glittababe

Just want a whinge really. A few mths ago before we left for oz I wrote a thread as I was concerned about leaving my family. I did the distance method, gradually distancing myself from close family so I only saw them twice a week rather than everyday! Well I must have distanced myself a bit too much as my family are now being just damn right mean! Through circumstances beyond our control we are returning to UK at end of month to sort out legal stuff and house etc.... Phoned family to let them know and both my dad and sister said some cruel things, with my dad accusing us of 'failing' even though I explained we HAD to come back to UK, no two ways around it! We love it here but were looking forward to getting back, seeing family etc. Now we feel as if there's nothing for us to go back to! My elder sister has been contacting family members and 'stirring' it, trying to find info out on us etc! I was shocked when I heard it and all I could think of is 'why???' Is it only me that has a dysfunctional family? Why are they behaving so unreasonably?

tonyk38

Sounds like my family........

Sorry to hear about your probs with the rellies.......I know what I'd say to them........

nursenancy

Got one word for you Glitter.............. jelously (not sure if its spelt right), the little green eyed monster is in your family for sure! You've been away for a while as well and you've probably missed a few family traumas - they'll hate you for that! Normal family to me!

glittababe

Oh the joy! To think I spent weeks worrying over how they'd cope, how we'd cope. The time, effort and money I've spent sending letters, post cards and parcels over! I've phoned them every week faithfully, and listened to all of their probs, given advice (your right about the traumas thing). So what if I haven't been there to pick up the pieces (my role in the UK incidentally), they should be able to look after themselves! Maybe thats why they resent us being away, but shouldn't they be glad we're returning? Oh dear

marysidey

I know its really hard but I think more people have a family like yours (and some of mine !!!!)than the oners we read about in books where everyone is happy
I would be with Tony on this one just use the time you are babck to see people you care about and who care about you they dont deserve your time and energy
You dont chose your family but you can chose your life so XXX em

Love mary

luvit

Families are strange. We (Me, hubby + 2 kids) returned to the UK after 2 years due to the sudden death of my father. We were only staying for 10 days, so it was very emotional etc etc. After 4 days we felt like the outcasts by some members of the family, they treated us like we had just stepped of a bus and only travelled down the road and acted like we were aliens. Some of my family (in-laws) behaved very strangely so dont think you have a disfunctional family, it just comes from the green eyed monster because we have made a move to get a life! Good Luck with the trip and hope you get back soon.

suebo

OMG...is what I will say to that.

You think that they would be happy - no matter what the circumstances are.

I feel really sad for you. I left home 10 years ago and every time I go home (for a hol), it is heartbreaking to leave again.

Someone said jealousy, well that comes with friends that I have lost over the years (so I have found). But when it comes to family, may be it is envy or whatever. But heck, how can they be like that to you.

Enough rambling..all I can say is that my family were really sad to see me (and hubby) to go and have been wishing for us to come home.

But to say you are failing, that is absolute BS. That is really sad on your fathers part - but may be that is his way of coping to get his 'little girl back' - sorry if I got that wrong.

Trust me my hubby has a very dysfunctional family and as much trouble that they have caused us over the years, they are always waiting for their SON to come home.

Hope some of this makes sense.

I wish you all the best - and when you get back to UK, make sure you tell them how you feel. I am sure at the moment you want to get straight back on that plane to OZ.

And guess what, if you can - do it - if you are happy there.

Cheers

jad n rich

Do familes turn funny/odd/mean because they feel hurt at the reality that they may only see you again a few times in their life?

Families are not stupid generally, there not jealous just realisitic its just a long way off and a lot of money to keep visiting and most people have better things to do than commit to flying half way round the world annually.

Somehow they have to accept that persons they probably cared about deeply has gone, literally. If they cut you off/block you out its easier for them to deal with. Probably why it happens so often you read it on here all the time.

jimtrish

me too! jims parents are being really horrid at present, my sister wont talk about oz...and so on.
I put it down to jelousy too, thats why they are so quick to tell you that you've failed without listening to your explanations.
goodluck to you, try not to let them get you down.

Trish
x

glittababe

Ah thank you so much. All comments have been really helpful especially as I've spent today feeling so down about the whole thing. The 'outcast' bit is so right! I put down the phone and felt so alone! I kept thinking, "what was that all about?" Just been out with hubby and kids to post xmas cards to friends in the UK. Had a lovely walk in the sunshine, 27 degrees with cool ocean breezes. I thought stuff them, they haven't got a clue what its like here because none of them have ever got off their backsides and at least tried to live their dreams. My dad always used to go on and on about oz especially as when we were younger we were so close to emigrating, but got it taken when mum died from an epileptic fit. He was young, remarried and had the chance to go for it again but didn't! He now sits there and whinges about the UK, the cold and 'if only'. Maybe he's thinking that if he were in our shoes then he'd stay out here and going back to the UK is failure! To me its BS as we've enjoyed our time here, we've missed certain things about the UK but do love it in sunny queensland. The fact that we're going back to sort out legal stuff doesn't mean we'll be in the UK forever. Their behaviour and attitude towards us makes me want to stay here and not face them, but we can't! Why should I be scared of what they think?

Darren&Leanne

I wouldnt worry glitterbabe it will all sort itself out you just have to be patient!!!!
But if you re anything like being being patient with my disfunctional gets me even more madder,I am one of 6 and believe me we'va had our spats sometimes over nowt.
Just out of interest how long are you going home for.

leanne

glittababe

About 3 mths. Thats the other thing we've asked my sister to help us get my boys into her local school. She said yes at first, got the forms and we filled them in over the phone. I asked her yesterday if she handed the forms in and she said "ya know your kids will only be bullied at the school, its really rough!" Why wouldn't she want them to go to the same school as her kids (my nephews)! I'm used to spats as I'm one of 5 (four girls, 1 boy), but why be so mean now! Its as if I don't belong anymore! When we left she went on and on about how I couldn't go and leave them, on the phone she'd beg me to come back! I'll just let it be and see the reaction when we actually get to Heathrow! Mind you, by all accounts they won't be there! Its amazing isn't it, whenever my sister was moving or doing anything we'd be there to help. When we were moving over here my family were quick enough to take my furniture etc All we want is some help for 3 mths, and they've all disappeared! They should be bloody magicians!

nursenancy

Sounds so familiar! Unfortunately its families. At least you'll be there for xmas with them? Have you pointed this out? It may be your last 'family' xmas together for a while! Get some booze in, get them drunk and tell em what you think! We went through something very similar where we always helped them, then when it came to helping us with our big move, no one was there! Your left doing it all yourself. In a way I'm glad as I wanted to be independent and it just reminded me that families sometimes are the reason we emigrate! Good luck X

glittababe

Yep brought up the good old family xmas to be told "well no one will be there"! Do people really move 11,000 miles just to get away from family? Can see why its tempting!

debsy

Annie
Sorry to hear about this. It will only be for a few months so you will just have to grit and bear.

You know what they say you cn choose your friends but not your relatives.

good luck mate