jad n rich

Just clicked in for my lunchtime browse.

So many posts about family, homesickness and missing them

I know speaking out here is not the done thing, but I believe there really are people who are not suited to giving up their family, if you have a close great family why give it up?? Be honest is a bigger house, going to the beach, hot days, seeing wildflowers really going to make up for that?

Webcams are not your family, ever tried hugging someone down one of them?
I for one with three kids wont ever buy the its only 24 hours away its a lot of money most cant afford.

Not saying dont come here, am saying give the family thing one hell of a lot of thought they might mean more to you than you realise.

Shoot me I dont really care, Ive seen what taking your wife and kids away from those they love does, it hurts and it gets worse not better.

Pollyana

I won't shoot you, just offer another point of view - this is where Spouse visa holders have it toughest I think. Whichever country you settle in, a mixed-country marriage will always mean that one partner leaves their family behind.
I gave up my family, not beause I wanted to, but because I wanted to marry the man I love. That means me living over here, for various reasons, it means he stays near his family, but I have to leave mine.

"a bigger house, going to the beach, hot days"

I have a smaller house, rarely see the beach, the air con means I am usually colder here than back in the UK, and I left my family. The things we do for love..........

scoobydoo

I was never that close to my immediate family and was very suprised to find myself missing them so much!!

I think the hardest thing is them not seeing grandchildren as they grow. And they grow fast!!

It must be super hard for those who see family very regulary.

scoobydoo

That is a very hard choice to make. ( not the beach etc, I mean!) Wouldn't know how to deal with that type of decision as it almost seems to be "them or him/her".

owieb

Totally agree.

I'm not that close to my family, which I know sounds a bad thing, but it's not that clear cut.

When I was in the UK I lived a couple of hours away from my parents, my brother and sister also lived a couple of hours away, so I never really saw them that much, and we didn't really speak on the phone that much either, maybe once a month speaking and I maybe saw my parents every few months.

But just because we don't see or speak to each other that much doesn't mean that they aren't all special to me, but I just grew up not being around them all the time.

I actually speak to my family more since being out here and when they came out last year I got to spend quality time with them rather than just a few hours every now and then in the UK.

I personally can't relate to this "family sickness" stuff at all (not saying that it's wrong), but maybe I'm just selfish and I should have thought more about my family and how they are feeling!?!

But I know that all they want is for me to be happy and if I am happy living in Australia then that's great.

Sandra

After a while here I can vouch for the missing people can get worse. I am lucky we have managed to get back for a visit 18 months ago and I have family visiting quiet regularly at the moment. My son is going back for a visit next March/April and daughter has just spent five weeks with Grandparents in Canada.

I think out of four of us, it is my daughter who misses family the most, she has just turned 12, difficult years anyway and she often muses about her cousins and grandparents and aunts. She was very close and now in her difficult times of growing up I think she misses that contact and closeness of family. It can also be a rotten tug at the heart for us when she cries about it.

I am not saying this takes over the good times completely but it can have a major impact on managing sometimes.

gedge

When there's more than one person involved, it's complicated.
J has a close family, brought even closer since we decided to emigrate. It gets harder with each phone call, letter or video from home all with reminders that we are so far apart. Not that I would want them to stop for a minute, but it doesn't help.
My family are completely opposite. Yes I miss them, but the level of contact hasn't changed considerably with the distance involved.

I don't want to take Jules from her family, and she doesn't want to give up on something we have both worked hard to get.

There is no easy answer and it hasn't got any easier 6 months in.

Jessie James

I couldn't agree more with the fact that it doesn't get any easier with time - and it is so frustrating when, as you say, you have both worked so hard to get here.

Our situation is that we have both been living here for a year and a half and although I have embraced life here and enjoy so much about it I have found it quite hard going being so far from my parents and siblings. This is being compounded by the fact that my partner (who is not as close to his immediate family) has his sister living here already and his parents will be retiring here soon. I can see that it is going to be increasingly difficult for me to be here surrounded by them - perhaps I should be grateful for having defacto family here but it actually makes things harder and increases the missing of my own dear lot.

Before we moved here I had no idea his family would end up here too and now although we are not on a marriage visa and both from the same country I can see us ending up in the same situation with one of us having to ask the other to live away from immediate family and it is a big ask....

Gibbo

It is very hard whether you're very close to family or not. I think it has a lot to do with not having anybody to say, " Remember when......" to. I've been there and I can't tell you how long it takes to come to terms with it, but I know it's longer than 18 months. However, if you really want to stay believe me it does get easier. I think that I should know because I've been here 38 years and have gone through everything that you are likely to come up against and maybe a bit more. It boils down to how commited you are to staying. You choose what ever is right for you.

Ushas

No one should be shooting down anyone who expresses a valid, reasoned thought.

I have done it all ways. When I was 1 my parents emigrated to Oz. So Perth is my home. I have a huge extended family in the UK and most of the time we looked forward to their visits or chatting on the phone. When we first moved it wasn't just a case of picking up a phone and dialling their number either. It was operators and connections and lots of money! But we loved these times.
It wasn't until I was 26 or 27 and my Grandma died that I think I really felt 'so far away' from the rest of my family. I hated the fact that I had missed out on all that family stuff. But I was also old enough to deciden things for myself.
In 1998 I moved back to the UK. Met a man on the Net, fell in love and moved here to marry him. I love being in the UK. I've really loved being able to do the 'family things' I missed out on when I was younger. I really hate being so far from my family. We are quite close and I am on the phone to them two or three times a week. Text constantly and email when I don't do the other. Most of the time I'm fine. Hubby's family is fantastic and really love me and look after me. But Christmas, Birthdays, Mother's Day and Father's Day... They are a killer. I just want to be there. Last Christmas was horrific. We went through a difficultr time anyway and being away from my family meant I cried all the time. But we made a promise that this year we'd do Oz for Christmas so I really had something to look forward to. As it turns out that 'difficulty' got worse and we've decided to move on with our lives and move to Oz. So Christmas will be with his family in the UK and I'll be home for my mum's birthday in January.
Hubby's mother can't travel because of illness and this makes it really hard. I guess we'll just have to make sure we save some wages each month so we can come back regularly.

tinaj

I also think coming to Oz must be really difficult if you are very close to your family. It depends if you value your family over your lifestyle choice really!

We don't personally miss ours a lot. We were not that close when we were in England, in fact we came to get away from some of them living in our pockets!!

The worst time for us has been when a family member gets ill or is in hospital. It is very difficult being this far away from them and not being able to visit them. In my heart I also feel guilty that I might not see my elderly Grandparents again, but then I am lucky to be this old and still have them! It really puts the distance in perspective when you are this far away. You can't fly back to visit someone just because they are in hospital.

I think it is natural to miss people, but at this point I try to take the rose-tinted sunnies off and remember how often I really saw them when they lived 2 miles away from me!

Bix

Excellent thread - excellent responses.

When it boils down to it this is one of the most important criteria in the emmigration decision process. In fact in many cases it will be THE most important decision to be made.

Trouble is I suppose none of us can truly grasp the effect it will have on us or our families until we sample it. That could be a very hard way to find out.

Reading your experiences cannot immitate the real thing but I feel makes us sit back one more time for evaluation.

Thanks.

Deb

Shoot me I dont really care, Ive seen what taking your wife and kids away from those they love does, it hurts and it gets worse not better.[/QUOTE]


My brother has lived in Perth for 13 years and still feels bouts of homesickness, I am sure that (fingers crossed) once we join him out there he will settle a bit better.
I don`t know how I will feel, I suppose its human nature to miss your loved ones even if you weren`t close, as when you think of them you think of the place you grew up and all the memories!
Everyone is different and reacts in different ways I suppose.


Deb

Granger

I am quite lucky as 3 out of my 4 sisters are coming also. All with partners and together we have 9 children aged under 6 who are all really close. So for us, its just like moving Australia over here, perfect!! Just heard my mum and dad might look into retirement visa although not particularly close to them. One of my sisters, sister in laws has applied also and now it looks like her mother in law may apply also. They just don't want me to leave them, I cant help being irresistable. (ha ha)

debsy

Poll,
I was nearly crying when I read this post.

I know what you mean though. When I first left the UK it was really hard for me coping with another culture which I now love

See ya soon mate for tea and sympathy