jmc

Tried to tell parents about visa but they would not let us even talk about it,they said they didnt want anything to do with Australia and why didnt we just pack our bags and go!
They just kept saying negative things like why are you leaving good businesses, nice house, good friends, taking grandchildren away,they would never come to see us , once we were there we would forget them, so on and so on.
I now just feel the bad daughter, when this should be an exciting time for us i just feel that i dont even want to talk about it at the moment, has anyone else experienced this and how did they cope?

Louise X

curly

Oh dear that must have been terrible for you
Have you actually got the visa?
I suppose all you can do is hope they come round? unfortunately there's not much else to do is there?
Just keep thinking of why you're doing it in the first place
Hope things get easier for you

want2bthere

AWWWWWWWWH lousie you can be in my gang my mum and dad dont really talk about it, i've had all the ott stuff from my mum like us going is like part of her dying. dont get me wrong it did upset me in the beginning but as time has gone on i've become alot tougher, harsh i know but if i wanted to get through all this emotion to do what we think is right for us and our children then this is what had to happen. just say to your parents that you understand why they're upset but if this is whats going to make your family happy then they should be happy for you and it is going to happen! ( my inlaws have this outlook so thats brill) so chin up, dont feel guilty and look towards the future

tracey x

ozplumb

Thats a bit harsh, we're about to apply for visa TRA said yes, my oldies split and both live abroad, so they were o.k. OH's family say they are ok but cant resist the odd dig now n then, We have a 2yr old son, and people think its an easy decision to make just keep chin up, and dont wobble too much...If they love you enough they'll come round when it's sunk in for them... good luck

arnie2oz

I appreciate that it's very difficult for you all, and without knowing how old your parents are it's difficult for anyone to give you much help.... but...

As part of the cost of emigrating have you thought of keeping back enough cash to pay for their flights over to visit you (at least once) when you are settled into your new home? Also buy them a webcam (and a computer if they don't have one) so you can all talk & see each other on a regular basis.

Telephone calls between the countries is no longer as expensive as it was - especially if using 'International Calling Cards' available from newsagents and some Internet Cafe's.

My mother is 81 and has just been on a 'computer basics' course so she can email us from time to time. She also came to visit us last year with my sister, and we hired a wheelchair (she doesn't use one in the UK) so she didn't get too exhausted visiting all the tourist spots!

We were lucky as the Citizenship time-frame for us was 2 years so we were able to say to everyone that we would stay for that time and get dual Nationality and then review the situation. We are attending our ceremony next month but won't be going back to the UK. During the time we have been here relatives have become accustomed to us being in Oz and now plan when they will be holidaying with us!

Emotional blackmail is a terrible thing.

Good luck with it all.

M J

I'm really sorry for you and Wantobethere... i cant imagine how you must be feeling. I'm lucky enough to have very supportive parents who only think about our future and not their own, even though i will be removing their only child and grandson from their day to day lives.
As Curly said i suppose all you can to is hope they come round but in the meantime you have to do want you want to do and whats best for your family. You only get one chance at this life gig ( as far as we know !) so go for it !!! Good luck and i hope they change their minds.
M J

RachaelW

This is very hard to deal with, I totally understand.
Parents should be supportive and want what's best for you. I have to agree with Tracey, you are doing this for the right reasons; a better life for you and your family, especially your children.
I can understand why they are upset, they love you and will miss you. But if you love someone enough you set them free to live as they choose, to live a life of happiness.
Rachael.

The_Effys

It's a shame your parents feel this way, they are very selfish things to have said & they have obviously not put themselves in your shoes.

My In-laws were the same & didn't talk about Aus for 18 months after we first mentioned it, also said they would never come to see us, which really hurt my OH at the time. But now they have had a complete(almost!) turnaround when we told them we were definitely going whatever they felt & were doing it for our children's future. Now they make a point of asking & seem very interested & keep asking me to show them on the map where we are going! I think it just 'clicked for them & suddenly they could see the whole picture. Even said we could borrow some money if we needed any! Still surprises us.

I don't think they will be able to come & see us as they are not in the best of health, also they are not computer savvy & would not be able to use webcam or e-mail, so unless we come back, it will probably be the last time we see them

But it does show that they can do a complete turnaround, so here's keeping my fingers crossed for ya If they don't come around then just remember Britain came 21st out 21 European Countries in the 'Worst Place to Bring Up Kids' Poll!

Chris

jmc

Thanks for all you positive replies, my parents are mid sixties and both in good health, they are adamant they dont want a computer, if they had one we could all chat everyday, will try and mention it if i dare, we got our visas last week and are hoping to go once we sell up properties,

Louise x

arnie2oz

When they next visit you perhaps you can have your computer on and show them this web site which has absolutely nothing to do with emigration but shows Peter, who will be 80 this year, and his webcasts on youtube - along with a lot of interesting info.

He seems to appeal to a lot of people between 15 and 105 years old - including me!! Check it out:-

http://www.askgeriatric.com/

flower33

Hi, i had a similar experience, my father reaction was to not talk about it or just say that i had 'rose tinted glasses on'. It all came to ahead 3 days before we left, i had to force him to talk to me about it and we ended up arguing and in tears. My father told me i was breaking up the family, after he had worked so hard to keep us together after my mother died . My other oh went mad, i told him that it was just emotions talking not him.
Glad to say that after a year, he is considering coming out! He's never ever flown before so it will be huge for him to come.
My sister says she will come over at the same time with her family. My advice is to keep talking no matter hard it gets.

mad.chef

hello there
this all happend to me aswell,and it still goes on and we go in six months time.
they said you have got a good job/nice house/good friends/good life WHY MOVE
they said they will never come over, taking the grandkids away from them so on.
but as from the other day,they are coming to visit us in australia and they said they want to be apart of it now and want to know everything,where we are going to live, schools ,houseing, jobs. so it will be some time before they come around and talk about it .it took my parents 2 years aaararaarararararararar but it happend good look and live your life to the full
Dave

sme

I have been through what you are experiencing and am now in Oz with my OH and our kids. My parents are divorced but both took it very badly - all the things yours are saying and loads more. My mum has come round and we still have a good (ish) relationship - we keep in contact by phone as do the children and she is planning a visit. My dad however is awful still- won't speak to me, barely speaks to the children ( they don't want to phone anymore as he cuts them off so quick). At christmas he sent them a card with a tenner each in it (I know its the thought but this is a wealthy man who has always given them lovely presents), he didn't even send me a card for Christmas or my 40th birthday. I'm ok when I don't think about it too much - it just pisses me off. However when I think too much or try to express how much it hurts me I get very tearful (like now). It is such a disappointment that he cannot share our lives any more, he was very active in my kids lives (and mine) until we mentioned Oz.
So sorry to put a dampener on the "they may come round" idea, they may not and as much as it is your choice to go, it maybe their choice not to accept it.
I truly hope your parents do come round as it is the only real glitch in our new life.
Gillian

Big Galah

There was a very similar post to this a couple of weeks ago - it seems to be a common one.

Parents' reactions are generally:

We'll be sad to see you go and will miss you, but it's your life so go with our best wishes

or

How could you do this to us? Taking our grandkids away to the other side of the world. How could you be so selfish?

As others have said already, I think it's apparent who the selfish ones are.

I think in a lot of these cases the parents come around to the idea before you go. The initial negative reaction is more of a kneejerk thing, you would hope. If not, you're probably better off away from such negative influences anyway. Maybe a harsh thing to say, but better for you in the long run.

Big.

sme

This is how I tend to view things now - if we went back to the UK now, how my Dad has reacted to us moving has all but destroyed the relationship we once had.
I like to think that I will not judge my children as harshly when they come to make choices in their own lives.