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Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Old Jul 27th 2005, 5:57 am
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Unhappy Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Hi , got a phone call at 7am on Monday morning to tell me my 3 year old nephew was admitted into hospital after becoming unconscious following a 2hour episode of vomiting.Turns out this is his first presentation of insulin dependant diabetes.No family history at all.He has stabilised now and and his IV fluids removed but the whole training for him and my big sister starts in the morning.Hopefully he will get home next week.I know they will all get by fine and I am relieved he has got thru' this so far but I just feel so bl##dy useless.Being his Aunty and an RGN , I know where I would have been for them all and exactly what I would have been able to do but out here all I can say is .....well nothing ! Can't say "I hope he gets better soon " - inappropriate , or "if you need anything let me know "- why would they ? ...am I going to be round in 5 mins to look after my 1 year old niece ? I was dealing with all this well , probably because my little sister and her husband were here for a 3 week holiday.She doesn't take bad news well , so I guess I felt "useful" but I have just watched them board their flight back home and disintegrated into floods of tears in front of the entire airport and same poor shop assistant selling aboriginal clothing. He did his best to make me feel better but quit when he was ahead ! I managed to dry my eyes long enough to remember I had my own 2 kids with me and they were starting to get upset too.Longest drive ever !
So , I am back at the house now and pouring out my heart to my Expats friends !I thought I had prepared myself for the "bad news" phone calls but I honestly never dreamt it would be about one of my youngest relatives ! I know he'll be fine and I know this should be all about him but I just feel so selfishly upset and useless.
Anyway , thanks everyone ,
All the best ,
Tass.
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 6:04 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

I know you feel useless but you are not - your sister can phone and talk things through with you, you will be a tower of strength because you listen.

Hope you feel better soon
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 6:19 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Hi Tass

Oh dear! This is one of the main things I am dreading, getting a phone call saying someone is ill or worse

The only consolation is, at least we have telephones and computers now - unlike many people who came over on the £10 ticket in the 60's!!!

You CAN be there for your sister and nephew! Any support over the phone will help them tremendously, you will still be talking to her, but from a distance! I know it must be awful for you, can only imagine how I would feel Tass, but it could be a lot worse. The bottom line is, this is the only way I get over that horrid feeling when thinking like you are, we are very lucky now, you can jump on a plane and fly back to the UK if you think it necessary to do so. Money would just not come into it if I was that desperate to go back for some reason.

You are bound to go thru these emotions as we all do, thats one of the penalties of emigrating to the other side of the world - thats why its got to be worth it - and it is - we just love it here

Take care
Gillxx
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 6:32 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Thanks guys! Will go and put my "australia is great!" head back on now. Just never expected to feel so bad......
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 6:41 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Hi Tass

I think this is probably one of the things we all dread, one of those calls where back there you could have dropped everything and gone running but here you feel like a complete b%$^$rd for not being there.

Look at it this way, you being here is actually better for them, instead of maybe relying on you a bit too much to help them through (as you are a pro and know what you're doing) you can be at the end of a phone or webcam here giving them all the advice and support they need while they get used to everything.........

Sorry it's a pathetic positive, but the best i could do on the spur of the moment.

Lynn
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 6:50 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Tass,

Honey I am so sorry to hear about your Nephew and I can empathise totally!!

I cant imagine these kinds of situations will ever be easy and you can never prepare yourself for them. All you can do hon is brace yourself and deal with each situation as they come up. Hopefully they will be few and far between.

You are strong hon and you will get through it. You will learn your own little ways of coping and you will cope each time no matter how dire it feels at the time.

You know I am here for you and you know where to find me anytime you need a chat or a shoulder.

Hels
xxx

PS You took off on MSN so quick!! Dont do that again, Mrs...
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 6:52 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Originally Posted by movetoperth.com


Look at it this way, you being here is actually better for them, instead of maybe relying on you a bit too much to help them through (as you are a pro and know what you're doing) you can be at the end of a phone or webcam here giving them all the advice and support they need while they get used to everything.........

Sorry it's a pathetic positive, but the best i could do on the spur of the moment.

Lynn

I dont think its a pathetic positive at all, its totally valid and I agree. I know it wont make things easier for Tass or anyone else in the situation though but FWIW I do agree
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 7:09 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Originally Posted by Tass
Being his Aunty and an RGN , I know where I would have been for them all and exactly what I would have been able to do but out here all I can say is .....well nothing !
You can't think like that.

You don't know for sure that you would have been on the spot to do anything, even if you still lived there. You may have been on holiday, at the cinema, somewhere not contactable, etc., and what happened would have happened exactly as it did.

There are many things that can happen, and very little that many of us could do to alter anything, even if we were there.
To be on the other end of the phone may be sufficient for the other person, but most people will never feel it us sufficient for themselves.

I'll stop at this point.. But remember, most people will be glad that you are on the end of a phone to be able to talk to, even if you can't be physically there.
 
Old Jul 27th 2005, 7:24 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Thanks again everyone ! The wonder of Expats ! I have already had 2 phone calls from my "virtual friends" and Pm's too. I also know they're are others out there in the "VIRTUAL WORLD" who have had and are having really bad days too because of similar and worse scenarios.I have total respect for you all and hope you all find "the right mind " to deal with it.
Nobody knows what you will do until the time arises.
Take care and thanks again,
Tass.
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 7:31 am
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Smile Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Hi Tass,
It must be awful feeling so far away but at least you are contactable and your Sister will know that she can turn to you for medical advice at any time. I know we all dread this type of phone call. I had to telephone my relatives in the UK after my daughter had her accident. All I can offer you is support and say I was in your Sister's position (relatives being on other side of world) but having the telephone calls helped because it took me away from the situation and I could discuss my feelings. Support no matter how near or far is always appreciated.
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 7:42 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Hi like other posters its something I dread. My first time will come in December when my sister has you 4th baby I have been there helping and supporting her and its been me she called when she had a problem. I dont know when i will see my new nephew or niece.

not the same as a sick nephew I know, but you ARE still there for them, they know you are thinking about them and wishing them well.

Take care of yourself.

Chris
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 7:48 am
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Red face Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Thank you for all the replies ! Am going to go into a corner and "greet" again because you've all been so nice and understanding . I guess this is what the virtual hug feels like ! Also , I just had a knock at the door and my Aussie friends have just had flowers delivered to me just because !!
(They have seen me in tears around about the suburbs I think )
I'm beginning to understand what "being there " for someone really means.
All the best,
Tass.
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 8:05 am
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Smile Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Dear Tass,

I'm crying now just reading your post. I feel so sad for you, and I hope it's been a great confort to you knowing lots of people care about you and have posted such kind words.

It must have taken real guts to pour your heart out to "cyber space".

I want you to know that by doing that - you have not only helped yourself by receiving kind words back - but you have REALLY HELPED people still on this side of the Immi process (like myself) who hadn't even thought of these situations like the dreaded phonecall. I'd really not even thought of that aspect at all. So thanks for that - I'm sure many other posters will feel the same.

Your nephew is in our thoughts today.

with love, Linsey
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 8:08 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Oh you poor thing. Sending you lots of +++++++++++++ vibes (and for your Nephew)
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Old Jul 27th 2005, 8:25 am
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Default Re: Feeling just so bl##dy useless !!

Some karma sent to you all !
Thank you.
Tass.

P.S. Glad this made some of you think. I never for one minute considered a yound member of the family being the one I got the phone call about. :scared:
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