrived in Sydney back in Feb, and all along Jules has felt homesick. I suppose we put all our thoughts and efforts to this visit from family.
Three weeks they came for. It seemed a good length of time, and we planned to do so much (more of what we did later).

Saturday we took them to the airport. We knew it would be hard, but I didn't realise how hard. Coming home to an empty house that had been filled with so much 'stuff', noise, toys, laughter, fun, beer, nappies, people! Then it's all gone.

We walked from room to room and everything reminded us of them. Even little things like finding our shoes stuffed with pegs from a certain little lady, had us both in tears.

We do have Jules' parents in 5 weeks time but all we can think about now is how difficult it'll be to let them go after Christmas.

Our minds are now full of thoughts about returning to the UK.
Where and when I don't know. We're just very messed up at the moment.

igual

Hi Jules and Chris,
We feel exactly the same! Our Family (Nicks brother and wife) left on Friday, they were here for 2 weeks, and we are also feeling a bit empty at the mo.For those 2 weeks life felt quite normal, but as soon as they were gone the house felt very empty,highlighting how unsettled we are feeling at the moment. Strange we have been travelling for 2 years before, and never felt like this, but this time is alot harder, maybe because meeting people is harder.
I was left thinking why have we put ourselves through this, but its early days yet, we shall see how it goes, these im sure are normal feelings!
I hope you both feel better about things soon
Fiona

mlbonner

You poor things, I really feel for you both. Was this your first 'family' visit?
I know how you feel - my best friend booked flights to see me after I'd only been gone a couple of weeks. We had that to look forward to for weeks, when she was here it just wasn't enough time. I took her to the airport and we said goodbye as quickly as possible... I cried the whole way back home The same day the puppy we'd been looking after moved to its new home... Our house felt pretty quiet after that for a couple of days too.

I'm planning on going back home next year (have a wedding to organise for 2006!) and until then I'm just concentrating on the day-to-day stuff and making this feel like my home. Since I started work a few weeks ago I'm a lot happier. Is there something new you could take up together that will give you the 'thing' that you feel you're lacking now?

Whatever you guys decide to do I'm sure it'll be whats best for you. See how you go in the New Year, looking back on 12 months may not seem as bad as it seemed at the time? Hope it works out for you.

jad n rich

Have sympathy for you. Seen it with my wifes family, its a horrid cycle, so looking forward to the few weeks family will be here then suddenly its over and the great gaping hole that emails and webcams dont fill seems larger than before.

Think its hard for them over there too, wifes dad said it was just too much for her mum this visit, she broke down after we left, seeing the empty beds where the little boys had slept was the final straw, she sat in the room crying for hours, nobody could do anything at all. We felt like total bastards, sorry but we still do really, have offered to pay for them to visit but the reality is they are no longer up to it having had a couple of health problems.
One relative has now suggested it upset them so much it would be kinder if we stayed away, charming but probably true.

Wish we had an endless chain of money, holidays from work and energy for the exhausting flight to visit often, but thats just not reality.

kath n kim

Hi JulesandChris,
Sorry to hear how unsettled you're feeling right now, and there's not really much I can offer in advice about how to cope with it. But I'd just like to say you're not alone....
We've been here nearly two years now, and have been lucky to have had quite a few relatives and friends come over to stay with us, it's great when they arrive, the time they're here just seems to fly by (never managing to do/see half of what we intended to! ) Then it's absolute hell when they leave again I don't know if it ever gets any easier, I think it also depends on how close you were to family, before coming over here. (We were always very close to my parents before we moved here, so it's more difficult to say goodbye to them at the airport) It's also difficult trying to explain to our two young children that their Grandparents can't come and visit every weekend
We've decided to give it a bit more time, and see if it does get a bit easier....
Here's hoping it does!!!!
P.S If anyone's got a magic formula...please pass it on...!!!

gedge

Thanks for all the kind words.
I tend not to include my emotions when I post, being a bloke an all, but this has shook me. I was so positive up till now that this was the right thing. A lot of my sadness is for Jules as I can see what it is doing to her.
I've never been that close with my family, whereas Jules used to see hers all the time.
Still, we've got lots on to keep our minds busy, with visitors every weekend till the end of December. We will have to hang on and then think long and hard in the new year.

Ushas

I think it does get easier over time.

My mum and dad migrated to Oz with two small children (Me 1yo and brother 3yo) back in 1970. Mum hated the place. Absolutely hated it. Cried all the time. Had no friends and no one to support her apart from dad. They made a deal that they would stick it out for 2 years. Give it a fair run. And two years to the day my dad asked if they were going home to the UK. Not on your life! Couldn't get my mum to budge at all. She loved it!

Yes family visits are initially a jolt. Especially when they end. But then you get to the point where you really look forward to them coming. I mean really look forward to it. Then they arrive and there's hustle and bustle and excitement and fun and laughter. And then they go and there's a few tears. And then you get to 'Oh it's nice to have the house back to ourselves'.

Perhaps something that may help is for you to plan ahead for a little holiday of your own after they go. Not to the UK but just a 'weekend break'. Something for you to plan and look forward to that will distract you from the torment of them leaving. It'll give you time to let your emotions settle without hanging around the now empty house.

JAJ

Hi Jules & Chris
It seems to me that the number 1 difficulty facing migrants to Australia is separation from family - especially from those who are close. It's less of an issue for those who don't see their family very much.

At the end of the day, returning to the UK may be the right thing for you. If so the most important question is whether you want to stay the time necessary to get citizenship and then make up your minds, or leave without it.

If you leave without it, then there is of course a risk you'll regret that in 10/15 (or more) years when family circumstances may have changed and you may wish to return to Australia, when it would likely be impossible to re-migrate.

I usually say to anyone from the UK that it makes sense to plan to stay 3 years, no matter what, get citizenship after 2 years, and decide whether to stay or leave around the 3 year mark. That's long enough to really be able to say you've given Australia a chance and gotten over the emotional roller-coaster that comes with settling in a new country. You may both have gotten over the difficulties by that stage and be happy to stay in Australia. Or you may by then know that Australia's not for you at this stage in your lives. But you won't ever know for sure if you go back to the UK in the near future.

And to others thinking of migrating to Australia - do think carefully about this point. One alternative is to look at Canada, which is a lot less far away from the UK, although there are still family separation issues, in some cases they may not be as severe.

Jeremy

anya4oz

Jeremy

Some very wise words there, I think. Well said.

Cheers,
Anya.

gedge

Again thank you.
We've always had the 2 year mark in mind, and know that we would be foolish to let that go.
I passed up the chance of sponsorship 7 years ago in favour of continuing our travels and have often thought back to what could have been.
We knew what we were doing when we committed this time round, and owe it to our selves to give it a go.
The balance between missing family and our desire to enjoy Oz is what will determine our future. If it tips too much (like it feels at the moment) then we will go.
The trouble is you can't measure it without your emotions playing a part. That's the bit that makes it difficult for me to evaluate.

debsy

Dear Jules and Chris
I really felt for you when I read your post.

I understand exactly how you feel. Although I have just arrived in Australia, I have been away from my family for a long time. When they go it is the worst part - especially when you find something that they have forgotten

It will get easier when time passes, but the first weeks after they leave are awful.

Keep your chin up mate.

Debsx

JAJ

Out of interest, are any of your relatives interested in moving to Australia themselves?

Jeremy

gedge

My brother in law who just visited seems keen, but I think he is still quite naive about the process. And from the feedback from sister in law, she is definitely not interested.
Only other possibles would have been my parents, but they've just gone to Northern Cyprus.
Meanwhile we surround ourselves with friends, thankful for their presence, and get on with daily living.

Good karma to you all for replying.

scoobydoo

Jules and chris - Sorry you are feeling so sad at the moment. I hope you manage to get through this time and look forward to all the visits from friends you have planned.

From December we have a constant stream of both sets of parents and our best mate coming over. We are looking forward to it so much but I know that when they have all gone in March it will be the hardest time since we have been here, especially since, like Jules, I have been homesick since we arrived.


Your post has made me realise that we will have to have some kind of strategy in place for that time to help us deal with it. Thank you for sharing how you feel.

gedge

The worst bit was arriving home from the airport. We could have put it off and gone to the beach or something, but we would have only been delaying the inevitable. Perhaps having some friends with us might have helped, but they would have to be close friends who you don't mind crying in front of.
I've been trying to think of what we'll do when Jules' folks go home on Dec 29. Any suggestions welcome.