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families splitting up in oz

families splitting up in oz

Old Nov 29th 2013, 9:43 am
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Default families splitting up in oz

is this you? was that you? what saved you?.. looking back did you think Australia would fix the marriage....is it important for a marriage to be strong if not stronger coming out here?
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Old Nov 29th 2013, 12:04 pm
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

Originally Posted by pome bstrd View Post
is this you? was that you? what saved you?.. looking back did you think Australia would fix the marriage....is it important for a marriage to be strong if not stronger coming out here?
With the amount of stress that migration involves I wiuldn't recommend anyone to try it unless their relationship is pretty strobg and can weather a lot of storms. In my time on here I have seen so many marriages crumble either during or after the move, that its really sad. You need a strong bond of friendship, love and understanding, else the chances of surviving intact are slim, I reckon.
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Old Nov 29th 2013, 3:58 pm
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

Originally Posted by pome bstrd View Post
is this you? was that you? what saved you?.. looking back did you think Australia would fix the marriage....is it important for a marriage to be strong if not stronger coming out here?
I think anything in life can happen I have known people to have a baby hoping it will bring them closer and sometimes it has and has not worked, I knew of a couple who had serious marriage problems here in the UK but are still together in Aus yet another couple spilt up within a year of being in Aus and seemingly had a great marriage in the UK. Life is a gamble at times and really only you can decide. If your going because you both really want to (and nothing to do with trying to mend your marriage) try life overseas then go for it. Good luck
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Old Nov 29th 2013, 4:57 pm
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

Sh*t happens unfortunately! I don't think I would be emigrating without a very strong relationship TBH and certainly not if one of you is undecided and it's seen as a repair job. Even the strongest marriages go through rocky times when there is a perception that one is getting everything in the sweetie shop and the other is getting nothing. I'd say that is particularly so when there is a difference of opinion about the place you happen to be living in.
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Old Nov 29th 2013, 7:17 pm
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

With hindsight I can see that when we emigrated it was with the subconscious thought that a new start might save the marriage - although I personally hadn't realised how bad it was getting. We stayed together in Oz for another 10 years "for the sake of the children" and in fact the first few years were good as we settled in and discovered our new home, but the fact that we were incompatible and should never have married in the first place finally split us up.

We both married again to Aussie partners and I'm certainly a lot happier.
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Old Nov 29th 2013, 7:58 pm
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

One of the first friends I had here split from her husband, took their daughter and went home within a year. Another came out on a reccie and then decided not to move because their teenage son threatened to be so unbearable that it would've split the family.
I know of at least three other families who have split after movng as seemingly solid family units, no way would I have predicted the splits. And anyone who has followed the fortunes of us Prospective Spouse Visa (or newly married even) applicants on here will know that we have a horribly high marriage failure rate. Very sad, but we all came out with the best of intentions.
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Old Nov 29th 2013, 8:40 pm
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

Originally Posted by Pollyana View Post
One of the first friends I had here split from her husband, took their daughter and went home within a year. Another came out on a reccie and then decided not to move because their teenage son threatened to be so unbearable that it would've split the family.
I know of at least three other families who have split after movng as seemingly solid family units, no way would I have predicted the splits. And anyone who has followed the fortunes of us Prospective Spouse Visa (or newly married even) applicants on here will know that we have a horribly high marriage failure rate. Very sad, but we all came out with the best of intentions.
Is that including me?
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Old Nov 29th 2013, 11:06 pm
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

the first couple of years we had a roller coaster decision making was a nightmare. My thought process screamed logic ,financially viable , future capital gains , good value, where as my wife was more worried about the feelings of my two little munchkins.....(these were my two teenage boys ).
Looking back she mothered them far to much and I probably should have relaxed a bit and just enjoyed the whole transition . instead I went hell for leather to get it all done..... and you newbies will know what I mean...
your kids are bloody resilient make no mistake mother them too much and they'll end up feeling sorry for themselves and rebelling tell them to get stuck in.... but with love. Pull as a team and make decisions based on what's good for all of you .luckily we were smart enough to see our mistakes,i know I really wanted to be a better husband that's for sure and it rubbed off. everyone else in the family saw what was happening and did the same. where well over that know thank god , I just posted this to maybe help prepare someone coming here for the wrong reason....... sorry if the subject matter is a little strong ...

god bless
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Old Nov 30th 2013, 3:16 am
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

Originally Posted by Alfresco View Post
Is that including me?
Fraid so.

Originally Posted by pome bstrd View Post
the first couple of years we had a roller coaster decision making was a nightmare. My thought process screamed logic ,financially viable , future capital gains , good value, where as my wife was more worried about the feelings of my two little munchkins.....(these were my two teenage boys ).
Looking back she mothered them far to much and I probably should have relaxed a bit and just enjoyed the whole transition . instead I went hell for leather to get it all done..... and you newbies will know what I mean...
your kids are bloody resilient make no mistake mother them too much and they'll end up feeling sorry for themselves and rebelling tell them to get stuck in.... but with love. Pull as a team and make decisions based on what's good for all of you .luckily we were smart enough to see our mistakes,i know I really wanted to be a better husband that's for sure and it rubbed off. everyone else in the family saw what was happening and did the same. where well over that know thank god , I just posted this to maybe help prepare someone coming here for the wrong reason....... sorry if the subject matter is a little strong ...

god bless
Strong, but interesting. Its something many families never even conisder when moving, it never seems likely to happen. And we have had people posting on here thinking that the move might even save their marriage - thats when they re in the early planning stages and have no idea if the stresses involved.
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Old Nov 30th 2013, 4:36 am
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

Originally Posted by Pollyana View Post
Fraid so.



Strong, but interesting. Its something many families never even conisder when moving, it never seems likely to happen. And we have had people posting on here thinking that the move might even save their marriage - thats when they re in the early planning stages and have no idea if the stresses involved.
Indeed so, and a consideration that should be thought about carefully, which people probably don't, unfortunately.

I was doomed before moving to Oz, apparently, so it was only a matter of time.
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Old Nov 30th 2013, 5:18 am
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

Originally Posted by Pollyana View Post
Strong, but interesting. Its something many families never even conisder when moving, it never seems likely to happen. And we have had people posting on here thinking that the move might even save their marriage - thats when they re in the early planning stages and have no idea if the stresses involved.
I agree. I think it's something that is good to have discussed and out in the open as forewarned against the stresses etc involved might help save some relationships, some heartache and/or some financial hardship from being cut adrift on the opposite side of the planet to family, friends and a familiar support network.
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Old Nov 30th 2013, 6:20 am
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

If there are cracks in relationships (or they are untested) before making the move, then they'll have a higher risk of breaking from the migration stresses and strains. We had the normal migration strains as well as a terrible set of other problems beyond anyone's control that hit us at the same time. Coming from 17 plus years of idyllic marriage - which I might add never really put us to the test, it was quite a shock. Things looked very rocky for a time but we got through it and everything is better than ever now, thank God.

We celebrate 20 years of marriage next March. Thinking it'll be a good time for us to renew our vows...
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Old Nov 30th 2013, 9:07 am
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

Also if the marriage does fall apart, and you have no family or very close friends living here, you will miss that emotional support that you badly need. Even worse, if your spouse's family are here (and they get that support) and yours are back in UK, that would be difficult for the one on their own. Not to mention how helpful family can be in times of crisis, looking after the children for instance. It hits home when things go wrong

I'm lucky to have my lovely sister nearby (well half an hour away) for when things go wrong. When I found out about my husband's affair, she drove straight over here, and did what she could to help. When we decided to give things a go again, my mum (in the UK) hated being so far away and was desperate to come and help, so we ended up paying for her flight so that she could see for herself that I was all right. She looked after the children for two weeks so that hubby and I could go away on holiday and work things out. Have been married for 27 years now.

I think it's important to consider that emotional support and how strong your relationship is, before emigrating. We know of couples that have split up. Imagine being torn between staying here (to be close to your children) and going back to the UK (to be close to your family again). Dealing with custody of the children is hard enough at the best times, without the added stress of one of you wanting to return to the UK. I guess too many couples believe it won't happen to them and the topic never comes up for discussion ( guilty as charged).
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Old Nov 30th 2013, 5:40 pm
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

Originally Posted by paulry View Post
If there are cracks in relationships (or they are untested) before making the move, then they'll have a higher risk of breaking from the migration stresses and strains. We had the normal migration strains as well as a terrible set of other problems beyond anyone's control that hit us at the same time. Coming from 17 plus years of idyllic marriage - which I might add never really put us to the test, it was quite a shock. Things looked very rocky for a time but we got through it and everything is better than ever now, thank God.

We celebrate 20 years of marriage next March. Thinking it'll be a good time for us to renew our vows...
Congrats Mate! You guys deserve it!
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Old Nov 30th 2013, 9:47 pm
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Default Re: families splitting up in oz

Originally Posted by Alfresco View Post
Congrats Mate! You guys deserve it!
Thank you. You're a good bloke. I wish you the very best of luck with finding your soulmate.
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