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Family - your experiences

Family - your experiences

Old Sep 19th 2010, 11:54 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: Family - your experiences

Originally Posted by pink13 View Post
Lindzi that makes me soooo sad life is to short to be bitter and nasty to people in general never mind family.
after reading what some people have gone/going through it has made me feel very fortunate to have such fantastic family and friends, i had numerous leaving do's the last one being just a few people at the airport which in one way was the most painful thing i had do go through but it wasn't just about me and it was what a few of my very close friends and family needed to say good bye,
Hopeful others family and friends will come through in the end as once someone has gone there is no going back
Yes it wasnt the best time for sure but i will say it made me want to come here even more and i probarly wont go back for a visit
Anyway like i say not everyones family behave like this and i think its wonderful when you read and they have been supportive and not all familys where like ours
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Old Sep 20th 2010, 12:12 am
  #17  
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Default Re: Family - your experiences

Hi Tessa

It's funny how they see it as a rejection of them, my Mum hinted at the same thing.

We haven't got kids so that wasn't an issue for us but I am an only child and we literally have no other family as M&D are also only kids and although there is a huge extended family everyone has lost touch now, so I know it was a big deal us going away. However, we had the opportunity and couldn't let it go even if it was only for a while. My folks very much see everything in b&w so as far as they were concerned the move was forever! However, we see life as quite fluid and you never know what you'll be doing in x amount of years.

Anyway, what has really helped is electronic communication! Thank heavens for Skype in anycase but also for video calls. My Dad was never interested in the internet although he loved his computer. It was one day when I was telling him a story of our friends walking around the house with their laptop on video that he suddendly said, if I get this internet thingy can we do that? So we jumped on that and on a trip back we got him all set up and since then they've slowly come round, they still don't really like it but are now more accepting since we now have an hours video call once a week. In actual fact OH now talks to his Mum more since we left.

We have been lucky in that so far we've been able to go back once a year because we've had work which at least pays for one ticket. However, we may need to skip next year which will be strange but we have to eek out the visits.

The thing to do is to keep in contact. I've got a friend who's been in Sydney for about 20 years now and has made regular trips back, her Mum's friend actually said you see more of your daughter who lives in Oz than I do of mine that lives down the road!

Even if they are not computer literate buy them a laptop with built in camera, mic etc and just show them how to use Skype if nothing else. It will really help especially if they only see you once a month now, then they will be able to see you once a week or more!

Good luck with your decision but let them know it's an opportunity and that it may not be forever as I think that is the thing that freaks the older folk out!

KK
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Old Sep 20th 2010, 4:24 am
  #18  
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Default Re: Family - your experiences

Your parents could die at any time. I come from a long-lived family and it was 40 odd years before my last grandparent died and when she did naturally with almost a ton on the sheet she had kept a straight bat and knocked a few sixes.

I knew people whose grandparents died before they were born, in their sixties or exhausted the old excuse "my 'nan' died" whilst of primary-school age. I was never able to use that one - instead I had to rely on a long line of dogs with poor indigestion for not doing my schoolwork. The upside - I was able to keep 4 excuses up my sleeve primed as contingency long into tertiary education.

If your parents are the sort of people who hold grudges and conduct silly little vandettas then they are probably the sort of people who will die young anyway - it's in the genes and lifestyle and attitude. Sorry to be blunt.
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Old Sep 20th 2010, 5:52 am
  #19  
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Default Re: Family - your experiences

Originally Posted by BadgeIsBack View Post
If your parents are the sort of people who hold grudges and conduct silly little vandettas then they are probably the sort of people who will die young anyway - it's in the genes and lifestyle and attitude. Sorry to be blunt.
Oh dear
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Old Sep 20th 2010, 6:42 am
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Default Re: Family - your experiences

People handle separation in their own sweet way - for some, blanking out the missing folk is the way that they cope with he huge gap in their lives. Why on earth would you expect them to be overjoyed at you taking a precious part of their lives from them?

Personally my parents didnt give two hoots (or if they did they never said anything) and my son has done the same to us in reverse and we have never been anything but supportive but some folk dont manage that way at all.

I'd be tempted to tell them you are going for a couple of years to see how it goes rather that you are going forever.

I must say, though, that as an only child with parents heading rapidly for 90, being on the other side of the world sux bigtime! I would much rather be back with them than stuck here.
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Old Sep 20th 2010, 7:02 am
  #21  
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Default Re: Family - your experiences

Originally Posted by BadgeIsBack View Post
... that seems a bit childlike and limited...
Yes, it would be amusing if it wasn't so sad, to see your parents acting in such a childlike way. It's a reverse selfishness and a reversal of roles - they accuse you of being selfish yet their reaction is based entirely on how your decisions affect them. ("How could they do this to us?")

If they could act as adults they would maybe be sad, but at least they could accept the fact that you are an adult too and can make decisions for yourself.

Best of luck.

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Old Sep 20th 2010, 8:16 am
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Default Re: Family - your experiences

Originally Posted by knockoff nige View Post
Oh dear
Healthy mind = healthy body = active life = a good life. It's a circle. To me part of that circle is embracing all the things you do and your children do.

It's very noticeable that some people seem to die younger than others - excluding bad luck and calamity, all other things being equal. Some people seem programmed to die earlier, and of course, genetically they are.
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