KateHindley

Hi

I'm brand new to this forum, I'm hoping to make new friends and build a support network for me, my husband and 3 young girls (twins aged 9 and a 3 yr old).
We started our immigration process in February after spending a year making the decision to emigrate. We spent a month in Queensland over a year ago, staying with long term friends who emigrated 6 years ago.

Today, my 'friend' messaged me to say she does not support our decision to move to Oz and no longer wishes to be 'friends'. I'm so upset as our friendship spans 17 years and we are godparents to each others children! I am totally in shock and hurt. She has explained that her decision is on the basis that we have 'changed' over the years and can't she believe we have decided to emigrate on the basis of a 4 week stay with them (which is not the case - we have spent years researching and pondering).

So, today I spent the day in tears, because they are our only point of contact once we emigrate and now that is gone. It's like our comfort blanket has been removed! This won't stop us emigrating - obviously our reasons for moving are based on more than this friendship but it's ging to make it harder than we expected.

Any contact from people looking to migrate to QLD or people already there would be greatly appreciated :-)

heldownunder

Oh my goodness how crap of her.... Is she happy here or is she maybe trying to stop you making the same mistake?!? Were you moving close to her?!?

WhereAbouts in qld are you heading?? We came 18 months ago, knew noone and have made lots of friends through daughters school/neighbours etc. i do find aussies are more friendly on the whole. So dont worry about that.

I would think about moving a distance from your so called friend now and make your own life - she'll come round I am sure but it may be best you are not in each others pockets when you do. Ie an hour or twos drive

Good luck dont let her spoil your dreams..

Snap Shot

What a shitty thing to do. Really ? Who's changed ? I smell a rat. Sounds like she's suffering from, 'we were here first' syndrome. Sorry you've been hurt by this. It's probably to early to say, 'oh well, just be like that then'. However, one day, when you look back you might just think, 'oh sod you'. Is she going to feel judged somehow by yourselves I wonder. Have her circumstances got better or worse since you were there and she doesn't want you seeing either the good or the bad. That's to do with what's going on in her head. Sorry if she's got an attitude of,'it's not for the likes of you.' She doesn't mind you looking, but she ain't sharing.

It might not be the first, 'thanks for nothing' experience you have during your emigration process.

It's already to late for sorry, right ? Sorry this has given you another mountain to climb with all that's going on in your life presently. Makes me wonder if she's got something to hide.

I was friends with a girl for about the same amount of time and am godmother to her oldest daughter. We hit a fork in the road when she had kids and I didn't. When her kids were about five and seven communication between me and her started to falter then ceased entirely. Her 'forgetting' my birthday just about put the tin hat on it. That was to many years ago to worry about now. Can't help but get the feeling that I was dispatched/offloaded and I still don't know why. Hey, ho. I've moved on.
My sister fell out with a friend of long standing but still send Christmas and birthday presents to the friends daugher, my sister's goddaughter.

However, I'm still sorry you've been treated the way you have. Don't chuck in your plans for Australia. I wonder if she felt that you were leaning on her to much and just didn't want to be be bothered with you and your family on arrival in Australia. Are you in a stronger (than her) position financially on your arrival ? That question can't be answered but there's nothing like money to bring out the bitch in people. Especially someone you thought you knew, thought you could trust.

My friend that I parted company with once said, during a girly shopping trip, 'one day I'm going to spend money in front of you' I was shocked and embarrassed by this remark, didn't know what to say so said nothing and just let it go.

macy

Oh that is horrible for you, but at least she has shown her true colours before your big move, come on down to Brisbane we are a friendly lot. With children of school age you won't have any problem making friends but I can understand that it will take you a long time to get over the hurt your friend has caused but don't let it destroy your plans, you think you know some people but sometimes you really don't....

KateHindley

Thank you all for your replies. It's really helped me feel better.
My 'friend' absolutely has 'we got here first' syndrome!!! Thats basically what's she's said in her last ever message to me. And states that's it's absurd that we are trying to copy them!!!??? What the ----? Excuse my french!
I think the upset and hurt is slowly changing to anger. A process I think I need to go through before moving on!

So, I'm reassured by your responses and assurance that we'll make friends. We have plans to settle north of Brisbane. Originally in Caloundra or near there. We loved mooloolabah (spelt wrong!!??) and Kawana areas. A development called 'Brightwater' caught our eye on our last trip. Hubby got a job offer in a print firm there but it was owned by a friend of these friends in Oz, and guess what!? Now we can't get hold of the guy who offered him the job. I'm trying not to read into it - honest!!!

Deep breath!

So tomorrow starts a new day, I hope to make acquaintances on this forum and maybe meet people in the area we plan to move too.

Let me know if you're in the area!
QLD 4551/4575 or near!

Bermudashorts

Well I started reading that and thought what a very bizarre and nasty thing to do and would suggest you waste not a moment longer thinking about it. Still think that however when I read the whole thing I wonder if you are coming across as being a bit needy to your friend and she is frightened by the responsibility.

You have after all, just said that is your point of contacvt, your comfort and she might just be scared or have decided that she doesn't want that responsibility. Still there could have been a more diplomatic way of putting it and it is no excuse for such nastiness.

itigo

I spent yesterday writing to my best friend in the UK trying to persuade her to move out here (they are thinking about it).

We had our closest friends do a similar thing to your friend but from the other end. They took offence when we said we couldn't go down to see them (hour and a half trip) a few weeks before we left as so busy/stressed. They refused to come to our leaving do and cut us off. However, 2 days before we left, they suddenly phoned, took the day off and travelled down to say goodbye. By that time they could only sit on the floor and see us for a couple of hours. We are all friends again now, they were just really sad we were leaving.

I don't get why friends would do the same at the other end! I'd love a friend to move over, I could help them, show them round, gossip again etc.....

bingobob777

your friends thinks she's special and more interesting because she moved here, if you do it it somehow lessens what she's done.

he/she is obviously insecure.

paddyo

I kind of see the same thing here....it could be her fear of you coming over and settling in and relying on them to be your 'best friends' and if anything goes wrong her fear could be you saying., "Why didn't you tell me about this stuff?"
It could also be jealousy of course but no woman suffers from that do they ??

macy

I would also start checking out the jobs in the area you want to settle, the print industry in Brisbane is very quiet and print jobs are scarce out there so I would check out other options rather than relying on somebody may or may not get back to you.... hubbie is in the print and he saw another large print firm close in the Brisbane CBD this week.

Graham and Maria

I work in Birtinya (near Brightwater), I can pop round at lunch time and get you contact details if you have a company name and email them to you, just PM me the info.

And with regards to moving out here, theres plenty of expats on the sunny coast, theres a facebook thingy my wife uses for meetups called something like sunshine coast expats (Im not a facebooker sorry) that you can join.

If you can make it work on the sunny coast you wont miss your ex-friend, theres plenty to keep you occupied around here.

Good luck.

KateHindley

Cheers guys

In regards to the comments re my friend feeling frightened by the responsibility, I checked that one out!!! When I mentioned us emigrating I reassured her we would not be moving on her doorstep nor expecting to slip back into their lives. Prior to this though, they were sayi g we should come out there and see how fab it is, that we'd love Oz and want to move there too. There was talk of us moving when we stayed with them as that's when we were offered a job.

Yes, I can appreciate her changing her mind. But to be so cut and dry, after such a long friendship, cuts deep.
NB having them as a point of contact/comfort as I put it, doesn't mean we were expecting to slip back into their lives. Merely that if needed, we knew people out there and we could meet up from time to time.

I know Birtinya well!! We looked at property on Birtinya Island!!!
How lucky you are to live there. Such a beautiful place. The job offer hubby had was from a firm called QLD Trade Print on premier circuit, Warana. We have their details here on a business card but had no reply from emails or messages left. It was very kind of you to offer to get details though.

Thanks again folks

brits1

Well you don't need friends like that.....A lot of people migrate without either knowing or visited Aus, we did not know a soul or had visited Aus before we migrated and we were fine and in some ways "sets you up" for the way you want to live your new life, I knew plenty of migrants who ended up in areas they were not to keen on or mixed with people who were not really their cup of tea because of the fact they were expected to join in with their friends and family already in Aus so look on it if you can as a positive. You have young children and its easier to meet families ect through children so try not to worry so much if your a nice freindly person you usually attract like minded people. Be strong and know what you want from your new life rather than going along with the flow of others. Were you planning on staying with your friend? if so look at holiday rentals until you know which area you are going to settle, its can be exciting (even though us ladies usually want our own home asap) looking at different areas and schools, homes etc. Good luck and stay positive. All the best

missa

Hi

We are hoping to go to Queensland in 2014. We dont know anyone but I'm sure will make friends. We went at easter for 2 weeks & loved it :-)

BonnieH

Hi Kate, thats awful for your so called friends to do that to you, friends regardless of how long you have known them for are supposed to offer you support through anything, it's a shame that they've thrown away so many years of friendship.

My sister moved to QLand 6 years ago with her husband and kids and didn't know a sole, they made friends quickly and after a year or two there uk friends decided to move over as well and they were so supportive of the move, offered them advise, even offered them a place to stay - thats what should be happening in your situation now.

Your so called friends have been there, pushed in the deep end with no one around to help...... they know how it feels to be in that situation so why on earth would they want there mates and there children who they've known for years deal with the same crap....??? If I was you and as difficult as it may sound walk away from them.... if they are this negative now then they'll be just as negative when you land on aussie soil and who wants that!!

It's stressful just waiting to get the visa so just concentrate on you and your family and whats best for them, there are plenty of nice people in brissy :-)

Good luck x